Redemption (Desire Never Dies)

by Clara Grace Walker

  He barely looked up from his plate. “Not much.”

  “Mind if we talk?”

  Scott looked up from his food, staring at her with puzzled eyes. “I suppose not. What’s up?”

  She paused, trying to think of the best way to bring up Regina. If Nick actually wanted to train her to work at his papers, he’d have to start by teaching her how to ask questions. But with Scott staring her down, she had little time to consider the matter. “You’ve been here longer than anyone else, right?”

  “Yes.” He looked at her as if to ask what her point was.

  Mindy took a deep breath. “Soooo.” She spoke slowly, drawing the word out. “I was just wondering if you found the program useful. Do you think it’s really helping?”

  He looked glumly down at his plate. “Who knows? When I first got here I thought I’d be home in a week. I can’t believe I’m still here.”

  “Why are you still here?”

  His voice lifted to a joking tone, while he continued to stare at his plate. “Apparently I haven’t fully re-programmed my life yet.”

  “Well you’ve fully re-programmed your speech. You sound just like a staff member.”

  He chuckled. “I know. Right?”

  She saw traces of herself at sixteen when she looked at Scott. The happy-go-lucky words paired with downcast eyes, trying desperately to sell the world on happiness that didn’t exist inside. When she was Scott’s age she’d started singing in a band, playing gigs in nightclubs around LA, and it was there she’d had her first drink. “My mother was a drunk,” she whispered, careful to keep her voice below the din of the dinner crowd. Telling him a small portion of the truth seemed like the right thing to do. “I swore I’d never be like her. But here I am, signed into this nuthouse against my will after a two-day drinking binge I can’t even remember.”

  Scott looked up from his plate. Actually looked her in the eye. “I’ve spent six years being pissed off at my biological mother for caring more about drugs than she did about me.”

  Mindy tensed involuntarily. She thought again about the baby boy.

  “And here I am,” Scott continued, oblivious to her curled hands and clenched teeth. “A drug addict just like her. And it would be easy to say, ‘well, she could’ve gotten clean, too.’ But I know what a lie that would be now. My mother was on welfare, and Medicaid doesn’t exactly pay for rehab stays. I’m beginning to understand what happened; and no thanks to the idiots running this place.

  She turned her face so only Scott could see her. “How do you plan on getting yourself sprung from here? Just wait for your parents to cave?”

  “Huh.” He snorted. “You have no idea how stubborn my mother can be.” He looked around, scooted closer to her and lowered his voice further. “I’m starting to think what I should do is take the advice I gave Regina and start telling the idiots whatever they want to hear.”

  Mindy breathed a sigh of relief. She’d been wondering how to bring up Regina without seeming too obvious. “She’s the one who died?”

  Scott nodded. “Yeah. It was awful.”

  “People say she killed herself.” Her heart beat loudly as she spoke, and her palms moistened. “Do you believe that?”

  Scott looked down, sadness covering his face. “She hated it here,” he whispered, his voice so low she could barely make the words out. “She was desperate to go home. She’d been having nightmares.”

  A chill iced Mindy’s spine. “What kind of nightmares?”

  “Bad ones. Like she was being attacked by someone in her sleep.”

  Mindy trembled, despite all efforts to remain calm. Sickness shook her from the inside out.

  Scott gave her a curious look. “Have you had that dream, too?”

  She nodded, unable to get words out of her mouth.

  “We need to get out of here,” Scott said quietly.

  She nodded. “I think we both need to start telling these freaks whatever they want to hear.”

  Chapter 45

  Mindy saw Nick as she entered the rec room. He sat alone in the corner. His wife and little girl hadn’t shown up yet. Neither had anyone else, save Walter’s wife, who pushed through the door letting in a blast of humid air. Mindy thought of the body of a woman, probably Pauline, rotting in the woods. Catching Nick’s glance, she gave him a smile and scooted past Rory, who leaned against the wall just inside the doorway. He looked past her, to the person entering behind her. Mindy looked behind her and caught Darla’s smug grin. Of course it was Darla.

  With a shake of her head, she headed for Nick. “I have to tell you something.”

  He frowned. “Your boyfriend’s here. We’ll talk later.”

  Earl entered behind Walter’s wife, a scowl marring his handsome face. Mindy flashed him a smile before turning back to Nick. “I need to tell you something before he gets here.”

  “Tomorrow,” he said quietly. “I’ve picked up a bit of news myself.”

  Earl reached her, sliding his arm around her waist. “News about what?”

  Nick smiled pleasantly. “Earl. It’s good to see you. Have Mindy home by midnight, will you?”

  The scowl creased deeper across Earl’s brow.

  Mindy kicked at his shin. “Stop drawing attention to us.” She grabbed his hand and tried dragging him. He refused to budge. Ryan stared in their direction. Anxiety spiraled through her, mixing with just enough fear to censor her judgment. She dropped Earl’s hand, huffing out her irritation. “Fine. Stand here and talk to Nick then. Maybe I’ll go chat with Vince.”

  The threat worked instantly and he grabbed her hand, yanking her toward the loveseat, glaring the entire way.

  “Do you mind?” she hissed as soon as they were out of earshot. “You’re coming off like a caveman. I’m surprised you didn’t just throw me over your shoulder.”

  “I considered it.”

  Mindy’s gut tightened. He wouldn’t dare. She matched his scowl with one of her own. “You’d better hope you’re joking.”

  “Why? What are you going to do? Dump me?”

  The anger in his voice stopped her cold. She stopped walking just in front of the leather loveseat and turned back into his chest. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

  He let go of her and sat down. The clench of his jaw and rigid posture screamed at her, even if he didn’t. “I’m starting to wonder what I’m doing here,” he said quietly. “Coming after you seemed like such a good idea at the time.”

  It was a good idea. She wanted to tell him that. But how could she? She’d spent the last two years pushing him away.

  And threatening to go and chat with Vince. Of all the things she could have said to get him moving, that had to be the worst. Standing mute in front of him, she allowed the guilt and shame of the previous two years to wash over her. So now they’d come to it at last. She’d left him and taken up with Vince. And he would never forgive her. “I’m sorry,” she said, barely getting the words out.

  “You’re sorry? Why?”

  Hope sprang to life in his eyes. And she heard his thoughts as clearly as if he’d voiced them. Was she sorry she’d left him? Sorry she’d taken up with Vince? Well, she was. But she was also sorry she’d felt forced into it. How could she ever explain things to him? Make him understand? Lifting her shoulders, she wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m sorry I threw Vince in your face.”

  His gaze wavered between hope and anger. “Is that all you’re sorry for?”

  She stared at her feet, willing tears not to come. His leaving had always been inevitable; one way or another.

  “Maybe you could at least tell me if I’m wasting my time,” he said.

  Of course he was wasting his time. He should be out finding someone who deserved him. “I don’t know,” she mumbled.

  “Great. Wonderful.” He spoke quietly, but with such anger it made her shudder. “Maybe instead of asking if I’m wasting my time, I should be asking why I’m doing it.”

  With that he walked off, never botheri
ng to look back. Listening to his footsteps fade, tears came at last. This could be it, she thought. She may have truly, finally lost him. Forever.

  Chapter 46

  Joy! Happiness! Elation! Shirley couldn’t sleep. Didn’t want to sleep. Pacing the confines of her small bedroom, she replayed the scene over and over in her mind. Mindy coming into the rec room and heading straight to Nick. Earl following her to the loveseat and then stomping away angry. The whole ugly scene. It was positively perfect! And it had happened all on its own, without any intervention or manipulations on her part. And that was good. Really. A sign she was meant to have Earl. A sign she might have missed if she had tried too hard to make it happen.

  Shirley wondered now if Mindy was having an affair with Nick. They spent all their spare time together. Rory said so. And it would be just like the little slut to be screwing a married man. One old enough to be her father even. Shirley didn’t care though. The little slut could have a roll in the hay with every man here, as long as she stayed away from Earl.

  A buzzer interrupted her concentration.

  “Ms. Cantwise, you wanted me to let you know when there was another weather update on the storm.”

  She’d trusted Ryan with access to the TV and to help monitor Phoebe’s progress. She held her breath, not wanting to let go of her elation. “Yes, Ryan. What is it?”

  “Phoebe’s been upgraded from tropical storm to a full-fledged hurricane.”

  “She has?” She hated the worry that crept into her voice. “What’s her trajectory?”

  “Seems to be headed for Cuba,” Ryan answered. “But she’s about four or five days away from making landfall, and her path could change before then.”

  Yes. Shirley reasoned it out in her mind. The path could change, but likely wouldn’t. CRC could expect to see some heavy storms and rainfall, but not the full force of the hurricane. That should pass them by. If the trajectory did change, it could take Phoebe even further away from them. The hurricane could even weaken before it hit.

  “Ms. Cantwise?” Ryan’s voice buzzed in once more. “Do you need me to do anything?”

  “No, Ryan. Just continue to track the storm and keep me posted.”

  “As you wish.”

  Exhaling a long breath, she relaxed, willing herself back to her happy place. Closing her eyes, she pictured Earl’s face one more time, the tightness in his jaw, the hardness in his eyes. She heard the gravelly anger in his voice when he spoke to Mindy, asking her, “Am I wasting my time?”

  She had just started to laugh when the full implication of his words finally hit her. If he thought he was wasting his time, he might leave.

  And now her good mood was gone for good.

  Chapter 47

  “You were awfully quiet at breakfast.”

  Mindy and Nick had traveled back to the trees behind the bath house. Another humid day assaulted her senses. It smelled of wilted plants and over-heated flowers, with a faint hint of the sea breeze struggling to make its way through vegetation. Flies and mosquitoes and those pesky things Nick referred to as no-see-ems already swarmed. Mindy swatted one off her shin and rolled her eyes. “You mean because I’m usually so talkative at mealtime?”

  He looked at her like he was dissecting her. Like she was a specimen in some high school biology class.

  “So what’s bugging you?” he asked.

  Everything! She wanted to scream. The whole world is a mess. And I love Earl. But I’m going to lose him. And the truth is I deserve to, so I wish he’d just hurry and leave. Because the longer he stays, the more it’s going to hurt when he’s finally gone.

  “Mindy, have you found out something else about Regina?”

  “Regina?” Yes, of course he was asking about Regina. She nodded. “She was having nightmares. Just like the ones I’ve been having.”

  Nick surprised her by pulling her into a comforting hug. “I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re so upset.”

  “Yeah. It’s kind of a freaky coincidence, isn’t it?”

  Nick stepped away from her, holding her at arm’s length. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?”

  She felt sure she did, and equally sure she’d been trying to pretend otherwise.

  “Rory thought Regina was fooling around with Dr. Belanger because he saw him leaving her room at night. Do you really believe Regina and you were both having the exact same dream during your stays here?”

  His words were like a band aid ripping off. One she still wanted in place to cover the scab. “What about hallucinations from withdrawals?” She wanted to believe Belinda now. Wanted to believe anything but what Nick was suggesting. Still, when she looked back up at him, saw the slow shaking of his head and the sadness in his eyes, there was nothing to face but the inevitable. “Dr. Belanger’s been molesting me.” Why her? Why did it always have to be her? Warm tears splashed her cheeks, and Nick stroked her hair like he was comforting a small child.

  “I’m not going to tell you everything is okay,” he said. “But I’m going to do everything in my power to stop Belanger and make him pay for it. Maybe someday things will be okay.”

  She nodded without conviction.

  “You need to talk to Earl,” he said. “We’re going to need his help.”

  “I don’t want to.” Baring even a part of her soul to Earl was the last thing she wanted to do. “I think he left last night anyway.”

  Nick gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and stared down at her with sympathetic eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She shrugged. “I was desperate to get him to shut up and stop asking what we were talking about. He was attracting attention and Ryan was staring. So I threatened to go talk to Vince. It was stupid of me. He’s never going to forgive me for leaving him and making Vince his replacement.”

  Nick nodded, understanding clicking into his gaze. “You need to tell him the truth about why you left.”

  It was the second time he’d said so.

  “I know you’ve heard this from me before, but if you really love Earl, and you really want a relationship with him, you’re going to have to tell him the truth.”

  She bit her lip. “It’s not as easy as you think.” It was Frank reaching out from the grave and ruining her life all over again. Extracting his revenge for the death he’d suffered in prison.

  “I never thought it was going to be easy,” Nick said. “If it was easy, you would have done it already.”

  She nodded. “You make a good Daddio, Nick.”

  He grinned and tousled the top of her hair. “Thanks. Do me a favor and remind me of that when Charlotte gets to be a teen-ager.”

  “I will.”

  His smile faded. “We still need someone who can get outside. I think we’re past being able to track the truth down on our own. I’m going to send Jamie away from here, and if Earl’s still here, I need you to talk to him.”

  She shook her head as Nick’s grip increased on her shoulder.

  “I know it’s hard, but we have a job to do here. Justice depends on us right now.”

  Mindy swallowed hard. “Asking Earl for help isn’t what bothers me. It’s everything else you want me to tell him.”

  “I know.” Nick gave her one last hug and pointed her back in the direction of the pool area. “But I have faith in you. Now get your game face back on. You can do this.”

  Nick had confidence in her. Maybe he saw something in her she didn’t see in herself. If he believed in her this strongly, maybe she should try believing in herself. She followed behind him, watching the ground as she picked her way through the foliage. In her head she heard the band fun. and started singing .Carry On.

  Chapter 48

  “Something’s wrong,” Sarge said.

  Danny had been having the same thought, even as his companion voiced it. They sat in a diner on Shrewsbury Avenue; in a city of the same name; on the suburban outskirts of St. Louis. Their meal consisted of greasy burgers and fries, and the aroma permeated the sm
all, ten-booth establishment as if the building had been scrubbed in it. Washing down the food with lukewarm cola from an old-fashioned fountain dispenser, Danny’s second thought was that his wife was going to kill him for breaking his diet. Maria took his health very seriously, and threatened to kill him on a daily basis if he died and left her to raise their five kids alone. Nowadays he had to remind her two of those five kids had already grown-up and moved out, but she never seemed to get the joke.

  At two o’clock in the afternoon, the restaurant was quiet. Aside from the short-order cook and a waitress Danny pegged to be in her early thirties, only one other soul inhabited the place, a truck driver with a plaid shirt and dirty jeans. He sat at the counter running opposite the wall of booths, devouring a pulled pork sandwich like it was his last meal.

  Danny sighed. The day was already giving him indigestion, both from the food and the worry in his gut. “Can’t imagine Nick going even one day without calling the office,” he said. “Let alone two.”

  “Three if he doesn’t check in with Candi today,” Sarge added. She’d barely touched her food.

  “Right.” Three days. Nick often joked only death would keep him from his work. And even then he’d probably haunt the place. Danny shuddered.

  “What is it?” Sarge asked.

  “Nothing.” He shook the thought off. “It’s just….”

  “The last time we were worried about Nick, he was being held captive by a bunch of psychos.” She finished the sentence for him.

  “Yeah.” He looked up from his plate of fries and stared out the window. I sure hope this isn’t one of those instances of history repeating itself.”

  Sarge took another bite of her food, chewing it slowly and swallowing before speaking. “Between my cop skills and your reporter skills, we should figure out some way around those stone-walling clerks at the medical school. Doesn’t make sense to me, all that overly-cautious concern with the privacy of Arthur Belanger and Andrew Cantwise.”