by Amanda
"Because you are supposed to be snuggled up in bed, and I am supposed to be bringing you breakfast in bed, and you're supposed to be surprised." He grumbled like a petulant child, she stifled a laugh and turned on her heel and scampered back to bed, pulling the blankets up over her head and trying, fruitlessly to pretend to be asleep. Keeping the giggles at bay was the hardest part, but thankfully, she got them under control just as the door creaked open.
"Hey, sleepyhead, I've got breakfast here for you." He said gently near her ear, as if she hadn't just been in the kitchen watching him plate the food. She smiled under the blankets before sitting up and making a show of yawning and stretching.
"Oh! How sweet, what a surprise!" She exclaimed a little too enthusiastically and they both burst out in laughter.
When her sides were sore and tears were streaming down her face she finally caught her breath and leaned in to give him in a kiss on the cheek. She usually reserved them for bedtime, but it was getting harder and harder to resist touching him and kissing him…and not just on the cheek.
"Thank you, Brian, this is really sweet…even if I did ruin it."
"You didn't ruin it, you made it better, like you do with everything." Their eyes locked and the atmosphere changed, heated, and that now familiar warmth stirred in her belly. More than anything she wanted to lean in and kiss his full lips, she just couldn't. Tearing her gaze from his took much more effort than she thought it should, but she finally succeeded and picked up the plate of food from the night stand where he'd sat it down.
Brian cleared his throat before speaking, "We should probably eat before it gets cold, I'll pray."
A few hours later Aria was reading her Bible while Brian tended to Thunder and Jax when her cell phone rang. Looking at the screen told her it was Brian, that was strange, he was just out in the barn. Hoping nothing was wrong she answered tentatively.
"Brian? Is everything okay?"
"Uh, well, yeah." Was he nervous?
"Okay…"
"Listen, now that my family is gone I was thinking that it was time I took you on a proper date, you know, let the wooing commence."
"You couldn't tell me that face to face?" She couldn't keep the goofy grin from taking over her face.
"Well, you said before that you'd never dated anyone before, so I assumed that meant that you'd never had the awkward first date that most of us have in high school." No, she hadn't experienced high school at all.
"No, I've never had that experience."
"That's what I thought. I think everyone should experience that at least once, and of course those awkward dates always start with an awkward phone call." Her heart melted a little more, he was the sweetest husband-boyfriend a girl could ask for.
"Uh-huh, so this is that awkward phone call?" She heard his muffled chuckle.
"It is. This is the awkward conversation where I beat around the bush and kind of ask you out, but not really, in case you aren't interested, in which case I can just pass it off as just a casual thing and invite other people along to pretend it isn't a date."
"And if I do want it to be a date?"
"Then I pick you up at seven, sweaty palms and all, and take you on a classic high school date: dinner and a movie. So, um, will you…you know, go on a, uh, um…date…with me?" She could sense the smile in his voice, even through the feigned nervousness.
"Hmmm, I don't know…" she couldn't help but tease him a little.
"Please, Aria, you're the prettiest girl in school, it would be an honor to have you on my arm. I'll even dig out my letterman's jacket for you to wear." That brought on a fit of giggles.
"I would be honored to be your date this evening." She finally answered after she got the giggles under control. She heard a loud "yes" away from the phone, and could imagine him punching the air.
He cleared his throat and said into the phone, "I mean, cool. See you tonight." The giggles were back as she hung up, her first real, official date…and it was with a man she'd been married to and going on regular dates with for over six months. She shook her head, what a strange situation.
"Sweetheart, can I talk to you for a minute?" She was in her craft room working on a few dresses she promised Ami she would make her, turning toward the door she waved him in.
"I just went out and got the mail, we've been invited to a wedding, unfortunately they hesitated too long on sending out our invite, so we only have about three weeks until the wedding, and it's in Connecticut. If we want to go I'll need to book the tickets and rooms soon."
She shrugged, "I mean, that's up to you, if you want to go we will, they're your friends…or family?" He didn't say whose wedding it was, but she couldn't understand why he looked so nervous about asking her.
"Friend. A friend from college actually, Paul Kingston, the thing is, the reason they waited so long to send ours out is that he's also Kara's brother."
"That's why you look so nervous. I'm okay with it if you are, it's really up to you, I'd love to go, but if it's too awkward, I understand." Relief washed over his face.
"I want to go, I've known Paul a lot longer than Kara, but the awkwardness is more her parents than anything else. Paul sent a letter with the invitation explaining why it was such short notice, he wasn't sure if I'd want to be around his family with everything that has happened, but he still wants me to be there. He also said that Kara won't even be there, apparently her and Gus are married now and no one in the family will have anything to do with her. She keeps in touch with him, but that's it."
"That's really awful that they'd do that to her. I'd be okay with it, though, if she were there." He smiled at that and moved closer, holding his arms out in silent question, she returned the smile and stood to give him the hug he'd asked for.
"Alright, then, we'll go. I'll get everything set up, do you want separate rooms, or will one room with two beds be okay?"
She pulled back to look up at him, but remained in his arms, confused, she stared at him for several long seconds, did he not want her to share his bed anymore now that his family was gone? They hadn't really discussed it, but she'd hoped that they would keep sleeping in the same bed as they had been.
"We've been sleeping in the same bed, I assumed…uh, did you want me to move my stuff out? I'm sorry, I should have asked, but I just thought…"
"Oh no! I thought you would want to move out, what a relief! I would love nothing more than to continue to have you in arms every night. One bed it is."
She loved how thoughtful he always was. She wanted to kiss him and she was tired of holding back, she knew she shouldn't, she knew it would change their relationship yet again, but in that moment she didn't care.
She leaned in to kiss him, when he saw her intent he smiled and started to turn his face so she could kiss his cheek as she normally did. She shook her head and caught his face between her hands, pulling it down she planted her lips over his. It was a short, simple kiss but her heart still sped up and her body felt like it was on fire, she wanted more, but thought that that was probably enough for the moment.
She took a step back and looked up at Brian through her lashes, he was actually blushing, she couldn't believe it. He cleared his throat and made his way toward the door.
"Well, okay then. I'll go get that all set up." He stopped and turned when he got to the door, "Don't forget, I'll be at the front door to pick you up at seven." With a wink he turned and walked out the door.
Why was she nervous? She'd been out with him countless times, lived under the same roof with him, and slept in the same bed with him for crying out loud.
This was different though, this was the first time they'd gone out without his family since everything changed. And so much had changed, they weren't just friends anymore, there was an intense attraction between them, and it was getting more difficult to resist it all the time.
After the fifth wardrobe change, she realized she really was acting like a high school girl and decided to go with the dress Julia gave her the night of Bria
n's birthday and the street dance. It was hard to believe that was only two weeks ago, it felt like a lifetime ago. It was fitting, really, the last time she'd worn it their entire dynamic had changed, and she knew tonight would be another turning point in their relationship.
She went with a simple French braid and leather sandals instead of the cowboy boots and hat she'd worn last time. She debated on whether or not she needed a jacket, remembering Brian's heated gaze when he'd seen her without one warmed her from head to toe, then she remembered his relief when she'd wanted to wear one and the protective way he'd scared off any man that looked at her too long just by glaring at them.
He made it very clear to every man around that he was the only man allowed to look at her with desire and appreciation, and he didn't have to say a word. She flushed when she thought about how he made her feel with those looks, it was nothing like she felt when it was other men doing it. He didn't make her feel like a piece of meat or an object, he made her feel like she was precious, cherished, and yes, desired. Brian's desire wasn't just for her body though, and that made all the difference.
The doorbell rang and her heart lodged in her throat, this was it, their first official date, no going back from here. She grabbed the short-sleeved shrug she was contemplating and raced to the front door, putting it on as she went.
"Wow, Aria…you look…wow. You are so beautiful." She flushed under the compliment, unsure how to react. He held out a large bouquet of wildflowers, she brought them to her nose and inhaled the delicious sent.
"Thank you, Brian, these are gorgeous."
"Not half as gorgeous as you are, darlin'." Her face went bright red, her heart tried to beat out of her chest, and the butterflies in her stomach tripled in size. He never said things like that so blatantly.
"Uh…I'm going to put these in some water." She rushed to the kitchen to find a vase, and more importantly try to calm her nerves.
She didn't know what these crazy feelings were or what to do with them, she had never allowed herself to feel attracted to any man, even Brian, but right now, there was no more denying it, she was attracted to her husband. She knew that should be a good thing, but she was still holding out on him, and every day that went by added more guilt to her shoulders. She knew she should just tell him everything and move forward, but a piece of her was still worried it would be a deal breaker, though she was less certain of it being one than she was on the day they got married. She had hope now.
Shaking off her doubts she placed the bouquet on the table and made her way back to Brian, who was still standing on the front porch, leaning up against the doorframe.
"Hey, why didn't you come in to wait?"
He looked affronted, "What kind of a gentleman goes into a lady's home uninvited? What kind of man do you take me for, Mrs. Harris?" This had her shaking with laughter.
"The same kind that dates married women, apparently." Playing along, she smiled up at him and linked their pinkies as they walked to his freshly washed truck.
"It's okay, I have her husband's permission." He gave her a dimpled grin and a wink as he helped her into the truck, though he was playing the role of a first date he was still mindful of her issues and asked permission before touching her.
Brian gave a large—clearly fake—yawn and stretched his arms, resting one along the back of the seat behind her, careful not to touch her. Their first date had gone quite well so far, they had pizza and wings, and were now watching the latest horror flick. He left no trick from the sixteen-year-old-boy's-first-date-playbook unused, and she was ridiculously giddy about it.
She snuggled in as close as she could, though the armrest made this more difficult, and pulled his hand from the back of her chair and draped it across her shoulder. She never would have been so bold with men before, but she knew it was up to her to set the pace and make the rules; he wouldn't so much as shake her hand without permission. Knowing this made her feel safe and in control, two of the many things she'd never felt before Brian came into her life, but it also made her uncertain of his feelings for her.
He said he loved her, he flirted with her, and she caught the look of desire in his eyes more than once, but he never made a move to further things, never made any indication that he wanted to touch her in more than just a simple gesture of comfort, and never hinted at wanting to be with her more intimately. Not that she would want to, of course, but it still made her wonder if he even wanted her. Surely, it would be more of a struggle to keep his hands to himself if he really loved her, right?
While she'd never been in a relationship before she knew many men and all of them had one made thing clear: they had needs that needed filled. From the age of twelve she had been taught that all men had the same needs and they would get them filled one way or another, married or not. If they were attracted to a woman, they would use her to fill their needs.
Brian had never made any indication that he was struggling with this. That meant that either he wasn't attracted to her, or he was getting them met elsewhere. She knew he was attracted to her, she'd seen it in his eyes, so that meant…she sat bolt upright and felt all the blood drain from her face. How had this never occurred to her before? She knew Brian was different in a lot of ways, but no man was that different.
"Aria, what's the matter, is this too gory for you, are you okay?" Brian whispered next to her ear, she shook her head furiously, she had no idea what was even on the screen. She felt like her heart had just been ripped from her chest. She knew she had no right to be upset, he was a man after all, even if he was the nicest one she'd ever met, he was still a man with needs and desires. And she was a woman refusing to fill those needs. Of course he would be getting them filled elsewhere, she couldn't believe how stupid she'd been.
Even so, the thought of the man that told her he loved her every night in bed with anyone else was too much to bear. She jumped to her feet and raced out of the dimly lit theater, the sounds of chainsaws and blood curdling screams following her out.
*~*~*
Frantically Brian raced after her, chastising himself the entire time. Something about the movie had set her off; he should have done his research and made sure there was nothing in it that would be a trigger for her. Then again, everything seemed to have that potential for her. He had no way of knowing what exactly her triggers were, because she wouldn't talk to him. They'd watched horror movies together at home all the time and she always seemed to enjoy them.
He started going through the events leading up to her running out as he started down the hallway to look for her. She was snuggled up against him, his hand draped over her shoulder, he had just plucked up enough courage to trail his fingers lightly across her shoulder and collarbone when…oh no.
It was him. He'd been too bold and scared her off, six months of building her trust and he'd blown it all in fifteen seconds of not being able to control himself with his hands on her silky smooth skin. She probably thought he was going to go lower and push her into something she'd made clear she didn’t want, not that he wasn't tempted, but he'd never do anything to make her uncomfortable. Intentionally, that is, clearly, he had done something to make her uncomfortable or he wouldn't be searching for her all over the movie theater.
The door to the women's restroom swung open at the other end of the hall as Aria came out and sunk down onto the bench right outside of the door. He couldn't get to her fast enough, he watched as her body shook with sobs. Lord help us, he begged as he drew nearer to her, cursing himself for being such an inconsiderate, selfish fool.
"Aria, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you off. I swear I would never do anything to hurt you, and I never meant to frighten you. It was too much, I'm so sorry."
If she heard him she didn't let on, she just continued to sob and ignore him.
"How about we go home, honey? I promise I won't hurt you or touch you without permission in any way." She didn't look up, but nodded and took his outstretched hand. This surprised him as he was using it to gesture to the doo
r and not really asking for her to take it, he wouldn't after how careless he had been with his hands just minutes before.
"Aria talk to me, please. Let me know what you're thinking." She hadn't spoken a word on the way home, just stared out the window until her heavy sobs turned into silent tears, and finally dried up. She was now curled up on the corner of the sofa, still not responding to him.
He hated himself right now, what kind of a monster was he? He knew she had issues with being touched, he suspected she'd been sexually abused and yet he still chose to take advantage of the permission she'd granted him to touch her and pushed it too far. He pushed it so far that he'd broken her more, this wasn't his goal, he wanted to help her fix herself, and instead he'd just destroyed his beautiful, broken girl even further.
Tears started streaming down his own cheeks and he moved to sit in the overstuffed chair across from her. "Please talk to me. I can't stand seeing you like this, and knowing I made you feel this way is killing me." She looked at him then, all of her sadness and grief replaced with a fury he'd never seen in her eyes before.
"I feel really stupid right now. I can't believe I never realized it before. I knew men had needs, I told you they did, I told you not to stay married to me so you could get them filled. But you insisted you only wanted your wife, except you never act like you want your wife. You never act like my no touching rule is a burden. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't even know why I'm upset, most men cheat on their wives, I shouldn't be surprised. Of course it's not a burden for you, you're getting it somewhere else. I know that's my fault, but it still hurts, Brian, I thought you cared about me."
Brian had never been more confused. She thought he was cheating on her? Where did that come from?
"You think I cheated on you? Why would you think that? I told you I've never been with anyone and I never plan to be with anyone else. That's the honest to God truth, Aria." This just stoked her anger further instead of calming it like he'd intended, she jumped to her feet and start pacing the living room.