Love's Falling Star

by B. D. Grayson

  “Not to my knowledge.” There was a moment of silence. “What happened?”

  “I have a choice to make. The fear of losing everything or losing Vanessa.” Spencer remained quiet. “I know that sounds easy, but somehow it isn’t. I have worked my entire life for this. I have hundreds of people who depend on me to be Lochlan Paige.”

  “From where I stand, you haven’t been her for a while. Sure, when those lights come up you turn into this bombshell with a bright smile. You go out there and are the entertainer that those people paid to see, but when the lights turn off, you’re back to being this shell of who you were a few months ago.”

  “As long as I go out on that stage, no one seems to care.”

  “Jamie does, Lochlan.”

  Lochlan huffed. “She’s the reason that Vanessa broke up with me. Jamie wouldn’t just let us be long enough for me to make any kind of decision. She was against it from the start.”

  Spencer stopped her machine again. “But that was your call though, right?” Lochlan stopped hers again as well. “Jamie didn’t lose someone, you did.”

  “That day was like a tidal wave I couldn’t stop. I have been so angry with Jamie since. I feel like I lost Vanessa and my best friend at the same time.”

  “Well, one of those people is in a room upstairs and the other you have five months of downtime to figure out how you’re going to win back.”

  ✥ ✥ ✥

  It was Christmas, and Vanessa was making her way up the sidewalk of her childhood home. She got to see her parents so seldom but loved the feeling of being there.

  She knocked on the door briefly as she entered. “Hey, Mom. I’m home!”

  Vanessa’s mom met her in the room. She opened her arms and said, “Sweetheart,” as she took Vanessa in her arms. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “You too, Mom.”

  “Good. I know it’s selfish, but I love knowing my little girl misses me. Even if it’s probably just said to make me feel better.”

  Vanessa hugged her mom tighter than she normally did. “Yeah, but still it’s good to be home.”

  Her mom pulled back and just looked at her. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes, Mom.” Vanessa smiled.

  “School going okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “I know those classes are difficult. I remember when your dad and I were in college. I think I may have seen him half a dozen times during his last three years of school. I don’t want you wearing yourself thin, Nessa.” Her mother looked her up and down. “Speaking of thin…”

  “I started a new workout program and I’m living off coffee and muffins that I grab at the grocery store down the street from school. I’ve lost about five pounds, so don’t worry so much.” Vanessa suspected her mom could see all fifteen pounds that she’d actually lost, so she added, “I’m just busy, Mom. It will pass.”

  “How’s school? Grades are doing well?”

  “Yes. The classes are getting harder, but it is what it is. I stopped having hopes of easier classes as soon as my first semester in college was done.”

  “So, school is good, your friends are well, and you don’t have time for anything else. Now tell me what’s really going on.”

  Vanessa sighed. “Mom, come on. I told you already. I’m fine.”

  “You’re thin. Tell me why.”

  “Mom, it’s nothing.”

  “You can tell me anything, Vanessa.”

  She thought a moment. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea to just give her general information. “I met someone.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, I am so excited.”

  “Don’t be excited just yet.”

  “And why not?”

  “It didn’t work out.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Vanessa shook her head. “Just too different, I guess.”

  “And this explains the weight too?”

  “Maybe. I didn’t realize I wasn’t eating. Over the past few months, I’ve just been going through the motions. Sleep, school, study, repeat.”

  “You said a few months. If you’ve been seeing someone that it’s taken months to get over, why haven’t we met her? Or heard of her at least?”

  “It was a secretive type of thing, Mom. I didn’t tell anyone. Hell, Mia and Ty haven’t known long.”

  “Secretive?” Her mom leaned in. “Were you seeing someone who’s married?”

  “No, Mom.”

  “Oh my God, is it a man?”

  Vanessa laughed. “God, no, Mom. Eww.”

  “I was about to say…” They laughed together.

  “In the end, it was just too much.”

  “For you or her?”

  Vanessa shrugged. “Both, I guess.”

  ✥ ✥ ✥

  Lochlan entered the sound room of her house and sat at her piano. As she started to run her fingers across the keys, she looked over to the empty portion of the bench. She clearly recalled Vanessa sitting there. Her mind played back the feelings of that day Vanessa had been sitting beside her. She recalled the acts that had been done in that very spot. She stood as she sighed. She couldn’t believe what had just crossed her mind. She couldn’t do that, right? She wouldn’t do that.

  Seemingly without giving herself permission, Lochlan found herself standing in front of the soundboard. After hitting just a couple of keys, there she was. The sound of Vanessa moaning in pleasure surrounded her. She had been home from the tour for a couple of months, and the silence of this house was deafening. She was alone more—she felt more—and she missed Vanessa more. Everything regarding Vanessa was intensified by the loneliness that she felt. Normally, there were people talking to her, or at her, all the time. Now it was just—quiet.

  In December, when the Grammy nominations had come again, there wasn’t one part of Lochlan that could find any excitement. The thought that she had put her career above Vanessa played over and over in her mind. She wanted to believe, prayed that one day she would wake up and know that wasn’t what she’d done—chosen this over another woman. This felt different from Mac. This time it was Vanessa, and everything about the breakup left a much viler taste in her mouth.

  She turned off the sounds of Vanessa and walked through the house. She passed a minibar and stopped just in front of it. Lochlan had never been a drinker. She had a glass of wine occasionally at functions, but it never extended any further. But the sadness that she felt made this moment seem like a good place to start. She grabbed one of the bottles and walked back to the sound room. She returned to her seat and put the bottle on the piano shelf. She played for a while, contemplating what to do. She played and played until she stopped and looked at the bottle before her.

  She removed the bottle cap and took a sip. She pulled the bottle back and looked at the black label. “Good God, why do people drink that shit?” But a moment later, she returned it to her lips and turned the bottle up. After a long drink, she could feel the sting of the alcohol in her throat and chest. She returned the bottle to the top of the piano. She played again as the liquid took its effect. She picked up the pencil on the piano and started to jot down lyrics. She took another sip and returned the bottle to its place. She played a melody to the words she had written.

  Hours later, Lochlan decided that she needed to put everything down. She went to the kitchen to get her medication to help her sleep, but she thought of more lyrics. She returned to the sound room and sat down. She wrote some more and took another drink. She looked at the bottle of liquor and saw the medication bottle to its right. “Did I take those?” She tried to clear her foggy memory. No, she hadn’t. She was almost sure of it. She took a pill and downed it with the bottle of liquid that now seemed to burn a little less. She played the piano again and wrote down the lyrics that she thought would go perfectly.

  She took her phone off the piano and called Spencer. “Hey.”

  “Lochlan? Are you okay? Your voice sounds a little…slurred.”

  “I’m fine.” She grabbed the sheet m
usic off the desk and shook it in excitement. “You should hear this song, Spencer.”

  “Lochlan, how much have you had to drink?”

  “Not much.” She placed her phone on speaker and set it on the bench beside her. “Just listen.” The song was about a woman who had a broken heart at her own hands but was trying to find the strength to make things right again.

  “Lochlan, that’s beautiful.” Spencer chuckled. “Only Lochlan Paige could do that flawlessly and intoxicated at the same time.”

  “It’s Vanessa’s song,” Lochlan said sadly.

  “I’m sure that she’ll love it.”

  “I need to play it for her.”

  “How about tomorrow?” Spencer said. “It’s nearly midnight, so it’s after one there. It’s a beautiful song, but maybe you need to get some sleep.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” She looked at the piano again. “I better take my medication to help me sleep.” Lochlan paused. “I can’t sleep without her, Spencer. I haven’t really slept in months.”

  “I know, Loc.”

  “I miss her. I miss her really bad.”

  “Just take the meds if you need to and try to get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning. Drink a glass of water before bed, and I’ll check on you in the morning.”

  Lochlan turned the bottle up, washing the medication down. “Okay. I’ll try and sleep.”

  “Good. Drink the water, Lochlan.”

  “I will.” She pulled the music sheet closer so that her suddenly blurry eyes could see. “I’m just going to work a little longer.”

  “You need to sleep.”

  “I will,” Lochlan replied.

  “And no calling Vanessa tonight. Okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll call her tomorrow.”

  “I’m sure she would love to hear from you.”

  “I’m gonna tell her that I love her.”

  “I am happy for you. For now, go to sleep, so tomorrow when you play her the song, and tell her you love her, it will be with a clear head.”

  “Okay. I’ll wait.”

  “Good girl.”

  “I need to finish this, then go to bed. ’Night.”

  “’Night, Loc.” Spencer laughed.

  After hanging up the phone, Lochlan continued to write for another half an hour. She tried to stand and make her way to the bedroom. She looked at the nearly empty bottle of liquor, thinking she would just finish it off. As she did, she realized she needed to take her medication. She was proud of the songs she’d written tonight. There were six she’d written and thought that maybe four or five would be chart toppers. Lochlan didn’t really understand why people enjoyed drinking. She rarely did. She didn’t like the feel of the room spinning or the way her face felt numb. As she took a step away from the piano, the room around her started to tilt severely. She grabbed hold of the edge of the piano just before everything went dark, and she felt herself falling.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Good morning,” the anchor said during the nationally televised morning show. “We have some breaking news out of Nashville. Country music star Lochlan Paige was found unresponsive this morning by one of her assistants. The star was taken to a local hospital, where her condition is unknown. Sources on the scene have said that EMTs were fiercely working on Paige as they departed the Davidson County home. All requests for comments or further information are not being returned at this time.”

  Vanessa stood with tears streaming down her face while Mia and Ty tried to console her. Her voice was raspy from the crying that she had apparently been doing for quite a while. “I can’t…I saw it on Twitter almost an hour ago. It’s all over the radio.” She held her phone out. “Jamie isn’t answering her calls, and no one is answering Lochlan’s phone. I don’t know what’s going on.”

  Mia took her in her arms and pulled her into the room. “We’ll get someone on the phone, okay?”

  “I’m studying to be a doctor and know enough about the human body to know what happens when they find people unresponsive, and how they got that way. And what happens to their brains when they’re down too long.” Mia rubbed one shoulder while Ty rubbed the other. “She wouldn’t do that, right?”

  “Honey, we don’t know,” Ty said sympathetically. “We just don’t know yet.”

  Vanessa pulled away from them. “I need to talk to Jamie.” Vanessa dialed again. “Damn it! Why isn’t she answering her damn phone?”

  A voice came back over the television. They turned to the screen as the anchor continued. “We have some new details on the Lochlan Paige story.” They froze. “We’re hearing reports that Lochlan is now in critical but stable condition. We also have reports saying that open bottles of liquor and sleeping pills were found at the scene. We have no confirmation on this as of now, but from what we understand, her use of sleeping pills was known by several in her inner circle. We have the tip from a very reliable source here at the residence, and any allegations have yet to be confirmed or denied by Lochlan’s team.”

  “Turn it off!” Vanessa screamed as the anchor continued to talk. Mia and Ty just stared at her as if not knowing what to do. “Turn it. The fuck. Off!”

  Ty jumped toward the television that was now showing scenes from Lochlan’s Nashville home as emergency vehicles drove away. “They said it was unconfirmed, Vanessa. It’s probably someone trying to make a name for themselves.”

  “Do you really believe that? She’s a superstar living a lie.” Neither said anything. “Do you really think it’s not true?”

  Mia was the first to speak. “You know her better than we do. You tell us.”

  ✥ ✥ ✥

  Vanessa heard the phone ring in the living room and Mia quickly answered it. She went back to the room as Mia said, “Hold on, I will get her.”

  Vanessa quickly took the phone. “Hello.”

  “It’s Jamie.”

  Vanessa lost her breath. “What happened? How is she? What the hell happened, Jamie?”

  “You know what I do, Vanessa. Spencer talked to her last night and she was writing. We think that she was confused as to whether she had taken her sleeping pills because she was drinking.”

  “Drinking?”

  “You’re as surprised as I am.” Jamie sighed. “Spencer wasn’t aware that Lochlan can’t drink with the new medications that she is on. No one told her that because there was no reason to know—well, we thought there was no reason. Spencer went to the house this morning and found her.”

  “What kind of medication?”

  “It’s a sleep medication.” There was a pause before Jamie spoke again. “She hasn’t been sleeping well.”

  “For how long?”

  Again, there was silence for a moment. “Since the breakup.”

  “I thought she was okay,” Vanessa said softly as she sat down. “I thought she was okay,” she repeated.

  “I’m at her house trying to clean up the mess the EMTs made before her parents have to see this. She was upgraded to stable condition about an hour ago. They pumped her stomach upon arrival.”

  Again, there was silence.

  “I’m sorry that I haven’t called you. I don’t have your contact information and wasn’t able to get it until I was here at Lochlan’s. I didn’t even know if you wanted that. I just found her phone and saw your calls, so—”

  “What’s this going to mean for her?”

  “I believe it was an accident, and Spencer knows she was confused about the meds, so I don’t know if any kind of outpatient care will be asked for by her doctors or the powers that be. But the media will hound her until she gives up the reason why it happened.” Jamie sighed. “You may want to prepare yourself for that possibility. Lochlan’s staff will try to make sure that you’re protected, but it may lead back to you.”

  “I’m fine with all that, Jamie. I just want her to be okay.”

  “She will be. In time. She woke up just before I left but was too medicated to talk. She was still pretty groggy and fell right back to sleep.”<
br />
  “I hate that this is forcing her hand.”

  Jamie chuckled. “It didn’t force much. Lochlan has been a ticking time bomb lately.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, she was working on the next album. I would say that ninety percent of the tracks were about you.”

  “They were?”

  “Spencer said that she sang her one last night, and if these song sheets in my hands are any indication, then yes.” Jamie sighed. “She wasn’t going to stay away from you much longer, Vanessa. She also wasn’t staying in that closet, and whether or not it caused this, I assume it just put that decision on a fast track.”

  “I love her, Jamie. I want you to understand that. She isn’t doing this for someone who isn’t in this for the long haul. I love her.”

  “I know that you do,” Jamie answered. “This is my fault.”

  “Jamie—”

  “It’s true, and we both know it. I pushed her too hard. I did what I thought was best for her career at any cost to her.” Jamie sarcastically laughed. “I am a horrible friend.”

  “No, you aren’t.” Vanessa even surprised herself. “You did what you thought was best for her. I didn’t agree with it, but I know it wasn’t out of malice.”

  “I need to head back to the hospital. I just came to clean up a bit before they got here. I’ll have Loc’s phone with me, so I have your number.” After another few seconds, she said, “She would want you here. She would want for us to make sure that you were okay—and not alone.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “She would want you here.”

  “I can pack a bag and be there in the morning.” Vanessa stood to retrieve her luggage.

  “Can I call you right back?”

  “Um, sure.”

  “Is anyone with you? You may not want to travel alone.”

  “My best friends Ty and Mia are here now.” Vanessa turned to them. “Maybe I can talk them into riding down with me.” They both nodded. “Yeah, they’re coming with me.”

  “Okay, let me call you right back.”

  In ten minutes, Jamie was on the phone again giving Vanessa instructions on a flight. She had booked a jet, and it would be waiting when they arrived at the airport. Jamie told her that she would meet her when she landed in Nashville and would take her to Lochlan.