Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy

by Roxane Tepfer Sanford

  Afterwards, in the early evening, when I explained to Daddy what happened when he came for a brief checkup on me, he was uncertain what to do.

  “The weather is too ominous; I can’t be away for more than a minute. Bring Momma her supper, Lillian, and leave as soon as she is finished. And give her one of your other dolls. She loves dolls,” he said, then left, shaking his head in disbelief.

  Opal had Heath bring Momma’s supper plate. Ayden and Edward were on standby for the next vessel to go down. Heath battled the wind and snow to make it to our house, which was only a few hundred yards from his front door. His face was covered with white, powdery snow.

  “Come in, quickly,” I said. I ushered him in and took the plate. He removed his boots, hat, and coat.

  “It’s wicked cold out there,” he commented.

  “Warm up by the fire; I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”

  I stopped in my room to get Momma one of the dolls she’d made me a long time ago then went to her room. I woke her with the sound of the key turning in the lock.

  “I have supper for you.”

  She sat up as I placed the plate on the table beside her bed. “Ummm, smells delicious,” she said.

  I took the napkin and placed it under her chin.

  “Oh, can I play with that doll?” she asked, when she noticed it on the bed.

  “Of course; I brought it for you.”

  Now she wasn’t interested in eating.

  “You should eat.”

  “Maybe later,” she said, and pulled the napkin off.

  “I can’t bring it back later. Please eat,” I begged.

  “I like this doll the best. Can I have it, Hattie? I will give you one of mine. Mine are more expensive, and I have seen you looking at them on my shelf, especially the one I named Lillian.”

  I gasped. It was eerie to hear Momma tell me she had a doll with my name. Heath was in the doorway and overheard her madness. Momma spotted him and, as predicted, believed he was someone from her past. Maybe it was the brother she thought she had. She called out to him. “Patrick, is that you?”

  Heath looked to me for an answer.

  “No, Momma; that’s Heath Dalton. Don’t you remember him? He is Edward and Opal’s son. Ayden is his younger brother,” I explained, as if that were going to make a difference.

  “Patrick, Patrick,” she repeated his name over and over in a heavy voice. “Do we have to leave today? I’m afraid.” Momma pulled the covers up to her face as trembled in fear.

  “What should I say?” Heath asked me in a whisper.

  “Tell her she is safe, that she doesn’t have to go.” I hoped that would help calm her down. Heath was kind enough to play the part; he wanted to help comfort her. He came and took hold of her delicate hand.

  “There is nothing to fear; you can stay right here.”

  Momma was obviously relieved, took a long breath, and said, “Promise me, Patrick—promise me we never have to leave Sutton Hall.”

  Heath shot me an uncertain look, but I nodded, indicating he should agree.

  “I promise.”

  “Will you eat now, Momma?”

  She smiled widely and agreed. Heath and I watched as she devoured her food. She was messy and forgot her etiquette. I wiped her face as Heath took her empty plate. I helped her with a glass of milk to wash her food down. Then as we left, she began to play with the new doll I brought her. Heath was at a loss for words. I was sure he had never witness such lunacy before. It felt awkward to have to explain.

  “Momma thinks she is in Savannah,” I explained.

  Heath frowned, and I realized I had divulged a piece of a secret. Daddy never wanted anyone to know we were southerners.

  “I thought you were from New York.”

  “Well, I was born there,” I answered, though I wasn’t positive that was where I was born. No one ever told me; I just assumed. I scrambled to think of a way to cover my mistake.

  “Momma thinks that is where she was from. She makes up all kinds of things. Daddy said she had never been to Georgia.”

  “Oh,” he mumbled. “I see.”

  “She will probably go to sleep now.” We stood at the top of the stairs. Heath was so much taller than me; I had to almost strain my neck to look into his eyes. I could tell Heath was not comfortable with me the way he used to be, and it saddened me.

  “I better get back to Mother,” he said. I followed him down to the front door. His coat had dried from the heat of the fire, and I handed it to him.

  “Thank you, Heath.”

  “For what?”

  “For being kind to Momma,” I said as a tear escaped my eye and cascaded down my warm cheek.

  “If I can help in any way, Lillian, just ask. Okay?”

  I looked away so he wouldn’t see my obvious adoration for him. My heart ached for him the way his must have for Clara. The more he pulled away from me, the more I wanted him back in my life the way it used to be. I wanted the sparkle back in his clear blue eyes, for him to want to teach me about the moon and the stars, and most of all, I wanted to win Heath’s heart, just as Clara had.

  The snow continued to fall, day after day; it finally ceased on Christmas Eve. It was our first Christmas on Jasper Island and much different from all the years past. Holidays such as Christmas and Easter were not joyous and jovial. They were religious events that Momma kept strict. I wasn’t aware that on Christmas, someone called Santa made his way across the world on a magical sleigh and stopped in the night at every house that had a good boy or girl to leave a gift. Santa apparently flew through the air with a sleigh full of toys pulled by magical, flying reindeers. When Ayden told me this, I was astounded.

  “And when he lands on the roof, he comes down the chimney and leaves the toy on a table near the Christmas tree.”

  “We don’t have a tree in the house,” I said. It all sounded so ridiculous.

  “Father is out on the mainland chopping one down as we speak. Then we will decorate it tonight.”

  I looked at Heath, who was sitting next to the fire and reading a book. He peered over the cover and smiled, then said, “It’s all true, Lillian.”

  “So this Santa man will bring me a gift tonight?”

  “You have to be asleep, though. If you’re not, he can’t come down the chimney,” Ayden said.

  “But we don’t have a tree,” I stated flatly.

  “You won’t need one. You can sleep at our house, and Santa can leave your present on the table by the tree. You can decorate it with us. We string the tree with beads and hang glass ornaments,” Heath explained, and then he went on to give me a history lesson about the origin of Santa Claus. I sat patiently and listened, but it was hard not to allow my mind to wander, thinking of the present Santa Claus might bring me. I already had a beautiful doll; what more could I want? I couldn’t imagine how Santa would guess.

  Ayden left to go and get me one of his favorite books then he handed it to me when he returned. It was called, The Night before Christmas, and it had drawings of Santa.

  I tried to put it together in my mind. It all sounded very exciting. I couldn’t imagine why Momma and Daddy had never told me of such a thing.

  Edward arrived in the early afternoon with the tree. It was just small enough to fit through the front door after he trimmed the branches and trunk. Opal had Heath and Ayden bring down a large wooden box full of lovely decorations.

  “What are these for?” I asked, holding up small, round, wooden hoops.

  “You put the candles in them then they go on the tree,” Opal said, showing me. “You’ve never seen a Christmas tree before?”

  “She’s never heard of Santa, either,” Ayden chimed in.

  “Really?” Opal exclaimed, wide-eyed.

  “Well, she knows all about it now,” Heath added.

  “Come on, then; let’s get the decorations on the tree before supper is served.” Opal was preparing everything from sweetbread pates and rice croquettes to the main dish—quail. />
  Daddy came in from a long nap with Momma. I had just finished setting the table.

  “Come, everyone, sit,” Edward called.

  Ayden and Heath eagerly sat and waited patiently for the prayer. I could almost hear their grumbling stomachs; the food smelled so good. Edward gave a rather long-winded thanks to God then declared it was time to dig in.

  “You boys make sure you save room for dessert. I made your favorite—nesselrode pudding,” Opal said.

  “This is a fine meal, Opal; thank you for having Lillian and me,” Daddy said. The way he said it made Opal’s eyes tear up. Even Edward heard the angst in Daddy’s voice and patted him on the back, then said, “You are always welcome, Garrett.”

  Most of the time, I felt like a member of the Dalton family, but occasionally, there was something said or done to remind me that Daddy and I were alone now that Momma was ill and were merely guests in their home. I mentioned to Daddy that Heath and Ayden wanted me to spend the night so Santa could leave me a gift.

  “Well, I don’t know, Lillian,” Daddy said.

  “It’s fine with us, Garrett,” Opal told him.

  “Amelia—she wouldn’t approve,” he mumbled.

  I waited quietly and patiently while he thought about it. So far, Daddy had given in to all of my wishes; I hoped he would say yes to this one.

  “Can I speak with you in private?” Daddy asked Opal.

  “Of course,” she said, and together they went back into the kitchen.

  I glanced at Ayden to see if he knew what they were discussing. He shrugged. It didn’t faze Heath or Edward. Maybe Daddy wanted to work something out for Momma’s care for the night ahead.

  Their time in the kitchen was short. Daddy sat down and announced I couldn’t stay. I thought Ayden and Heath were more stunned by his decision than me.

  “She can’t stay, sir?” Ayden asked in disbelief.

  “No, she must come home with me after dessert.”

  Daddy didn’t look at me when he said that. I didn’t know anything other than I was saddened and hurt.

  “Maybe next year, Lillian,” he said, when he finally looked my way. I lowered my head so the tears would drop straight down on my dress and not run along my cheeks for everyone to see, especially Heath, who sat across from me. The atmosphere quickly went from cheerful to gloomy.

  “If you don’t mind, could I be excused?” I asked.

  “Lillian, please stay for pudding,” Opal kindly said.

  “Please stay. You will really like it,” Ayden added with great enthusiasm. It wasn’t until Heath asked that I lifted my head, and quickly wiped my tears away.

  “Stay,” was all he said. It was his pleading, poignant one word that changed my mind.

  In life there are times that are forever memorable, moments that are worthy of keeping for one reason or another. I would keep that moment close in my mind, especially when I found myself all alone and desperately needing to be reminded of what value I had.

  Just as night began to fall, we filled the hoops with candles and lit the tree. I had never seen anything so beautiful. The glow from the candles made the beads glisten, and the delicate glass ornaments threw off prisms of light all around the room. Daddy had me say goodnight.

  “I hope you get a really nice present from Santa,” I said to Ayden.

  I could see he felt terribly sorry for me. Heath tried to smile, for my sake, but it did no use. I couldn’t hold back my disappointment any longer and began to sob. I wanted more than anything to be included, and to feel a part of something other than the insanity of Momma and Daddy’s struggle to cope with emotional torment. Every day, I had to face my bizarre reality and find a way to live in a world that left me full of questions about the secrets in Momma’s mind. Daddy wasn’t aware of the emotional toll it had taken on me. He looked past my tears and ushered me on.

  “Momma is sleeping soundly. I don’t want you to see her tonight,” he said when he came to tuck me into bed.

  I was so angry with Daddy for not allowing me to stay with the Daltons that I turned my cheek away when he was about to give me a goodnight kiss. He was surprised. I thought he might have stayed and talked about his decision, but he left, not closing the door behind him. It wasn’t fair, I thought. I deserved things that other children got to experience. I hadn’t realized how different we really were until we moved to Jasper Island. We had endlessly tried to stay hidden. That’s why Daddy chose to be a lighthouse keeper—so he could stay in the shadows, far from the eyes of the world and all the scrutiny and judgment that came with it.

  I couldn’t sleep that night. I thought of Santa Claus and decided to sit by my window and wait to see him come out of the sky, to see if he was indeed true and not just a made-up story. If Santa were real and flew through the night, then Daddy must have seen him some time in the years he was a lighthouse keeper. Maybe there was a reason Daddy didn’t want me to have any part of the Christmas celebration other than Momma’s wishes. I didn’t know for sure. I was speculating on so many things it made my head spin and gave me a terrible headache. My head pounded above my eyes, and I wished for some relief. The strain of staring out the window wasn’t helping, and after I saw the ghost of Victor, as I had so many times before that it had become somewhat ordinary, walk by on his usual rounds of the island, I decided to sneak into Momma’s room and take some of her powders. That would relieve my pain. It always had for her. I went in and out without being noticed and quickly took the medicine. At first, when I lay back in my bed and closed my eyes, I thought it wasn’t helping, but not long after, I felt lightheaded, and my eyelids grew heavy. My pain dissolved, and I fell into a deep sleep from which I wouldn’t wake for an entire day.

  “Lillian, Lillian, wake up.” I heard the urgent tone in Daddy’s voice and fought off my deep grogginess, only to open my eyes and see him standing over me, his face full of distress.

  I tried to sit up, but my head felt like there were a hundred stones keeping it down.

  “Don’t get up; lie still,” Daddy said. Opal came and placed a cool cloth on my head.

  “Why do I feel like this Daddy?” I moaned.

  “The powders. Momma’s powders. Lillian, why did you take it?” he asked desperately, holding my weak hand in his.

  I couldn’t recall what he was talking about; I didn’t remember anything about Momma’s powders. He saw how confused I was and moved so Opal could sit beside me on the bed.

  “You went into your momma’s room and took her powders. Do you remember?”

  Then it came to me. The terrible headache that wouldn’t go away.

  “I didn’t feel well; I thought I could use them to feel better,” I explained.

  “Why would you do such a foolish thing? You almost died. Those medicines aren’t meant for a child,” Daddy lashed out.

  “Garrett, don’t upset her,” Opal said.

  “I’m sorry, darling; I was just worried sick, worried out of my mind.” Daddy was disheveled, worn, and had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and fret.

  “You made a mistake, that’s all,” Opal reassured me in a motherly voice.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy,” I mumbled, then began to drift back into a light sleep.

  “Let her rest. You can talk with her more tomorrow,” Opal said to Daddy.

  I wanted to stay awake, but I couldn’t fight the overwhelming need to shut my eyes.

  Another day passed, and I woke to a blinding light that bounced off the bright white snow into my room. I was alone this time. I slowly opened my eyes, and the first thing I focused on was a brand-new doll house on the side table near the window. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I rubbed the sleep away to be certain I wasn’t still dreaming. I wasn’t. The doll house was a white, Italian-style villa. I slowly got out of bed and reached out to touch it. It was real. But where did it come from? The door creaked open, and Ayden stepped in. I was in my cap and gown, and he immediately blushed when he saw me then said in a jittery voice, “Mother t
old me to check on you.”

  He went to step back and close the door, but I called him back in. “Wait!”

  He stayed behind the other side of the door. “Yes?”

  “The doll house, Ayden. Where did it come from?”

  Ayden refused to step back into my room and spoke through the door. “Santa. He left it for you at our house.”

  Santa came; he really came and even remembered me! I was stunned speechless.

  “I will go tell Mother you are awake.”

  I heard him scurry down the hall. Opal came in and hurried me back into bed. “You shouldn’t be up yet,” she said, pulling the covers over me. Then she called Ayden back in. Once he saw I was covered up, he willingly entered.

  “Santa left that for me, Mrs. Dalton? Is it true?” I asked, concerned that Ayden was not telling me the truth and maybe it really wasn’t mine to keep.

  “Yes, Lillian, he did.”

  “And it’s really mine?”

  “Of course. Now don’t get too excited. You are not well enough to get up and play with it. You need to take it slow; that’s what the doctor said.”

  “Okay, I will. I promise.” I would do anything to make sure I got well quickly so I could actually play with the dolls in the house.

  “Ayden, stay with her while I make her a plate of food.”

  He didn’t know what to say to me at first and stared at me as if I had just come back from the dead. Then, after he fidgeted in the chair for a few minutes, he described how Daddy came to see me on Christmas morning and couldn’t wake me.

  “Your father came running over with you. He said you were in some kind of a coma, that he found your momma’s powders missing. He and my father got you into the boat and battled the rough seas to get you to the mainland and the doctor. You were gone for all of Christmas Day. I was up in the light tower manning the light when I saw the rowboat. You were brought back to bed; the doctor told them you would wake when the powders wore off. He couldn’t say how long it would take, or if you would die in your sleep.”

  I sat in bed, full of dread at what I had put Daddy through. When I took the medicine, I’d never realized it would do me any harm—that I might never recover and possibly die. It was careless and irresponsible, and I wanted more than anything to apologize to Daddy.