Love's Folly

by Nina Coombs Pykare

Sarah gave her another hug. “You are a sweet girl, Emily. I hope that soon you will find someone to love.”

  “I hope so, too,” replied Emily. “But do hurry. You write the note and I shall call for Jeffers to deliver it. Listen, don’t tell him all of it, just that it’s good news. Then you can tell him the rest when he arrives and we will get to see his face.”

  “An excellent idea, Emily. Oh, I can hardly wait!”

  The note was soon dispatched and Emily and Sarah sat down to wait. But they could not sit still. They jumped up and ran to the window at the slightest sound, and then were reduced to giggles at their actions.

  It was thus that Dunstan came upon them, their heads close together as they peered through the curtained window. “So,” he said, “are you expecting someone special?”

  Emily thought that his eyes were turned on her. “We’re waiting for Bersford,” she said. “The most marvelous thing has happened. Sarah has just received news of an inheritance. It means that she and Bersford may marry.”

  Dunstan’s face lit up. “What excellent news! Miss Sarah, may I offer my congratulations?”

  “Yes, thank you, milord. I—I am quite beside myself with joy.”

  “You deserve to be happy,” said Dunstan.

  “We are waiting to tell Bersford.” Emily could not help bubbling a little with happiness for her friend. “She wrote him only that she had good news.”

  “Good news of what?” came Bersford’s voice from the doorway. “You’re sure nothing is wrong? I came posthaste.”

  Sarah hurried to his side. “Bersford, oh, do look! Emily, Emily, where is the letter?” She looked around her, entirely unlike the usual calm and collected Sarah.

  “Here it is, Sarah, right where we left it.” Emily passed the letter on to her friend.

  “See, Bersford, an inheritance. It means—” Sarah flushed, unable to go on.

  “It means we can call the banns!” Bersford so far forget himself as to take Sarah into his arms, but when she protested, he released her.

  “Do not be embarrassed,” said his lordship. “After all, your alliance will soon be a matter of common knowledge.”

  Sarah flushed. “You are so kind, milord.”

  The viscount smiled. “Come, Emily, I believe we have a matter to discuss in the library.”

  For a moment Emily looked at him in surprise, but, when he slowly lowered an eyelid, she hurried to agree. “Of course, milord. Right away.”

  She followed him out of the room, leaving Sarah and her Bersford some privacy in which to celebrate their happiness.

  “We do have a matter to discuss,” said the viscount as he took a chair and Emily settled on a sofa. “We must find you a new companion.”

  Emily nodded. “It will be very difficult to replace Sarah. I doubt that it can be done.”

  His lordship smiled gravely. “She has certainly been a good friend to you.”

  Emily nodded. Now that her first feelings of elation for her cousin were passing, she could feel that sense of impending emptiness. Life would be doubly hard without Sarah’s companionship. Waves of desolation swept over her in a rush, leaving her choked with tears. She stifled a sob.

  She tried to turn her head so that he would not hear, but Dunstan was too quick for her. He was at her side in an instant. “Emily, my dear girl. What is it?”

  Emily fought valiantly, but she could not keep back the tears. “I—I’m sorry. I know it’s—silly,” she sobbed. “But I shall miss Sarah so. No one can ever replace her.” In spite of all her efforts to restrain them, the tears continued to stream down her cheeks.

  Dunstan took a clean cambric square from his pocket and offered it to her. “It’s natural for you to feel sorrow in this situation. But soon you will have a husband of your own.”

  This caused Emily to break into fresh tears. She could never marry another while she loved Dunstan. “I—I don’t think so,” she sobbed. “I—I feel so alone, so terribly alone.”

  The viscount put his arm around her. “You are not alone, Emily. I am here and I care about you. Do not forget that.”

  He cared about her, she thought, but not in the way she wanted him to. Right now, for instance, she wanted desperately for his arm to tighten around her possessively, but of course it would not. The thought made her break into fresh tears.

  He gathered her against his striped waistcoat. “Go ahead and cry, Emily. Life is not always easy, even for those of us who are well placed.”

  For long moments Emily sobbed in his arms, crying not just for the loss of Sarah, but for the love that she felt would never be consummated. If only there were some way, any way, that she could get him to love her. But that seemed impossible.

  Dunstan let her cry for some time in peace. Then he spoke. “Come, Emily. Sarah will not be gone completely. She and Bersford will have a place in London. You will see her often.”

  Emily nodded. “I know, but it will not be the same.”

  “Life changes,” said Dunstan soberly. “There is no way we can stop it. We can only accept the change and go on.”

  Emily nodded. She could not tell him that most of her sorrow was due to her love for him, love that seemed fated never to be returned.

  “Now, Emily, dry your eyes. Next week we shall go to the Victory Celebration. I have tickets for us for St. James’s Park. You shall see the Chinese pagoda and the fleet of miniature warships. There will be fireworks and balloonists, all sorts of amusing things to see.”

  Obediently Emily wiped her eyes. “Shall we go to the celebration together?” she asked.

  “Of course. And your Sarah and Bersford shall accompany us. We shall make a gala evening of it.”

  Emily nodded, her spirits rising a little. It would be fun to have an outing together now that Alexander had gone back to Russia—presumably to pursue Russian women, she thought with a slight smile.

  “There, that’s much better. There’s really a great deal to be cheerful about.” He regarded her solemnly. “Especially since you were able to achieve your purpose without Sarah suspecting anything.”

  Emily stared at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

  Dunstan smiled warmly. “Since I am your guardian here, Uncle Cyril advised me of your plan to help Sarah. I find it very thoughtful of you.”

  Emily felt herself reddening. “I did not mean for anyone to know,” she murmured.

  “I don’t see why not,” replied Dunstan. “It can only redound to your credit.”

  “But Sarah must not know,” Emily cried. “She must never know. She is so proud. Please,” she pleaded, “say you won’t tell her—or Bersford either.”

  “All right, Emily, I will not give you away.”

  “Thank you, milord.” Emily heaved a sigh of relief. “You see, I know Sarah and she would refuse the money. I’m sure she would, if she knew it was from me. I know she wants the best for me.

  Dunstan smiled strangely. “And what about you, Emily? Aren’t you afraid that the loss of a thousand pounds will lower your chances in the marriage mart?”

  Emily sniffed. “I don’t really care. If a man only wants me for my money, I’d as soon not have him.” She sighed again. “I just wish I could find someone as good as Sarah to be my friend. But I don’t see how I can.”

  Dunstan patted her hand. “I suppose we should put out an advertisement, unless you have someone in mind. A needy relative?”

  Emily shook her head. “I know of no one else in the family.” She paused. “Cousin Percy may know of someone.”

  “Uncle Cyril’s son?” It was plain from his tone that Dunstan did not regard Percy as the dearest of friends.

  Emily nodded. “We played together as children. He was at Lady Cholmondoley’s the other night.”

  “Ah, yes. An elegantly dressed young buck.”

  “Yes, Cousin Percy is quite the charmer.” Emily smiled.

  “I trust he has not charmed you.” There was something in his voice that caused her to raise her head in surprise.


  She laughed. “Indeed, not. I am onto all of Percy’s wiles. However, in the old days he often used to lead me into mischief.” She shook her head. “Things always seemed so simple the way Percy explained them. Until we got caught.”

  The viscount’s body seemed to stiffen slightly. “Have you considered the young man as an alliance?”

  “Percy?” Emily’s voice rose merrily. “Percy as a husband?” She burst into laughter. “Dear God, I should not have a moment’s peace in such a match. Why, I doubt not but what he’d lead the very children into mischief after him, he has such a knack for it.” She shook her head. “No, Percy and I were childhood friends and playmates. That is the most we shall ever be to each other.”

  “I think that a wise decision,” said Dunstan. “I know little of him firsthand, since I was at the front with Wellington when Percy went on the town. But what I hear secondhand does not at all convince me that he is good husband material.”

  Emily smiled. “If I know Percy, marriage is quite far from his thoughts. He is probably thinking only of enjoyment. He told me he was pursuing a little bird.”

  Dunstan did not smile. “That is the primary occupation of many young bucks these days, to the detriment of many innocent young women. I wish to find you a sober, sensible husband, one who will treat you decently.”

  “I thank you, milord, but I have seen no such man in all of London. The older men are all confirmed rakes, intimates of Harriette Wilson and her kind.” She watched him closely but his expression did not change. “And the younger ones are all callow striplings, hardly worthy of the name man.”

  Dunstan looked at her strangely. “You seem rather cynical for such a young woman,”

  Emily sighed. “Perhaps I shall never marry. Then you will be forced to act as my guardian forever.”

  The viscount chuckled. “Nonsense, Emily. The right man will come along. You will see.”

  To this Emily made no reply. She could scarcely tell him that the right man had come along—and that he was that man. No, she must simply go on and hope that someday, some way, he would learn to love her as she desired, with all the passion of a man for a woman.

  She managed to smile at him. “I must admit, milord, that sometimes I despair. With men like Gilcrest—and Alexander—in the world, and even Percy, how can a woman be at all safe?”

  “By having a husband,” declared the viscount promptly. “Someone who will take good care of her.”

  “That is all well and good,” replied Emily. “But where are such men to be found?”

  Dunstan frowned slightly. “There are a few to he found still. Your Sarah found one in Bersford, did she not?”

  Emily nodded. “Yes, that is true.” She wiped at her face with Dunstan’s handkerchief.

  “Then,” said the viscount, “you must not despair. Some good, decent man will come along, someone who genuinely cares about you. You will see.”

  Emily sighed and tried to look as though she believed him.

  He got to his feet and pulled her up after him. “Come, you must be merrier or you will spoil your Sarah’s happiness.”

  Emily nodded. “I know. If she sees that I’ve been crying. I’ll tell her it’s for joy.”

  Dunstan squeezed her hand. “That’s the girl, Emily.” He glanced quickly at the mantel clock. “Now I must leave you. You will be all right, won’t you? I simply cannot break this appointment and I am late already.”

  “Of course,” lied Emily over the newly rising tears. “I shall be fine.” She watched him go with head held high.

  It was not until he was out of sight down the hall and she was about to break into tears again that the realization came. He was late for his appointment because he had stayed to comfort her. She was that important to him, she thought with a triumphant smile, important enough to make him late. Certainly that was a good beginning. Even if he was now on his way to see Harriette Wilson or that Castlemain girl, at least he was beginning to think of her. She made her way upstairs to wash her face. It was foolish to cry anymore, especially now that she had a faint glimmer of hope.

  CHAPTER 14

  The morning of August first began with showers. Watching the drops coursing down the windowpane, Emily grew sadder with each rainy moment. How could they go to the park in such inclement weather? Everyone would be soaked through.

  But gradually by noon the rain stopped and the sun came out. By the time they were ready to leave for St. James’s Park and the regent’s great Victory Celebration, the city had dried up considerably and was comfortably cool.

  Emily was abubble with enthusiasm. She knew, however, that its origin was not the victory of the Allied Sovereigns over that rascally Napoleon. The cause for her joy was much closer to home. It seemed to her that since the day of Sarah’s wonderful news, the day Dunstan had held her in his arms and comforted her, he looked at her differently. She could not say exactly how, but there was something different in their dealings with each other. From this simple fact she took a great deal of hope. Sarah and Bersford, the first calling of their banns done the previous Sunday, were free to exchange as many looks of love and devotion as they wished.

  As the carriage proceeded through the London streets, getting closer to St. James’s Park and the site of the celebration, Emily stared out the window in astonishment. Never had she seen the streets so packed with people. She turned startled eyes to Dunstan. “Look at the crowd. So many people.”

  Dunstan nodded. “All of London appears to be going to the Victory Celebration. All the shops are shut, everyone excused from working. I’m glad I have tickets for the seats in the enclosure; I should not like to have you jostled about by the common humanity.”

  Emily shivered. “Like those poor women at the king’s big banquet. They lost their shoes, and some even their clothes, in the crush. How dreadful it must have been.”

  Dunstan agreed. “Mobs can be rather vicious, I’m afraid. There is something about the anonymity of a great mob that makes a man—or a woman—lose sight of common decency.”

  Emily found herself drawing closer to his lordship and flushed at the discovery.

  He seemed to divine her reason and smiled comfortingly. “There is no need to be frightened, Emily.” His hand reached over to cover hers momentarily and even through both their gloves she felt the warmth of his fingers. The blood rushed to her face again.

  “I am not frightened. Not very much,” she added truthfully. “It’s just that with so many people, if a person should fall—why the crowd needn’t even be angry. One could be trampled before anyone noticed.” She shivered again as she saw mothers carrying infants and fathers with toddlers on their shoulders in the throngs that flooded the street.

  “You just keep a hold on my arm,” said Dunstan grimly, “and I guarantee you will not be trampled. That’s a certainty.”

  “Thank you,” said Emily. “I could never really be frightened when I’m with you.”

  Something strange appeared in his eyes for the briefest moment and then was gone. What had she seen there? Emily asked herself. Could it have been tenderness? But now his eyes had veiled over and they showed nothing.

  Sarah spoke then and the moment was lost. “From what the Chronicle said, the celebration should be something special.”

  Bersford nodded. “I myself am looking forward to seeing Sadler, the balloonist. That fellow has nerve.” Bersford’s plain face lit up with excitement.

  Sarah turned to him in anxiety. “You are not thinking of doing such a thing, I hope, milord.”

  “No, no, of course not, my dear. I would not think of it, especially if it gave you any cause for alarm.”

  “It would, it certainly would.” Sarah’s expression made that quite clear.

  “What about you?” Dunstan asked suddenly of Emily.

  “What about me?” she asked in surprise.

  His eyes sparkled at her. “Should you be frightened if I were to become a balloonist?”

  Emily stared at him for a moment. Di
dn’t he realize what that question sounded like? That it made it seem that they were—about to make an alliance? Her heart pounded in her throat.

  “Well, milord,” she said as calmly as she could. “If you should ever decide to become a balloonist, I should not dare to gainsay you.” She smiled at him innocently. “After all, I am not your guardian.” Some of the warmth in his eyes seemed to fade and she hurried on. “But if my relationship to you were that of Sarah to Bersford—” That something flickered in his eyes again. She was sure she saw it. “I should still not gainsay you. For I know that a balloon would not dare go against your will and you should be perfectly safe wherever you were.”

  “Emily,” said Sarah with a soft smile. “It’s clear that you are not in love.”

  Emily shook her head. “You are operating on a false premise, Sarah. A woman may love a man so much that she will not deny him anything that is important to him.”

  Sarah considered this for some moments and Emily felt herself coloring. Then Sarah shook her head. “I am sorry, Emily, but I could not do that.”

  Emily risked a glance at his lordship and found that he was surveying her closely. “That is quite a mature concept of love,” he said softly as Sarah and Bersford returned to their own conversation. “I think that you have grown considerably in the last weeks.”

  Emily managed a small smile. “Perhaps I have always believed that about love,” she said. “You have never asked me my opinion on the subject.”

  He continued to smile at her warmly. “You’re quite right, Emily. It appears there are many things I don’t know about you.”

  Emily caught her breath. “Our relationship has been somewhat—unusual,” she said. “Not as ordinary man to woman.”

  The viscount nodded. “You are right. And we did not get off to the most admirable beginnings.”

  Emily, her heart pounding, replied softly, “No, we did not.”

  “But,” he continued, “there is no need for us to remain at cuffs over everything.”

  “No,” she replied, “there is no need.”

  His eyes met hers and held them and Emily felt her own eyes filling with tears. Just as it seemed that he was going to say something, the carriage drew to a halt. His eyes veiled over once again and he said politely, “Well, here we are at St. James’s Park. You ladies had best bring your cloaks along. You may not need them now, but as the sun goes down the air may grow more chill.”