Sufficient Grace

by Jessica Greyson

  “Grace?” It was Betsey’s soft voice.

  “Yes,” said Grace turning towards her.

  “I tried to mend your dress the best I could, but…”

  “It’s still in shambles?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Tearing small pieces from your dress to mark your trail will do that. Thank you for mending it as much as possible.”

  “Well the thing is, Grace, I would like to burn your dress and give you one of mine. We are so close in size.”

  “You are too kind Betsey; I can’t do that.”

  “You might want to change your mind…” and she brought the dress from behind her back.

  Grace laughed, “I guess I won’t be wearing that.” She took something that resembled her former dress from Betsey’s hand, but the skirt was about half the size.

  “I tried to patch it but that wouldn't work so I cut off where it was mostly torn and well, it didn't turn out quite right. Would you accept the blue dress you wore last night as a present?”

  “It wouldn’t last a day on the trail,” sighed Grace remembering how pretty it felt.

  “I thought you might say that, so I brought this one.” Betsey produced a yellow calico dress with blue and white flowers. “What do you think?”

  “It’s beautiful and durable. Thank you, Betsey.”

  “I am glad you like it. Now I will leave so you can get dressed.”

  “Thank you, Betsey,” she said catching her hand for a moment, “And I mean it.”

  “You are welcome,” and Betsey skipped out of the room.

  The dress was a perfect fit. Grace looked up into the mirror and smiled; she felt pretty and whirled herself across the chamber. Plaiting her hair in a simple braid with a yellow ribbon Betsey had slipped through a button hole for her, Grace’s wardrobe was complete.

  The breakfast bell had rung just a few minutes before she was finished and she tripped lithely down the stairs and into the dining room. All of the men stood up. Grace blushed hot red. She had forgotten the custom and being in a boarding school with all girls, she was not used to it. Mitch pulled out her chair, and she took a quick but gracious seat beside him, her eyes fixed on her lap.

  Why do I have to sit next to him, and why does he have to be so attentive! Cringed Grace in her thoughts. Memories from last night flashed hotly across her mind, speeding her heart, so it raced in her ears, her stomach twisted, and she found that she had no appetite.

  After asking for a blessing upon their meal, the dishes were passed around.

  “I trust you slept well,” said their host.

  What on earth possessed him to ask a question like that! Fumed Grace, her mind spinning to what she had told the girls.

  “We all did except Grace,” answered Francine.

  Mitch shot her a curious look.

  “I slept well. I just find it hard to adjust to new mattresses,” Grace covered for herself.

  Mitch continued to watch, as she mechanically took a bite and tried to swallow, she washed down with a sip of milk.

  Grace could feel Mitch watching her. He had caught her in an outright lie. He knew why she hadn’t slept so well. What does he want me to say? I was busy feeling sorry for myself, so I went for a walk and cried on his shoulder for half a minute. Sure that would do wonders for our reputations. I could be branded as a girl of low reputation and you well…She glanced up at Mitch. Their eyes met.

  Grace’s stomach dropped along with her glance. There was no reproach just kindness in his eyes. He felt sorry for her.

  Don’t you dare pity me! Or I will hate you. I don’t want or need ANYONE’s pity. Especially yours, look what trouble it got me into last night.

  After breakfast was over and the dishes were cleared away, the men made it clear it was time for them to be back on their way.

  “Y’all come back again and visit me, all right?” said their host as the men began to mount.

  “Will do, but let's hope under better circumstances next time,” said Mitch, pulling himself into the saddle.

  “I hope so, but whatever it is, feel free to stop by.”

  Grace gave Betsey a hug. “Thank you for the dress.”

  “Thank you for the dress patterns. I think it is an equal exchange.”

  “I hope you are right.”

  “I know it is. Have a safe journey.”

  Grace smiled at Betsey. That wish could never come true.

  Francine sashayed up to Mitch and looked archly up at him with a slight pout about the mouth. “Who am I supposed to ride with today?”

  You little indolent, impudent, excuse of a human being. I can tell you it will take more than that to snare him. He might be a nice guy, but he is smarter than that.

  Mitch glanced down at her. “Hank said he would take you up today,” he said with a smile.

  Francine in vain tried to hide the indignant smolder that came into her eyes as she stomped away.

  ~~~~~

  Looking up Mitch noticed Grace standing hesitantly on the porch. There was almost fear of him in her eyes. She didn’t trust him, and the last thing he wanted to do was shatter what thread he might have left. Or did he need to break through the wall to reach her? He couldn’t tell. It was borderline between breaking or breaking through.

  “Jip, can you take up Grace behind you?”

  “Can do,” answered Jip steering his horse towards her.

  Mitch couldn’t help but noticed the smile that Grace gave Jip as he helped her up. She feels safe with Jip because he can’t see past her armor. Well, only three more days. I hope.

  Mitch noted Grace's flicker of puzzled curiosity as he took no one up behind him, but saying another thank you to their host, he led the way.

  At noon Mitch called for a halt to eat and rest. Jip rode deeper into the grass to feed his horse.

  There was an unexpected movement, Jip's horse Reno bucked, sending Grace tumbling off. Jip gripped the reins trying to regain control as Reno bucked then bolted.

  Mitch’s heart leaped inside of him. Close to where Grace had tumbled, was a large coiled snake; its tail rattling with menacing intent, his beady eyes glared at Grace as the serpents black forked tongue flickered, tasting the air between them. The rattlesnake was provoked and was poised to strike. Mitch sprang from his saddle, whipping out his pistol and stepped cautiously to Grace’s side, she hadn’t moved.

  “Don’t stir,” he cautioned.

  “He’s angry,” she warned.

  “I see that,” he answered calmly. “Can you move?”

  “He made a strike at the horse. I am afraid if I move he might take it into his head to strike again.”

  “Do you trust my gun?”

  “Are you a good shot.”

  “Yes.”

  A shiver went down Grace’s spine.

  “Then take the shot.”

  “When I shoot, I want you to roll away.”

  “Okay,” Grace quietly agreed.

  “Ready?”

  “Ready,” she echoed.

  Mitch fired.

  The snake gave a small leap, then lay still; save for its jaws that opened and shut, opened and shut.

  Grace had rolled away and was trembling.

  Mitch pulled Grace to her feet he was going to put her behind him, but she turned towards him, hiding her face in her hands against his shoulder, he tightened his arm around her.

  “Grace, are you all right?”

  For a moment she didn't move.

  “I think so,” she murmured, pulling away, towards the dying snake.

  “Not so fast, come this way,” he said holding her arm and pulling her towards the rest of the girls, who were standing around watching with wide eyes. Grace glanced over her shoulder, he felt her shiver, and she followed with hastened steps.

  “What was that?” asked Francine.

  Mitch didn’t answer but turned to Hank.

  “Hank can I have your shovel?” he intended to bury the snake.

  “I’ll take care
of it, Mitch,” said Hank, dismounting and helping Francine down, he looked through his saddle bags, pulling out a small trowel.

  Mitch turned and looked at Grace from head to toe. She was pale and still trembling, her expression numb.

  “You don’t look too much worse for the wear, but you are pale. You should sit down.”

  “I am fine,” she whispered.

  But Mitch didn't believe it. She seemed fine about too many things. Going to his saddle, he pulled out his bedroll and spread it on the ground and directed Grace to sit down. She obeyed in frozen silence, a little color returning to her cheeks. Returning to Danny, he pulled out his canteen and handed it to Grace.

  “What happened?” asked Francine, creeping close.

  “Rattlesnake,” Mitch said flatly.

  “Rattlesnake!” Francine suddenly swooned in his direction in a false faint. With quick hands, Mitch caught and laid her beside Grace on the blanket. It was obviously a fake faint, her cheeks were perfectly rosy, maybe a little bit more so since he had seen her pinching them as he laid out his bedroll.

  “Can I have the canteen?” he asked Grace.

  She handed it to him, her eyes saying they were puzzled by his actions.

  Francine parted her lips. Waiting. A hot blush crept up her neck.

  There are plenty of reasons for you to be blushing. He opened the top and poured water from the canteen over her face.

  Francine shot to her feet gagging on the water that she inhaled at her surprise. “How…how…You!”

  “I am sorry it…” Mitch started holding up his hands in an innocent gesture.

  She made a slapping motion towards him. Mitch ducked. Francine walked away in a huff to talk with the other girls. Mitch looked at Grace, she hid her face in her hands, rocking back and forth.

  Is she laughing or crying? Mitch wondered.

  In a moment her eyes peeped between her fingers. They were laughing. He smiled just a little at her, she was safe for now.

  Taking a sip and closing the canteen, he laid it down next to Grace and left. There was business to do, and he wasn't about to push his authority. Just because she had obeyed his request this time, didn't mean she’d do it again.

  Two men had galloped off after Jip, and all three were now returning.

  “You all right, Jip?”

  “Yeah, I am fine, but I am not sure about Reno; he is really skittish, and seems to be favoring a leg.”

  “Grace said the snake made a strike at him.”

  “I’ll look again, but I didn’t see anything, he did trip over a rock, though.”

  Clancy placed a blindfold around the horse’s head, the paint horse slowly relaxed under his touch. Jip dismounted and examined his horse.

  “He seems fine, but I will keep an eye on him. I don’t think anyone should ride with me until I know he is all right.”

  Mitch nodded. “Agreed. I’ll take Grace behind me when we start again.”

  After the noon meal, Mitch looked around the camp. His men weren't in a mood to get moving, the horses could use a break. His eyes fell on the girls, as they sat in a tight circle gossiping; while Grace slept with the sun on her back.

  She looked so small and helpless, but she wasn't. He rubbed his ribs where she had struck him a few days ago. They were sore; a reminder of her not so helplessness, but her eyes. That one look, he couldn't put it from his mind.

  Mitch turned to check his tack and saddle Danny. Suddenly, Mitch was wondering if she had been injured in the fall and said nothing. Carefully he walked towards Grace, crouching beside her.

  “Hey? Are you all right?” his hand barely touching her shoulder as he roused her.

  Grace sighed and opened her eyes. “How long have I been sleeping?”

  “Not long. Do you feel any unusual pain?”

  Grace mentally checked. Other than the ache from falling there was no throbbing or unbearable pain. “No.”

  “Good, rest a little while longer; we are almost ready to go.”

  ~~~~~

  “I hate that man. He is so nasty!” Francine seethed from where she sat on the blanket. “I fainted, and he threw water on my face. What kind of man does that! Honestly, it was so cruel,” she let out a sobbing moan.

  “I think it is romantic. He is so strong, did you see how he just snatched up Grace from the ground?” sighed Harriet.

  “It was cruel, and we would all do well to steer away from such a man,” stated Crystal.

  “Oh, I totally agree,” stoutly swayed Harriet.

  You girls can never make up your mind, can you. One minute he is the most gorgeous thing on earth and you can’t wait to swoon into his arms. The next he is more worthless than what the cat dragged in. Make up your frivolous minds. You can speak French the most romantic language on earth, but you can’t speak the language of your own heart.

  Grace lay there thinking. The realization struck her that she hadn’t objected to Mitch’s helping. She had accepted it. To be honest... I can’t do that! I can’t let anyone in. How could I be so careless? You have to be strong, no one will look out for you except yourself. Not really. You have seen it happen. Mitch is no different than anyone else. You have seen it in your family, you have seen it in your friends at school. I know better—I know better. But I want to tell him...I want to tell someone, I want to believe that someone is real and trustworthy, I can feel…I can’t; getting hurt isn’t worth trying. Only a few more days. Once I get to Esperanza Springs, I’ll pick up my letter and go from there. I will leave Mitch and all of my schoolmates behind and go where?

  “Grace?”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s time to go.”

  She was on her feet in a flash, ready to leave her disturbing thoughts behind, if they would only stay there.

  ~~~~~

  Mitch looked into her eyes. The walls are up again. He took his bedroll and mounted his horse, offered her his hand. He glanced over his shoulder. Everybody was ready.

  Just a few more days. He thought. Just, a few more days…

  Chapter 8

  As the day stretched out, even the girls babble grew silent, until murmurs of discomfort broke from the ranks. It was not as far as Mitch hoped they would get, but he had to call it a day.

  “Start scouting for a good place to spend the night,” he said, turning back to his men. He glanced at Grace; her eyelids heavy with weariness. She looked away. He had pushed them far enough for one day. After riding for nearly half an hour, longer Mitch turned his horse to face the men.

  “I don’t think we are going to find a sheltered place for the night. It just stretches for miles, and I am not seeing any trees.”

  “Here, is good as any other place,” said Hank.

  “That’s what I thought. I’ll get a fire going, Jip you get dinner, Clancy you’re in charge of getting a proper place for the girls to sleep.”

  Mitch dismounted, swinging his leg over the front of his saddle horn. He turned to help Grace who was already sliding down from the horse. She landed off balance and Mitch caught her.

  Grace ducked her head and dodged away to be with the other girls.

  She must hate me, to hang out with them. I am sorry Grace, but I am not going to leave you to your own devices.

  Mitch made sure everything went like clockwork—the horses were staked, the food made, saddles were taken care of. He then pulled out his pistol and began to clean it.

  After dinner, the dishes were “washed” several yards from camp. The four girls took canteens and gingerly rinsed theirs at arm’s length, making sure to keep the plate they used far away from the pile of clean dishes that the men put together.

  Grace had fallen asleep by the fire as they sang. When they turned in for the night, they tried to wake her, but she only moaned a little and turned over. They decided to let her be, covering her with a thick blanket.

  In the middle of the night, Mitch woke to the soft sound of muffled crying. He knew the girls’ voices well enough now; to know who it was.
What's eating at you, Grace? He turned his back but listened. It was the cry of an isolated heart, a heartbreaking for love, a heart wishing for an end. As his eyes grew accustomed to the dark he saw, Jip was also awake and listening. Jip’s shoulders shrugged under his blanket asking what they should do.

  Mitch put his finger over his mouth.

  Jip nodded and turned over. In a few minutes, Mitch knew Jip was sleeping again by the regular rise and fall of his shoulders.

  She needs to believe she is alone. Her heart isn’t ready or open. To try now would only harden her resolve to be alone. But you aren’t alone. Grace, there is a world around you if you just accept it.

  As the sun began painting his morning canvas in the eastern sky, Mitch awoke with a stretch. He glanced over to where the girls were sleeping. Grace was gone. He flashed to an upright position, then to his feet. All of the horses were accounted for. His eyes passed over the prairie grass.

  Then he saw her, a huddled figure almost invisible in the long grass facing the western fading starry sky. Mitch sat down on his blanket. Dear God thank you that she is safe; I can’t imagine losing her to the prairies now. Please help me lead the men safely and wisely today as we guide these girls to Esperanza Springs. Oh, Lord, please help me with Grace. There is a part of me that understands what she is going through and a part of me that is utterly clueless on how to reach her. Give me guidance and grace to deal gently with her, the wisdom to know when she needs help and when she needs her space. I yield myself to you today Lord, be it unto me as Thou wilt. Amen.

  He glanced over his shoulder. She needed her space. He laid back down and watched the sky slowly change; they could take their time getting back to Esperanza Springs. Within a half hour, the camp was astir, save for the four girls who still wearily slept. The men were quiet as they could be. As Jip started on breakfast, Grace made her way back to camp.

  “Can I help you?” she asked, standing next to Jip.

  “I can make breakfast,” he stated bluntly, his feelings slightly offended.

  “I know you can. It is just there is nothing else for me to do around here and watching all of you work makes me feel awkward when I can cook.”