Unspoken Love

by Lynn Gale - Unspoken Love

Although frustrated by their relationship, she sympathized with him, sensing the loss he must feel in not having his children present. She lowered her lashes. “I owe you that much. I won’t refuse you your fatherly rights,” she answered softly.

  “I’ll return tomorrow,” Nicholas said, then strode from the room.

  Jenny shivered. Looking back, she realized what a horrendous mistake she’d made by rushing outside to catch a prowler. She could have been hurt or killed before she could summon help. She sighed, thankful to be safe in her home.

  Nicholas stood outside the house, tempted to return and profess his love to Jennifer. He had not meant for her to see him tonight, but now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she stood at the window. Angry, hurt, and confused, he had spent the last several days pacing her courtyard. He tried to catch a glimpse of her every day as she returned from the shop. Because his pride had been injured, he refused to beg her to return with him, but he couldn’t get her off his mind. His torment was extreme as he made his way to the Vicksburg Inn.

  Nicholas and Jenny were forced together as he spent more time with Abigail and Aaron.

  Fearing he might take the babies back to Small Timbers, Jenny stayed at home and sent Lily in her place to Ladies’ Delight. To Jenny’s pleasure, Lily thrived at the opportunity and proved herself worthy of running the shop.

  Tension permeated the air each time Nicholas came to the house. Neither Jenny nor Nicholas would unleash their tormented hearts, and they suffered their unspoken love in silence. Still, Jenny rejoiced in her heart, grateful that Nicholas loved his children and was kind and caring to them.

  After visiting one afternoon, Nicholas went to the stables to untether his horse. He stopped abruptly when he saw an Indian. “You must be Waoota,” he said. “Your likeness to Nakao is striking.”

  “Yes, I am Waoota. Nakao sent for me at Jennifer’s request. She has been kind to Nakao and me.”

  Nicholas recalled Jenny standing up for Nakao time and again, including the night she had spent with him at the inn in Natchez. Even now, she displayed trust and respect to those around her. He nodded to Waoota and understood how grateful he must feel for Jenny’s part in winning his freedom. He mounted his borrowed horse and rode down the cobbled lane.

  Since it was Sunday, Jenny was enjoying a day of rest. After she finished a warm, leisurely bath with her rose-scented soap, Lily arrived to help her dress.

  “This corset is way too tight for you, Jenny. You are gaining weight.”

  “My clothes have been a little snug lately,” Jenny answered. “I’ve been ravenous, too!”

  “Your stomach is becoming bigger. Are you with child again?” Lily asked.

  Jenny’s mouth flew open and her expression registered surprise. She reflected on Lily’s question. Her garments were extremely tight, and she had been showing all the signs of pregnancy. “No, it can’t be,” she said, more to herself than Lily. Suddenly, she recalled the night she had spent at Blake’s home. She thought she had dreamed that Nicholas made love to her, but realized it really happened. A blush came into her face as she recalled how she’d responded to him and how he had set her aflame with his seduction.

  Lily put her arm around Jenny’s shoulder and led her to the bed. “May I get you something?”

  “No, Lily, you may leave. I’ll call you when I need you. Please send Nakao to me.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” Lily said and quickly left the room.

  While Jenny waited for Nakao, she got dressed.

  Within minutes, Nakao appeared at Jenny’s door. “What troubles you Jenny? Has Nicholas upset you?”

  “No,” she answered. “Nakao, I am with child. The only time I could have conceived was at Blake’s dinner party. Do you remember the dream I tried to explain to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “It was not a dream. Someone actually entered my chamber. I’m convinced it was Nicholas.”

  Nakao contemplated her words. “If it was Nicholas, how did he find you?”

  “I don’t know, but it had to be him!”

  Nakao attempted to assuage her troubled mind. “I know for certain that it was not Gilbert Johnson. I found out that Cora Andrews freed his bonds and ran off with him. Blake Preston was the only other person available, other than myself.”

  “Do you think Blake entered my chambers?” Jenny asked, horrified.

  “I doubt it. But for your peace of mind, you should confront him,” Nakao answered.

  “You are right. Will you take me there now?”

  “Yes.”

  Nakao rode beside Jenny. When they arrived at Blake’s residence, Jenny asked Nakao to wait in the carriage.

  “Grasping the knocker, she rapped loudly on the thick oak door.

  Travis, the butler, bade her enter and showed her to the parlor. The minutes seemed like hours as Jenny anxiously paced back and forth. She heard a movement in the corridor and looked up to see Blake striding toward her. He grasped her hand and held it warmly.

  “Ah, Jenny, to what do I owe this delightful visit?”

  “It’s not a happy occasion,” Jenny answered. She searched for the right words to broach a delicate subject and felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Did you have cause to enter my chamber the night of your party?”

  “I may love you beyond belief, but I would never invade your privacy, Jennifer,” Blake said, appalled. “Besides, I got stinking drunk and passed out in the study after I sent Cora on her way. Why do you ask?”

  “I—I—” Words failed her, and she realized she couldn’t tell him about her pregnancy. “Did you see Nicholas on the night of your party?”

  “No. But I had so many guests that I could have missed him if he showed up uninvited.”

  “Thanks for your help, Blake. You’ve been most enlightening,” Jenny said, rushing from the room.

  Jenny climbed aboard the carriage. “Blake isn’t the father,” she told Nakao as they started home. She heaved a sigh and shrugged her shoulders. “Regardless of who the father is, this is my child, and I shall love him or her as I do Abigail and Aaron.”

  While Jenny was in the garden playing with Abigail and Aaron, Nicholas stepped into the courtyard and startled her. “I do wish you would announce your arrival as others do,” she said. Coming quickly to her feet, she fainted.

  Nicholas broke her fall and carried her to the bench. Placing her on his lap, he gently patted her face in an attempt to revive her.

  When Jenny regained consciousness, she kept her eyes closed, feigning the vapors a moment longer just to be in his arms. It felt right to her to be there. When she did open her eyes, she found Nicholas studying her.

  “Why did you lose consciousness, Jennifer?”

  “I stood up too fast,” she answered, breaking free of his embrace. “It can happen to anyone.”

  “You are in excellent health, Jenny. Are you keeping something from me?”

  “No! Yes!” She couldn’t make sense of her situation let alone explain it to Nicholas. Still, she had to try. “I will give you no less than the truth,” she sighed. “One night, Blake gave a party at his mansion. Someone stole into my chamber. We made love,” she whispered. She fidgeted with embarrassment.

  “And who was this person?”

  Jenny pointed a finger at him. “You were the man in my room.”

  “Me?”

  “I know it sounds crazy Nicholas, but it was you!”

  “How can that be?”

  “I don’t know. Gilbert Johnson planned to enter my chamber, but Nakao put a stop to his devious scheme.”

  “What about Nakao? Did he enter your chamber?”

  “Certainly not, he was only my escort. Did you know he and Lily married shortly after we left Small Timbers?”

  “I am elated
at the news and, quite frankly, relieved,” Nicholas announced. “What about Blake Preston? Perhaps he entered your chamber.”

  “No, Blake had sent his gold-digging fiancée on her way, then drank himself into oblivion. It was not him. I vaguely remember you joining me on the bed.”

  Nicholas shook his head. “Maybe it was me, Jennifer. But I have no recollection of the night you are speaking about.” He gazed at her with lovelorn eyes. “Regardless who the father is, I want you to come back to the plantation. I will see to your needs.”

  “I cannot, Nicholas. If you are not the father of this child, I would be doing a disservice to you. It’s my problem. I’ll stay here in Vicksburg and continue working at the shop. When I am too far along, Nakao and Lily can take over for me. They have acquired a good knowledge of running the store.” She gave him a quizzical look. “If you don’t have any memory of spending the night with me, how did you find out where I live?”

  A teasing smile formed at the corners of his mouth. “A tip and a few inquiries about town was all I needed.” He glanced around the beautifully landscaped gardens and remembered being here before. Still, he couldn’t piece together coherent thoughts and didn’t explain his memory loss to her. Before he left, he said, “I’ll stop by the next time I’m in Vicksburg and see how you are doing.”

  “As you wish,” Jenny answered and then entered the house with her babies in tow.

  Nicholas stood alone in the garden wondering why he couldn’t remember entering Jenny’s chamber. He was disappointed that he couldn’t recall the glorious union Jenny spoke about. Did the shock of losing my cargo make me black out that night?

  His heart was heavy as he returned to the plantation. He wanted Jenny by his side, not separated by miles and so many unspoken feelings. Someday, somehow, he vowed to see her back at Small Timbers.

  Chapter 23

  As Jenny’s pregnancy advanced, she stayed home and took care of Abigail and Aaron, leaving Lily to work at Ladies’ Delight.

  One afternoon as her time drew near Nicholas arrived at her home. After exchanging pleasantries, he said, “You need more help. The twins are demanding.”

  “Perhaps you are right, Nicholas. Lily spends a good deal of time at the store, and I could use a hand after the baby arrives.” A pensive mood came over her, and she furrowed her brows. “I make a modest living, but I must keep a tight rein on my finances. Paying a maid would create a hardship for me right now.”

  “I’ll send for a maid immediately and pay her wages.”

  “I can’t let you do that, Nicholas.”

  “Abigail and Aaron are my children, Jenny. I want them to have good care.” He sent her an appreciative look. “You’re an excellent mother, but with a business to run in addition to caring for the twins and another baby due anytime, you can use the extra help.”

  “I’ll think about it,” she said and started for the kitchen. “May I offer you a refreshment?” Suddenly she bent over as a searing pain racked her body. When the contraction lessened, she looked at Nicholas. “It is time,” she said, holding her abdomen. “Will you send for a midwife while I take Abigail and Aaron to the nursery?” She reached for the twins when Nicholas intercepted, his strong hands stilling her movements.

  “Go to your chamber, Jenny. I’ll see them safely to the nursery.”

  As another contraction began, Jenny obeyed Nicholas. She walked slowly to her room and prepared herself for the birth. Memories of her last labor led her to believe she had hours of labor ahead of her, so she took her time. Discarding her clothes, she hung them in the wardrobe and then slipped into a nightgown. She reflected on how Nicholas had seen her through the twins’ delivery, but she didn’t feel right asking him to stay, knowing she couldn’t prove he was the father. It made for an awkward situation. As the pain increased, she clung to the dresser.

  Nicholas strode into the room with a look of determination on his face. “You should be in bed, Jenny,” he said.

  “Please get a midwife, now!” Jenny cried. “My water has broken, and the contractions are only minutes apart!”

  “I’ll do what I can.”

  He darted outside and ran up the street, looking for help. Stopping at a neighbor’s house, he banged on the door, panic nearly seizing him as he thought of Jenny alone and in pain. When a startled-looking woman appeared, he pointed in the direction of Jenny’s house. “My wife is having a baby!” he shouted. “Will you send for a midwife? She’s alone with our children. I have to get back to her.”

  “I’ll send my husband for help right away,” the woman responded.

  “Much obliged,” Nicholas said. He hurried back to Jenny’s house and entered her chamber. She lay in bed, grimacing, twisting a cloth between her fingers with each strong contraction. Beads of sweat covered her brow and hairline, her eyes glazed with torment as she felt another contraction.

  “Will this intense pain ever end?” she sobbed.

  Deeply moved by her suffering, Nicholas said, “The midwife will be here soon, Jenny.”

  Nicholas heard a carriage approaching and raced to the window. “She is here!” He flew down the stairs and met her at the door.

  “I am Edris,” the woman announced with an air of confidence about her. “The neighbor sent for me.”

  “Come with me,” Nicholas said. He raced upstairs with the midwife following close on his heels.

  Nicholas addressed Jenny. “This is Edris. She’s here to help you.”

  The rotund woman stepped into the room carrying a pouch and immediately took charge. Learning the severity of Jenny’s pains, she patted her shoulder. “You’re in good hands now, Mrs. Grant. I’ve helped with lots of deliveries.”

  While Nicholas looked out the window, Edris moved aside Jenny’s gown and examined her. Remaining expressionless, she joined Nicholas by the window. Hiding a frown threatening to escape, she spoke in a hushed tone. “Mrs. Grant isn’t dilating like she should. As close as her contractions are, she should be delivering anytime, but—”.

  “But what?” Nicholas interrupted.

  “The baby is nowhere near being born.”

  “What are you saying?” he asked, stricken with terror.

  “Simply put, the baby can’t get through the birth canal until Mrs. Grant is big enough, sir.” She gave Nicholas a worried look, and her eyes filled with sadness. “I have to be honest with you. The baby could be born dead, and Mrs. Grant, well, she might die, too.”

  “You’ve got to save Jenny and the baby!” Nicholas pleaded, keeping his voice low. He heard Jenny moaning and looked toward the bed. “Do something for her!”

  “I’ll do what I can, but you’ve got to be strong, Mr. Grant. We don’t want your wife any more upset than she already is. I’ll give her some laudanum, and then I’ll stretch the vagina. Let’s pray that my efforts are rewarded and that she delivers soon. In all my deliveries, I’ve never seen a woman birthing a second time with this problem.” Edris opened her bag and brought out a sedative. “Take this, Mrs. Grant,” she said, dispensing a tiny amount into her mouth. It will lessen your pain. I can’t give you too much since I’ll need you to help push when the time comes.” She removed a rope from her bag and tied it around the bedpost. “Hold on to this as your pain intensifies,” she said, then began her work in earnest.

  Terrified of losing Jenny and the baby, Nicholas struggled to keep his sanity. He held her hand and encouraged her to be strong.

  As the hours passed, his agonizing mind repeatedly churned, She can’t die! She is having our baby! The words caused a strange feeling to wash over him. Images came flooding back, and he relived the night he’d spent with Jenny, the horrifying scene of the barge catching on fire, and his cotton going up in smoke. He had no recollection of hitting his head, but he did remember never wanting to leave Jenny.

  Jenny’s painfu
l screams shattered his thoughts, and he focused his attention on her, and Edris.

  “We’re making progress!” Edris said. With gentle fingers, she worked on Jenny, eager to get the baby to slip into the birth canal. After several tries, she exclaimed, “The baby’s head is emerging! Bear down, Mrs. Grant!”

  With sweat pouring from her exhausted face, Jenny held onto the rope and bore down again and again, until she finally thrust her newborn into the world.

  “We have a son!” Nicholas said excitedly. He watched the midwife cut and tie the umbilical cord, then wrap the babe in a blanket. Placing the infant by Jenny’s side, Edris resumed the task at hand.

  Jenny observed Nicholas through weary eyes. She could have sworn that he said they had a son. She discarded the notion, thinking the drug had made her imagine his boasting of fatherhood. Exhausted, she slept.

  When Lily and Nakao returned from the shop, they found Nicholas tending the babies.

  “The event has taken its toll on you, Mr. Grant. Perhaps you should return to the inn and get some sleep,” Lily said.

  “I think not, Lily, but I will step out for a while. I’ll return shortly. Hastily he made his exit, leaving Lily in charge and pondering his intentions.

  Nicholas reappeared a few hours later. Loaded with packages and a young maid in tow, he stepped into the parlor.

  Nicholas looked at the blonde-haired, blue-eyed servant standing timidly beside him awaiting instructions. She had been honest with him from the onset, and he didn’t mind that she couldn’t cook or sew. “Nakao, Lily, this is Millicent. She will be Jenny’s nursemaid.”

  Lily and Nakao welcomed her while Nicholas unloaded his parcels.

  “To celebrate Jenny’s new arrival,” he exclaimed, passing out presents. He had dolls, games, and wood toys for Abigail and Aaron and several finely stitched gowns for the infant. He presented colorful ribbons and trinkets to Lily and even included Millicent in the gift giving.