Careful What You Wish For

by Maureen McCarthy

  ‘Is that so?’ The nun took a step towards Ruth, and then another.

  It took all Ruth’s courage not to flinch and step back.

  ‘So you know all about it, do you?’ The woman was positively seething.

  Ruth had a flash of inspiration. All morning she’d been hearing about God. She’d been praying to God and learning all about God’s plan for the world and for everyone in it. Please God this, and thank you God for that. Ruth hadn’t had any experience with God before. But if He was out there and if everything they said about Him was true then why wouldn’t He want left-handed people to be … left-handed? Wouldn’t they be part of His plan too?

  ‘Why would God make someone left-handed if He didn’t intend them to be left-handed?’ Ruth blurted out.

  ‘I’ll give you exactly what God intended!’ Sister Gregory snarled, and smacked Ruth across the face. ‘How dare you question me?’

  Ruth gasped and stepped back holding her cheek, but the nun stepped closer still and slapped her other cheek.

  Ruth had been smacked only a couple of times in her life, but never like this. Sure she’d been pushed around occasionally, stepped on and squashed a bit by her brothers over the years, but never actually hit. Not deliberately. Her face stung with the shock of it, and the pain. Tears came to her eyes. But she didn’t cry, nor did she retreat even one step.

  ‘You insolent brat!’ the nun hissed. ‘I’ve a good mind to give you a whipping.’

  ‘Excuse me, sister!’ Bridie was standing.

  ‘What do you want?’ the nun roared.

  ‘Ruth is new today, sister,’ Bridie pleaded breathlessly.

  ‘She doesn’t know –’ ‘Sit down!’ the nun exploded, and turned to Ruth.

  ‘Never have I been treated to such wilful, outrageous behaviour from one so young! Never! How old are you?’

  ‘Eleven,’ Ruth said, deliberately not adding sister.

  ‘Sister!’ the woman screamed. ‘Have you been taught nothing? What is your name?’

  ‘Ruth … sister.’

  Sister Gregory stood there with both hands twitching.

  She was going to hit her again. Ruth braced herself and tried not to flinch. But then she saw that the ugly old biddy was actually bewildered. No one had ever questioned her before and she was floundering a bit. The slap didn’t come; the nun suddenly turned her back on Ruth, opened a drawer and began fossicking around for something, huffing and puffing as she did so. A whip? Ruth swallowed. She was afraid again. She thought of Howard and the red marks all over his body. Now she would know what that was like.

  But when the nun turned around she was only holding a couple of books. Her expression had changed into an unpleasant smirk.

  ‘We’ll see what Reverend Mother has to say about you, miss!’ she declared pompously, picking up her satchel. ‘Off you go. Wait outside her office. I’ll be there shortly.’

  ‘Oh please, sister!’ Bridie was on her feet again. ‘Don’t send her to Reverend Mother!’

  ‘Sit down, Bridie Fallan, and be quiet!’ the nun roared. ‘Or you will be accompanying this brat yourself!’ Looking at Ruth, she pointed one of her fat red fingers at the door. ‘Off you go!’

  ‘But I don’t know where to go,’ Ruth said.

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘I don’t know where Reverend Mother’s office is, sister. I’m new.’

  ‘Then wait here,’ the nun growled. She was beside herself now and looked like an enormous lobster, crusty and red-faced. ‘No lunch for either of you!’

  She grabbed Ruth’s shoulder in a vice-like grip and pushed her into a seat in the front row. ‘Sit here and don’t move. Don’t speak or turn around. Just sit here and think about how you will explain yourself to Reverend Mother. I’m sure she will decide that you are much too good for this place! Barrytown will suit the likes of you better.’ The nun gave two short hoots of laughter and rolled off to the door on her broad black feet.

  ‘Bridie Fallan, you must have five pages written by the end of lunch!’ she called. ‘Or it’s the same again for you tomorrow!’

  ‘Yes, sister!’ Bridie stood as the nun marched out.

  They heard her lock the door behind her.

  Ruth sat still, staring in front of her. She couldn’t quite work out what had happened. After a few moments she turned around. Poor Bridie was diligently bent over her work. Her left arm was still tied up behind her back. A fresh rush of anger swept through Ruth.

  ‘What should we do?’ she whispered urgently.

  ‘Nothing we can do.’ Bridie looked up, and Ruth saw that she’d been crying. ‘I’ve been putting up with her all my life.’

  ‘How long have you been here?’

  ‘I can’t remember being anywhere else. My mother died when I was born.’

  Ruth got up and walked down the aisle to her friend.

  ‘No point.’ Bridie looked at the door. ‘She’ll know. I’ll have to do it.’ She went on writing the letters slowly and clumsily, and then added quietly, ‘I wish I was clever like you.’

  ‘She’s just jealous,’ Ruth said angrily, ‘because you’re so pretty and she’s so ugly!’

  Bridie laughed, but Ruth continued quite seriously, ‘Listen, Bridie, I’m going to help you every night after school from now on and you’ll get much better.’

  Bridie shook her head sadly.

  ‘Reverend Mother will kick you out!’

  ‘Kick me out where?’

  ‘You heard her. Barrytown. It’s for the real toughies.’ Bridie suddenly grinned. ‘But don’t worry, you’ll survive there because you’re clever. I’ll miss you, though.’ Bridie held out her hand. ‘I’ve only known you for half a day, Ruth, but you’re already my best friend.’

  Ruth took Bridie’s hand, not at all embarrassed by this disclosure, just sad that it looked like it was all going to end.

  ‘I’m so glad I met you, Bridie!’ she said.

  Ruth left Bridie to get on with her writing and went to the window to think.

  There had to be some way out of this.

  Of course there was a way out, a little voice told her. Think! Ruth turned around to Bridie with a huge grin. It was so blindingly obvious! What had taken her so long?

  ‘Stop, Bridie!’ she said urgently. ‘Just stop doing it.’

  ‘But I have to get five pages done by the end of lunch.’

  ‘No you don’t,’ Ruth said excitedly. ‘How would you like to come and live with us?’ she asked. ‘With me and my family? How would you like to go to a normal school where they won’t make fun of you? You’ll be able to write with your left hand and lots more good stuff. We’ll get you your own little telephone that you can keep in your pocket. How would you like that?’

  Bridie burst out laughing. ‘Are you mad?’

  ‘No!’ Ruth said. ‘My brother has one already. We’ll both get one.’

  Still laughing, Bridie entered into the spirit of Ruth’s plan.

  ‘So, where is this place?’

  ‘Never mind that,’ Ruth said, ‘I’ll get you there. But I’ve got brothers. They’re not always easy. And parents who are a bit crazy at times, but they’ll be kind to you. What do you say? Do you think you’d like to come?’

  ‘But … your family wouldn’t want me.’ Bridie smiled wistfully. ‘They’ve got their own kids.’

  ‘That’s where you’re wrong,’ Ruth told her. ‘My family will take you in. In fact, they’ll love you. I’m sure of it. Having you come to live with us is just the sort of bizarre thing they love.’

  Bridie put down her pen. ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘But how do we get there?’ Bridie whispered.

  ‘Firstly, we’ve got to get out of this room. And then we’ve got to find a red door.’

  ‘A red door?’ Bridie shook her head. ‘I really like you, Ruth, but I’m beginning to think you might be a bit crazy. Why do you want to find a red door?’

  ‘It will take too long to expla
in now,’ Ruth said anxiously. ‘Can you think where there might be one?’

  Bridie shook her head again.

  ‘Well, we’re just going to have to look. First thing is to get out of this room before Thunder Guts gets back.’

  ‘But we’re locked in!’

  ‘How about the windows?’ Ruth went to one of the old windows and unlocked the catch. Then, without any difficulty, she pulled up the sash. She turned to Bridie with a wide grin. ‘Come on!’

  Bridie stood still in the middle of the classroom.

  ‘Just think of being free!’ said Ruth. ‘You decide when and what you eat and when you sleep. You decide when and if you’ll go to church or for a walk. You decide which hand you use for writing!’

  Bridie stared at her for a moment and then she took a deep breath. ‘Will you help me take off this brace?’ she said with a slow grin.

  ‘Of course!’

  Luckily, the classroom was on the ground floor.

  Still, it was quite a drop and Ruth scraped the backs of her thighs on the old, splintery wood. The rest of the girls were still in the dining room at lunch, so there was no one to see them. Once they were out and standing in the concrete playground, Ruth had a moment of misgiving. Maybe it was unfair to drag Bridie along. If they got caught they would be in so much trouble. Then she remembered Bridie’s hand being tied up in the sling. It was completely unfair that she should have to put up with six more years of old Thunder Guts.

  ‘We’d better start looking for the red door.’

  ‘What will we say if we get caught?’ Bridie asked timidly.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.’ Ruth looked at Bridie’s frightened face. ‘I just know we’re going to find it. We’ve got time. We’ve got until six tonight.’

  The girls ran across the playground to the front gate, which was closed. Sticking close to the sandstone wall, they crept along it past the tennis courts and classrooms. There was plenty of cover for them to hide behind if they saw anyone, because there were trees and shrubs planted all along the edge of the wall.

  ‘Someone will catch us,’ Bridie moaned, peering out from behind the shelter shed. ‘It’s just a matter of time. You can’t do anything secretly around here. By six o’clock tonight they’ll be organising our transfer to Barrytown.’

  ‘Not if we find the door,’ Ruth said. ‘Come on, Bridie, think!’ She was already imagining Bridie sharing her bedroom at home. It would be like having a sister. How nice it would be not being the only girl in the family. ‘Does this wall go right around all the buildings?’

  Bridie nodded. ‘It encloses the school, the convent and the gardens.’

  ‘The convent?’

  ‘That’s where the nuns live. But we’re not allowed anywhere near there. It’s right out of bounds to students.’

  ‘Okay, then let’s start off in the school grounds.’

  ‘I’m pretty sure there are no red doors,’ Bridie said worriedly.

  ‘One way or another it will be here.’ Ruth sounded surer than she felt. ‘It has to be.’

  But after going all around the perimeter of the school buildings without finding a red door she, too, lost a little confidence. What if Rodney mixed things up this time? What if he forgot to tell her something important?

  They ended up at the edge of the playground in front of a high wire fence. Behind the fence was a lovely green garden with lots of big trees. A gardener was kneeling planting seedlings into a big bed of well-turned earth. On the other side of the garden was an ornate building attached to the bigger school building by a walkway on the first floor.

  ‘From here on is the convent,’ Bridie said. ‘We can’t go any further.’

  ‘We’ve got to keep looking,’ Ruth said.

  ‘But they’ll catch us,’ Bridie whispered.

  Behind them came the sudden noise of girls spilling out onto the playground from lunch. Ruth teetered on the edge of turning back. Then the memory of Sister Gregory’s two hard slaps surfaced in her mind and she decided that now wasn’t the time to give up.

  ‘Let’s do it,’ Ruth said through gritted teeth. ‘If we go back we’ll get caught anyway. This is a chance for you to get away. Just think! That old bat won’t be able to boss you around anymore. Or put your arm in that thing. We’ll have so much fun together.’

  Bridie nodded without meeting Ruth’s eye.

  ‘Okay.’

  They waited for the gardener to turn his back before pushing open the wire gate.

  Once they were inside the convent grounds they ran as fast as they could straight for the protection of the trees. Safely secluded behind an enormous Moreton Bay fig, they looked about, trying to get a feel for where they should go next. All was very quiet compared with the school grounds. There were a few nuns about, but most of them were very old. They either shuffled along quietly praying or, with heads bowed, read from their little black books. Certainly none of them was on the lookout for a couple of wayward schoolgirls. Still, Ruth’s heart was in her mouth. They were in forbidden territory, and she knew it would only take one of them to look up and call the alarm and all would be lost.

  Ruth pointed to another big tree almost directly outside the main entrance to the convent. ‘From there we’ll be able to see right along to the corner.’

  Looking about first to make sure they were not being watched, they ran for the tree. They could see right into the magnificent front porch. The heavy, polished wood front door was closed. It was at least two and a half metres high and set into an even bigger delicately carved arch. All around the actual door were stained-glass depictions of saints and Bible scenes. A shining brass doorbell hung beside the door.

  Bridie was staring at the door and a pained expression flitted across her face.

  ‘What?’ Ruth prodded her.

  ‘I think I do remember a red door,’ Bridie said softly, ‘but I’m not sure.’

  ‘Where?’ Ruth asked excitedly.

  Bridie cupped her chin with both hands and frowned.

  Ruth watched her in dismay. She was looking into the distance with a dreamy expression on her face, as though she could see things that weren’t even there.

  ‘Do you remember where?’ Ruth asked again, trying to be patient. Come on, Bridie, now isn’t the time to get all misty-eyed!

  Bridie’s expression gradually lightened and she grabbed Ruth’s hand and squeezed it. ‘Being here has brought it back,’ she whispered.

  ‘What?’ Ruth said breathlessly. ‘Tell me what you remember.’

  ‘I remember being very young,’ Bridie began, ‘maybe only three or four, and I was really sick. They took me in through that door.’ She pointed to the grand front entrance to the convent. ‘And up some stairs. I was put into a little room by myself but I could see through the slats in the wall that there were about six beds next door, all with sick nuns in them. I was in a kind of hospital. I know it was inside that building.

  ‘I was very little. It was strange seeing all the old nuns sitting up in bed without their veils on,’ she laughed. ‘They had these little white caps on their heads and …’ She looked into the distance, her face screwed up into a frown as she tried to recall more.

  Ruth nodded enthusiastically, but she was finding it increasingly difficult to be patient. She wanted to know if Bridie remembered a red door. Childhood memories could wait. Horrible old Sister Gregory would have finished her lunch. She might be taking her time getting back in order to make Ruth sweat a little more, but still … it wouldn’t be long before she found out that her locked-up charges had made a run for it. And then … well, Ruth didn’t really want to think about what might happen then!

  ‘So what else do you remember?’ she asked hopefully. Come on, Bridie!

  ‘Sister Winifred brought a woman to see me.’ Bridie clutched Ruth’s arm. ‘I remember her saying, “Here she is, Jean.” The woman was young, and she was wearing a purple dress with small white spots and had a white straw hat. She knelt down next to me and wipe
d my forehead with a cloth – I must have had a temperature – and she kept saying, “You’ve got to get better, darling.”’ Bridie’s voice faltered. ‘Sister said something like, “She is going to live, Jean. Don’t worry, she will live.”’

  ‘Was the woman a doctor?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘My mother’s name was Jean,’ Bridie whispered. ‘That is all I’ve ever been told about my mother. That her name was Jean.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Bridie turned to Ruth. ‘Thank you.’ The tears that had gathered in her eyes spilled over. ‘That memory was locked in my head,’ she explained.

  ‘Okay,’ Ruth said, ‘that’s good, but what about the red door?’

  Bridie squinted, thinking hard, then gave Ruth a small delighted smile.

  ‘There’s an old, filled-in fireplace,’ she whispered excitedly, ‘in the same room as those sick nuns. I remember seeing it when I was well enough to leave the hospital. It’s under a little ledge in the corner of the room. And right next to that ledge is a red door. I … I can see it now.’

  They looked at each other and then back at the imposing front door.

  ‘But how are we going to get in there?’ Ruth muttered, staring at the closed door.

  ‘I’ve got a friend who could help us get into the convent,’ Bridie said.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘She works in the laundry. She doesn’t speak much English but I know she’ll help. There’s a corridor that leads from the laundry into the convent. From there we’ll just have to guess. I know it’s on the top floor.’

  ‘Attention, girls! Would Ruth Craze and Bridie Fallan come to the office immediately!’ Sister Gregory’s voice barked over the loudspeaker. ‘Ruth Craze and Bridie Fallan to the office at once!

  ’ ‘Come on.’ Bridie pulled Ruth up. ‘We haven’t got much time!’

  They ran back into the school grounds, through hordes of girls sitting around playing cards and gossiping and then straight through a game of netball.