One True Mate 8: Night of the Beast

by Lisa Ladew

  The chaplain stopped him. “No, son, sit down. You belong here. Everyone belongs here. I understand. You’re angry at God.”

  Leilani squeezed now-Jaggar’s hand, pulling him out of the moment, which he was immensely grateful for. He’d been losing himself in this conversation he didn’t even remember.

  Then-Jaggar stared at the chaplain for a long time before speaking. “I hate God.”

  “No, son, no. You don’t hate God. You just don’t know God. God would not give you pain, would not sentence you to something like a tumor.”

  Jaggar watched himself struggle with the chaplain’s words, which were so opposite to what he knew. Leilani was clutching him again, moving so close to him she was practically sitting on his chair. Any other time he would have loved it, but at that moment, he was barely holding himself together, wondering what she must think of him.

  “I don’t believe in God,” drunk Jaggar finally said, his tone matter-of-fact. “Not your God.”

  The chaplain shook his head. “The battlefield is not a good place for those who don’t believe in God. If you can’t find sanctuary in the church, His home, there is nowhere for you.”

  Jaggar didn’t respond for a few moments. The chaplain touched him on the arm. “You need to sleep it off. I have a couch for you. I’ll call your CO.”

  Jaggar shook his head, pushing to his feet. “I’m late for formation,” he said, but the chaplain was able to get him back into the chair. Jaggar plopped back down and the chaplain sat next to him.

  “You know what you need, son? You need a mantra, one that will help you through these moments of un-faith. That’s why you drank tonight, because you weren’t able to quiet the pain in your mind, but I can teach you how to do that.”

  He patted then-Jaggar’s hand. Now-Jaggar shook his head in utter disbelief. This had really happened?

  The chaplain spoke again. “That’s why we go to church, to find that place inside ourselves that does not hurt ourselves or others. People who have found that place can help you find it.” He was quiet for some time, before he spoke again. “It does not have to be church, son. It can be fishing. It can be spending time with someone. It can be anything we love. Tell me what you love, son.”

  Drunk Jaggar didn’t speak. He only shook his head and swallowed hard. His eyes shone.

  “I can suggest a mantra for you. I like to use ‘God’s love fills me,’ but that might not work for you. That’s why I want to know what you love.”

  But then-Jaggar slumped in his chair, almost snoring. The chaplain patted him on the shoulder.

  “Take me to church,” Jaggar whispered, running his thumb over Leilani’s palm. The phrase took on a new meaning in his mind. He thought back quickly and could not remember when his mantra had ‘started’. It seemed to always have been a part of him.

  He thought harder, going over his military service, remembering when he’d finally gotten out and returned to Serenity, but still not able to pick out the exact time period he’d adopted the phrase. His throat lumped and he wished for just a moment that he could speak to the chaplain to tell him what his suggestion had meant to him, what it had done for him. It had changed his life. It had put him back in control.

  The chaplain stood up, arranged Jaggar on the chairs, feet up, boots still on, then got a blanket, and covered Jaggar with it. He retreated behind a flap in the tent.

  Jaggar could only stare at himself, touched by the human’s kindness. Leilani’s hand touched his face, pulling him out of his reverie. He looked at her. She was smiling at him, a small, soft smile, that made his heart jog faster.

  “I’m glad we came in here,” she said.

  He shook his head. “I’m disgusting,” he said softly. “I’m sorry you were here.”

  Her expression went alarmed and she shook her head. “No, not disgusting. Complex.”

  “Take me to church,” he muttered. “It was born here.”

  “What is that?” she whispered.

  He motioned toward the back where the chaplain had disappeared, then remembered she couldn’t see. “His suggestion about the mantra? It was good, no, great. I got very good at using mine, and I could always call on the mantra to provide me with calm and focus when I needed it. It’s powerful, but dangerous, too, like your time travel.”

  She frowned at that, then asked a question. “Dangerous?”

  He gazed into her eyes, thinking how beautiful she was, then he got a whiff of her sweet frosting scent and it scrambled his brains slightly, making rational thought hard. Drunk Jaggar snorted a thick blackout snore, pulling Jaggar back to what he’d been about to say.

  “I’m a code breaker for the KSRT, a kind of intelligence officer. My friends, Canyon and Timber-” she startled at the names and he watched her for a second, not speaking. When she didn’t say anything, he went on. “They gather intel on the fight against Khain, what people are saying about him, possible sightings of him, talk on the Internet that could be about him, and together we examine and classify all of it. If it’s in code, I break the code. When it seems unbreakable, that’s when I have to… do that thing that I do.”

  She closed her eyes and just listened like she enjoyed the sound of his voice. A thick desire to kiss her filled him. Instead, he kept talking. “I-I don’t have a name for it, but Timber calls it ‘when Jaggar goes bye-bye’.” He smiled at the thought of his friend, then frowned at the thought of himself. “Basically, I think so hard, I use my mantra so extensively, that I lose myself. My mind goes somewhere else. I can break any code in this state, but I pay for it with a little piece of my present. I forget who and where I am. I go back to this time in my mind.” He motioned around them. “Back to my days in the military. Back to my training. It’s a blessing and a curse. If I’m alone, I sometimes strip my clothes off,” he said, his face heating at the memories of ‘waking up’ naked, with other people around. That’s why he always did his deepest work in his office, with the door locked. “The beast doesn’t like the clothes, so I take them off. Sometimes I wake up in my office, naked, with no memory of the last few days, but always with all the answers to my questions in front of me.”

  Leilani squeezed his hand. “Tell me about the beast,” she whispered.

  Impending doom flashed through Jaggar just that quickly, as flaring silver lit up his vision, and he moved, pain clutching at his eyes.

  Leilani had traveled them to a night-time-when, at a hole in the ground, shored up with cracked, earthen blocks. Jaggar did not recognize the hole or what was going on at first, but quickly, reality fell in on him. It was a foxhole, and the male inside the foxhole was clearly dressed as the enemy in the desert, a rifle and a grenade launcher next to him. A sniper who had picked off his fellow soldiers one at a time. Jaggar could see their base in the distance, close enough for the range of a rifle.

  “No,” Jaggar said under his breath, the doom he’d felt a moment before picking up momentum and running for them. “No,” he said again, as the sniper squeezed his trigger, a shot firing into the night. Then he fired again and again, then twice more, his breath becoming ragged and fast in the way of a soldier who sees his impending death.

  The beast loped out of the darkness, a hole in each cheek, one ear freely bleeding, and two holes in the fur at his back, blood streaming down from them.

  The beast dropped lazily into the hole with the sniper, and the sounds of the kill filled the night. Jaggar grabbed Leilani around her shoulders, pulling her in close to him and curling her into his body, trying to keep her from hearing the frenzied cries and the bloody snarls.

  “Take us home, Lele, take us home, I’m begging you.”

  Silver light flooded the desert.

  20 – The Fearsome Five

  Movement caught Canyon’s eye on one of the screens. Jaggar, he said.

  Timber shook his head. “I didn’t see them leave the cabin, did you?”

  They didn’t leave.

  “Freaky fucking Friday!” Timber whispered, his eyes lighting
up. “Did they just travel through time and miss their landing pad when they came back to the present?”

  They’re holding hands, Canyon pointed out.

  “Fuck yeah, they are, go Jaggar go, woo that female, just don’t piss her off or your ass is gonna end up stuck in the land before time.”

  Good for him, Canyon said, meaning it.

  “Totally, if anyone deserves a mate, it’s that male right there. And what about that female? I can’t think of anyone better for her than Jaggar. Jaggar has tragic down. He can deal.”

  Canyon’s software pinged him, sending him a news story, then another, then another. He read through them quickly, then read the thread Predator had cross-referenced him to.

  Uh oh, he told his brother. Trent’s thrown in with a gang.

  Timber spun his chair so his back was to Canyon, then launched himself at his brother. Canyon aimed a kick at his knee when he got close enough, connecting easily.

  “Fucker,” Timber snarled, while he read the headlines on Canyon’s screen.

  Don’t strain your brain. There’s a pack of wolves who have made Bear Key, Wisconsin, their home, getting cozier and cozier with humans, eating out of trash barrels, killing pets and yard chickens. That female with Trent has been recognized as the alpha female of the pack, or ‘gang’ as the news stories are calling them. There’s a bounty on the head of every one of the wolves. The pack used to be fifteen strong, but now they are down to five holdouts, five adult wolves who have become opportunity hunters. Everyone in town is trying to kill them, but so far, these last five have managed to survive. We’ve got two separate reports saying Trent, the alpha female, and three other wolves have been spotted heading north along the farms that border the town. The alpha male is missing.

  Timber elbowed him. “Officer Grr is making shit happen.”

  Canyon agreed. I hope he knows what he’s doing.

  21 – Harlan Didn’t Kiss Me

  In response to the frantic tone in Jaggar’s voice, Leilani had scrambled for the clock in her mind, giving the hands a spin like a roulette wheel. She watched them in utter, sick fascination, loving the power of it.

  Stop it! her mind cried and she slammed down on the hands of the clock with her fingers, stopping them at straight up. Straight up was home. Straight up was normal, as normal as could be for her.

  They arrived in the forest of Trevor’s land, a cool breeze scented with earth and night air touching her face, cooling her fascination with the clock just a little. She clutched at Jaggar, getting a better grip on him, rubbing one of her hands on his strong arm, just a little. The clock in her mind held more sway over her every minute, calling her attention so easily, making her want to use it, use it, and the only thing that could compete was Jaggar. If she was touching him, if she was talking to him, she could keep her focus on him and keep herself from scrambling the time in her mind.

  She sighed, not letting go of Jaggar. “We’re back,” she whispered, not quite daring to say, “We’re home.”

  She knew him now, didn’t she? Knew important things about him, except for the one thing she really wanted to know: Who he was now. He was older than she was, almost twice her age, and yet that was the thing about him that bothered her the least.

  He crouched slightly on the path, his arms raised, mumbling. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel his stance. She leaned in close to hear his words.

  “Beast, I shifted before. Why didn’t you tell me?” His tone was almost a moan. He stiffened, then groaned slightly and her heart went to him. Now she knew what the catamount had meant. He had survived much.

  She tried to orient herself, thinking they should head to the cabin. “We’re back,” she told Jaggar again.

  “Back,” he muttered. “Ok, we’re back.” But he didn’t move. She traced the bend in his arm up to where it led. Both of his big hands were on his head. She followed them there, feeling his short hair.

  She pulled at him, wanting to get him moving. Her foot twisted under her and she almost lost her grip on him, stepping back too quickly. A sharp pain shot up her heel. “Ouch,” she cried.

  Jaggar stood immediately and pulled her in close to him. “Did you hurt yourself?” his deep voice rasped.

  “I think I cut my foot.”

  “My fault,” he muttered, then, just that quick, she was in his arms. “I’ll take you to the cabin.”

  He carried her down the path. She couldn’t see anything, only that strange silver light the clock in her mind gave off, but she could hear and she could sense. The night was quiet. Running water gurgled down a stream somewhere behind them, and a woman laughed from far away.

  Leilani smiled. She couldn’t help it. She liked him carrying her. She’d never been carried by a man and just the feeling of it invoked so many images in her mind. Marriage. A first home. Children. All things she’d never thought she would have. But more than that, she had to admit that it felt good to be carried and protected by such a strong man.

  She touched his chest, shyly, then, moving with more boldness, creeping her hands up around his neck. She laced her fingers together, still grinning like an idiot. Then she got bolder still and laid her head against his chest. She was blind. She was with her mate. He was a… a beast. A demon was after them. She felt, for just a moment, she deserved to take a silly moment, to really enjoy the good stuff with the bad. So she acted like she was normal, for just a minute or two.

  A deep rumble of male satisfaction came out of Jaggar, and she didn’t just like it, she loved it. The noise woke her up from the inside out, making her imagine the word mate as a verb for the first time.

  Her breath caught in her throat at the thought and her cheeks heated. She barely knew him.

  He tromped up three steps, then twisted his body to the side, opened a door, and took them through a doorway. It was so strange to her, not using her eyes to gather information about the world around her, relying instead on sound and the breeze and the way her body moved through space. Why did she now feel like not being able to see was only temporary? Jaggar made her feel that way, like he would move the heavens to get her anything she needed. She could almost believe he would be able to do it. For the first time, she wondered how he felt about her, but at the same time, she knew. It was in his every word to her, every time he held her or patted her hand, in the way he’d picked her up and brought her here. He adored her.

  She almost adored him back.

  He took her into the bathroom. She could tell by how small the room felt, and by how it smelled of disinfectant.

  “I’m going to put you down on the edge of the tub and see if there’s a first aid kit in here, ok? Can you keep your hands on me while I look in the cabinet?”

  “Yes,” she said shyly.

  “Keep us here, if you can,” he told her, placing her down like she was a soap bubble he didn’t dare allow to pop. “If you can’t, I understand.” He twisted slowly, so she could keep her hands on his shoulders, then he opened cabinet doors.

  “Yes,” he said to himself, pulling something out of the cabinet. He twisted back to her, then she heard the sound of him opening a metal container. He grasped her foot in his hand and lifted it. “You cut yourself. It’s not bad. I’ll take care of it.”

  She knew he would. He touched her with so much care, every placement of his hands and fingers as gentle as possible. She lost herself in the moment of being cared for by him so deeply that she almost lost her grip on his shoulders. He dropped whatever he had in his hands and grabbed her wrists just as her complete relaxation was slipping them down. “Hold on, Lele,” he said, “hold on to me. Don’t let go.”

  “Lele,” she whispered. The same thing the catamount had called her.

  He stopped what he was doing for a moment and she sensed him looking at her. “Can I call you that?” His quiet voice was loud in the small room, cutting through the quiet.

  “Yes,” she whispered. She liked it. She liked it as much as she liked being carried by him, as much as she li
ked being taken care of by him.

  After several quiet moments, he had her foot bandaged. He picked her up again and carried her back down the hallway into the living room.

  “I’m going to sit you on the couch,” he said.

  “Ok,” she whispered into the absolute quiet of the room.

  He bent and placed her so gently it made her imagine him laying a baby down to sleep for a nap. She wouldn’t let go of his neck. He stayed bent over for a second, then knelt in front of her. She scooted forward on the couch so she could be close to him, opening her knees wide, so he could fit between them, right up against the couch.

  He moved his hands so they were on the couch alongside her and drooped his head. He muttered to himself, just a few words. She thought she caught him saying something about, ‘beast’. The distress in his voice unnerved her.

  “Can you talk to your… your animal?” she asked, to have something to say to him. To Jaggar. To her mate. Her fingers twitched against his skin as she thought the word. Was she fooling herself by thinking she could fight this? That she could choose any differently than this? Or that she wanted to choose differently than this? She wasn’t sure.

  “No,” he said, his tone gentle, but his voice harsh. But then he groaned, moving his hands to either side of his head.

  “What?” she asked, scared all of a sudden.

  “It hurts,” he said, his voice small like she’d never heard it before. “It’s hurt all my life, but it-you…” His voice trailed off. She felt him gather his strength and move in close to her. “You stop it. When you touch me, I don’t feel the pain so much, and I’m glad you’re touching me now, because it’s trying to come back, my pain. It’s trying to destroy me.”

  Leilani pulled the big male in, hugging him to her chest. He smelled good, like forests and mountains and rugged outdoors. “Why destroy?”