Making It

by Christine d'Abo

  Matthew was only eleven months old, but sometimes when he looked up at Devan, he swore his son understood so much more than the books said he should. Not to mention he had rich-brown eyes that reminded him so much of—

  No. He wouldn’t think that name.

  “Hello?” Meg called out before groaning. “You’re a slob.”

  “Let’s go, buddy.” With one easy swoop, he picked Matthew up, who giggled with glee. There might be moments when being a single dad was hard, but there were far more cases of it being the best job in the world. When he got back to the living room, Meg had already managed to pick up half the laundry, folding it into a quick pile. “Leave that. I’ll get it when you’re gone.”

  Meg took Matthew and smiled, though it didn’t quite make it to her eyes. “There’s my guy.”

  Matthew blew a raspberry in response.

  “Hey, you okay? And don’t try to bullshit me and say nothing.” He knew Meg far too well for her to try to pull one over on him.

  “I would never try to bullshit you, darling.” The worry on her face bled away as she rubbed noses with Matthew. “I promise it’s nothing serious. Nothing that will put a damper on me looking after my little man here.”

  “Think you’ll ever wear Josh down about having a baby of your own?” No matter how much he’d tried to include her as the mom after she’d given birth to Matthew for him, Meg insisted that he was Devan’s alone. She was content to be Aunt Meg and nothing more.

  “Yeah, I don’t think that will happen. Especially since we have this little guy to play with whenever the mood strikes us. I totally have the best of both worlds.”

  Handing over the diaper bag, Devan could tell there was still something bothering her. “So, what’s going on?”

  Meg sighed big and dramatically, but Devan knew she was serious to a degree. “I didn’t want you to find out about this somewhere else.” Shifting Matthew to her hip, she reached into the front pocket of her jeans and pulled out a folded piece of neon paper. “I debated telling you at all, but then I heard it on the radio and, well . . .”

  It was strange how Devan knew that opening that paper was going to be the hardest thing he’d have to do. A sick burning formed in his stomach as he unfolded the sheet. The print was creased, distorting the letters and the address, making them difficult to read. Not that it mattered. The only thing he could stare at was the face looking up at him.

  Eli.

  “He’s going to be at that gym doing some sort of demonstration. I don’t know. But it’s been on the sports news, and I got this at my gym. So, yeah. I thought you should hear it from a friend rather than it catch you off guard at work or something.”

  Matthew pulled on Meg’s black hair and giggled.

  How Devan had gone three years without seeing a picture of him was amazing. Toronto had gone a bit crazy for its native rising star, which meant Eli’s image had become more visible. With a quick swipe of his thumb across Eli’s face, Devan folded the paper. “Thanks.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Sure, my ex is in town for the first time in three years and his name is going to be plastered all over the place. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Meg snorted. “Maybe you can use this as a chance to get him to finally sign those divorce papers.”

  That had been the killer in how their relationship had ended. Eli had walked away from them, their marriage, their opportunity to have a family together—and, yet, he refused to sign the divorce papers Devan had sent him. If he’d cared so little about what they’d had, about what they’d wanted to have, then why wouldn’t he finalize the divorce? Every time Devan had reach out to Eli’s manager, Stephan, he was given another excuse why Eli couldn’t talk to him.

  “Sorry, he’s training out of the country. I’ll try and pass the message on.”

  “Sorry, he’s in Calgary for a match. I can’t distract him now.”

  “Sorry, you missed him.”

  “Sorry, he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  Eli would soon be the sorry one. This was Devan’s opportunity to finally get out from under this cloud and move on with his life.

  “Thanks. I’ll check out this gym and see what I can learn about him being there. I’m sure he’ll sign the papers.”

  “Well, if you need us to take Mattie here again, let me know.” She adjusted both him and the bag. “Okay, my little man. Say bye to Daddy. He’s going to be a big baby tomorrow at the dentist.”

  “Dude, it’s a root canal! I think it’s reasonable to be a baby.”

  Matthew looked between them, and held up his hand to scrunch his fingers into a small fist. “Ba ba.”

  “Bye, baby.” Devan kissed him on the forehead, then blew a raspberry on his cheek. “Be a good boy for Aunt Meg and Uncle Josh.”

  When the door clicked closed behind them, Devan fell onto the couch and sat staring at the wall. Eli was in town. The man who’d made him the happiest he’d ever been, and the most miserable, was back in Toronto.

  He’d done his best to push away the memories of their last night together, the final fight—God, it hadn’t even been that much of a fight—that’d ended their marriage. He’d racked his brain the days and weeks after Eli had left, trying to figure out exactly what he’d done that had pushed his husband away.

  Ex-husband.

  Devan knew exactly where the divorce papers were. The manila envelope had been in the same spot for the last six months: in the top drawer of his desk sitting in the corner of the living room. He’d given up trying to get Eli to sign, but in his mind, it no longer mattered. Their relationship was over and done, despite Devan wishing it wasn’t.

  After all these years, he still spent too much precious time trying to pinpoint where he’d gone wrong, what else he should have done to keep their marriage afloat. But the truth was, Eli “I’m a tough guy MMA fighter” hadn’t loved him the way Devan had. He’d never understood why they’d fought about dumb shit that shouldn’t have mattered. Things had started off so perfect between them, it had ripped his heart out when their marriage crashed and burned.

  Maybe Meg was right, and it was time for him to take matters into his own hands. He knew where Eli would be, and it was a public venue. That would make any meltdowns less likely.

  Opening the flyer once more, Devan looked down at the poor facsimile of the man who he’d loved without question from the moment they’d met. It could have been the ink, or the picture itself, but Devan couldn’t help but think Eli looked great. Happy, like he’d never regretted leaving for a minute.

  Devan had done his best to ignore everything Eli since their breakup, but it had been damn difficult when his ex had become the next big thing in the fighting world. Devan had never understood what had driven Eli to get in the ring, to fight and yell, to want to hurt another person. That wasn’t the man he’d come to know; that wasn’t the Eli who would run his hands through Devan’s hair when they were watching television on the couch. Wasn’t the man who would make love to him for hours, or would play pranks on him, teasing Devan when he’d fallen for them yet again.

  Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the cushions. “Fuck, no. Not again.”

  Whatever they’d shared was over and done. Even if Eli had changed, there was no way Devan would ever be able to trust him. And the last thing he wanted was for Eli to find out about Matthew.

  That would open up far too many questions that he didn’t want to answer.

  No, he would make a point of showing up at this grand opening, divorce papers in hand, and finally get a resolution to the entire mess. Then he and Matthew could get on with the rest of their lives.

  Eli pulled into the staff parking lot for Frantic and parked beside the three cars that were there. He’d spent most of the day trying to relax, though he’d given up after an hour and started doing some work on the downstairs bathroom at his mom’s house. It had taken longer than normal in the shower to get the dust and mold off his body and from beneath his fingerna
ils. It had felt good to do something physical.

  Max had called him at the house earlier in the day to tell him that the staff door would be unlocked and to come in that way. He’d also bitched him out for not stopping by the bar to say hi. Typical Max, couldn’t resist getting a dig in.

  He’d barely opened the door when the sound of music and voices reached him. It sounded like there was more than Zack, Max, and their partners there. Shit. The last thing he wanted to be was social, but there was no way he’d be able to walk away from his friends. He’d already done too much of that in his life, and it was starting to take its toll on him. Coming back to Toronto, to his mom and his friends, had only served to remind him of how badly he’d screwed up.

  Coming back to the place where he’d ruined his marriage.

  He’d managed to go most of the past three years without spending more than a few minutes a day thinking about Devan. Since Eli’d landed back in Toronto, Devan was constantly on his mind. He wasn’t even certain Devan still lived in the city.

  Fuck it. He’d burned that bridge, and there was nothing he could do to make things right. Closing the door with a bang, he walked toward the noise in the bar. The place was mostly empty, except for a group of about ten people hovering around the bar. They hadn’t seen him standing in the dark hallway off to the side, and it gave him the chance to take everything in.

  Max was behind the bar mixing some sort of drink in a shaker. A hot guy who looked vaguely familiar was sitting on the bar cross-legged beside him. Max kept glancing up at him, smiling in a way Eli had never seen him do before. Clearly whoever the hot dude was, Max was more than taken with him.

  Zack and Nolan were sitting side by side on stools and drinking what looked to be beers. There wasn’t any obvious physical contact, but it didn’t take anything to see that they were utterly in love.

  The rest of the people around the bar didn’t look familiar. They were all relaxed and seemed to know one another. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. He took another few steps into the bar, then Zack saw him.

  “Eli! About time you got here.” Zack was up and over to Eli before he could take another step. “Get over here and let me introduce you. You’ve met Nolan.” Nolan gave him a little wave. “Jerk on the bar is Grady, Max’s boyfriend. This is Teddy, the bouncer here; Cameron, the assistant manager; Samantha and Moe are bartenders; and Candace here is the DJ. Everyone, the one, the only, the disgustingly fantastic Eli McGovern.”

  Max poured the drink he’d been shaking into a cup and handed it over to Nolan. “You, my friend, look like you need a beer.”

  “Hit me.” He shouldn’t be drinking, wouldn’t be if he were currently competing. But it had been a long time since he’d spent any time with the two men he considered his closest friends. “But make sure it’s the good stuff.”

  “I’ve got a new microbrew that I know you’ll love. Opened a fresh keg for tonight.”

  Eli eased himself onto a stool on the other side of Nolan, and accepted the beer as the conversation started up around him. Grady winked at him. “So you’re the famous fighter of the bunch. I would pay serious money to watch you kick Max’s ass. And, for the record, you’re better looking like this than all hot and sweaty in the cage.”

  Eli chuckled. “You’re the first person to say so.”

  “Grady is a former reality star,” Nolan said in a mock whisper loud enough to be heard by all. “He thinks he knows everything there is about fame and fortune.”

  Another look up and the light went on in Eli’s brain. “You’re Grady Barnes. From that celebrity house thing.”

  Grady held up his glass. “I love it when they recognize me.”

  “Don’t feed his ego, Eli.” Max took the glass from Grady’s hand and filled it to the top with water. “It’s big enough.”

  “That’s what he tells me in bed too.” Grady laughed when everyone groaned.

  Nolan waited for the others to start talking again before leaning in a bit closer. “I hope this is okay. When I spoke with Zack after you left, I got the impression that you and two couples might be a bit awkward. I thought a few extra bodies would help.”

  There was something about Nolan, something about his manner that Eli instantly appreciated. “Thank you.”

  Nolan nodded. “I didn’t know if you had anyone special yourself. Zack hadn’t mentioned anyone and, despite what this might sound like, I’m not normally one to pry.”

  Eli nodded, a rush of emotions washing over him. “There was someone a long time ago. It didn’t work out.”

  “I’m sorry.” Nolan brushed his hand through his hair, revealing a faint scar on the side of his head. “Until I met Zack, it had been a long time since I’d been with anyone. That loneliness can hurt.”

  Nolan certainly was a perceptive man. “That it can.”

  “What are you two whispering about?” Zack threw his arm over Nolan’s shoulder. “You can’t have him, Eli. I’ve had to train him in my ways, and he’s mine now.”

  Once again, Eli was surprised to see the edge that used to comprise Zack’s personality had faded away. There was a gentleness in his teasing that Eli wouldn’t have thought possible before.

  “Please don’t go.” Memories of the hurt in Devan’s voice from that night still haunted him. He could easily have been one of these happy couples, sitting around enjoying a few drinks. Devan would have loved Grady, but no doubt would go off with Nolan and have a long conversation about books or politics or something. He’d always been good in social situations, something Eli always struggled with.

  “Naw, I wouldn’t do that to him. He seems like a nice enough guy.” Eli saluted Nolan with his beer before taking a drink. “I don’t have time for a relationship. Too much time training and fighting to spend it looking for someone special.”

  Eli ignored the look that passed between Max and Zack. “So, what have you assholes been doing for the past few years?”

  That was all it took for the stories to start. The longer the guys spoke, the more Eli let his mind drift to the past. The memories didn’t hurt so much as they reawakened a part of himself that he’d long thought gone. Fighting at Ringside after school, letting his anger and frustration bleed from him with every punch. Horsing around with Zack and Max in the ring until Russel would chase them out. Coming home to find a social worker there, and how terrified he’d been when they said his mom had had a stroke and should be in a nursing home.

  Seeing Devan for the first time at the blood drive, and being completely caught off guard by the sudden pounding of his heart. Looking into Devan’s hazel eyes as he’d pushed the needle into his arm, had opened a spot in his heart.

  His romance with Devan had been fast, wonderful; their marriage had filled a void in his life that he hadn’t realized was there. Especially with the changes in his mom’s personality since she’d gotten ill. If things had simply stayed the way they’d been those months leading up to their wedding, everything would have been fine. Stephan wouldn’t have been on him to keep his relationship under wraps. His mom’s sudden desire to want nothing to do with Eli wouldn’t have hurt so badly. Devan’s need for more and more from their relationship wouldn’t have felt like a weight drowning him.

  God, Devan.

  He’d never admit it to anyone, but he’d started thinking more and more about him in recent months. Memories would hit him at the oddest times—grocery shopping, lifting weights, those few minutes before sleep washed over him. A part of him had always expected Devan to reach out to him once he’d left, fight for their relationship. The radio silence had only served to reinforce that he’d made the right decision, walking away when he had. Still, he couldn’t help but crave those moments of normalcy in a life that was anything but.

  His head began to throb harder.

  “You okay?” Nolan whispered.

  “A bit of a headache. I had a concussion back in August. I’ve gotten the all clear, but sometimes my body still likes to remind me that I’m human when I push myse
lf too much.” It had only been an hour, but he knew the pounding wouldn’t get any better. “I’m going to call it a night.”

  Max stopped laughing at whatever Grady had said to him. “Really? You just got here.”

  “Past my bedtime.” Eli stood, hoping his discomfort didn’t show. “I’ll see you all on Saturday at the grand opening.”

  Zack stood. “I’ll walk you out.” This was clearly becoming a habit of Zack’s.

  Thankfully, Zack waited until they reached the employee door before he pulled him in for a hug. “Come down to the gym sooner if you want. If you’re up for it. You can do a little boxing.”

  “I might. I have a bunch of shit to do at Mom’s place. And I need to get down to the nursing home to see her.”

  If Zack knew he was deflecting, he didn’t say so. “Fine. I’ll see you Saturday at ten.”

  “Thanks.”

  He got three steps away when Zack called out, “You know I saw Devan a few times after you left.”

  Eli froze, but refused to turn around. “Yeah?”

  “Yes. He was devastated. And confused. I can’t say that I blamed him either. You two were always so happy together. I couldn’t figure out why you walked away from him.” Zack cleared his throat. “Was it the baby?”

  “No.” That had been a part of it, but Eli didn’t know if he had the words to express his emotions.

  “He deserved better than what you did to him.”

  “Yes, he did.” He looked over his shoulder at Zack. “That’s why I left.”

  Without another word, he got in his car and went home to the darkness.

  Devan couldn’t believe the line of people winding down the sidewalk outside of Ringside Gym. All these people were here to see Eli? Sure, he knew Eli was a pretty big name in the MMA community, but he wasn’t that big. Was he?

  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

  The manila envelope was under his jacket, secured by his armpit. This way it was out of sight and safe. He didn’t want to risk anything happening to the pages, or worse, someone like Stephan taking them from him. Shit, he hadn’t considered Eli’s manager might be here. Given how much Stephan had stonewalled him before now, there’d be no way he’d be allowed anywhere near Eli now.