Blue Lavender Girl

by Judy May

  Buddy made me feel better, licking my face and putting his head on my knee as I sat reading in the garden.

  Tonight I got a call from Kira. It was really strange because although I loved talking to her and we stayed on the phone for over an hour, I feel like my life here is my real life and what goes on back there is someone else’s life. When she was talking about what they did in town and at Dee’s oldest brother’s party, it didn’t sound nearly as good as it would have before.

  Then I went back into the living room but couldn’t concentrate on Jane Eyre so I chatted with Aunt Maisie and told her more about Jenny and Bob and how Jackson doesn’t like her after all, and about what a pain Jackson is because he is always so in charge of what we are doing, even though he is the best at it. It would just be nice if he let someone else be in charge.

  ‘Like you?’ she asked.

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘By the way Tia, how many Jacksons are there?’ Aunt Maisie asked.

  I didn’t know what she meant.

  ‘Well you tell me about how he helped you with your dancing and then you say he is really selfish, and then that he is really stupid but then there’s a really funny story he told. I’ve counted about twenty Jacksons, some terrible and some wonderful, so which is the real Jackson?’

  Just then something totally ridiculous happened, I burst out crying because I suddenly realised that I’m really horrible about people all the time. I think it’s so they don’t attack me, or if I tell myself that they are useless then I don’t have to worry that they might not like me.

  Aunt Maisie got all concerned and put down her crossword. ‘Oh Tia, sweetheart, I was only joking. What’s the matter?’

  I blurted out how I hate the way that I find all the bad things all the time and that I want to be more like Jenny because she sees the good things and doesn’t lose her temper. Once I started I was on a sort of roll and couldn’t stop the words coming out. That’s how I ended up telling her about Trundle and how much I hated my life back home and how everyone thought I was trouble, but I’m not but now I don’t know how to get out of it because everyone expects me to not do work and be all sulky. I just went on and on for ages and ages, and at some stage I stopped crying and just kept talking. She is so cool, she didn’t try and help or anything she just listened.

  ‘So there you have it!’ I sort of grinned when I ran out of things to say.

  Aunt Maisie said that she was really glad that I had shared it all with her and promised we would get it all sorted without telling Mum and Dad more than was good for their blood pressure. She made me feel a bit better about Mum anyway. She said she thinks that Mum just isn’t really into hugging and stuff, probably because she didn’t get much attention or many hugs herself when she was little – she was the oldest and she always had to help around the house a lot and didn’t get much time to do her own thing. Now that I think about it, she doesn’t hug anyone, not even Dad, so it’s not like it’s personal. And maybe she doesn’t ask me to do much work around the house because she always had to when she was young and wants me to have more free time … I never thought of it that way, I always just got pissed off at the mess. I feel a bit bad now that she does so much good stuff for people and I just moan because she’s not doing things for me. When I get back maybe I’ll join in with the kids’ clubs more, or help her run the fund raisers or something.

  Maybe Jackson feels bad about things too and I just don’t notice because I am so busy feeling shit about my own stuff. I always think that everyone else has a great life and is doing better than me, but maybe that’s not their take on it at all.

  DAY 26

  As soon as I woke up I went around to Jenny’s and she looked as if she had been crying way more than me. The red eyes and puffy face were a dead giveaway even though she planted a big grin on her as if everything was fine. I’m so used to having arguments with people that it doesn’t affect me so much, but she was really upset. I felt really bad about that. I gave her a big hug and we both felt way better.

  She explained that it wasn’t so much the argument between me and Bob that got to her, it was that it made her think about how her mum wasn’t there for her to discuss it with. Her parents only come to see her twice a year and then she flies to them over the Christmas holidays.

  ‘If I could have any wish in the world,’ she said, ‘It would be that my mum and dad would make more of an effort to spend time with me in the summer.’

  I asked why she doesn’t go to them and she explained that they are in a country where there are no English or French speaking people around, and that because they are always on duty they are always having to go off and do things and she just gets left on her own, sometimes not even seeing them for days.

  I now feel that I have been really exaggerating my situation at home. Although Mum and Dad don’t get in most days until late, at least they talk to me and we eat together on the weekends. Also I’ve had Aidan to talk to, poor Jenny is an only child.

  It’s like what I was thinking the other night, that I think that I am the only one with problems and that everyone else is fine. I never would have guessed that Jenny could possibly feel bad about her life.

  We did our hair in really cool styles and went down to the Blue Lavender Tea Palace for the meeting. I was wearing my new stuff, but also these striped tights that make the outfit look more young and rockstar than older film star, if you know what I mean. I also wore one of the bracelets around my ankle and threaded a necklace through my hair. It sounds all weird, but it really looked amazing.

  The atmosphere was a bit funny at first and everyone was pretending to be doing things with cloths or paint brushes so we wouldn’t have to look at each other.

  Just as Jackson called us to one of the tables to talk, Buddy lay down at Jackson’s feet and Pie climbed up on his back and stayed there. It was so cute, just like one of the greetings cards where the dog, the cat and the mouse all get along and sit by the fire. We were all laughing at this so it wasn’t too hideous when Jackson set down some rules about us speaking nicely to each other and getting along while we decorate the Blue Lavender Tea Palace. We also decided that whatever Mr Walsh might be up to it wasn’t worth our being tired and snapping at each other, so we’re going to leave all that well alone, at least until after the party.

  I took a deep breath and said, ‘Bob I’m really sorry for getting so angry with you the other night. I realise that you were frustrated when we feel asleep. I felt angry because I didn’t think you needed to keep going on about it. And I shouldn’t have shouted and I’m sorry.’

  I was all shaky by the time I said it, and Jenny put her hand on mine to make me feel calmer. (I had written the words on a piece of paper at Jenny’s and practised it a few times, guess those therapy sessions did teach me something after all!!)

  Bob gave me a hug and muttered, ‘I’m sorry too’, and that was the end of it. Big relief.

  While we were painting the chairs (which is a MUCH bigger job than we thought) Bob asked Jackson if Mr Walsh would have the east wing (wing! – still hilarious) finished in time for the party, Jackson said that Mr Walsh would want to get started on it soon if that was the plan.

  But when we saw Mr Walsh a couple of days ago at the gate, he had white paint on his hands. I immediately wanted to talk about what the paint was doing on his hands when they hadn’t started painting yet, but as we’d all just promised not to focus on it, I had to change the subject. When Jenny and Bob ran to the Big House for bottles of water, Jackson showed me some more dance moves and we practised the waltz and the foxtrot. I am now getting the steps right but I don’t look like a dancer yet. The rest of the afternoon was just chairs and more chairs. Tonight I will dream about chairs, I just know it.

  This evening the old lady phoned to thank me for looking after Buddy. Her husband had his hip operation and is feeling much better, but they won’t be home for at least another couple of weeks. I told her to relax about Buddy, and that he is running through the
lavender field for most of every day and has made friends with a grey baby rabbit. This made her laugh and she sounded relieved. It feels really good to be able to help someone like this, someone I don’t even know. When I get back home I’m going to find out if there are any people who need help with walking their dogs or looking in on their cats while they are away in hospital or wherever. It makes me sort of get why Mum and Dad do all their volunteer stuff, it makes you feel like you are making a difference in the world.

  I know I promised to give it a rest, but still can’t stop wondering why Mr Walsh had the paint on his hands and what’s going on with the warehouse in the village and the man in the Park at night. I decided I’m going to get to the Park really early tomorrow morning, before Jackson and Bob are up, and have a look around by myself. This time I’ll have Buddy to warn me if anyone is around.

  I noticed that I now stand and walk like Jenny, really straight with my shoulders back. I don’t know if that’s from being around her or from the dancing. I’m going to have a bath with rose petals and that fancy bubble-bath now, as I haven’t done that in a while.

  DAY 27

  I woke up early and put on the pink dress. I also wore this little diamond thing in my hair, which Jenny lent me the last time, and a pink and silver bracelet which we got with the dress. Last night after my bath I was up in the attic with Aunt Maisie and she showed me some boxes of clothes from years ago. Some of them are amazing and they mix with my old and new clothes in really great ways. So now I am a million percent comfortable with how I look, princess and old fashioned dancer and rock star all at the same time.

  When I get home I want to throw out all the old ugly stuff in my room and start gradually collecting beautiful things like old leather books and the other stuff Aunt Maisie has. I noticed that the lavender that Jackson first left on the doorstep is now completely past it, but I haven’t the heart to just throw it out.

  Buddy and I got to the Park just as the sun came up and I opened the gate with the spare key. The rays looked so incredible through the leaves of the trees, and glinting on the water. First I looked inside the little hut as I remembered we hadn’t actually opened the door of it that night, and thought maybe a homeless man might be sleeping there. But it was empty except for Pie’s old box which was now on the bench instead of the floor.

  Next we went up to the Big House which was a bit scary until I reminded myself that Jackson’s grandfather can’t hear well and doesn’t wake until ten, and that Bob and Jackson both sleep until about nine.

  I peered through all of the downstairs windows and saw nothing. I guess I just wanted a mystery so much that my head made one up out of ordinary things. I didn’t feel bad though, because I was sitting on the steps up to the courtyard and imaging what it will look like when the party is on.

  NOTE TO SELF: Get dress for party soon or I might end up with something orange or something that makes me look scrawny, or illegal, or wrong for other reasons.

  I didn’t really notice that Buddy had started jumping about as I was so lost in daydreaming. Jackson appeared and I tried to look like I was part of the brickwork. Nonchalant does work well when you need it.

  He looked like he didn’t know what to say either, and I didn’t want to let on that I was still investigating, so I said, ‘I thought you might be up and about, so I kindly came over to give you the privilege of being able to dance with me.’

  Then I thought that might make it look like I fancy him so I kept babbling.

  ‘Yes, I imagined all those mothers and old aunts wanting to haul you around the dance floor and thought I would do you a favour by coming around here so you could teach me how to dance so I can save you at the party,’ I said.

  ‘You’re going to save me?’ He was laughing by now but I couldn’t back out.

  ‘So let’s get on with it then,’ I said, as if mildly annoyed at having to be there for him.

  ‘Absolutely. And thank you Tia, this is very thoughtful of you.’

  God, I could die when I think of it now!

  We spent the next age dancing in the courtyard, doing a waltz, a foxtrot, a quickstep (my favourite!) and a Viennese waltz, which makes you feel a bit sick from all the spinning. He also taught me the basic steps for the rumba. There is so much to learn but I’m loving it.

  Just as I was doing a really strange rumba move, Bob arrived, and I said hello and said I had to leave and walked away.

  This time Jackson followed me and asked me to sit down and help him plan the lights for the Tea Palace. So we sat on the grass by the lake and talked.

  We then went on to talk about ourselves and I told him about my brother Aidan and my parents. This time I said the good things about them rather than moaning. I said about all the people they help and how patient they are when I get into trouble. I didn’t mention the trouble much because I feel like that was the old me and now I’d never do half the things I used to, or even three-quarters of them. Or actually I don’t know if I’d be bothered with any of it now. Maybe just talking back when people are being ridiculous.

  I asked him didn’t he mind going to boarding school, and he said he loves it. The reason he and his brother go there is because their mum and dad work late during the week. I also found out that he gets home every weekend and that his favourite thing is to go down to the river behind the house and watch this pair of otters who have lived there for years and have brought up loads of cubs. He also fishes and helps the local farmers with fencing and herding sheep.

  It’s funny but although I like Jackson here, I know that if I was back in town with Dee and Kira and all the people we know, I’d be the first to laugh at Jackson and make fun of the way he dresses and talks because it’s so different from us. That really sucks because I must have seemed really different to him and he still made me feel really welcome and taught me to dance and everything. I guess that makes him a better person than me. I feel like everyone is a better person than me.

  We talked until it was nearly lunchtime so I came back here to eat. Now I have to rush over to the Tea Palace so I’m not late meeting the others.

  ***

  LATER

  RESULTS OF BIG PLANNING MEETING: We decided to put little twinkle lights in the trees outside, to make blue-lavender-coloured shades for the ceiling lights (with new bulbs) to give a colourful glow, to put little rose trees in earthenware pots around the room and add more twinkle lights to these. We also want to have sprigs of lavender at each table that people can take home with them.

  Mr Walsh came in while we were there and was amazingly un-psycho as he said, ‘Hello kids, just so you know there will be lots of extra vans, lorries and people around, because we are starting to paint the east wing and because we have some of the catering equipment arriving early for the party. Just so you know.’

  I have to go now because Aunt Maisie has made me some hot chocolate.

  DAY 28

  I was a bit surprised and shocked and amazed to get an early phone call from Bob. (You know the way there are people who phone you and people who don’t?) He said the workmen had arrived to start to prepare to paint the east wing (still funny!) and Jackson had gone for the morning to find small rose trees in a plant nursery and Jenny was washing a car for a busy mother from the village. So he asked me would I come over to the Big House to help. I didn’t ask ‘with what?’ because I wanted to sound helpful. I brought my book in case he kept me hanging around.

  When I met Bob he showed me the guest list for the party and there were loads of lords and ladies and earls of places. It was fun until I noticed that some of them had a ‘T’ beside their name, including me and Jenny and about twenty others. Bob explained that it was for ‘teenager’ so we could all sit at tables beside each other. I guess I presumed that it would just be the four of us and a bunch of adults, but now there will be loads of others that Bob and Jackson know better, and we probably won’t get to talk to the guys all night. There are at least ten girls coming and I bet they all dance brilliantly and
Jackson has been teaching me just so I don’t come over as a total embarrassment in front of his friends. It was a bit of a downer, but at least I’m still invited to the best party I’ll ever get to go to. Maybe one of the teenage guys who’s coming will dance with me and maybe he will be really polite about it when I mess up and say I was ‘awfully interesting’ at dancing.

  Bob showed me into the large formal drawing room which looked onto the start of the east wing. He wanted me to hang out there for ‘security reasons’, which I took to mean I was to make sure no-one nicked the paintings. He had to look after something for his grandfather’s nurse and as he ran off he said that the tours have been cancelled until after the party so no-one should bother me.

  I was wearing my new blue dress, and a great vintage grey jacket, with my old grey shredded cardigan underneath and the whole thing looked ‘rebellious rich kid’ and matched the amazing furniture perfectly. I couldn’t believe I was in such an incredible place, and doing them a favour by being there! Every inch of the room was beautiful, the gold line that went all the way around the wall, the painting of ladies and angels and sky on the ceiling, the lion paws on the ends of the chair legs, everything. I sat there reading Jane Eyre sometimes, and looking around sometimes.

  Buddy sat on the rug (which was the size of a carpet in most peoples’ houses) in front of the fireplace. It was as if he knew to be really well behaved as he just lay there staring at me the way he does when he’s guarding Pie.

  Every time though! Jackson does it every time! One minute I was on my own on the chair and the next moment he was crouching right beside me.

  ‘Good book?’ he said.

  ‘Very,’ I said, pretending I had known he was there.

  It’s funny how I don’t feel I have to be all smart with him any more. He said the workmen had stopped for lunch and so should we. He’d brought a pizza and it felt so funny sitting there in such a luxurious and enormous room eating a cheese and mushroom pizza straight from the box. Bob smelled the pizza from upstairs and joined us, and I don’t know why, but that seemed to make it not so good, although there was plenty of pizza. I must make more of an effort to get to know Bob, if only for Jenny’s sake.