Always On My Mind

by Jill Shalvis

  “Town Hall’s on fire.”

  Leah hurried down the street, Ali and Aubrey at her side. It was only a two-block walk, but they heard the sirens and saw the ominous plume of smoke the minute they’d stepped outside the bakery.

  It was dark outside now, but commercial row was well lit. And if it hadn’t been, the flashing strobes and the glare of headlights made it easy to see the scene.

  The entire block was cordoned off, and yellow police tape stretched everywhere, holding the crowd back. Police officers were standing guard. Fire trucks and emergency vehicles were angled between police cars, lights flashing.

  The spectators were multiplying, spilling onto the street and clogging up the sidewalk. Leah moved as close as she could and stood there in shock. Ali found Luke and came back to Aubrey and Leah with news. “It started as a car fire in the back lot,” she said. “Possibly set purposely. The car exploded and the building caught.”

  “Oh my God,” Aubrey said. Up until six weeks ago, she’d worked inside the building as an admin to the town clerk. “Did everyone get out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Except for the firefighters,” Dee said from right behind them, looking pale and shaken. “They’re still inside, including Jack.” She reached for Leah’s hand and gave her a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

  She was talking to herself, and knowing it, Leah pulled her in for a hug. “Of course it’s going to be okay. Hell, this is your crazy son’s idea of fun.”

  Dee let out a watery laugh and hugged Leah so tight it hurt to breathe. “Oh, Leah, you’re so good for him, you know that?”

  Again she felt that now-familiar stab of guilt.

  Dee held on to her. “You’re just so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.”

  If only that were true.

  Chapter 18

  Several hours later, the fire had been put out. There was still a police presence, but the crowd had dwindled.

  Jack was supervising the cleanup and going through the scene with Ronald. Town Hall had been saved, though there was some fairly extensive damage to the second floor and the roof, both of which had caught when the car exploded.

  They’d found a few cigarette butts in the alley, which had an excellent view of the back of the Town Hall building. And beneath the burned wreckage of the car, the same incendiary device that they’d found at the auto parts store—a bucket of oily rags.

  This was no vagrant.

  It was 2:00 a.m. before Jack got back to the station. By the time dawn arrived and he dragged his tired ass—and Kevin’s—home, he was gritty-eyed and exhausted. Far too exhausted to be surprised when he found his mom and Ben waiting for him.

  They dragged him out to breakfast, and then they went with Dee to her doctor’s appointment, where they got good news from the results of her last tests.

  The treatment was working.

  It was nearly noon by the time Jack got home, with bed firmly on his mind.

  Leah was sitting on the top step of his porch in a sundress, another of her cropped sweaters, and strappy, high-heeled sandals that had a bow around her ankle. Kevin bounded over to her like he hadn’t seen her in years. She gave him a full body rub that had the dog sinking to the ground in boneless ecstasy, rolling onto his back, with his legs straight up in the air, tongue lolling.

  Leah smiled and shook her head at his antics. “You boys are all the same,” she said. “You just want to show off your junk.” She pulled a doggie biscuit from her purse, and Kevin wriggled like a beached whale trying to right himself in a hurry.

  “Sit,” she said firmly.

  “He doesn’t sit,” Jack said.

  Kevin sat.

  “Good boy! Oh, what a very good boy,” Leah said in that high, silly voice that all women used with dogs and gave Kevin another big, warm hug.

  Kevin glanced back at Jack, who would have sworn the dog was grinning at him. “Careful,” he said. “Or I’ll let you adopt him.”

  “No thank you,” she said. “I don’t have big enough baggies.”

  Jack moved to the top step and sat next to her. He told himself it was because she always smelled so good and he wanted to get the scent of the fire out of his nostrils. And also because his legs were so tired he didn’t think he could keep standing up. “So.”

  She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. “So…”

  “Where were we?”

  She flushed. “I don’t remember.”

  “Seriously,” he said. “How is it that your nose isn’t a foot long by now?”

  She smiled and handed him a small white bag. “Happy birthday.”

  He should have known she would remember. She always remembered. “What is it?” he asked cautiously. And with good reason. One year, she’d gotten him a gift certificate for a spa treatment that had turned out to be for a male Brazilian wax. He’d never cashed that one in… Another year, she’d left him a pair of really huge women’s underpants on his truck antenna out in front of the station along with a “love note” from a secret admirer. That one had taken a while to live down.

  “Open it,” she said, sounding far too innocent.

  “Do I need insurance first?”

  “Maybe it’s just what you wanted,” she said.

  What he wanted was her in his bed wearing nothing but those sexy shoes. He started to open the bag, and Kevin moved in close, licking his chops hopefully.

  “You already got yours,” Jack told him.

  Kevin whined.

  “I’ll tell you what,” Jack told him. “If you sit, maybe I’ll share.”

  Kevin offered a paw.

  “No, I said sit.”

  Kevin barked.

  Leah laughed, the sound going a long way toward reviving Jack. Shaking his head, he opened the bag. Cream cheese croissants. “I like the lack of public humiliation with this one,” he said as he pulled the first one from the bag.

  She smiled. “I figured it was time to grow up just a little bit. Aren’t you going to go inside to eat?” she asked.

  “Nope.” He downed the croissant in two bites and pulled out number two. “Can’t wait that long.” He swallowed. “You made these when the cast from Sweet Wars guested on the Today Show.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you fed one to that host guy, whatever his name is.”

  They both knew damn well that he knew Rafe’s name. Leah didn’t respond, just pulled something else from her big bag. A thermos.

  Milk, which as it turned out was gloriously, icy cold. He washed down the croissant, filling his stomach with something more than adrenaline and acid. “God, you’re good.”

  “That’s what they tell me.” She waited until he’d taken a big, long gulp. “As for Rafe.” She paused until he looked at her. “I did sleep with him,” she said quietly.

  The milk went down the wrong pipe, and he choked. When he could breathe again, he swiped his face with his forearm. “I didn’t want to know that.”

  “Yes you did. But it was only once. I didn’t like him enough to repeat the experience.”

  Their gazes met again and held as he wondered if she liked him enough to repeat their experience. In his pocket, his phone vibrated. He ignored it. “Go on,” he said.

  “There’s nothing else to tell.” Standing up, she moved to the porch railing and leaned on it, staring out into the bright morning. “He got pissed off and made a big stink about how if I didn’t sleep with him again, I was going to blow the chance of a lifetime.”

  Jack narrowed his eyes. “He threatened you?”

  “He was just blowing off steam after getting rejected. I could have handled it better.” She shrugged. “He wasn’t my type. We weren’t a thing. You’ll see that in the finals, where he ignores me completely.”

  Feeling a whole lot better, he looked at her and realized she wasn’t feeling better at all. She was tense. “You okay?”

  She let out a low, mirthless laugh that told him she wa
sn’t, and why.

  It hit him then, like a bucket of ice water. She’d been watching the fire last night with everyone else in town. Watching and worrying. He remembered those years his mom had made herself sick with the strain and stress and fear of waiting. Just the thought of having a woman do that for him had always been enough to keep himself from letting anyone get too close. Lots of other people managed to do the job and have families, and it all seemed to work out. But after watching his mom fall apart when his dad had died, Jack had known he’d never be one of them.

  He set the bag and the thermos down and stood up. Turning her to face him, he stepped into her, his boots on the outside of her pretty shoes, his hands gliding up her arms to her face, which he tilted to his. “I’m really good at what I do, Leah.”

  “Yes,” she agreed. “I know.”

  “I’m not my dad.”

  “I know that too.”

  “I’m trying to honor his memory,” Jack said. “Trying to live up to what he believed in, but trust me, I have no intention of being a hero. Not like he turned out to be.”

  She set her hands on his biceps and looked into his eyes. “There was a time that wasn’t true,” she reminded him. “When you were wild and reckless.”

  “I’m past that,” he assured her. “Long past. And knowing what my mom went through, how she suffered, it’s made it easy to say no to any sort of deep relationship.”

  “To any relationship.”

  He lifted a shoulder. “Fine. Yeah. I stay away from them.”

  “Except for one,” she said, and drew in a deep breath. “Me.”

  This was true. His relationship with her had stood the test of time—although not without its share of bumps and bruises along the way.

  “Because we’ve been friends,” he said. “Not lovers.”

  She arched a brow.

  “Until recently,” he allowed.

  She took in his expression. “Let me guess,” she said quietly. “We’re going back into negotiations on our rules.” She pulled out her phone. “Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll take notes.”

  “This isn’t funny.”

  “Well, give the man an A.”

  Irritation bubbled at the base of his skull. His very tired skull. “Tell me this, Leah. Where do you see this charade going? Or ending?”

  Something flashed across her face that he couldn’t quite interpret. Maybe guilt.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I didn’t think that far. It’s not like this was premeditated,” she said, voice heavy with regret. “I only meant to make your mom happy—”

  “I know.” And he did know. “It’s worked. She’s eating. Getting up and out.” He shook his head in marvel. “She’s happy. But…”

  “You’re not,” she said softly. “Happy.”

  “You want to know what I think?”

  “Probably not.”

  “I think you’re using this opportunity to avoid whatever the hell you’re running from this time.”

  She stared at him for one stunned beat before pushing at him. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Shit,” he muttered, catching her, pulling her around, and pinning her to the railing. “I’m right, aren’t I? You ran from whatever happened. Was it Rafe?”

  “No.” In his arms, she squirmed. Her hair tickled his nose, caught on the stubble of his jaw. It smelled good. She felt good too, and like always when it came to being with her, she both aroused and frustrated the shit out of him. “So are your plans to run from me, Leah? Because that’s next, right? And how are you going to explain that?”

  She sighed and dropped her forehead to his chest. “I don’t have plans to go anywhere, Jack. Does that make you feel any better?”

  When he didn’t respond, she lifted her head and let out a mirthless laugh. “I see that makes you feel worse,” she said. “Since it means you’re stuck with me. Aren’t we a pair? Look, I really do need to go. Apparently I can only pretend to like you in small doses.”

  Ignoring the fact that they were visible to anyone coming down the street, he pressed into her again, plastering himself to her from chest to thigh.

  An electric charge zinged between them, heating the air. She didn’t move, not a single muscle.

  He couldn’t say the same since he went instantly hard.

  “Jack,” she whispered, gaze on his mouth. “Don’t. We’re too bad at this.”

  “So let’s go back to something we’re good at,” he said, and kissed her, long and hard and wet. It wasn’t enough. Fisting his hands in her hair, he held on to her and plundered. With a moan that soothed his soul, she wound her arms around his neck. “Damn you,” she murmured against his mouth. “Damn you.”

  With a growl, he backed her into his front door, unlocking it, pulling her inside.

  They staggered like drunks into his living room, still kissing while attempting to strip each other.

  Kevin, thinking they were playing, was jumping up and down on his back legs like Scooby-Doo, trying to get in on the fun.

  “Sit,” Jack told him.

  Kevin barked. Jesus. “Kevin, bark.”

  Kevin sat.

  Leah was shaking with laughter when Jack once again took her mouth with his. The urgency hadn’t abated. She got his shirt unbuttoned and off one arm. He kicked off one boot while ripping off her sweater. She tripped over the boot, and they both went down onto his couch.

  She landed on top, forcing the air out of his lungs with her bony elbow. Hell, she very nearly unmanned him completely with an ill-placed knee. None of it mattered as he continued to kiss her like she was better than air.

  And in that moment, she was.

  Chapter 19

  Leah sat up to take in the glorious sight of Jack sprawled beneath her on the couch. He wasn’t like any other man she’d ever been with. Even when he was in a hurry, he never let anything rush him.

  She’d watched him at the fire. Calm, level-headed, never losing his cool.

  Now he lay still with deceptive languor, deceptive because she could feel him, thick and hard between her legs as she straddled him. Weaving her fingers in his, she slowly slid his arms up, resting them above his head on the back of the couch. Holding him like that, she rocked against him.

  He groaned, simmering heat radiating from his big body. “Leah, kiss me.”

  Oh yes, she’d kiss him, but first she let go of his hands to shove his shirt up. “Mmm,” she said, and stared down at what she’d exposed. Warm skin and ridged muscle.

  He looked up at her, gaze hot and unapologetically sexual. His pants had ridden low, revealing the way his obliques were cut at his hips. She wanted to taste him there. So she did just that, humming in pleasure while he gave a low growl.

  At the sound, Kevin bounded over and thrust his huge head between Jack’s and Leah’s, trying to see what he was missing. “Lay down,” Jack commanded.

  If he’d used that voice on her she would have done anything he commanded, but Kevin only whined.

  “Horse factory,” Jack grated out.

  Kevin heaved a sigh and trotted off.

  “Do you have birthday plans?” Leah asked Jack softly, unbuttoning his pants. She ran her fingers down the center of his chest and lower abdomen, following the line of dark hair to where it vanished into his opened pants.

  “Yes,” he said, his voice sounding as strained as the waistband of his boxers. “I have plans to make you scream my name.”

  “I’m not much of a screamer.”

  “I have my ways.”

  Leah shivered because she knew it to be true. She’d seen firsthand what happened when Jack was…determined. Her body quivered again as she took in the sight of him beneath her, taut, ripped, waiting with mock patience. “Ah,” she said, “but it’s your birthday. Maybe you’ll scream my name.”

  He slid his hands to the backs of her thighs and then up her skirt to cup and squeeze her bottom. Then he tore away her panties.

  “Jack!” she gasped in shock.

 
“Hmm. That’s a good start.” He nudged her bra straps from her shoulders. “Take this off,” he said, then put his attention to shoving up her skirt. His gaze followed his fingers, and at the sight of her, he growled out her name.

  She unhooked her bra and let it slip down her body, and then kissed him again, a soft touch of lips to lips before pulling back slightly.

  His warm brown eyes were heavy-lidded as he watched her watching him. Reaching for her hands, he guided them down his chest and farther until she’d wrapped her fingers around his hard length.

  She squeezed, and a slight tremor ran through him. Practically vibrating with pleasure, she kissed her way down the same path her hands had taken. “Happy…” She gave him a long, slow lick. “Birthday…”

  With a low, long groan, his fingers slid into her hair. Not pulling, not guiding…more like he needed a handhold.

  Against him, she smiled. He’d been her neighbor. Her protector. Her greatest friend. But her favorite thing was what they were now. Lovers. They fit together as if they were made for each other. Knowing it, reveling in it, she took him into her mouth. Beneath her, hands still tangled tight in her hair, his hips bucked, control slipping. “Fuck, Leah.”

  “Later,” she said, and made him snort. And then she made him sweat. And pant. And swear like a sailor.

  And then finally, she made him come, hard.

  Afterward, he hauled her up his body to kiss her with enough heat to let her know he’d liked the birthday gift.

  Then he flipped them so he was on top, his arms bracketing her body. Every part of him slid against every part of her, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him, anticipation swimming through her.

  As she’d done to him, he slid his hands to hers and slowly guided them above her head to the armrest of the couch. He squeezed her fingers and met her gaze, his message clear. Leave them there.

  She drew one breath before he took possession of her mouth, and it was like she’d never been kissed before. She’d never even dreamed that a kiss could be so…soul searching.

  Perfect.

  It was different from their earlier kisses, which had all been just as hot, but also flirty. No end destination.