by Meg Jolie
There had to be an explanation for this.
It took nine long hours before I finally got that explanation.
In the meantime, I’d been driving myself crazy. My fingers were constantly twitching, aching to call Noah again. I hated feeling so cut off. However, I didn’t want to risk giving Amanda the satisfaction of taking my call yet again.
When Caleb had stopped by to see if he could take Tyler to the park, I’d gladly handed him off. Then I’d felt guilty for it.
Caleb had noticed how high strung I was. He’d invited me to join them. I hadn’t even considered it. I didn’t know how the call with Noah was going to go.
Finally, I couldn’t take waiting any longer. I sent Noah a text, asking him to call me as soon as he got a chance. My phone rang within minutes. I’d been watching a movie but as soon as his ringtone sounded, I raced up the stairs to my room.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, but I’m glad you called.” It was so comforting to hear his voice.
“Why didn’t you just call me?”
I explained to him that I had called earlier. I let him know that Amanda had answered again and had let me know that he was unable to come to the phone. I told him I didn’t want to risk talking to her again.
“Oh,” he said. “I didn’t realize you’d called.”
“Do I want to know why she was answering your phone again? Or why you were at her house so early in the morning? Or why you couldn’t come to the phone? What were you so busy doing? Why was she—”
“Hey, hold up a second,” Noah interrupted. “You’ve got this all wrong. I wasn’t at her house this morning. I couldn’t tell you why she answered it again, except that seems to be what people do when a phone rings. They answer it.”
“You weren’t at her house…but your phone was? How did that happen?”
He sighed. “I guess I dropped it last night. I didn’t realize it was missing until she brought it by this afternoon. She didn’t mention that you called.”
“Is she still there?”
“What? In my room? No.” He sounded confused that I’d even asked.
“But you were at her house last night. I thought you were going to a party last night. How did you end up at Amanda’s?”
“I did go to the party, with some friends. I ended up driving her home. I’m not sure how my phone ended up with her. I swear. I must’ve dropped it when I brought her into the house.”
He might not know how she ended up with his phone, but I had a hunch. The conniving little tramp had swiped it from him, I was sure.
“How lucky that she found it,” I said sarcastically. “Where was it?” Her pocket?
He cleared his throat. “On her bedroom floor.”
“Her…her bedroom floor. You were in another girl’s bedroom?” I asked. I was struggling to keep my tone completely flat.
“I brought her up to her bedroom. I had to half carry her up the stairs. I didn’t think her roommates could do it.”
I winced at the mental image of Noah with his arms around another girl. Around Amanda. I could picture her snuggling right into him, pressing her breasts against him, breathing against his neck. I had no problem envisioning her playing the damsel in distress, knowing full well that Noah would step in, playing the part of her knight in shining armor.
Damn Noah and his impeccable manners.
I needed to get that image out of my mind.
“Right,” I said in a clipped tone. “You had to bring her all the way to her bedroom. Did you undress her and tuck her in too?”
“What? No! Now you’re just being ridiculous!”
“I’m being ridiculous? You half carried a drunken girl to her room. A drunken girl who clearly has a crush on you. A girl who obviously wants to cause problems between you and me. A girl who more than likely stole your phone. And I’m being ridiculous?”
“You think she stole my phone?” he scoffed. “That doesn’t even make sense! She has her own phone.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it. He was so obviously missing the point. He’d probably figure out what I was implying later, after he’d had a minute to think about it. “Amanda isn’t like that. You don’t know her. She’s a nice girl.”
Coming from most guys She’s a nice girl was like the kiss of death. Coming from Noah, it was a legitimate compliment. I leaned back and banged my head against the wall.
“Noah, no, she’s not. You’re the sweetest guy I know. But you are far too trusting. She’s playing you. You are playing right into it.”
He hesitated for a moment before saying, “I don’t think I am. And I don’t think it’s fair of you to judge her.”
A wave of panic washed over me. I did not want to do this. I did not want to fight. Especially not when he was so far away, when I was here and she was there.
In the course of a single conversation, one of the things I loved most about Noah, one of his best qualities, had become one that terrified me. He was too naïve, too trusting. Judging by this conversation, it was only going to be a matter of time before that naivety got him into trouble.
I knew if I kept verbally attacking her, he’d keep defending her.
I had to take a mental step back, give myself a second to regroup. I needed to go about this another way before it blew up in my face.
“You’re right,” I finally agreed. “I don’t know her. But I do know you. I trust your judgment.” It was a tiny lie, but what else could I say? “And I trust you implicitly. If you tell me I have nothing to worry about, I believe you.”
“Thank you,” he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. It bolstered me forward.
“That doesn’t mean I approve of you spending so much time with her.” He started to protest but I cut him off. “Please hear me out?”
“Okay, fine,” he said quietly.
“Just because I trust you doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with you spending time with her. She’s a gorgeous girl. She’s there. I’m five hours away.” My voice cracked under the strain of my tears. I hadn’t meant to pull out the waterworks but if there was one thing Noah couldn’t stand up against, it was a girl crying. I knew it wasn’t fair to him, but I couldn’t make them stop. I had a nasty habit of crying when I was angry and scared. Right now, I was both. I was angry at Amanda and terrified that Noah would walk right into her trap, not realizing it until it was too late.
“It doesn’t matter how far away you are,” Noah said patiently. “I love you, just you.”
“I know. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel totally insecure right now. I get that you have to see her for school. But do you really need to spend time with her outside of your project? Just think about that for a minute, Noah. Am I supposed to be okay with that? You hanging out with a beautiful girl, drinking, at a party. You bringing her home, carrying her up to her room. Do you see how just maybe I’d have a hard time with that?”
“You’re right. I see what you’re saying. But I wasn’t drinking. And to be clear, I wasn’t with her at the party. I was with some guys from my dorm. When I was getting ready to leave, one of her roommates asked me to drive Amanda home. The roommate was staying at the party and wanted to be sure that Amanda got home safely.”
Of course she did, I thought. Because that’s exactly what a good little coconspirator would do. I kept that assessment to myself because Noah would never see it the same way I did. I needed to choose my words carefully.
“You know what? Maybe I am wrong,” I conceded. “Maybe I’ve completely misjudged the situation. But that doesn’t change the way I feel. Do you spend any time with her other than your projects?”
He hesitated and my stomach dropped.
“She’s eaten lunch with us a few times. Some guys and I usually eat on campus. She and a few of her friends sometimes sit at our table.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, not really surprised to hear this but not the least bit happy about it. At least he was being honest with me.
“A few times when we
were in the game room, she’s been there,” he continued.
“Of course she has,” I muttered.
“We’re going to run into each other,” Noah said.
“You don’t think it’s strange she shows up where you are?”
“No,” he said, his tone matter of fact, “I don’t. We have two of the same classes, some of the same friends. The campus really isn’t that big. She’s usually with her same group of friends. I’m usually with my same group of friends. Maybe one of the girls in her group has a thing for one of the guys I hang around with.”
“Or maybe she has a thing for you. Think about it, Noah. Is it really so inconceivable? It shouldn’t be. I happen to know from experience that you’re a really easy guy to fall for.” I was trying to bring some levity to the situation, though my words were true. And I did want him to think them through.
I knew all the way down to my soul that I was right about her.
“Are you ever alone with her?”
“That depends on your definition of alone.” He sounded put-out that I was asking. “If you mean have we ever been the only two at the lunch table because everyone else finished before us, yes. If you mean have we ever gone out to eat, just the two of us, no. If you’re asking if she and I have ever walked to class together without anyone else, yes. If you’re asking if we’ve ever gone for a walk through the park or something, no. I’ve been to her house for our study group, but other than last night, never without the rest of the group. Does that help?” His question sounded sincere, not condescending.
“It helps. But why do you walk to class together?”
“Because we have our last two classes of the day together. That’s kind of just how things worked out. We’re both headed the same direction. Why wouldn’t we walk together?”
I understood what he was saying. I did. But I still didn’t like it.
“Can we drop this?” he abruptly asked.
He was right. We needed to drop this. I had just done the one thing I’d warned myself not to do. I was pushing him into a corner.
“Yeah, let’s,” I agreed.
“Good. Because I don’t get what you want from me. I mean, am I supposed to not even be friends with her?” He sounded incredulous. So much for dropping the conversation. It seemed to me as if it were still moving forward, full steam ahead.
“Honestly?” I asked in a quivering voice. “I would appreciate that.”
I was met with a moment of silence. This conversation was so far from any conversation that we’d ever had before. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what his reaction was on the other side of the line. Was he shaking his head at me? Scowling in frustration? Dragging his hand through his hair while wearing a look of utter disbelief?
“Okay,” he finally said. “If you want me to stay away from her…I’ll try.”
I’ll try?
If he put in an effort, just how hard could it be?
I wasn’t going to go there. I felt I had no choice but to accept the concession I’d been given.
“Thank you.” It was all I dared to say.
“Now I have some questions for you,” Noah said. “Are you sure this really has to do with Amanda? Or is something else going on?”
“What else would be going on?” I asked.
“You tell me. You’ve been quiet when we talk. You seem distracted all the time,” he said. “When I came to visit you, you seemed like your mind was elsewhere.”
If I’d acted distracted, I hadn’t even realized it.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
His tone was soft when he said, “Emory, I don’t want an apology. I want you to talk to me. I want you to open up to me. I want you to trust me with whatever is going on in your life.”
I wanted to tell him right then. I couldn’t get the words out. I didn’t want to do it over the phone. If I was going to confide everything, I wanted to do it in person. I decided at that moment that the next time Noah came home, I would tell him everything. No more secrets. Until then, I just couldn’t get the words out.
“Everything is fine,” I said.
“Somehow, I knew you were going to say that,” he muttered.
***
“Is it me? Am I overreacting? Am I being ridiculous because I do feel so insecure?” I demanded.
Riley handed me a glass of ice-water before sitting down on her bed next to me. I didn’t give her a chance to answer.
“I want to believe him. But I know how she looked at me when she showed up in his dorm. I know I didn’t imagine that. And why was she there in the first place? She knew I would be there and Noah told her he’d get his book later.”
I turned to Riley. She was biting the inside of her cheek.
Until that moment, Casey had been sitting at her desk typing out a paper on her laptop. When I stopped talking, her fingers stopped moving. She spun around on her chair. I couldn’t begrudge her for overhearing. Their suite was larger than Noah’s small dorm. But the space was still limited. If I had wanted absolute privacy, I would’ve asked Riley to take a walk with me. I guess I wanted another opinion.
“I know you’re not really asking me, and I know we don’t really know each other all that well yet, but I think you have valid concerns. Even if you imagined the look, you did not imagine her making an excuse to stop by Noah’s room after he clearly told her not to. You did not imagine her answering his phone. Not just once, which could be excusable, but twice,” she said as she folded her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to butt in, but I think you might have a real problem.”
Riley hesitantly nodded. “I hate to say it but I think she’s right. There was no reason for her to answer Noah’s phone, especially the second time around. I don’t buy that Noah dropped it, either. That seems way too convenient.”
“She was trying to make a statement,” Casey said.
Riley snorted when she laughed. “Right. She was trying to say Skank on the loose, hang on to your man!’ I hate girls like her!” She shook her head. “Sorry. I know it’s not funny. On the bright side, you know Noah. It doesn’t matter how she feels about him. He’d never act on it.”
I noted how Casey’s eyes narrowed. She did not know Noah. A doubtful look settled onto her face.
“What?” I demanded.
She shrugged. “It must be nice, dating a guy like that. I’ve never dated someone that I trusted that much. Not under these circumstances. She’s clearly making a play for him. You know it, I know it. I can’t believe he doesn’t know it. But if you say he doesn’t…,” She shrugged. “What bothers me, though…is the fact that he’s defending her.”
I glanced at Riley. She just shrugged. He was defending her because he saw the good in everybody. That was the only reason. Wasn’t it?
Wasn’t it?
I hated that I was starting to not only doubt myself, but doubt him as well.
Was I the naïve one here? Was my trust in Noah going to come back to bite me in the ass?
No, I told myself. It was all going to work out. I was the one he’d just surprised with a visit. I was the one he told he loved. I was the one he’d do anything for.
Then why did I have that hollow ache in the pit of my stomach?
I turned to Casey again. “So what do you suggest I do?”
She shrugged. “I’ve got no idea. Cross your fingers, hope for the best and maybe the next eight months will fly right by.”
Riley groaned.
“Or,” Casey said as a mischievous smile appeared, “you two could call it quits from now until the end of the end of the year. You could see where things go. I know you think Noah’s the love of your life, but do you really know who else is out there?”
I stared at her for a moment. Was she serious? Because that advice was absolutely no help at all.
Chapter FIFTEEN
I tossed my textbook aside. I’d been studying, or at least trying to, for hours. I was sure I hadn’t retained any of the information. It was a Friday night. Riley was
working but Casey had asked me to join her and her friends.
It probably would’ve been a good idea for me to accept her offer. It would’ve taken my mind off of everything.
Instead, here I sat. That achy feeling in the pit of my stomach had not gone away.
Noah and I had never fought before. Not really. And while the conversation we had hadn’t really been a fight, somehow, it felt like something even worse. It felt like the proverbial calm before the storm. I felt restless and wired. If it weren’t for the fact that I had a test to study for, I would’ve considered hopping in my car to make the drive to Hudson. I didn’t think this uneasy feeling was going to go away until I saw Noah in person.
Memories of him tumbled through my mind. The day we’d floated down the Willow River ended up being one of the best days of my life. I had felt drawn to him in a way I’d never felt drawn to anyone before.
We’d gone our separate ways for a few hours. Noah with his friends, me with mine. Then later, everyone had gone to Drew’s. I’d spotted Noah the same moment he’d spotted me. He’d smiled and given me a half-wave. Minutes later, he’d made his way across the clearing. We talked some more and by the end of the evening, he’d shyly taken my hand. When it was time for me to go so I didn’t break my curfew, he’d walked me to my car. We made plans for the following Friday. And then slowly…so slowly, he’d leaned in, brushing his lips against mine. My arms had gone around his neck, holding him to me. His hands had settled on my waist. The tentative kiss had exploded.
I’d been twenty minutes late by the time I’d walked through my front door.
Our first date had been a football game, our high school’s first home game of the season. I’d had no idea what was going on, Noah patiently explained each play. I didn’t really care what was going on down on the field but I could’ve listened to the sound of his voice all night.
He was my date for junior and senior prom. Over the last few years, I barely had a memory that he wasn’t somehow entangled in.