It didn’t take long for Eli to regain his wits and crack open an eye to look at him. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Devan smiled. “So, that happened.”
Eli closed his eye again. “It did.”
There had always been these moments of silence between them. They’d never been uncomfortable or awkward. Devan had actually enjoyed them. Tonight though, the longer that they sat here, the more Devan began to wonder if this had all been a terrible mistake.
“What are you thinking about?” Eli’s voice startled him.
“About us. This.” Devan played with the frayed thread that used to hold one of his buttons. “We probably shouldn’t have done this.”
“Maybe not.” Eli sat up, pushing his softening cock back into his pants. “We were always good together in bed.”
That had been the easy part of their relationship. The reassurance of knowing that regardless of what had happened in the day, at night it was only the two of them together. Too bad the rest of their lives had gotten so complicated. “I went and saw about the paternity test kit the other day.”
Eli sat up straighter. “And?”
“They were actually out of kits but should have more in a day or two.” He’d put off going to the clinic for days until he couldn’t any longer. While he didn’t think Eli would try to take Matthew from him if Eli turned out to be the father, Devan wasn’t sure how either of them would feel about it.
“I need to be here, right?”
Devan nodded. “I think they need samples from both of us. We have our workout tomorrow, and then I have a date tomorrow night with Pierce. Why don’t we get together the day after to do it? I should have the kit by then”
“Sounds good.” Eli grabbed his shirt and got to his feet. “I’d better let you get to bed.”
Devan watched as Eli pulled his shirt back on and straightened his pants. In a few seconds, he looked as though nothing had happened. “I don’t know what tonight means. I still plan to go on another date with Pierce.”
Rather than look annoyed, there was a sparkle in Eli’s eyes that Devan couldn’t label. “That’s fine. I want you to know for certain.”
“Know what for certain?”
Eli smiled. “I’ll see you at the gym tomorrow for your first workout.” Then he left.
Devan felt out of place in his jogging pants and microfiber T-shirt standing in front of a weight bag. At least he thought that was what it was called. Eli had put some small fingerless gloves on his hands, hopefully to soften the contact he was supposed to be making.
Lord, he was so not a boxer.
“Okay, widen your stance, left leg forward.” Eli came up behind him and kicked his right foot back a few extra inches. “There. That’s better.”
They’d drawn lots of attention from the other members of the gym. Apparently, it was a big deal to be trained by Eli, and Devan was clearly not worthy of such an honor. He did his best to ignore the other patrons and concentrated on the spot Eli had pointed to. “Now what?”
“I want you to punch it with your right hand. Try and turn your hips with the punch. That gives you power.”
Devan brought up his guard, lowered his chin, and punched the spot on the bag. “Oh my God, ouch.”
Eli snorted. “Dude, that was pathetic.”
“I did what you said to.” God, now he was whining. “Let me try again.”
“Remember to shift your hips.” Eli came up behind him and put his hands on his sides. “I know you’re good at that when you need to.”
Devan’s face went beat red. “Asshole.”
“Punch the bag.”
Devan did and, with Eli’s help, moved his whole body. The bag jerked from the contact, and Devan grinned. “That’s better.”
When Eli pulled away, he immediately missed his closeness. “Do that again fifteen times. Get your whole body into it as much as possible.” As Devan punched, Eli walked around him, watching. “You and Pierce all set for your date?”
“We are.” He’d spoken to him this morning. Pierce had texted to thank him again for dinner and sent a link to a movie that was playing at the TIFF Lightbox. “We’re going to a foreign film festival.”
“Glad he’s taking one for the team.” Eli drew closer. “Switch your stance. Do the same thing on your left side. I never could understand why you like those films so much.”
“I remember.” Devan used to tease Eli into coming with him to those movies. They normally would spend the movie annoying one another, before going to the bar for drinks.
“Do you need me to babysit Matthew again?”
“I didn’t want to presume. Aren’t you crazy busy training right now?”
“Keep your guard up. An opponent would punch you in the nose. I don’t mind. It will give me a chance to rest up.”
“Sure, as long as you don’t mind.” Devan did his very best not to think about what had happened between them after the last time Eli had babysat. “Tonight at six.”
“I’ll be there.” Eli stopped beside him. “Good. Now I want you to get some weights. We’re going to be doing dead lifts and squats.”
Devan groaned. “Why did I agree to this?”
Eli shrugged. “I’m the best money can’t buy. Now move.”
He’d forgotten how much fun it was to be with Eli, to spend time with him, especially if they were doing something that wasn’t exactly designed to be so. Pushing those thoughts aside, he went in search of the weights and hoped he’d still be able to move tomorrow.
Pierce folded his jacket on his lap as they got settled in their seats for the movie. “I heard that this movie is probably going to be up for an Oscar.”
“I was doing some reading today on it. It sounds amazing.” Devan winced as he shifted in his seat. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get comfortable.
Pierce watched him for a few minutes before shaking his head and chuckling. “Are you okay?”
“I started a new workout this morning. My trainer was an unrelenting beast.”
“They can be the best and worst sort of people. I had a trainer once, a small twentysomething woman. She was the meanest person in the world, but damn if I didn’t look good.”
“Eli made me do these squat, burpee things that made me want to cry. I was cursing him after three and couldn’t finish the second set.” His ass and stomach still hurt, and so not for a pleasant sexual reason.
Pierce frowned, turning more in his seat to face him. “Eli? As in your ex who is also your babysitter?”
It took a second for Devan to realize that there was something off in Pierce’s tone. “Yes. It’s not like that. He’s an MMA fighter, and he’s getting ready for a match at the Air Canada Centre. I’m taking advantage of his skills while he’s around.”
Devan hadn’t wanted to think about what would happen when the match was over and Eli had no reason to stay in Toronto any longer. He’d tried his hardest to keep his emotions regulated, indifferent, but every moment he spent with Eli made that increasingly difficult.
“Your ex is an MMA fighter. Who trains you and watches your kid.” Pierce turned in his seat and faced the front. “What are you doing here with me?”
He hadn’t realized how any of that sounded until he’d heard it parroted back to him. “I’m sorry. It’s not like you think. I hadn’t spoken to him until a few weeks past.”
“It doesn’t sound like you two are separated. If anything, if sounds as though he’s trying to win you back.” Pierce looked down at his jacket and fingered the fringe. “It’s fine, you know. If you are still interested in him.”
The normal thing for Devan to do in this moment was to argue with Pierce, to deny that there was any attraction at all, that Dear God, he broke my heart, and I have no interest in that bastard ever again. A regular person might go so far as to make some grand gesture, to prove to Pierce that he really wanted to be here with him and not back home with Eli and Matthew.
Leaning over, he turned Pierce’s face and kissed him
. He poured every ounce of emotion he could muster as he explored Pierce. The kiss was deep, sweet, and ended in a natural way that rarely seemed to happen anywhere but in the movies. Pierce was exactly the type of man that he should fall in love with. He was Eli’s opposite in so many ways, exactly the right person to help him get over Eli and move on with his life.
But, after they pulled apart, Devan had a startling realization.
He didn’t feel the same about Pierce as he did about Eli.
There was no passion, no spark, no bone-melting desire like what flooded Devan every time Eli came near him. Sure, they laughed and had a great time, but he had the same feelings when he was with Meg and they were watching a movie. Maybe something was wrong with Devan that prevented him from wanting anyone other than Eli? He could only guess.
Pierce must have sensed his confusion. “You know, I really do like you. But I don’t think things are going to work between us.”
Devan sat back in his seat. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, these things don’t always work. I’d like to still be friends. I don’t know a lot of people in the gay community yet. It would be nice to hang out, maybe talk about dates. Or not, if you think that will be awkward.”
“God, no. I’d love that. I don’t have anywhere near enough friends in my life.” There was something right about keeping Pierce in his life, even if they didn’t become romantically involved. “It will be nice to have someone to come to these movies with me. Eli hated them.”
“He doesn’t exactly sound like the art-house type.” Pierce looked over at him. “You’re okay, though? He’s not pressuring you to take him back?”
“No. If anything, he’s been a model gentleman.”
“I know we don’t know each other very well, but can I offer a piece of advice? Don’t let him back in too quickly. Not because he’ll be bad for you or anything like that. Just . . . he needs to make sure that the reason that drove him away in the first place has been resolved. Speaking as a man who took a long time to confront his secret, some of us would rather hide than face the pain of what the truth means.”
The lights dimmed, cutting off the rest of their conversation and leaving Devan with his thoughts.
Eli was finishing up his last set of weighted leg squats when Nolan came over to him. “Hi. Sorry to interrupt.”
He set the weights back on the rack. “It’s fine. I can take a minute to recover. What’s up?”
He and Nolan didn’t speak much, because despite being in the same building, their paths didn’t cross often. Maybe Zack had told him about what he’d done to Devan, and Nolan simply didn’t want anything to do with him. Eli wouldn’t blame him if that was the case. He hadn’t forgiven himself yet.
“You had a message from some guy named Stephan.”
“He’s my manager.”
“That’s what he said, but I didn’t want to take the chance that he was lying.” Nolan’s blush was cute. “He wanted to let you know that he’s coming to the gym tomorrow, and he’s bringing someone named Andrew with him?”
Eli groaned. “I guess that means my training is about to get serious.”
“Ah. Well, he said he texted you the details of a press conference you’re going to have soon. But he wanted to call because you’ve apparently been avoiding him.”
Had he? Sure, he hadn’t spoken to Stephan daily, but he was training, and his manager didn’t tend to care about the details of his weight routine or diet. Then again, he’d been more than a little preoccupied by Devan and Matthew. “That sounds like something I’d do.”
“I heard that about you.” Nolan’s eyes opened wide and his blush deepened. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.”
Eli was too amused to be annoyed. “It’s fine. Zack filled you in, I presume.”
“He came home really angry one night and being more than a bit unreasonable.” Nolan shrugged. “I have ways of making him talk.”
Eli chuckled. “I have no doubt that you do.”
Nolan stepped closer. “Did you sign the divorce papers?”
“I did.”
“So, your ex is free now.” Nolan nodded. “That’s good.”
Eli reached over and picked up more weights and started doing curls. “He has a son. Matthew. There’s a chance that he’s mine.”
Nolan looked at him through the mirror. “I don’t want to know how that’s possible.”
“It’s a long story. I’m going over to his place tonight to do the paternity test so we know for certain. It will take a few days for us to get the results, but then we’ll know.”
Nolan cocked his head to the side, and for a moment, Eli thought he might be looking straight through him. “Do you think he’s yours?”
Of all the questions that Eli had been asking himself, that was the one that had kept him up at night. “Yeah, I think he might be.”
“What are you going to do if he is? I mean, are you going to ask for dual custody?”
“No. Matthew is Devan’s and I wouldn’t do anything to separate them.” It had become obvious the more time he spent with Devan and Matthew that there was no way he’d do anything to get between them. He might have to leave Toronto once the fight was over and his mom’s house was finally fixed up, but he’d be sure to offer whatever support he could to Devan. If that meant little more than having the occasional phone call when Devan was having a bad day, or coming to Toronto occasionally to spend time with them, then that was what he’d do.
“Then why do you need to know so bad? It was my understanding that you didn’t want children, so why would knowing that he was yours make any difference?”
Eli stopped moving and really looked at Nolan. “I don’t know.” That was a lie. He wanted to know if there was a permanent connection between him and Devan. To know if Matthew was going to be a bridge that might bring the two of them back together.
“I don’t know you well enough to offer any sort of advice. The thought of kids freaks me out more than I’d like to admit. I guess if knowing if Matthew is yours or not is so important to you, then maybe there is more to what you want than you’re willing to admit.”
Nolan handed him the paper with the message printed on it and went back to the office.
The time Eli’d spent with Matthew over the past few days had impacted him more than he’d realized. It had been fun, relaxing in a way that Devan probably wouldn’t understand. Or maybe he would. The entire situation had been a revelation to Eli. The normalcy that he’d craved as a teen, and had run away from three years ago, was soothing to him. Matthew didn’t want him to hide who he was, didn’t care if he was the top fighter in the world, or if he was going to earn enough money. All he wanted was a clean diaper, a full belly, and Mr. Fuzzy.
The long nights when he couldn’t sleep, normally a day or two before a fight, he used to lie in his bed and wonder what things would have been like if he’d stayed with Devan, if he’d been brave enough to go through the emotional rollercoaster of another pregnancy. Seeing Meg lying in that hospital bed, her pale face streaked with tears, had broken his heart. Devan was the one who was far more resilient when it came to emotional matters. Eli wasn’t.
It had been easier to say that he didn’t want children than to admit he couldn’t bear the thought of going through another miscarriage.
He didn’t know what kind of man that made him.
Eli pushed himself through the last set, sweat pouring down his face and chest. He was about to put his weights down, when movement in the mirror caught his attention. Devan came into the gym with Matthew propped on his hip.
“He’s not supposed to be here today.” Eli turned around, grabbing his towel to dry off, and waved at Devan. “I thought I was coming over after supper?”
Matthew smiled at him and waved his arms as though he wanted Eli to hold him. Eli didn’t smile back, but stuck out his tongue, which drew a giggle from Matthew.
Devan rolled his eyes. “That’s where he learned that from. Thanks.”
“My j
ob as your babysitter is to care for and corrupt your child.”
“And yes, still on for tonight. My babysitter got sick, so I had to come home early. Then I thought I’d come down and see how you were doing with your training.” Devan’s gaze traveled down Eli’s body. “Still pushing yourself.”
“Always.”
Eli was about to say something else, when Zack strode over. “Now, I know we’re looking for youth members, but he might still be a bit young for Ringside.” Zack smiled down at Matthew. “Aren’t you a handsome fella.”
“I have a feeling he’ll be a heartbreaker when he gets older.” Devan shifted Matthew to his other hip. “I was in the area and thought I’d say hello.”
As always when Devan came around, they’d gathered a few curious onlookers, those no doubt who’d heard the rumors about Eli’s sexuality. He hated not feeling like he could be honest about who he was, but there wasn’t that sort of freedom yet in the sport. Devan swayed closer to him, and for a moment, Eli thought he might lean in and give him a kiss.
“Hey.” Eli stepped away a bit too quickly. “Why don’t you let me get cleaned up and then we can go talk?”
Devan looked at him, clearly confused. “Sure. That sounds great.”
A few people turned their backs on them, but Eli couldn’t help but think that they were still listening. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He showered and changed in record time. When he came out, Nolan and Grady had joined the group. Grady had taken Matthew and was spinning him around, making him squeal. “And the airplane goes weeee.”
Eli paused, his gaze falling on Devan’s face. He was grinning, his hazel eyes sparkling, an expression of joy that made him look lighter. That was the Devan he remembered, the man who’d quietly seduced him over a few weeks, who laughed when they were in bed and cried at romantic movies.
Damn it, he should never have walked away.
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