Careful What You Wish For

by Maureen McCarthy

  ‘Yeah, maybe I’ll have a read or something,’ she mumbled.

  ‘Good idea.’ Mrs Craze gripped her arm firmly. ‘Come on into the reading room.’

  The reading room? Mrs Craze was leading her into the hallway. She pushed open the door to Paul’s old room and Ruth stopped in the doorway and stared in wonder.

  The room used to be full to bursting with her little brother’s junk. All his toys were usually spread out over the floor, along with his clothes, his books and his sports equipment. The curtains used to be torn and the wallpaper faded and peeling. Not one skerrick of any of that was left. An odd, flat feeling made her feel for a moment that she might cry. It was as if her little brother had never existed! His room had been painted and redecorated with nice curtains and tasteful prints, making it look much bigger. One whole wall was now a bookcase and it was filled with books and CDs and expensive-looking vases and ornaments. There were a couple of easy chairs and a big cream sofa under the window that looked particularly inviting.

  She didn’t cry because … this was exactly what she wanted.

  ‘Have a lie-down there.’ Her mother gently pushed Ruth towards the cream sofa. Ruth did as she was told; she kicked off her sandals and lay down, resting her head on one of the big puffy cushions. She had never even sat on such a plush couch before. Lying there made her feel like a queen. ‘I’ll bring you over some magazines,’ her mother said, ‘then leave you alone.’

  ‘Okay, thanks, Mum.’ Ruth took the magazines. Vogue, Harpers, Hello! Imagine if all her old friends could see her now! How envious would they be?

  ‘See you in an hour, sweetie.’ Her mother smiled from the doorway. ‘You have a nice relax.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum.’

  Ruth picked the first magazine up off the pile. She flipped through the hot new looks for next autumn and a gossip article about an actress that she had never heard of and yawned. She picked up the next magazine and read about a society wedding in England with eight bridesmaids and all the men in kilts. After looking at every picture she put that one down, too, and simply lay there trying to familiarise herself with her new life. How wonderful it was. How lovely this room was. Everything was in its place. Everything was perfect.

  Ruth loved the huge blue-and-white planter in one corner filled with maidenhair fern, and the nifty little ceramic table with a polished wooden chess set on top. She yawned again, remembering how she used to occasionally play chess with Marcus. In spite of the age difference they were of equal ability, more or less. He won sometimes; other times she did. But he never seemed to mind too much when she won. In fact, he was always nice about it.

  ‘You’re pretty good, Ruthie,’ he’d say as he packed the pieces away. ‘For a girl,’ he’d add, just to tease her. Some guys would hate to be beaten by their little sister.

  Ruth was beginning to feel drowsy. The warm sun was shining in through the window and she was feeling so comfortable. She looked over to the corner where Paul used to keep all his special stuff – the plastic figurines, the dragons and cars and superheroes, his video games and all his board games – and a pang of something that felt almost like sadness went through her. She closed her eyes.

  * * *

  She is wandering all alone in her new back garden. Along the paved paths and past the rows of roses. How lovely everything is! She goes past the swimming pool and the new gazebo, down towards the row of trees by the back fence. A strange little shed behind the trees is grabbing her attention. Funny that she didn’t notice it before. Her curiosity grows as she gets nearer. Ruth takes a quick look at the house. She can see through the big glass windows that her mother is sitting on the couch and she can hear the canned laughter from the television.

  Ruth takes a deep breath and walks on down the path and behind the trees. Now she is here among them there seem to be so many more and the shed is further away than she thought. It is almost a forest.

  As she gets nearer to the shed she has an odd feeling of familiarity. Yet she knows that she has never seen it before. A slither of fear slides in under her rib cage. She turns back to where she’s come from, but the house, the bright garden and the sparkling pool seem so far away now. Will she be able to find her way back? Of course she will. Besides, curiosity is eating her alive.

  Shadows from the branches overhead are falling on the windows of the little shed. She creeps up to the window. At first she sees nothing. There is so much dust and grime on the glass. She pulls a hanky out of her pocket, wipes off the dirt and peers in.

  Someone is in there!

  Ruth’s heart beats quickly as she tries to summon her courage for another look. She wishes that it wasn’t so gloomy under the trees. Maybe if it were still bright and hot she wouldn’t feel so scared. And yet something is preventing her from turning back. She swallows and steps up to the window again. She stares in at two dark, blurry shapes; one short, the other much taller. Perhaps they are statues, but … of who? Her eyes gradually adjust to the low light inside the shed and the figures become clearer. The tall one is dressed in long shorts and a bright T-shirt; the shorter one has hair sticking out around his ears and that reminds her of … oh no! A chill runs like an electric current up her spine. Here they are. Her brothers! Out in this gloomy little shed at the bottom of the garden. But what are they doing here?

  Ruth shivers. They are facing each other, but they don’t seem to be moving at all. A rush of terror overwhelms her. What has she done? She walks around the little shed, looking for the door – first one side and then around the corner to the other side – but finds none. She has never seen a building before with no doors. How did her brothers get inside?

  She walks all the way around the shed again and finally sees that there is a door, a small red one high up on the wall. Luckily, there is a wooden fruit box nearby. Ruth drags it over, climbs up and, reaching as high as she can, just manages to push the door open. Scrambling up onto the ledge is difficult because there are no footholds. She tries three times and scratches one knee badly before she succeeds. At last she is sitting on the ledge. She looks down.

  With no dirty glass between them, she can see that Marcus is smiling, one arm extended towards Paul as though he’s about to ruffle his little brother’s hair. Paul is looking down at the little figurine he is holding in one hand. Ruth’s heart softens.

  ‘Hey, Paul!’ she calls loudly. ‘What you doing?’ It’s a silly question. She can see that they are just standing there. She calls out again. ‘Hey, you guys. It’s me, Ruth.’

  Neither brother moves. Maybe they can’t hear her or – she shudders – what if they aren’t real? ‘Marcus!’ she calls desperately. ‘Hello!’

  But neither of them give any sign that they have heard.

  Just as she is about to drop down into the shed, a sharp, shrill sound pierces the air. Is it a siren? She turns around. There it goes again, and again. A siren or a bell? She peers back through the trees to the house, which is further away than ever. Could the house be receding? Or is the backyard getting longer? The house is now only a little dot in the distance. Ruth looks down at her brothers again and gets ready to jump, but the shrill ringing sound wakes her up.

  * * *

  She was back in the reading room and although her heart was still pounding, she felt a wave of relief. Here she was, back in her perfect house. Seeing the boys in the shed had only been a dream.

  ‘That will be the girls at the door, Ruthie,’ her mother called. ‘Why don’t you go and welcome them?’

  ‘Okay,’ Ruth called back. ‘Just be a minute.’

  It was only a dream! Wasn’t it? But it had felt so real.

  Another shrill ring of the doorbell jolted Ruth from her reverie.

  ‘Ruthie!’ An irritated note had entered her mother’s voice. ‘Get the door, please.’

  ‘Okay. Coming!’

  12

  ‘Hey, birthday girl! Many happy returns!’

  Ruth’s mouth fell open in shock. They were all there – Lou and Bonnie, K
aty and Susie – standing in a line on her doorstep, smiling and holding presents, looking for all the world as if they were her friends. Ruth hardly knew what to say. She’d told Rodney that she wanted friends but she hadn’t meant the same ones! It was overwhelming. Not only that, but they all looked so happy to see her!

  ‘These are for you.’

  Her mother looked on with a huge smile as Ruth opened all their presents. Lou had given her a lovely pair of silver earrings in the shape of ballet slippers. Katy had given her a pack of eye shadows – every possible colour. Bonnie’s gift was a gaudy pink-and-black fun cushion that said Just try sitting on me! That made them all laugh. And Susie had given her a gift voucher for horseriding lessons.

  ‘Thanks so much,’ Ruth said shyly. ‘It’s really great you could all come.’

  ‘Wouldn’t miss it!’ said Lou.

  ‘What about getting this party started?’ Mrs Craze said gaily. ‘What would you girls like to drink? The DVD is all set up ready to go.’

  Ruth stood back as Mrs Craze fussed over the drink choices.

  ‘Now you all just make yourselves at home,’ she called on her way out of the room.

  Ruth looked after her mother wonderingly. In her wildest dreams she could never have imagined either of her parents behaving like this!

  It turned out that everyone except Lou and Ruth had seen the film already, but it didn’t matter. The rest of them didn’t mind seeing it again.

  ‘Could we go for a swim afterwards?’ Lou asked.

  ‘Sure,’ Ruth grinned. She wasn’t used to having Lou deferring to her and it felt pretty good.

  The front room had been specifically set up as a theatrette. A screen covered half the wall. Heavy drapes hung across the windows. So where had the broken sports equipment, the battered piano, the table extensions and all the rest of it gone? Ruth looked around in amazement.

  ‘This is sooo cool,’ Lou muttered, plonking herself down in one of the deep leather chairs. ‘I wish we had a screening room at home!’

  The other girls sighed in agreement as they followed suit.

  * * *

  They spent the next couple of hours watching a DVD about a pack of stupid teenage girls in an American high school who snipe and whine and pinch each other’s boyfriends. Ruth’s friends giggled and yelled out comments and hooted with laughter in all the right places. Ruth played along, but she was using the time to settle herself into her new life. How good is this? she kept reminding herself. The tedious film didn’t matter in the least. What did matter was that she was sitting there with all her old mates. School was going to be different from now on. She had friends again. And the family had plenty of money now. And her mother looked normal. She tried not to think about her brothers. If they didn’t exist in this world, did they exist anywhere?

  ‘How about an ice-cream, girls? Or another Coke?’

  Ruth’s mother was so attentive throughout the whole afternoon that Ruth had trouble believing it really was her mother. First she came in to check that the curtains were fully closed, then to see if the sound was up high enough, then it was a procession of snacks and drinks. Ruth had never eaten so much junk food in her life.

  When the movie was over at last they wandered out into the family room, where Mrs Craze was sitting down in front of the television watching a show about football – something she would never have done in Ruth’s old life.

  ‘How was it, girls?’

  ‘Great!’ everyone exclaimed.

  ‘Ruthie?’ Mrs Craze teased in her new, soft voice. ‘Did you like it?’

  ‘Yep, it was … good,’ Ruth lied, because they were all looking at her. ‘Awesome.’

  ‘So, what about a swim?’ Mrs Craze asked, pointing to a pile of neatly stacked towels. ‘Just take one of those on your way out.’

  ‘Thanks, Mrs Craze!’ Bonnie, Lou, Susie and Katy chorused. Ruth breathed a secret sigh of relief as she slid open the back door and motioned her friends through.

  ‘What about togs?’ Bonnie asked.

  ‘I think I’ve got some old ones,’ Ruth said. ‘You can wear them if you like.’

  ‘As if she’d fit into your bathers!’ Lou sneered. ‘Bonnie is twice your size.’

  Bonnie’s cheeks flamed with humiliation.

  ‘You are putting on weight, Bon,’ Katy said lightly.

  ‘I know,’ Bonnie mumbled miserably.

  ‘You shouldn’t have been eating those chips before,’ Katy added.

  ‘Or the soft drink. It’s so bad for you, Bonnie,’ Susie said primly.

  So now it was Bonnie’s turn! The heat was off Ruth. Lou and she were best friends again. So why didn’t she feel more pleased?

  Dressed in her new red bathers, she looked out over the perfect back garden. The shimmering pool was still bright in the fading light. Her friends were splashing around and there was a delicious smell of barbecued meat. Her father was flipping over the snags and rissoles and her mother was setting a little table with outdoor crockery and bottles of soft drink.

  All around her there was the idle chatter and laughter of people having fun.

  Ruth looked down at her watch. Five minutes to six o’clock! She had to decide right that minute whether she wanted to stay in this new life forever.

  But what was there to decide? Of course she had to stay. She’d got exactly what she wanted, more or less. Everything had been so ordered and so nice. There were things to look forward to and nothing to worry about. Her father was now the boss at work, so there would be plenty of money, and just think about all the lovely clothes she’d be able to buy! If not today, then some other day. She was now the centre of attention in a normal family, just as she had asked. No more boring sports matches and tedious concerts or loud, raucous arguments about whose turn it was in the bathroom.

  But her eyes were drawn past it all to the shadowy clump of trees screening most of the back fence, and the strange dream she’d had earlier in the afternoon came back to her.

  ‘Come on in, Ruth!’ Lou was standing in the middle of the pool holding a big plastic ball. ‘Come in and be on my team!’

  All the unpleasantness of the past had been forgotten. Three of them were looking up at her from the water, smiling, waiting for her to join in. Bonnie was sitting on the side dabbling her feet in the water, still dressed in her shorts and top.

  Ruth stared into the sparkling water. This would be the first of many pool parties. From now on, life was going to be full of all kinds of fun things.

  ‘Come on!’ Lou shouted from the water. ‘What are you waiting for?’

  Ruth tried to smile at her old adversary. But I don’t like them. The words flew into her head as though on the breeze. I don’t like them at all.

  Just then, Mrs Craze came out of the back door holding an enormous pink cake with twelve lighted candles and began to sing ‘Happy Birthday’.

  The other girls pulled themselves out of the pool squealing with delight and joined in loudly.

  ‘Happy birthday, dear Ruth! Happy birthday to you!’ They all began to walk around the pool towards her, smiling as they sang.

  Ruth stood transfixed. Why did they all look so strange? And wrong. Maybe it was that bland, sugary smile on her mother’s face, or her father’s dyed hair. Maybe it was poor silly Bonnie’s fake good cheer or the glint of jealousy in Lou’s eye. Nothing was clear to Ruth except that suddenly she didn’t want to be there.

  Something lying dormant inside her had come alive. No. She didn’t want to stay. No no no … Not in a million years! Why? And why had it taken her all day to realise it?

  She looked at her watch and saw with dismay that she had less than a minute to make her escape. Rodney had promised that it would be easy … but he hadn’t counted on her not paying attention to his instructions. What a fool not to have found that red door as soon as she arrived! What if she missed her chance to get back? The dream was the only thing she had to go on. If she snuck up there through the trees would she find that shed with the littl
e red door? Would she be able to look in the window? Ruth shuddered.

  Ruth began to run.

  She ran past the pool, along the paving stones and onto the lawn towards the clump of trees along the back fence. Imagine living every day with parents who insist on knowing everything about you! Who treat you like their little pet poodle! Imagine summer after summer of pool parties with Lou and the rest of them picking on Bonnie! She would rather be back with the mess and the chaos of her brothers, with her fat, messy, loud mother and eccentric father, than stay another five minutes with all those dead eyes … Ruth had the strange feeling that she was running for her life and that gave her an edge she never knew she had. It felt almost as though someone had given her wings. She wasn’t thinking or feeling anything; she was flying. And yet it seemed like such a long way. Perhaps some terrible trick was being played on her? Or … perhaps she was still in the dream and would never get out.

  Her chest was hurting badly and she was almost out of breath. On she ran. What if the dream had only been a dream? What if that funny door was just a figment of her unconscious? What if the door was there but the fruit box had gone … ‘Ruth, where are you going?’ Faraway voices crowded into her head. ‘Come back, Ruth!’

  ‘Ruth, come and cut your beautiful birthday cake.’

  ‘We’re about to eat.’

  Her friends had dropped their towels and started running after her.

  Ruth reached the trees and when she saw the little shed she cried out with relief. She ran around to the far side. The fruit box was exactly where she’d left it in the dream. She clambered up the wall and this time she got up first go, just as her friends crashed through the trees behind her.

  Ruth looked at her watch. Fifteen seconds to go!

  ‘Ruth!’

  ‘Where has she gone?’

  Bonnie was the first to catch sight of her. ‘There she is,’ she yelled, pointing up excitedly.

  ‘What are you doing up there?’ Lou called. ‘We’re about to have the cake!’

  Mr and Mrs Craze appeared and pushed their way impatiently to the front of the little group standing below Ruth.