The Power of Salvation

by Passarelli, Caterina

  Luke hits a button and the divider between us and Ryan slides down. “Ryan, take us back to Ariana’s apartment.”

  “Wait, what? Why are we going back to my apartment?” I ask confused. We don’t normally spend the evening at my place, always his. I grab my phone from my purse getting a text message ready. “I should let Serena know we are coming back just in case she’s there with Jack doing something we shouldn’t walk in on,” I laugh. I’ve walked in on a few too many things I’d rather not when it comes to Serena.

  “No, I’m not coming to the apartment with you. I think we should end this.”

  “Why? I understand getting into a fight with Drake is probably not the highlight of our evening, but that doesn’t mean that you and I need to spend the night alone. This date doesn’t need to end.”

  We are pulling up in front of my apartment quicker than I expected and Ryan puts the car in park.

  “I’m sorry but this is not going to work out. We shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

  Whoa! I thought he didn’t want to end this date, not our relationship.

  “Luke, what the hell are you talking about?” I reach for his hand to take into mine but he pulls it back quickly, rejecting me. “Please, tell me what just happened? None of this makes any sense.”

  Luke reaches across me to open my car door as Ryan waits just outside of it. I’m getting kicked out of his car—and it appears his life.

  “Luke, you don’t have to do this,” I beg. It’s like the words are coming out of my mouth without any thought. I can’t decide if this is happening in slow motion or hyper speed.

  “Ariana, go.”

  Just like that I take one last look at his busted face before rushing out of the car into my empty apartment, where I spend the night crying in confusion.

  What the fuck happened tonight?

  Chapter twenty-three

  Two weeks have gone by with no word from Luke.

  I miss him.

  I’m still confused.

  I randomly burst into tears when I’m alone.

  Everything reminds me of him. Even the hospital.

  Christmas comes and goes. I spend the evening alone, lying to Serena that I have plans while she goes to be with her family.

  I throw myself into my work. Luckily, the end of my residency is right around the corner.

  I want to know what caused Luke to get so angry and kick me out of his car—but I don’t think I ever will. I’ve sent a few text messages and made a few phone calls. No answer. I will not beg someone to talk to me, to respect me enough to give me closure. I know how to be alone and I can slip back into the mode if I choose.

  I guess that’s what I’ll do.

  I’ve done this since I was a teenager.

  I never needed anyone.

  I am better off alone.

  Fuck this.

  This was the longest shift in my entire residency. I was all over the place! Just when I thought I was done with my shift, there was a shooting. Not just any shooting. This one broke out in our parking lot between two families feuding. It’s stuff like this you think can’t be real until you work here.

  There doesn’t seem to be any Drivers nearby so I decide the cold yet fresh air may do me good on this dark night. I start the journey through the downtown streets towards my apartment. Instead, I end up mindlessly walking until I find myself entering Molly Diner’s. Luckily, it’s 24 hours because it’s two in the morning as I shuffle myself towards the booth I sat in not too long ago with Luke.

  I pick up the pink menu and scan the list of options, but when Kathy walks to my table it’s like I didn’t read a single word. I put the menu down and look up to meet her kind, warm eyes.

  “Want can I get you, kid?”

  “I’d love a coke and a cheeseburger,” I say.

  She writes my order down on her pad. “You want some French fries?”

  “You know it!”

  She winks at me before walking to the table across from mine to get their orders too. The crowd right now is quite a mix—between teenagers binging after a night of drinking, night shift truck drivers, and a few sketchy individuals that I couldn’t guess their stories if I tried. But maybe they are looking back at me the same way? I think my scrubs give me away though.

  Kathy is back at my table setting down the glass of coke. “Aren’t you Luke’s friend?”

  And there is it. I was sure she didn’t recognize me because I made it this far.

  “Yeah, but I don’t think you’ll see us in here together anymore.”

  “And why’s that?”

  Normally I’m not the kind of girl who offers up information about my life to anyone—let anyone a stranger. But the way Kathy asks makes me feel like she truly cares, not like she’s prodding for gossip.

  “I don’t really know to be honest. Things were going pretty good.” I look down at my hands now clenched on top of the table. “Until they weren’t. He ended things and we haven’t spoke since.”

  She shakes her head and lets out a small sigh. “Luke is a lot work.”

  “You’re telling me,” I mumble under my breath. Kathy chuckles hearing my whispers.

  “I can see that you know he’s a lot of work.” She laugh before taking a more serious tone. “To me that means you’ve gotten close to him. He doesn’t let many people close—really he doesn’t let anyone close.”

  I nod my head in agreement and she leaves me alone for the rest of my meal. With warm food in my belly, I continue my cold walk back to my apartment. It’s when I turn the corner that this walk suddenly proves to be the worst idea I’ve ever had. Staring me straight in the face is a giant billboard of Luke and me … nearly naked. Oh my god. I want to be embarrassed or even sad, but I can’t. The photo is absolutely breathtaking. The overwhelming part is the sheer size—you cannot miss our billboard. A freakin’ billboard hanging off a downtown building right in the middle of all the city’s action.

  Showcased in black and white, Luke is laying on top of me on the bed with his forearms on either side of my face. He’s staring down at me in what looks like awe—the same look is reflected on my face back up at him. If you saw this picture, you’d think these two people were in love.

  Our lower bodies are tangled in the sheet and Luke’s arms cover my naughty parts … but Luke’s tattoo sleeves are on full display. And just like in that moment, it pisses me off that they are no longer our secret. But right now, I’m happy to see them one more time.

  I don’t know how long I stand on that corner and stare up at the billboard. It’s like time stands still.

  “Hey lady! Get out of the way!” an obnoxious man shouts as he bumps into me and snaps me out of my daze.

  “I’m sorry,” I mutter back towards him even though normally I’d get tell him to fuck off.

  “Wait. Isn’t that you?” he asks, pointing from the billboard to me.

  “No, you’re mistaken,” is all I say before continuing the walk I started hours ago.

  Chapter twenty-four

  Slumped over on the couch, with takeout Lebanese food probably stuck to my face, and another episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians playing on the TV, I can’t even count the amount of times Netflix has asked me if I’m still watching the show.

  Yes, Netflix. Mind your own damn business.

  “Girl, you can’t live your life like this. This is kind of gross,” Serena says, reaching for my takeout container. A sound that can only be described as an evil growl comes out of my mouth.

  “Put that back down, now.” I didn’t tell Serena about the billboard or how I stood and stared at it for much too long. I know people will recognize us, but I’m not ready to talk.

  Serena looks at me trying to decide if I’m a threat or not—you know because of the growling and all. She walks away with the container, apparently deciding I’m not.

  “You can’t keep going on like this. He’s not worth it.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing. I just need a break t
o relax, okay?” I’m not even convinced by my own lame ass lie.

  “Clean yourself up. We are going out tonight. If you try to fight me on this, I will drag you out by your hair,” Serena commands before going into her bedroom.

  Ugh. I know she’s serious about the ‘pulling you out by your hair’ threat because I’ve seen her do that to another friend back in our college days. Damn it.

  Maybe you need this.

  Before I question the sudden positive thought, I head to the bathroom to shower. When was the last time I showered? Who knows. Okay, maybe when Serena called me gross she was right. I take a long shower and play some girl power anthems while getting ready. If I’m going out tonight and I have to stand next to Serena, I need to be presentable.

  When I feel adequate enough, I find my friend waiting in the living room. And for the first time in history, she’s there before me.

  “I didn’t want you to use me taking too long as an excuse not to go,” Serena says as she jumps up from the couch, handing me a clutch as we walk out the door. Luckily, she’s called us a Driver who’s already idling at the curb. I don’t ask where we are going, but I know Serena will not disappoint. I also assume we aren’t going out alone—Serena travels with a crew unless she’s with Jack. The minivan makes two stops to pick up Serena’s wolf pack and then pulls up at the hottest nightclub in Chicago—Crave.

  We pile out of the van in a flurry of long legs, big hair, and tight dresses. Serena walks us towards the bouncer, past the long line of people waiting. I try hard not to look at their faces—I can only imagine the glares—as I stick by Serena’s side. She drops her name to the lady with a clipboard next to the bouncer as he moves the rope and lets us pass.

  “Let’s do this thing, ladies!” Serena shouts before strutting towards the bar.

  Stephanie, Tonya, and Cristal excitedly head towards the bar with me slowly dragging ass behind. I don’t know if I’m ready to let go and ‘do this thing’ with the ladies but I’m here so what the hell.

  Yet another pep talk time …

  You need this.

  You need to let go.

  You are uptight.

  You deserve to have fun.

  You didn’t do anything wrong. That you can figure out.

  “Tequila shots!” Serena turns from the bar pointing towards a line of shots waiting for us. My stomach is already nervous, but I down the shot with the rest of the girls, ready to move past whatever depression I’ve been sinking into.

  Shots down.

  Round two down.

  Then it’s time to hit the dance floor. We move to the center of the room and stick together. The alcohol moves through my body and I feel good. Swaying my hips and tossing my hair back and forth with my hands in the hair—I let loose. Hands roam over my body and I look down to realize … they aren’t mine. I’m not the type of girl who lets a guy paw all over her in a club but fuck it.

  I push my hips back and rock into this dude’s erection. Ew. Okay, be a grown up. I turn around to make this a little less awkward and notice this guy is hot. Tall, dark, and handsome kind of hot. He smiles at me before gripping onto my hips to continue the dance.

  The other ladies have also partnered up with random guys. A shot girl walks around with a tray of shots that I take one off and immediately down. Looking at the hot guy dancing with me I conclude I’m feeling zero emotions. Absolutely no emotions whatsoever.

  “You’re beautiful,” hot guy shouts into my ear over the loud music.

  “Was that an accent I hear?” I shout. Good looks and an accent—this should be any girl’s dream. I wish I had feelings right now because my lady parts would be singing.

  “Scottish,” hot Scottish guy says pulling me closer to him by my hips. He presses his lips to mine and my brain says to punch him but my body doesn’t give a shit. I kiss him back. I kiss him back hard holding onto his biceps. He’s sloppy with his tongue but I’m drunk enough not to care at all.

  We continue to be all over each other in the middle of the dance floor for the next few songs and then I feel someone’s hand on my lower back. I jerk out of Scottish guy’s arms and turn around ready to fight. That’s when I see a surprised looking Serena.

  “Hey, calm down,” Serena shouts towards me, “it’s time to go.”

  “Already? But I don’t wanna,” I say pouting and holding on to her, praying I don’t fall over.

  Scottish guy is within grasp as well, eyeing me like a piranha.

  “The bar is closing girl.” Serena turns us towards the door. “Say goodbye to your friend and let’s go.”

  I wave goodbye to Scottish guy who looks annoyed that he’s going home alone. Before I can give him a chance to say something to me, Serena and I walk arm-in-arm out of the club.

  I don’t remember the Driver ride back towards the apartment but somehow I’m getting into my bed while Serena is pulling the covers up for me.

  “Goodnight my sweet friend. I’m glad you came out with us. Proud of you,” she says before she presses a kiss to my forehead and I slip into a knocked out sleep.

  I dream of hurt little boys, loud yelling, being rejected, and then the familiar dream with Allen makes it way back in. I haven’t dreamed of what happened to me since I told Luke about it.

  I wake up screaming.

  Chapter twenty-five

  Making my rounds the next day with a killer hangover is probably one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done. I am chugging water whenever I get the chance to rid the alcohol from my bloodstream. Passing by the staff room, I want to curl up on the couch to get some much-needed sleep, but I spot the chief rounding the corner.

  Pretend you didn’t get drunk last night.

  “Your mother is on the phone,” Chief Pitters says to someone behind me as she walks towards me in the hallway. Instead of being nosy and turning around to look, I walk right past her without batting an eye. “Ariana, hello,” I hear her say in an annoyed tone.

  I turn around. “Chief, what’s up?”

  “I said your mother is on the phone. Sounds urgent,” she says in her straight to the point way. This lady has delivered the worst news to many people within her career that she is numb to emotional reactions.

  “My mother? Are you sure you have the right person?”

  “Are you or are you not Dr. Ariana Bellisano?” She sasses me. “Go pick up the nearest phone, she’s on line three.”

  I walk away from the chief in utter disbelief. My feet carry me to a phone in the staff room and somehow I answer line three without realizing how I even got here. I haven’t spoken to my mom since I moved out of the house after graduating high school. Why the hell is she calling me? Is this some kind of prank?

  “Hello,” I say, unsure of who is really on the other end of the line.

  “Ariana,” I hear my mother’s voice say with zero emotion, “hello?”

  “Hello, yes I’m here.”

  I can’t believe I’m on the phone with my mom.

  “Your father is in the hospital. He’s had a heart attack. Come home if you want to see him. It’s not looking good.”

  My stomach drops.

  “When did this happen? What are his physicians saying? Should I call the hospital?” A million questions run through my head, and I seem to spit out as many as I can in a frantic exchange with my mother.

  “Ariana, I don’t have all day to answer questions. I need to get back into your father’s room. I will email you the information about the hospital. Get yourself on a plane here.”

  Did my mom just say she’ll email me important information about my father’s health instead of just talking to me? Wow. I remember why it was so easy not to miss them. It’s all business, no compassion in her voice.

  “Okay. Do you know my email?” I ask. This is so weird. I didn’t even know my mother knew how to email.

  “No.”

  Pulling teeth would be easier than having this conversation. I give her my email address and she quickly says goodbye. I pull the ph
one away from my face with a shaky hand, realizing I’ve had a death grip on it the entire time.

  My father had a heart attack.

  It’s not looking good.

  I walk around the hospital aimlessly looking for the chief. I find her in the cafeteria sitting alone reading, so I take a seat across from her.

  “Ariana, everything okay?” Chief Pitters asks, putting her book down.

  “My dad had a heart attack and my mom thinks I need to go right away,” I say the words in a panic. “Can you have someone cover my shifts for the next few days? I would really appreciate it. I mean if you can’t let me that would be okay, I can stay but …”

  “Of course! Ariana, go be with your family. Take the time you need,” the chief says in a surprisingly caring tone.

  That was way easier than I thought. I’ve never taken a day off work before, and now it’s for my parents who I haven’t spoken to in nearly eight years.

  “I can finish tonight’s shift though,” I say standing up.

  The chief shocks me by saying, “No. Go home. You won’t be able to concentrate here tonight.”

  She’s right. Since the minute I found out it was my own mother on the phone, I started shaking. My heart is racing, my blood pressure must be through the roof, and somehow I walked into the staff room to put on my jacket.

  Now what do I do? Cab. I need a ride. I hit the Driver app on my phone seeing Ali is five minutes away in a Chevy Malibu. I hit the “Pick Me Up” button and walk towards the parking lot to meet her. I can’t wait to just sit down and collect my thoughts.

  Just as the wind hits my face while walking into the chaotic parking lot, I see the Malibu pull up. I get into the car and tell Ali my address. She doesn’t push me with any questions beyond the general ‘how are you?’ garbage. My bad mood must be loud and clear, which I’d normally try to hide, but right now I can’t focus on making nice. Luckily, the ride is short.

  The apartment is empty when I walk in. I head straight to the liquor cabinet to pour myself a stiff drink before plopping down on the couch.