The Side Effects of You

by Anna Black

  I was terrified. He continued to pace, and I had no idea what his next move would be. I began to sing. With a tear-filled face, I sang Marvin Sapp’s “Grace and Mercy.” That had once been Jeremiah’s theme song, the song he played over and over again, the one he beckoned me to sing so many times, because he said I had the voice of an angel.

  Finally, he stopped pacing. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and I got to my feet, continuing my song. I went from a soft voice to a powerful voice when I sang, “You see, I’m not what I want to be, but I’m not what I used to be, since He cleansed and made me whole.”

  I reached for his hand, begging my God to let him give me the gun.

  In a voice barely loud enough for me to hear, Jeremiah said, “Heaven has no room for faggots.” Then he pulled the trigger.

  His body hit the floor, and blood and brain fragments sprayed the bed. I was paralyzed. My heart raced, and I took quick, short breaths. My phone, which I gripped in my hand, just in case I had to call Quentin, rang at that exact moment. When I saw Sam’s number, I answered. I didn’t know what to do.

  I was too scared to move. I told her to come quickly to the house I once shared with Jeremiah. “He, he, he, ... just come now please!” I was in the same spot, two inches away from him, when the paramedics rushed in. They told me later that they found me by the sounds of my sobs. I cried for him. I wailed for his soul, because I believed what I’d been taught about heaven and hell. I knew there were some who didn’t believe, some who had a different belief, but from what I believed in my heart and soul, my children’s father’s final resting place would be in the pits of hell.

  His body lay there, his lifeless eyes open, blood and flesh everywhere. The image was embedded in my mind. It was all I could see.

  “Come on. We got you,” Sam said as she and Josie helped me from the floor and led me to the kitchen. I was hysterical and was crying uncontrollably.

  The police rushed in, and I heard Josie say, “He’s in the bedroom on the lower level. That way.”

  As it turned out, there was no need for the paramedics. He was already dead. I started to hyperventilate, and the EMTs rushed into the kitchen to help me. They gave me oxygen, and I felt a prick in my hand.

  “She witnessed the entire thing,” I heard Sam say before everything went black.

  I woke up in the back of the ambulance, and Quentin’s was the first face I saw. “Oh, baby,” I said and began to sob in his arms.

  “Shhh, baby. Calm down. It’s okay. You are okay. You are fine.”

  “Is he gone? Did it really happen? Did Jeremiah. . . ?” I hoped I hadn’t really witnessed that horrific scene.

  “Baby, it’s okay.” He held me.

  “No, no, no, no. Did he? Is he dead? Please tell me that he’s okay,” I demanded.

  “Drea, he is gone, baby.”

  I sobbed harder. I didn’t cry for him; I cried for my children and for myself. That sight had been horrific. I didn’t need that in my memory, and I hated him for choosing me to witness his suicide.

  “My kids, my kids. Oh, God, my kids.”

  “It’s going to be all right, baby.” Quentin continued to hold me.

  * * *

  I thought that all would be good after that, but the controversy started. Accusations, dragging my family’s name through the mud, and harassing my children. We had to put them in private school. Since Jeremiah had never changed his will after our divorce, everything was still slated to go to me. Lawyers worked rapidly on my behalf to settle our assets, and I sold the church. With the profits, I gave my children over twelve million dollars, and I set all of them, including Quintana, up with a trust fund. She wasn’t Jeremiah’s, but I’d been through enough to give her a portion.

  It took a good seven months for the scandal of our lives to die down, and I thanked God that the publicity generated by it increased business and profits for my salon. By the time Quin was one, I was pregnant with my fifth kid. Things were finally starting to feel normal.

  Kelly had exposed Jeremiah. I guessed she needed to be free of him too. I had been through it all because of the side effects of Jeremiah, but I was grateful that God had seen the best in me, my husband, and my children to allow us to move on and forget our tragic life with Pastor Young.

  Chapter Forty-three

  Josephina

  We were at my new house and were holding Sam’s baby shower. She had wanted to wait until after he was here and healthy, so we were celebrating his birth.

  “Gather around everyone. Gather around,” I said, tapping a glass. “We are ready to open the gifts, but I have an announcement. We have another pregnant woman here. Well, make that two.”

  Everyone started whispering.

  I went on. “Andrea and . . .” This got Jayden’s attention. “I am also pregnant, so in seven months, we will be right back here, doing the same thing for Jayden and me.”

  This was the first time Jayden had heard the news. He scooped me up in his arms and kissed me. Everyone applauded. I was happy. I had lost a child, and for a long time, I had thought I wouldn’t be able to get over it, but God had had mercy on me, and each day had got easier.

  For a while, Andrea had had nightmares about Jeremiah’s final moments, but, thank God, they’d gone away. Andrea had her children and the man of her dreams, and she was happy.

  Sam had finally shared with me her secret concerning why she and Charles had divorced. What mattered was that they were stronger than ever now and they were happy.

  Jayden was heaven sent and helped me get through the most difficult time of my life. I was happy. Angelica was still a superstar student, but now, at seventeen, close to eighteen, she had her first boyfriend. Jayden and I were both relieved that he was just as much of a nerd as she was.

  I missed my Ana every day, but every now and again, God gave me a nice dream so I could spend time with her, and for that, I was grateful.

  We all experienced the side effects of prior relationships and fucked-up situations, but for every side effect, there was a remedy. Jayden, Angelica, and my new baby girl, Analicia, were mine. Charles, Charlie, and Charles Jr. were Sam’s. Lastly, Quentin, Kelly, Lena, J.J. Quintana, and Quentin Jr. were Andrea’s. We all went through a lot to earn a lot, and we lived the rest of our lives in peace and in happiness.

  The End!