Sufficient Grace

by Jessica Greyson

  The men waited out front while Mitch went and knocked on the back door. It was opened instantly by Grace who looked at him eagerly, then the hope in her eyes died.

  “What is it?” she asked her face seeming small and child-like with worry.

  “It is about your father,” he halted mid-sentence suddenly seeing she was wearing an all-black dress.

  “What did he do?” asked Grace her voice trying to relax.

  “What is the matter, Grace?”

  Grace looked down at her dress. “Oh, this, it’s nothing for you to worry about. Mother asked me to wear this today to mark a sad occasion.” She turned and walked away from him to stir something on the stove. “What did he do, Mitch?”

  He watched as she became tall and stiff trying to make herself look strong before whatever news tore at her heart.

  “You father is in jail for the night until he is sober. There was a brawl at the saloon…” Mitch let his words trail off.

  “He started it didn’t he?” Grace said coolly.

  “Yes, he did.”

  Grace shook her head.

  “What is it, Grace?”

  “This day four years ago my sister died in an accident. My mother has taken to bed and my father to brawling. What am I supposed to do? She won’t touch a thing I have cooked for her, and he won’t be coming home. Mother has been asking for him all day.” She put the spoon down on the stove and covered her face with her hands. Mitch thought she was going to cry. In a second she seemed stronger but didn’t turn around.

  “Thank you for telling me, Mitch. I am sorry I can’t offer you any hospitality tonight.”

  Mitch stepped into the kitchen and gently turned her around. “Grace, do you think that I would ask that of you?”

  She folded her arms tightly around herself, refusing to look up at his face. “No,” she whispered, “Just leave please.”

  “I will go explain to the men what happened. Goodnigh….”

  “Men? What men?”

  “Some people came from town with questions. This will explain everything.”

  “Where are they?”

  “Out front.”

  “What were they planning on doing? Lynching us?”

  “Grace,” his voice held a hint of reproach. “They are only looking for answers.”

  She pulled away from Mitch and walked resolutely but softly onto the front porch.

  “Good evening gentlemen, I understand you have some questions about my father’s actions today.”

  The men saw the black dress the small pale, worried face and several of them pulled away as if wishing they hadn’t come.

  “Does he get drunk often miss?” asked one of the men bluntly.

  “This is the first time I have known him to.”

  But you haven’t seen him in almost four years Grace...you hardly know him.

  “Are you in grieving?” asked Mr. Cunningham.

  “My sister died four years ago today.”

  “We are so sorry to hear it, Miss. We had no idea,” said Mr. Slater.

  “How could you? They never talk about it. In fact, my father would rather that no one knew. It is very painful for them to talk about. Please forgive my father for his thoughtless actions,”

  “We won’t be bringing it up, Miss.”

  “Will you be dismissing my father?”

  The men glanced around at one another.

  “I completely understand if you do. You need a man you can trust; if you don’t feel you can trust him, you need to let him go. I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again, but he usually is of sound mind and a good shot. The only reason I am asking is so I know what I should do.”

  “No, miss. It is understandable. We have known losses ourselves, it can drive anyone’s spirits’ down. We are a town that believes in second chances, even if your father stays here and it happens once a year. He is doing a great job, and we appreciate him for it.”

  ~~~~~

  “Thank you,” Grace barely managed to say. This town will kill me yet.

  “Have a goodnight Miss Grace.”

  She nodded, “And all of you.”

  Quietly Grace slipped back into the kitchen, Mitch was gone. With a sigh of relief, she locked the back door and went to see her mother.

  “Father won’t be coming home tonight.”

  “Something come up again?”

  “Yes mother, it did.”

  Her mother sighed discontentedly, “Sing to me. Sing to me like Hannah did.”

  Why can’t I ever do anything like I would do it? Hannah! Hannah, I miss you! Why did you leave us? Why did you die—why didn’t you just let me take that stupid bullet. If I had died, none of this would have happened.

  Grace fought back the tears, singing softly and sweetly as she could to her tired mother; in several minutes she was asleep.

  For Grace, the dark hours of the night could not pass swiftly enough. Sleep stayed just out of reach, haunting her every waking moment, with feelings and moments she wanted to forget. When morning came, she rose, dressed, then checked on her mother who was still sleeping. Once in the kitchen she prepared a meal and waited. Hours passed, and noon was drawing near.

  “He’s not coming home,” she muttered angrily. In a few minutes, she had assembled a picnic basket. Going outside she saddled her little black mare Ria and rode into town. Grace tied Ria at the hitching post and entered the sheriff's office. Her father was seated behind a desk inspecting papers. Grace glanced around, he was the only one in the office.

  “You didn’t come home last night.” Let’s see if he will give me an honest answer?

  “I am sorry Grace, I had work to do, and this morning has been hopping busy. I might have to stay overnight again.”

  “Mother was worried about you.”

  “She always is, tell her not to worry, and I’ll do my best to be home tonight.”

  “I was worried about you.”

  Neither of them noticed that the back door creaked open.

  “Did you bring me coffee?”

  Grace put the basket down on his desk, “It’s in the canteen.”

  “You can go home now, Grace.”

  “That is it? I can go home?” Can’t you see anyone but yourself and your grief? Can’t you see me? Do you hate me as much as I hate myself? Am I worthless to you? Do you blame me for what you did?

  “Yes, Grace, that’s it. You can go home.”

  “Father, I heard what happened last night. You weren’t working.”

  “Grace, I said go home,” her father’s eyes blazoned with anger.

  “Father, did you even think about what you were doing?”

  “Of course I thought. I am the sheriff!”

  “If this gets back to Mother it will crush her!”

  “You already crushed her.”

  “I crushed her? This whole thing is my fault? If you hadn’t gone down to your office, if she hadn’t gone after you, if you would have just…”

  “I am the sheriff and your father. You have no right to dictate to me what you think I should do or should have done. The past is in the past! Can’t you leave it there?”

  “Father please I am begging you to hear me...”

  “Hannah! I am not having this conversation with you not now not ever!”

  ~~~~~

  There was absolute silence in the room.

  “Hannah?” Grace asked softly, the catch of a sob in her throat.

  “I am sorry Grace it just came out.”

  “Why does it always comes back to Hannah? I can never be Hannah. I have tried, but I am Grace! Grace! I know I can’t ache for her like a parent. But she was my sister, I miss her too. Why can’t you and mother let me into your grief? Four years and you are still grieving for her, and you shut me out! I am your daughter too, and I am hurting...”

  “It is your fault that Hannah died. Your…” Mitch startled as the sheriff swore at his own daughter “fault!”

  “My fault? Hannah’s death was my fault?
You were the one who fired the bloody gun!” Grace volleyed back at her father.

  “I wouldn’t have had to shoot if you hadn’t been out and about.”

  “I was only doing what I was told! Hannah saved my life. Why is everything you do my fault! It is my fault when you come home late from work, and your dinner has been kept on the warmer. It is my fault that mother is ill. It is my fault that you aren’t happy. It is my fault we have to move so often because you shot your daughter instead of...”

  There the sound of a slap, Grace’s voice fell silent.

  “How dare speak to me, your father that way!”

  Grace was mute. Her face a complexity of shock and pain. Mitch watched surprised and prepared to step forward should anything else untoward occur. She hadn’t turned and fled like so many other girls he knew would. She bit her lower lip.

  “Answer me, girl!” Sheriff Coates thundered.

  Grace remained still and silent.

  ~~~~~

  How do I answer that? Do you really hate me all that much? Father, please, I am your daughter. Hear me. She glanced up into his eyes they seemed to glow red with his anger. I just shut myself out of his heart, forever. You will never love me.

  “Answer me!”

  “I am sorry, I spoke out of my place Father. Forgive me?”

  ~~~~~

  Mitch felt as if he had seen her stabbed. How could she say that? How in the world?

  “Go home to your mother girl, make sure she isn’t disturbed.”

  ~~~~~

  The transformation was sudden. Grace put a smile on her face and spring in her step. “Yes, I will do as you bid me.” I won’t let you or the world know how you hurt me. I won’t give them that chance, not now not ever. Now, if I can only bar you out of my heart like you have done to me. She pulled her bonnet strings tight and went out the front door calling. “Have a good day Father!” Her voice carried easily to any curious ear. It would hopefully remove any doubts that they had just been fighting. With ease, Grace seated herself sidesaddle and urged her horse homeward.

  Silently, Mitch closed the back door and followed her at a distance on horseback. When she arrived home Mrs. Fang the town gossip pulling up in her buggy.

  “Hello Mrs. Fang!” shouted Grace. Anyone would have guessed that Grace was delighted to see her.

  “Oh, hello dear, I have come to talk to your mother. I know she will want to hear all of the latest!”

  “You are so kind Mrs. Fang,” said Grace with a smile, dismounting and coming beside the woman’s buggy. “I know mother would love to hear the latest news, but I am afraid the doctor has ordered her to rest for the day. I am so sorry.”

  “I am sorry too.”

  “Promise you will come back another day?” asked Grace with a hopeful smile, taking the old lady’s hand.

  “Of course, dear. I will come back and visit with you anytime you wish. Give your mother my regards.”

  “I will, thank you, Mrs. Fang.”

  Grace waved goodbye to Mrs. Fang as she rode away. Turning on her heels, she went indoors. Mitch wondered what to do. He wanted to talk to her; to make sure she was all right. The questions were so delicate. How did one go about asking them?

  Chapter 18

  Mitch was just getting ready to ride up when Grace came bursting outside again. Taking Ria’s reins, she mounted and rode out onto the road urging Ria into a gallop. Mitch followed. She broke out into the open prairie.

  Reaching a grove of trees Grace dismounted dropping Ria’s reigns to the ground. She folded herself up beneath a tree rocking back and forth. Mitch approached; Grace didn’t seem to notice. Dismounting, he walked towards her.

  “Grace? Grace?”

  She looked up, seeing him for the first time.

  “What are you doing here?” her tone was venomous as she rose to her feet and came towards him

  “I thought you might need someone....”

  “I don’t need anyone. Now go away!” her eyes were filled with anguish and her words struck at him like a dagger.

  “Grace, if you need someone, I am...”

  “Go away, I tell you! Go away!”

  “I am not leaving you here.”

  “Well, I want to be left alone!” she turned on her heel and stalked away.

  Mitch caught her arm. “Where do you think you are going?”

  Grace whirled around and attacked him with a cry of rage, her fists pummeling angrily against his chest. He didn’t move but held onto her arms even as they hit him. Tears filled her eyes, and she stopped.

  “I am sorry. I am sorry!” Grace sobbed. “I-I…”

  Mitch pulled her close. She didn’t resist him but laid her head against his coat.

  “Why won’t my father ever come after me? Why does it always have to be you? Why! Oh, God why?” Grace was crying so hard she could hardly breathe, the pain of her heart bleeding into her words.

  Mitch held onto her, unsure what else he could do or say. God help me to help her! Gently, he backed to the tree and let himself down against it. Grace easing down with him. He still had his arm around her as they sat side by side.

  “Hush now, shhh. It’s all right Grace,” he repeated over and over again. At last her sobs subsided.

  Her fingers aimlessly twisted the tassels on his coat and released them. She rested against him exhausted in body and spirit, her breathing shallow, save for the occasional shuddering gasp.

  Mitch shifted slightly and lowered his voice so he could say the words very softly to Grace. “Tell me about Hannah.”

  She looked up at him in surprise, fear in her eyes. “Hannah who?” Grace fired at him.

  “Your sister Hannah?” he said very calmly.

  “Where? Did my father?” Her face turning an ashen color. “You overheard didn’t you?” her voice sank along with her heart. Grace went limp against him, stunned, hiding her face in her hands.

  “Why do you think I came after you?”

  Grace started to pull away, but Mitch held her firmly.

  ~~~~~

  She relaxed against his hold, unsure whether to be grateful or resent the power he held over her.

  “It’s not my story to tell,” she sighed.

  “If it puts Esperanza Springs in danger it does. Your father…” he stopped as if unsure of what to say next.

  “Has made some pretty bad decisions,” Grace finished.

  Mitch was silent.

  Grace took a deep shuddering breath.

  “Hannah was four years my senior. We were supposed to be going off to finishing school together that fall. She had been asked to go back as a teaching assistant. She was my parent's pride and joy. It seemed as if everything she touched turned to gold. That year Hannah had come home different, though I didn’t notice it right away. One day, I found letters in her drawer. They were love letters.” Grace paused; the words wouldn’t come, the memories were too strong to form words around them.

  “She made me promise not to tell, and I didn’t. He came out to visit her and proposed. Hannah accepted and introduced him to my parents. Father was outraged with her, and I can’t say I blame him. Mother was delighted. Hannah had found a man made of money, they would live in comfort. You will never hear it spoken of, but my mother regrets that she married for love and not for money, and Hannah knew that. She had found both, but father couldn’t accept it. He had “better” things planned for his daughter. I think it bothered him that Hannah...never said a word, she never asked. He wasn’t all that bad back then. I used to dream of marrying someone like my father. He seemed so perfect.

  “Father stormed down to the sheriff’s office and Hannah went after him trying to explain. Mother sent me out with one of my friends, Charlotte. So she and the young man could talk some things out—probably how to deal with my father. Charlotte and I went window shopping. What happened next all happened like a terrible nightmare. We were walking in front of the bank when a man came storming out. He had a bag of money in one hand, and he grabbed Charlotte
with the other. She was scared and screaming so I went after them. He put her on his horse and then mounted. I was so shocked and scared. I just didn’t want him to take Charlotte away, and she was screaming for help. I went after him, trying to pull her down. He reached down for me when Hannah pushed me aside. I have no idea where she came from. He grabbed her and was forcing her to mount up behind him.

  “My father heard the commotion and came out from the sheriff’s office. Father fired at him.” Grace choked, and the tears that had been slowly rolling now ran in a torrent. She pushed herself to continue.

  “The bullet hit Hannah. My father was shocked and stopped firing. The outlaw spun his horse to shoot back at Father. He missed. My father shot back. He hadn’t seen Charlotte in front of the man. He fired. A perfect shot for the man's heart. The only problem was that it killed Charlotte instead. She died instantly. The outlaw rode out of town unscathed and left two innocent girls dead.” Grace stopped too choked with tears and emotion to continue.

  Mitch waited silently for some time, holding her close. At last, she could breathe easier.

  “What happened next?” he quietly prodded.

  “The town was enraged, some people blamed him, others didn’t.”

  “Why didn’t he turn in his badge?”

  “Law is the only thing he has ever known. His father was a lawman and as soon as he was old enough my grandfather, his father, made him a deputy. He hates cattle, settling down to something like that, isn’t his thing. There was talk of hanging father, so we left town that night. Two weeks later we settled in a town that had never heard of a man by the name of Thomas Banes. I was sent off to boarding school. My brother left, joining the Calvary.”

  “Thomas Banes? I thought your father’s name was Tom Coates.”

  “Our real last name is Elroy, but father keeps changing it. He is a hunted man. Charlotte’s mother is a widow and Charlotte was her only daughter, her pride, and joy. When her grieving was over, she kept trying to find my father so she can ruin his reputation and bring him to a trial.”

  “An accidental shooting of two girls one of whom was his own daughter? I don’t think that case would hold up in court.”