The Power of Salvation

by Passarelli, Caterina

  I wasn’t mature; I was a 14-year-old innocent girl trying to enjoy her family’s Christmas party.

  “Allen came stumbling towards the desk carrying a drink in his hand, whiskey. To this day, just the thought of whiskey fills my nose with the vilest smell and brings me back to this moment. I asked him what he was doing, saying my parents would be back to check on me at any minute. It’s like I knew danger was coming.”

  I look intently into Luke’s eyes.

  “He came up behind me, pinning me against the desk and …” a tear slowly falls from my eye, sliding down my pink cheeks. I take a deep breath before finishing my story. “I was wearing a knee-length velvet red holiday dress that my mom helped me pick out. Allen reached up the skirt to pull down my underwear. I tried to fight him off, tried to scream, but he shoved me down on the desk so hard he knocked the air out of my lungs. He ripped off the underwear and covered my mouth with his rough hand that was almost the entire size of my little face.

  “After he was … finished, he told me if I ever told anyone he would tell them I was making the entire thing up. He said no one would believe a little girl over a judge—that I was a liar and that I would get into a lot of trouble. He said I’d be taken away from my family. I look back now and think that was so stupid for me to believe him, but I was young. I didn’t know any better.”

  Luke pulls me closer to him—if I were any closer, I’d be on top of his lap.

  “You are brave,” he says, lifting my chin to meet his eyes. “When did you finally tell someone?”

  I don’t know which part of the story makes me feel more embarrassed. The fact I was raped or what happened next. This part I’ve never told anyone, ever.

  “I told my parents a year later. I lived the entire year after in fear of everyone. I felt so many emotions but didn’t know how to express myself—fear, anger, embarrassment, shame, and guilt. I saw every person I came in contact with as a threat to me and I shut down completely. My parents asked me what was wrong, but I said nothing and they never pushed me for more information. I know now, they don’t give a shit about what happens to me, as long as I’m quiet, well mannered, and don’t cause any trouble for them.”

  I shake my head thinking about how little my parents paid attention to me when I was silently screaming out to be noticed.

  “I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents before the Christmas party the following year. I knew Allen would be on the guest list, and I wanted my parents to remove him from it. I told both my mom and my dad at the same time—they looked shocked. Then my mom said in her pristine voice, ‘We’ll take care of this. Tell no one else,’ and that was the last time we spoke about it.

  “I overheard my parents whispering in the kitchen a few days after I told them. My mom said I probably made the entire thing up, claiming no one could keep something like that a secret for an entire year. They thought I was trying to get attention after my year of hiding. My dad said something along the lines of ‘this will ruin our reputation if this gets out.’ I stopped speaking to my parents around that time.”

  Knowing your own parents think you are a liar, that cuts you deep. Allen wasn’t at the Christmas party, but I never found out if they took him off the invite list or if he decided just not to show.

  Downing the rest of my drink, I lean my head against Luke’s shoulder. I feel exhausted all of a sudden, but I also feel a sense of relief to have said it out loud. No matter what Luke’s reaction is going to be, I told the truth. I shared something that’s been kept locked inside of my soul for years.

  “Ariana,” Luke cups my face between both of his hands, “what happened to you is not your fault. That man was a monster preying on a young girl. And your parents are disgusting pieces of shit. They should have been in your life to protect you,” Luke spits out. Something tells me this is more than just about my parents, but I don’t press him. I appreciate him for listening. “Thank you for telling me your story, for trusting me with something so important.”

  He picks up my hand and kisses the top of it—making me feel like a queen. I smile, and if my cheeks weren’t already red from the frostbite, I may be blushing.

  Turning to him I lose myself in his warm hazel eyes. At the top of the Ferris wheel, with the lights of Chicago glistening all around us, I kiss him. I’ve revealed the worst part of me to this man and he’s still here by my side. He didn’t judge me for anything I said.

  I pour my soul out through hot kisses to his addictive mouth. My body quivers with desire for him I’ve never felt before.

  “Excuse me, we need to close the Ferris wheel now,” I hear the pimpled faced teenager say from his post as our cabin makes its way back to the platform. Damn it, are we ever going to move past kissing? My body is all too willing to let this man show me what intimacy is supposed to feel like. And I trust that he can.

  Deciding that’s what I want for myself, I feel a sense of power. I want to give myself to Luke—nothing being taken away from me, everything given.

  Chapter thirteen

  “You told him? Are you serious?” Serena shrills; looking shocked as she corners me on the way to the bathroom the next morning.

  I tried to tell her that it was no big deal, but we both know I’m lying. This is a big deal, enormous even. When I told him I felt scared but after I felt so free, not having to walk around carrying this disgust inside of me. Not disgust for being raped because I know that was not my fault—which took me years of therapy to come to terms with—but disgust in the fact that my parents don’t believe me.

  They were supposed to protect you.

  His words haunted me last night and I woke up having a nightmare, but not like my usual nightmares about Allen—this one was concerning Luke. Was he not protected from someone who was supposed to be there for him?

  He has battles too.

  Renee’s words continue to haunt me, and now that I’ve revealed myself to him, I want to calm his battles if he’ll let me in. That’s the mystery—will he?

  After we got off the Ferris wheel, we left the Navy Pier and simply enjoyed sitting together in silence, cuddled up into one another on the drive back to my apartment. I didn’t invite him up—I wasn’t ready for that—and he didn’t pressure me to. The night had its ups and downs, but I’ll look back at it as one that changed my life.

  “Yes, I told him. Yes, I’m an idiot for falling for this guy,” I say to Serena who hasn’t closed her gaping mouth since she heard the news. Serena doesn’t understand how significant this is. She is one of the few people who know about the rape, but she doesn’t know what I heard my parents saying behind closed doors or that I stopped speaking to them that moment. She does know I hate them though. I kind of skate around telling her all the details and she has never pushed me.

  “An idiot? No, you are finally coming out of your shell and living the life you deserve. I’m really proud of you!” Serena exclaims, letting me sidestep her to finally get into the bathroom. I have an afternoon shift starting at the hospital in an hour and don’t really have time to fan girl over Luke with my too excited roommate. “Don’t close yourself up Ariana. You deserve this, I’m telling you!”

  “Okay, okay, leave me alone. Can’t a girl take a shower in peace around here?” I laugh, shutting myself into our bathroom. I’m through talking about this subject for now; it’s weird for me to be this open with others that it has me second-guessing myself.

  After I step out of the shower, I throw on a pair of maroon scrubs and toss my hair up in a wet messy bun—that’s my uniform and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I quickly glance down at my phone on the bathroom counter and notice a text message waiting for me from Luke.

  Last night was perfect! You are perfect. Care for round 2 tonight?

  Yes, yes, and yes! I would love round two—I’d love a chance to get past first base with this guy. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this stuff.

  I’ve had sex with two other guys during my undergrad when I lived in th
e dorms. It was super awkward and I made sure I was in control. I was on top, I picked the pace, I picked the guy, and I kept the touching to a bare minimum. I basically had sex so Allen’s assault wouldn’t be my last time. I wanted to erase that entire experience and I thought another guy would be able to do that.

  But it didn’t. The sex was never anything I truly wanted. Those guys weren’t horrible—in fact they were very nice guys—but we didn’t share anything special. I wouldn’t let them.

  Coming back to reality, I speedily type up a reply as I head towards the front door to dash to the hospital and whatever awaits me there.

  I’ll see if I can fit you in to my busy schedule. ;)

  I hop on the bus and see Luke’s already sent a message back. Doesn’t this guy have a company he’s supposed to be running right now?

  I have something I’d like to fit in you.

  My eyes must bug out of my head in shock as I feel myself flush with a mixture of embarrassment and need. No one has ever spoken to me like this before. Luke is one dirty man, and I can’t say I hate it.

  How bad do you want to fit it in??

  I immediately hit send and immediately feel a sense of regret. Why did I say that? I drop my head in my hands and wish I could delete the text from the universe. Before I can sit stewing in my own embarrassment for much longer, Luke replies.

  Are you provoking me Ariana? I want it bad & I think you know that. I’m hard at my desk right now thinking about you.

  My embarrassment flies out the door knowing this is turning him on, knowing that I have the power to turn him on through just a few words … or thoughts. What is he thinking about at that desk? Do I want to know? Yes, I do. Is it getting hot in here? I look up from my phone and scan the other people sitting on the bus—feeling like they know exactly what filthy words are displayed on my phone … and in my head.

  Round 2 tonight—I’ll be out of the hospital around midnight. Is that too late?

  The thought of finding out just what would make Luke’s cock hard drifts to the side when I think about him not being able to hang out because it’s too late. Doesn’t he have to be up early to go into his company? I want to know so much more about what he does at work. Does it bother him that I have a crazy schedule and that it will probably never be normal?

  He swiftly puts my rambling thoughts to rest with a reply.

  It’s never too late for spending time with you. I’ll be there to pick you up.

  I smile at his cute reply until I notice we are at my stop and the bus is starting to pick up speed to pull away.

  “Wait!” I scream, running towards the front of the bus to catch the driver’s attention so he’ll let me off. Well that’s an easy way to work up your heart rate. I probably just burned 2,000 calories in anxiety.

  It’s the night from hell! After I ran into the emergency room like a crazy person from the bus, I was thrown into the operating room with Dr. Horton. I helped him with surgery on a boy who was thrown from the windshield of his mother’s car when a drunk driver hit their SUV. An older man with a heart attack, a college student with a respiratory infection, and two different patients with sprained ankles followed up the boy’s successful surgery—I am absolutely spent!

  I grab my coat from my locker in the staff room but sit down on a bench and take a minute to do some breathing exercises, gathering my thoughts, and that’s when my phone beeps.

  I look at my phone and see it’s after 1 a.m. and I never texted Luke. My stomach drops and I feel terrible.

  I spoke to Katie—I know you’re having a long night. I’ll be out here waiting when you are ready. Don’t rush.

  He’s been sitting out there waiting for an hour? Bless his precious heart. I don’t think I’d sit and wait an hour for anyone. Okay maybe him. I grab my backpack and dart towards the emergency room exit. Katie smiles at me with a knowing grin. I just wave at her and make my quick escape before she can question me—I’m sure the girls will be talking tomorrow. Let them.

  I spot Ryan hanging out next to the black town car and run over. He sees me crossing the street and opens the back door for me. I thank him before flopping into the seat noticing Luke has a laptop on his lap. He’s been working while waiting for me. It makes me feel a little better that he had something to do. And it doesn’t escape me that he’s wearing a suit yet again.

  “Thank you for waiting for me. It’s been a crazy busy night,” I say as I lean in, planting a kiss on his cheek. Luke looks back surprised by my action, which equally surprised me. Affection doesn’t come easy for me—it never has—and I think that’s because I’ve never been shown any. My parents were never affectionate with me. Then after what happened, I closed myself off from any emotions anyone wanted to share with me.

  “I don’t mind, Ariana. You’re doing important work. I’d wait for you forever,” he says, closing his laptop and putting it out of the way.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m so tired. I don’t think I could do anything fun tonight—no breaking in to a place that’s supposed to be closed,” I laugh, scooting myself a little closer to him now that his computer is gone.

  “I figured that. We are just going back to my place.”

  His place.

  “I like the sound of that,” I say as he opens up his muscular arms and I curl myself inside them.

  I tell him about the night at the hospital and he tells me a little about his day at the office—minus the parts about him getting hard at his desk and my panties getting wet on the bus. He tells me about the process of making vodka—I’m sure a “For Dummies” version—and I explain some of the basics about hospital work. Our work environments are completely different; our lives are completely different. How are we finding so much to talk about?

  Ryan pulls the town car into a private garage off Lake Shore Drive into an impressive looking apartment complex. I never knew where Luke lived—I imagined it would be nice, but just from its location I know this place will make me feel so inferior.

  Ryan opens the door for me and helps me out before we head towards a private elevator. Luke pulls a keycard out of his suit jacket, slipping it into the card reader. A button for the penthouse suite lights up on the elevator’s display panel.

  My family was on the higher-end of the middle class in Florida. My parents sent me to private school and whatever I asked for, they provided. That was until I stopped asking for things—they’d still manage to get things for me because they wanted to put on the show that we were really well off. How lame. Even though I wanted for nothing, I know my family was nothing like what I’m about to walk into.

  Thinking of my family makes me wonder what Luke’s family is like? Has he been rich his whole life? I know he said he had his first job when he was young, but that might have been out of the fun of the hustle, not because he needed to work. I don’t want to ask about that now. I just want to see where he leads this night. Hopefully into his bed.

  The elevator doors open up and I see a white, clean lobby area with a large round black marble table in the middle of the room with a vase of red roses. Just past the table are two double doors that Luke walks towards. He sticks another key in a slot next to the door before it opens.

  I step into the room and my breath hitches. My eyes instantly dart to the floor to ceiling windows ahead of me showing off the lit up Chicago skyline, I would bet good money this view is better than the one we saw at the Willis Tower.

  “You like what you see?” Luke whispers into my ear, pulling me closer to his side.

  I turn to face him, “Is this where I give you a cheesy line about loving the view as I stare at your body?”

  He busts out laughing. He remembers that cheesy line he pulled on me on our Willis Tower date.

  “No, you don’t need to tell me anything about my body. I don’t need a confidence boost,” he winks at me.

  “Who said that? Maybe I’m grossed out by what I see. I mean who wants to stare at a guy in finely tailored suits all the time. I mean who
the hell knows what’s under there?” I tease, giving his bicep a playful shove. I definitely do like what I see—and I’m dying to see more of that handsome body … without the suit. He must feel my eyes drinking him in.

  Luke instantly pulls me into his chest, I grab onto his chiseled arms, and I’m pressed full body against him. We lock eyes and then he brings his lips to mine. His tongue darts inside my mouth and I feel him pull on my lower lip with his teeth. Vibrations tremble throughout my eager body—needy for whatever he has to offer me. I’m terrified but I’m equally excited.

  “Still grossed out?” he growls into my ear as he pulls my scrubs and tank top off, tossing them to the marble floor.

  “Oh yeah, repulsed,” I say, pushing his suit jacket off and throwing it on the growing pile of clothes. I slowly unbutton his dark blue dress shirt, and as I push it off his firm chest, I step back in absolute shock.

  Now I know what he’s been hiding under these three-piece suits … Luke is covered in tattoos!

  My eyes scan the full sleeves on each of his arms up to the large piece on his chest. Just knowing he hides these pieces of artwork from the public, but is sharing them with me, makes my panties even wetter. Our sexy little secret.

  “Damn, you’re so hot,” I pant without realizing how stupid that must sound. Of course he knows he’s hot. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of your tattoos when I confessed to having one?”

  I feel like a complete idiot. He strides over, closing the gap between us to pick me up, wrapping my thighs around his waist.

  “I thought it was cute that it was your secret. I didn’t want to take that away from you. And I knew I’d eventually show you,” he confesses, carrying me out of the living room, pushing open a door, and throwing me down on a big bed. Stripping off my pants, he stands back admiring my body as I lay in my underwear. Seeing him stare at me makes my body tingle from head to toe.

  “Ditch the pants, Luke,” I command, hearing my voice take on a husky tone I’ve never heard before. He smiles a wicked grin at me before unbuckling his belt and sliding his pants and boxer briefs down. My hungry eyes take in his body, stopping to stare at his massive cock. I’m not going to be dumb and question if it will fit—I know how anatomy works—but I’m still scared.