Making It

by Christine d'Abo

  “Like I got hit by a car.” It wasn’t remotely funny, but he still chuckled. “Ouch.”

  “That’ll teach you to be a smart-ass. Do you remember what happened?”

  The events were little more than a blur, and it took a second for his brain to remember. “We weren’t far from the apartment. It was dark and cool, but had started snowing. I needed some fresh air and thought Matthew would enjoy the snowflakes. I heard the brakes and reacted. I don’t remember much after that.” He hadn’t had time to get scared. All he could think of was getting Matthew out of the way; his own safety hadn’t entered into the equation.

  “Whatever you did saved Matthew.” Eli leaned over him and placed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re one of the toughest, bravest men I know.”

  Devan blinked again, his brain suddenly playing catch-up. “Wait, you’re here. Why are you here? Did you win?”

  Eli shifted his hold on Matthew and gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. “Yes, I’m here. Meg called me as soon as they brought you into the hospital. I was getting ready for the match, so I was a bit later getting to the hospital than I would have liked.” He looked Devan right in the eye. “I didn’t fight. I left before my match began.”

  Devan wasn’t sure if it was the drugs affecting his hearing, or if maybe he had a concussion that was making him a bit loopy. He tried to sit up, which only served to unleash another wave of pain over him. “You didn’t fight? But you’ve worked for years to get to this point.”

  Eli looked at him with emotions that Devan couldn’t label. “I’ll probably be sued for breach of contract as well. But I don’t care. That was the worst phone call I’d ever gotten in my life. It took all of three seconds to realize that nothing else matters as much to me as you and Matthew. Nothing.”

  Meg and Josh came in, a nurse not far behind them. Meg squealed the moment she saw Devan. “Oh my God, you’re awake. Oh hon, you scared the shit out of me.”

  “I’m sure when I have time to process everything, I’m going to be utterly freaked out. But for now, the good drugs are working.” Her hug was painful, but Devan wasn’t about to stop her. “Thank you.”

  “For what? I didn’t do a thing. And don’t worry about Matthew. We’ll take him home with us tonight. Keep him as long as you need us to. I want you focused on getting better.”

  The nurse tapped Meg on the shoulder. “Visiting hours are over soon. He should get some sleep considering all he’s been through.”

  The last thing he wanted was sleep. Devan wanted to talk to Eli, wanted to hold his son and let everything sink in: he was alive and Eli was here with him.

  “We’ll come check on you tomorrow.” Meg took Matthew from Eli as Josh waved to him.

  Eli was the last one to leave. With a glance at the nurse, he leaned over and kissed Devan softly on the lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow as well.”

  “Will you?” He shouldn’t be so surprised, so hopeful, but he was.

  “The minute they’ll let me in here.” Another kiss and he was gone.

  The nurse fussed around him for a few minutes, checking his blood pressure and temperature and adjusting his IV. “How’s your pain?”

  “It’s actually starting to get quite bad.”

  “I’ll check your chart, but you’re probably due for some more morphine.” She looked over her shoulder toward the door. “Was that your boyfriend?”

  Funny that the answer to that particular question was way harder to know now than yesterday. “God, I hope so.”

  “He’s hot.”

  Devan grinned. “That he certainly is.” He grimaced as more pain began to radiate through him.

  “I’ll get you that morphine.”

  “Thanks.”

  As he waited for the nurse to come back, Devan let his mind wander. Eli had left before one of the biggest matches of his career. He’d essentially killed his chances of ever fighting professionally again, or at the very least, made those opportunities far more difficult to obtain.

  All for Devan.

  He’d been hurt, and Eli had come running without a second thought.

  If that didn’t tell him what he needed to know about Eli’s feelings, Devan didn’t know what would. For now, he needed to focus on getting better. If Eli was serious about doing right by him, then he’d be here tomorrow morning. They’d have a chance to talk things out and maybe determine if they might have a future together after all.

  Eli waited in the lobby until it was officially visiting hours, needing some time to collect his thoughts. He’d talked to Meg and Josh last night on their way out. She’d offered to keep Matthew home for a while before coming over for a visit. It would give him time to talk to Devan, to see where they were going to go from here. Despite wanting to have Matthew with him, he needed the chance to talk to Devan alone.

  He’d spent most of the morning reviewing press clips and internet posts about his absence from the fight. Caulfield had taken it as a PR golden opportunity, announcing that Eli had been too scared to fight him. Utter bullshit, but unless he made a statement of his own, it was all the media had to go on.

  There’d been more than a few missed calls and several texts from Stephan. Each communication had grown more hostile than the last, until Eli had said fuck it and deleted them all. He’d known there was going to be fallout the moment he’d decided to walk away from the fight. For him, the potential legal and professional challenges were nothing compared to the pressure of having to deny who he was as a man. Regardless, his career was something he’d deal with once he had a chance to speak with Devan and knew he was okay.

  The moment Eli was able to, he headed for the elevator and went upstairs. Thankfully, Devan had been put into a semiprivate room that didn’t currently have another patient. He was sure that wouldn’t last long, but for the time being, they had a measure of privacy.

  He didn’t know exactly how they were going to move forward after this, but Eli knew there was no way he could walk away from Devan again.

  The problem was, he didn’t know if Devan would want him around.

  The hospital floor was far busier this morning than it had been last night. Eli felt like a giant as he squeezed past gurneys and attendants walking in the hall. He heard Devan talking before he made it to the room. Instead of going right in, Eli waited a moment to make sure there wasn’t a doctor in there doing an examination.

  “I do this all the time, but I’m a crap patient. The girls down at the clinic laugh at me whenever it’s my turn to donate blood. I don’t mind sticking people, just don’t put that thing into me. Ouch!”

  “Sorry.” The woman certainly didn’t sound sorry. “One more vial. And that’s it.”

  “I’ve used that line before. Totally lies.”

  “Never. See, you’re all done.”

  “Thank you.”

  Once the woman and her tiny lab cart left the room, Eli stuck his head around the corner. “Is it safe to come in?”

  Devan’s face morphed from annoyance to bliss in the blink of an eye. “You came.”

  “I said I would.”

  The room was far less oppressive than it had been the night before. A bouquet of flowers had been delivered at some point, which cut some of the antiseptic smell. “Those are nice.”

  “It came this morning. The girls down at the clinic sent it over.”

  “Meg said she was going to give them a call.”

  “The card says to get better soon because they’ll miss my sass. I’m not sure how sassy I’ll be with a broken leg for the next six to eight weeks and a face that looks like I was beat up, but we’ll see.”

  Eli couldn’t help staring at Devan. His face was bruised and scraped from the impact, as were his arms. His leg was in a cast, his plaster-encased foot sticking out from beneath the sheets. “You look like shit.”

  Devan laughed, but it quickly turned into a grimace. “Thanks. I feel like I’ve been run over by a car. Oh wait!”

  Pulling the chair to the side of the bed,
Eli waited a moment before taking Devan’s hand. “When I got Meg’s message that you’d been hurt, all I could think about was getting to you as quickly as I could. I didn’t care about the fight, or myself. I think I outed myself to Andrew.”

  “You did?” Devan frowned. “How did he take it?”

  “I’m sure he knew from before, but it’s very different when I’m the one saying it.” Slipping his fingers through Devan’s, he gave his hand a light squeeze. “I don’t care what he thinks. As I sat here last night watching you sleep, I realized that you were right. I had been pushing our relationship to the back burner while we were married. I used fighting as an excuse. With Mom and her strokes, and Meg and her miscarriages, it was as though the universe was telling me that this fairy-tale happiness that everyone talked about wasn’t for me. Then I started picking fights with you and . . . I screwed everything up. Stephan gave me an out, and I took it. It was the biggest mistake I’d ever made.”

  Devan was crying but hadn’t said a word.

  Eli reached over and tenderly wiped the tears from his cheeks. “This past month, having you and Matthew in my life has opened my eyes to how insulated I’d become. I wasn’t a fighter because I was trying to prove something, I was fighting because it was the only time I didn’t feel dead inside. That was until I caught a glimpse of what my life could have been. Now, I want nothing else but to be with you and Matthew. To be in Toronto with Mom, to make sure she’s okay.”

  “You’re an idiot.” Devan’s voice cracked. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? We could have worked things out.”

  “I wouldn’t have been able to. I didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t admit to myself that the problem was with me and not our relationship.”

  “I was never sure.” Devan rubbed his thumb across the back of Eli’s hand. “After you left, I spent a long time trying to figure out if I had pushed you away. I wanted a family so badly that I hadn’t let myself admit you may not have wanted the same thing. I knew you’d been working hard trying to make a name for yourself.”

  “What does fame matter if you’re all alone? After three years of going from an empty apartment to an empty hotel room, having every aspect of my life regulated and managed, I realized that this wasn’t something that I had my heart in any longer. I missed you.”

  “I missed you too.” Devan smiled. “And I think this goes without saying, but I forgive you for anything you think you’ve done to hurt me. As long as you promise to do the same for me.”

  The weight of the guilt that he’d carried for the past three years lessened. “You’ve done nothing. You’re perfect.”

  Devan snorted, wincing immediately afterward. “Not today I’m not.”

  “Always.” Eli leaned over and kissed Devan’s hand above the IV line. “I love you, Dev. I always have.”

  Tears spilled down Devan’s cheeks again. “I love you too.” He cringed as he tried to wipe at his face and hit a bruise. “Damn it, you’ve made me cry.”

  “Wuss.”

  They both laughed. Devan looked away, a blush coloring his cheeks. “Since we’re laying everything out here, I have a confession for you.”

  “What’s that?”

  Devan sighed and began to fiddle with the hem of his blanket. “After you signed the divorce papers, we were in a really good place, so I didn’t quite know what to do with them. I didn’t want to mail them, so I put them back in my drawer. Then when we fought after the television thing, I assumed that we were officially over. The reason I was out for a walk the other night was to take the divorce papers and drop them in the mail.”

  Eli nodded. “Meg mentioned as much.”

  “Wait, she did?”

  “Yeah.” Eli’s chest tightened. “You wouldn’t have been out if not for me.”

  Devan snorted. “If it hadn’t been for that, I’m sure there would have been a different reason. But you’re missing my point. What I’m trying to say is, I never actually made it to the mailbox. The papers were inside my jacket.” Devan smiled slightly. “So technically we’re still married.”

  He sat there and looked at his . . . husband—which was weird to realize—and smiled. “Of course, we’re still married.”

  “If that’s not something you want, then I can still send them in. We can start over, or walk away.” Devan bit down on his lower lip.

  “Is that what you want?” Eli’s heart pounded as he hoped that Devan would give him the answer he secretly longed for. “To walk away?”

  Devan smiled up at him. “No.”

  The tension bled from him. “Good. Me either.”

  “It’s probably smart if we take things slowly. Go on a few dates and really see if this is what we both want. I’d want Matthew to be a part of those dates too. If you’re going to be around, you need to know what you’re getting into. It’s not easy raising a child, and you weren’t expecting to have one in your life.”

  Eli had started smiling, his cheeks aching from lack of use. “I like the sound of that. I also have a rule.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You were right that I had made you invisible. If we do this, I want to be able to show you and Matthew off. I want to call you my husband and son. Maybe not right away, but someday. I want the world to know that I’m yours and you’re mine. I never want you to feel as though you’re not important to me, or less important than something else.”

  He got to his feet and leaned over Devan. Their kiss was soft, and Eli was scared to put any weight on the bed that might cause Devan more pain. Slowly, he ran his tongue across Devan’s lips, tasting him as he breathed in his scent. This was what he’d wanted, what had been missing from his life: a feeling of home.

  Eli reached up to cup Devan’s cheek, which elicited a wince. He pulled back and saw that he’d accidentally brushed up against a large scrape on his cheek. “Sorry.”

  “We’ll have to keep things PG until I’m recovered.” Devan patted Eli’s chest. “But then I expect to spend as much time in bed as we’ll be able to get away with.”

  “Meg is an excellent babysitter.” Eli smiled. “And I’ll happily pay.”

  “Oh, you’ll pay all right. Do you have any idea the hell she’s going to put you through?”

  Eli had felt a bit jealous of their relationship when they’d first started dating. They were more brother and sister than anything else. “I promise I’ll do whatever I need to re-earn her trust.”

  Devan smiled. “Good. Well, I guess this means I need to hurry the hell up and get better.”

  “The doctor said last night that you might need physiotherapy to help regain the strength in your leg. Seeing as I won’t be fighting anymore, I can help with that. I’m a pretty good trainer, after all.”

  The groan that escaped Devan was hilarious. “You’re going to kill me.”

  “No, I won’t. I’ll give you loving nudges in the right direction.” They both laughed, and Eli finally relaxed. “Unless you kick me out, I’m going to spend the whole day with you.”

  “I think I’d like that.”

  Together they talked, and Eli knew he’d come home.

  There was a surprisingly large group of sports reporters present for the announcement. Devan had worked hard to make sure that he’d be able to use his crutches, rather than have Eli push him in the wheelchair. It was a big thing, given it had only been a month since the accident, but it was important to him to be there as healthy as he could be, as a sign of solidarity.

  Eli had been officially dumped as Stephan’s client a week and a half ago. There’d been threats of lawsuits—Eli had no business leaving before the fight, it made everyone look bad, blah, blah, blah—but when Eli had been able to prove that Devan was his husband and that his injuries had been considered life-threatening at the time, things quieted down.

  He still had the matter of making things right with the public, which was what today was all about.

  “Stop fidgeting.” Devan tapped the side of Eli’s foot with his crutch
. “People are going to think you’re nervous.”

  “I am nervous.” He jerked his tie until it was nearly undone, which made him look as though he’d been out partying all night. “I have no idea how this is going to go over.”

  “You can’t go out looking like that.” Devan got up from the chair Eli had found for him and hopped over. “Come here.”

  “I feel like I’m choking.” Eli’s jaw clenched. “I hate ties.”

  “That’s why you’re going to work for Zack at the gym. No ties required.” He fixed the knot, but before he sat down, he reached behind the tie and loosened Eli’s top button. “That will help, and you’ll still look good.”

  Eli looked down at him and smiled. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I had no intention of letting you go out there looking bad.”

  “I meant for coming here with me. I don’t think I’d be able to go through this alone.”

  Given what Eli was about to do for him, for them both, there was no way Devan would abandon Eli when he needed him the most. “I’m always here for you.”

  The stage manager came over to them and gave Eli a little nod. “I’ll announce you, then you can come out and make your statement. Are you taking questions?”

  Eli nodded. “A few.”

  “Okay.” The man made a note on his paper. “Then let’s get this show started.”

  Devan pulled Eli in for a hug as carefully as he could. “Good luck. I’ll be right here for you when you’re done.”

  Eli let out a little huff and walked to the side of the stage.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, Eli McGovern is here to make a statement. He’ll be taking questions after.”

  With one final look back at Devan, Eli walked over to the podium. Looking up at the crowd, he fingered the paper he’d set on the podium. “Hello.” He cleared his throat and looked down at the speech that they’d worked on the night before. “I’m here today to officially announce my retirement from the MMA circuit.”