by Meg Jolie
I felt his nose slide across my cheek. And then his lips were on mine.
I was so shocked I didn’t move. The kiss only lasted seconds and then he hastily moved away. His arms dropped to his sides.
“Oh. Wow. I can’t believe I did that.”
I put my fingers to my lips. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to brush the kiss away, or seal it in.
“I’m really sorry, Emory,” he muttered. “Tonight, I’m just not thinking clearly.” He took a step away, moving to his truck. “I should get going. Can we...uh…can we forget that happened?”
I nodded and pushed a reassuring smile onto my face. “Consider it forgotten.”
Chapter THIRTEEN
Consider it forgotten.
As if I could forget.
I slept horribly that night.
Was it cheating if I hadn’t kissed him back?
Was it cheating if I hadn’t kissed him back…but part of me wanted to?
That realization slammed into me like a kick to the gut. I wasn’t supposed to feel that way about Caleb. I tried to tell myself I didn’t feel that way about him. I was angry with Noah but I loved him.
The way I felt about Caleb could be described as complicated at best. I adored him for the time he spent with Tyler. I appreciated him for all of the support he’d given me when it came to my mom. I needed him to feel just a little closer to Evan. Caleb invoked a myriad of emotions within me. All of them positive.
But that didn’t mean that I felt anything romantic toward him. I was just confused.
A nagging little voice in my head told me I should tell Noah about it. I ignored it because a much louder internal voice was telling me I had better not. What good would it do? It would only upset him.
Caleb had apologized.
He’d admitted he hadn’t been thinking clearly.
He’d asked if we could pretend it never happened.
As I rolled out of bed, I decided that’s what I needed to do.
If it was forgotten, it couldn’t be mentioned.
I hurriedly got ready for school. As I stumbled down the stairs I cursed myself yet again for registering for an eight ’o clock class. Mom and Tyler were rushing out the door as I headed to the fridge.
“Oh, good,” Mom said. “You are up. I thought maybe you were going to skip class today.”
Was that a note of disapproval I heard in her tone? I didn’t know if I should be irritated by it or relieved that she noticed.
“Just running late,” I said.
She and Tyler said their goodbyes and hurried out the door.
I spotted my phone on the kitchen counter. A quick glanced showed four missed calls and two voicemails from Noah.
As if my morning hadn’t already gotten off to a bad start, I found a bottle of wine in the recycling bin. It was one that hadn’t been there yesterday. I knew. I watched those things. So much for Caleb’s heart to heart with Mom. I had hoped his words would get through to her. It was obvious that they hadn’t.
The sight of it made me want to cry.
Or trudge back up to my room, pull the blankets over my head, and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.
I know she hadn’t meant it as a suggestion, but the thought of skipping Understanding Literature was tempting.
I seriously debated it. In fact, I debated so long that when I finally did try to sneak into Understanding Literature, I was five minutes late. Riley winced as I slid into my seat. I was glad she hadn’t waited for me because my arrival did not go unnoticed. I should’ve known from my classmates’ prior attempts that there was no such thing as sneaking into class where Dr. Clayton was concerned.
I received the expected tongue lashing but I didn’t have it in me to care. I made the appropriate mumbled apology and plastered on a contrite face. On the inside, my mind was a million miles away.
I had listened to Noah’s voicemails as I drove into school. He had sounded concerned. He’d apologized profusely for not coming. I felt so conflicted. I understood why he hadn’t been able to make it. But that hadn’t stopped me from wanting him here. I didn’t call him back because I was already in too much of a rush.
And maybe because I felt a bit guilty. Noah knew me well enough, I was afraid he’d hear the thread of guilt in my voice.
I couldn’t get Caleb’s kiss out of my mind for more than a few minutes at a time. It was like the time I’d accidentally stumbled across a video of a man being brutally attacked by a shark. I hadn’t meant to see it. I wanted to unsee it. Yet the visual just played over and over in my head.
“Tough night?” Riley asked after class as we filed out into the hallway. She was looking at me sympathetically.
“Yes.” She had no idea.
She tossed her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a quick hug. “I know I wasn’t there for you last night. But I’m all yours today. Well,” she clarified, “I’m all yours as soon as classes are over. We should go out for dessert.”
“Why dessert?”
She shrugged. “Why not? Okay, okay. I’ve been craving the French Silk pie at Clarice’s. I know how much you like the Key Lime. Meet me there around four? It’ll be my treat.”
“You don’t have to do that but yes, I’ll meet you there.”
“Good. Then after that, maybe we can rent a movie or something. Or you can just come hang out at the dorm? We’ll find something to do. You look like you could use a distraction.”
I nodded. “I won’t argue with that.”
***
When I’d walked into Clarice’s, Riley had beamed at me. She seemed far happier than she should’ve been over a piece of pie. I realized maybe she was just happy that I’d agreed to meet with her. That way, she knew I wasn’t home moping.
Or maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.
I watched as she picked up her phone yet again. It wasn’t like her to constantly text while she was with someone. In fact, she’d told me before how rude she thought it was. The fact that she was texting now made me think it must be something important.
“You know,” I said, “if you have other things to do, go ahead. I’m fine.”
She glanced up from her phone and a guilty look crossed her face. “No,” she said as she finished tapping in her message. “I’m done now.” As if to prove her point, she placed her phone on the table very deliberately.
“Who are you so busy texting?” Normally I wasn’t nosy enough to ask. I always figured if she wanted me to know, she’d tell me. “Is it a boy…?” I asked in a teasing tone. I wasn’t in a teasing kind of mood. But sometimes it helped to play the part.
She shrugged. “It’s no one I want to talk about right now.”
Fair enough. I was willing to respect her privacy.
I watched as she cut off a tiny wedge of her pie. It was a gesture I was used to. Riley didn’t indulge often, but when she did, she made the most of it. She would savor every tiny bite, emphasis on tiny.
I took another bite of my own pie. Usually, it was divine. Today, it seemed to have no flavor at all.
Riley glanced up at me. She seemed to be debating something.
I raised my eyebrows as I slowly chewed, trying to indicate that she should just get on with whatever she had to say.
“So Mom told me there’s going to be a huge Martin family reunion this summer. Do you think there’s any chance your mom will go?” She bit her lip and looked hopefully at me.
“That’s the first I’ve heard of it. I have no idea.” Martin had been their maiden name. I wasn’t sure if Mom hadn’t told me because she wasn’t aware, or if she hadn’t told me because she had no intention of going.
“I heard they’re going all out. And I know a family reunion sounds kind of lame, but it might be fun. Even if your mom decides not to go, you and Tyler should definitely come,” she said.
I cringed. “I’m sure that would go over real well.”
She looked like she was ready to chastise me. Maybe tell me it didn’t matter what m
y mom thought about it. Just because she chose to alienate herself from her family, didn’t mean Tyler and I had to.
We’d had this discussion before.
Many times.
I was spared when her phone vibrated against the table, she smiled sheepishly at me. She didn’t wait for me to tell her to go ahead. She just grabbed it. A smirk landed on her face. She shot off a quick response.
“We’re about done here, aren’t we?” she asked. She scooped the last bite of pie into her mouth. For her, it was an enormous bite.
I nodded as I watched her pie disappear. Apparently our conversation was over as well. I glanced at my plate. I was only half done but I couldn’t bring myself to eat any more of it anyway.
I was surprised she was willing to cut our visit short. I was also relieved because I’d figured it was only a matter of time before she tried to delve into my head. Her texting, no matter how irritating, had been to my advantage.
“Sure,” I said.
I wondered if I should’ve been offended when I noted how quickly she slid from the booth. It was as if she couldn’t get out of Clarice’s fast enough. I briefly wondered if she’d finally had enough of my sulking.
I wouldn’t blame her.
She reached the door first and held it open for me. I slipped through with her directly at my back.
“Isn’t it just a gorgeous day?” she asked.
Her smile was huge.
The texts had to be from a guy. I couldn’t imagine anything else that would put Riley in such a giddy mood.
“I guess,” I agreed. The air was warm but it had been all week.
She nudged my shoulder.
“Do you know what you need?”
I obediently asked, “What?”
I shrieked when strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I was lifted off my feet. My heart slammed against my chest. It slammed so hard it took my breath away.
I heard Riley laugh even as I began to struggle against the arms holding me off the ground. My feet dangled inches from the sidewalk.
“Guess who,” a masculine voice said into my ear.
“Noah!”
I felt his laugh rumble through his chest. It vibrated against my back as he settled me back onto my feet.
“Good answer,” he chuckled.
“That’s what you need!” Riley smugly replied.
I wiggled around in his arms, quickly snaking my arms around his neck so I could pull him in for a kiss. His fingers dug into my hips, pulling me close, making me want far more of him than I should considering we were standing on a sidewalk on a busy street.
“And that,” Riley said, “is my cue to leave.”
I grudgingly ended the kiss so I could look at Riley. “You knew about this, didn’t you?”
She wiggled her phone at me. “Guilty as charged and proud of it.”
I wanted to surprise you,” Noah said. “But I wanted to make sure you weren’t busy when I got here. I didn’t want to waste time tracking you down, either. I didn’t want to waste a single minute once I got into town.”
“Thank you,” I said to Riley.
She nodded. “I’m out of here. You two kids have fun. It was nice seeing you Noah.” She waved and then darted off.
Noah took my hand in his. Now that I was paying attention, I saw his truck parked on the other side of the street.
I put my hand over my heart. It was still thundering in my chest. “You scared the hell out of me!”
“It was worth it, though, right?” he asked with a wink.
“Definitely. I just can’t believe you’re here!”
“I know I’m a day late,” he admitted. “But I don’t have class until ten tomorrow. I figure if I get up and leave around four thirty, I’ll make it in time.”
I tossed my arms around his neck. “I don’t care that you’re a day late. I’m just happy to see you.”
I loved this boy. I loved him so much.
“What classes are you missing?”
“Sociology and a stats class. Amanda is in both of them. She said she’d take good notes and get me a copy of them. And text me the assignments,” he explained. “I left around noon.”
“You made good time,” I said.
“I had some incentive to get here as quick as I could. I wish I could stay longer than just the evening but I don’t dare cut any more classes.”
“No, I totally get it,” I assured him.
He led me to his truck, opening the door for me when we reached it. He pulled me in for another quick kiss. I was laughing by the time I got inside.
“Where are we off to Mr. Callahan?”
He gave me a devilish smile. “My parents’ house. I told them I was coming home tonight to see you, since I couldn’t make it last night. They were very understanding. Mom assured me that she and Dad will be gone most of the evening. I think they’re taking Grandma out to dinner.”
“How’s Adelaide doing?” I asked.
He spared a glance at me as he pulled out onto the street. “Good. Great, actually. I just heard from my mom that some pretty little thing has been visiting Grandma quite often. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t come up.”
“Thanks for doing that. She really appreciates it. So do I,” Noah said.
“I actually really enjoy it too,” I admitted.
“They said we could join them for dinner if we want. But it’s totally up to you.”
I glanced at the clock. If we did meet them, that would give me a few hours alone with Noah first. I’d like to have him to myself all night but I didn’t want to be greedy. “We can join them. I know your parents will want to see you, and so will Adelaide.”
He glanced at me. “Are you sure? I’m fine with whatever you decide, but I came here tonight to be with you.”
The smile that had appeared on the sidewalk had yet to fade. “I’m positive. I like spending time with your family.” His family was proof that not all families were dysfunctional. Sometimes it was nice to have that reminder.
Noah being here was exactly what I needed. It made me feel as if all was nearly right in my world again. Driving to his house, talking about nothing and everything, it just felt so natural and right.
I debated talking to him about Mom but as always, a million excuses floated around in my head. It was important to me to handle at least one thing on my own. Though so far, I’d hardly done a stellar job at it.
Maybe now that the horrible one year milestone had passed, things would get better.
“Hello? Emory? You with me?” Noah asked.
We had just pulled into his driveway. I hadn’t realized I’d zoned out. I turned to him with a questioning look.
His forehead was crinkled in concern. “Was this a bad idea? Should’ve I called first? I mean, did you have something else going on?”
“No! I’m so happy that you’re here. I’m sorry. I’ve just been…,” I faded off because I wasn’t sure how to finish.
“Distracted,” Noah finished for me. He placed his hands on my cheeks, holding my gaze steady in his. “You’ve been really distracted. You want to tell me why?” I hesitated and he continued. “Let me rephrase that. Will you tell me why?”
“Just missing Evan,” I said. When it came down to it, my whole world seemed to be revolving in some way, around his death. If he was still here, Mom wouldn’t be drinking so much. If he was here, Caleb would never have been at my house last night. The kiss never would’ve happened. Hell, if Evan was here, my grades wouldn’t have gone all to hell. I wouldn’t be in this mess at all. Make that messes. The ones surrounding Mom, Caleb, and Noah, having him so far away.
Noah nodded as he watched emotions flash across my face. Apparently, he was satisfied with my answer. Maybe he realized that it encompassed so many different things.
“I hate to see you hurting. I wish I could do something to make it better. I’d do anything for you,” he said softly.
�
��Just kiss me,” I whispered.
He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. It wasn’t the same kind of kiss he’d greeted me with when I’d shown up at his dorm. That kiss had been fiery, greedy, and had set my hormones ablaze.
This kiss was just what I needed. It was gentle. It was sweet. It felt full of purpose. I felt as though he were giving me all of himself while taking nothing.
“Thank you,” I whispered when he broke away.
“Feel better?”
I nodded because oddly enough, I did. “Just being with you always makes me feel better, more at peace.”
I didn’t know how to tell him that I thought of him as my anchor. He was the one thing that held me in place. His love held me steady when my waves of grief and fear threatened to sweep me away. Without him, I felt lost, like I was drifting aimlessly.
Chapter FOURTEEN
“Noah’s phone!” The sing-song voice hit me with a disorienting wave of déjà vu.
Amanda answering Noah’s phone once had been annoying. Answering it twice? That was completely unacceptable. I didn’t care if she’d taken notes for Noah earlier in the week so that he could come see me.
I didn’t trust her.
“Let me talk to Noah.” I hoped my tone was even. I did not want her to know that she was grating my nerves to shreds.
“I’m sorry,” she simpered. “Noah can’t come to the phone right now.”
I wanted to ask why the hell not.
“Can I ask whose calling?” she asked sweetly before I managed to say anything.
“Cut the crap,” I said with a scowl. “This is Emory and you know it. Now let me talk to Noah.”
“Amanda?” It was a girl’s voice saying her name.
“I’m sorry,” Amanda said into the phone. “But I told you, Noah can’t come to the phone. I’ve got to go. I need to help my roommate with something in the kitchen.”
She disconnected and I stood there, gripping my phone so hard I was surprised it didn’t crack. What was Noah doing at Amanda’s house this early on a Saturday morning? And why in the hell couldn’t he answer his phone?
An image of Noah, sprawled out asleep in Amanda’s bed, flickered through my mind. I shoved it away. I didn’t know what was going on. But I did know Noah. I was certain he was incapable of behavior that was that despicable.