Hidden Agenda

by Laurie Larsen

  Alyssa put an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay, baby. It’ll be over soon.”

  Caroline made a deep exhale. “It hasn’t even started yet.”

  “I know, sweetie. But once this procedure is done today, it should take care of your nosebleeds. It will be nice not to have to worry about that anymore, won’t it?”

  Caroline raised her head and nodded. “I hate those things.”

  Alyssa squeezed her shoulders and brought her closer. “I know, honey.”

  “And it’s just another needle like I had last time.”

  Since Alyssa had described the procedure to her last night, Caroline repeated what she’d heard as a confirmation that it wouldn’t be any more painful or traumatic than what she’d already been through. Alyssa hoped and prayed that was true.

  “Right, it’s a needle, but this time you’ll be hooked up to a machine, and instead of them pulling blood out of your arm, they’ll be pumping it in. And it’ll last several hours. But I’ll be there with you the whole time, holding your hand, talking to you and reading books to you.” She pointed to the bag of Caroline’s selected stories sitting by her feet.

  Caroline nodded solemnly and laid her head on Alyssa’s chest.

  They arrived at the hospital and went to the designated spot. Alyssa filled out a few papers and was rummaging through her purse for Caroline’s Social Security number, written on a scrap of paper last night, when she heard the first happy tone in Caroline’s voice so far today.

  “Mr. Fontaine!”

  The little girl jumped to her feet and left the seat. Alyssa closed her eyes and willed them not to spout tears at the sight of him. Why should her heart ache while looking at him? He wasn’t who she thought he was. He was a fraud – a liar. He didn’t deserve the love she had been so willing to shower on him.

  And yet, that reality had not been revealed to her daughter, who had run to him, and who he now held in an embrace while he kneeled to reach her height better.

  “Good luck today, sweetie. I’ll be thinking of you while you get your transfusion.”

  “Did you come to keep me company too?”

  Alyssa felt a stab of pain as she watched her daughter gaze in loving admiration up at Grant.

  “Oh, uh,” Grant stammered, and looked from Caroline to Alyssa. Their eyes met and she could see he wasn’t sure how much he was supposed to reveal. She hadn’t told Caroline that Grant was her donor. In light of everything, she wanted to extract Grant from her life as much as possible, just as soon as she could. Meanwhile, Caroline was gazing at him with something like hero worship in her eyes. Alyssa, resigned, waved her hand at him in a gesture she hoped said, go ahead.

  He got her meaning. “I’m here to help you, honey. I’m going to be your blood donor.”

  Caroline gave him a confused look. “What’s that mean?”

  He sat back on his haunches and put an arm around her waist. “That means they’re going to take blood out of my arm, and put it into yours so that you stop having those nasty nosebleeds.”

  Her face beamed. “I’m going to have your blood running through my veins?”

  Alyssa rolled her eyes; she couldn’t help it.

  “Uh, yes, sweetie. You do. I mean, you will.”

  “Did you hear that, Mommy? They’re going to put Mr. Fontaine’s blood in my arm.”

  “Uh huh. Make sure you thank him for making you better.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Fontaine.”

  “I wouldn’t miss the chance to help you, sweetie. In fact, if you ever need anything, you just let me know. If I can ever help you at all, I will.”

  For God’s sake, enough was enough. She held her hand out to Caroline. “Honey, come back over with me. I’m sure Mr. Fontaine needs to fill out paperwork and we don’t want to hold him up.” She practically spit out his name, and from the look he gave her, she was sure he’d noticed.

  Caroline pulled gently away from him and looked over at her mother. It was that moment that it hit Alyssa.

  Those were Grant’s eyes staring back at her from Caroline’s face. Why had she never noticed it before?

  Unlike Alyssa’s blue eyes, Caroline had brown eyes. But they weren’t your normal run-of-the-mill brown eyes. They were the lighter copper color. They drew comments from complete strangers who noticed them because they were so out of the ordinary. With Caroline standing right next to Grant, and both of them looking at her, it was more than obvious.

  Caroline had Grant’s eyes.

  It was the first undeniable fact that what Grant had told her was the truth. He was Caroline’s biological father. Not just a specimen in a test tube or results on a written DNA test, but her actual father.

  Oh God. What was she going to do?

  “Mommy?” Caroline came to her and patted her on the back, and it was only then that Alyssa realized she was crying. Grant stood, his expression concerned, but he lagged behind, a sign of his caution.

  “Alyssa, are you all right?” His voice was soft and tentative.

  “I’m fine,” she spit out.

  He nodded and turned away, walked to the nurse’s station where he got his own stack of papers. He sat a distance away to work on them.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Caroline’s voice held the first hint of panic. Alyssa got a hold of yourself. What was wrong with her, indeed? With these histrionics, she’d surely scare Caroline about her procedure.

  “Not a thing, honey. I’m just so proud of you.” She ran a hand over her daughter’s hair and smiled at her.

  “Why?”

  “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Mommy.” Caroline held onto her hand, rubbing the back of it until she was satisfied that her mom had gotten over whatever emotional spell had hit her, then she settled into the chair beside Alyssa’s and pulled a book out of their bag. She didn’t open it. Instead, she studied the cover, running her fingers over the colors.

  Alyssa watched her and then looked up in Grant’s direction. The nurse had approached him. She took his paperwork and he stood up and followed her into a room, the door closing behind him. She watched the door for ten minutes or so, and he didn’t return. She got up and wandered to it, and glanced through the window panel.

  Grant sat in a chair beside a machine, his arm connected by a thick red cord. The nurse stood beside it and held a clipboard and pen, occasionally marking a notation, or reaching down to regulate the machine. Grant sat quietly and let his gaze meander the room, occasionally closing his eyes. As she stood watching him, he opened his eyes and looked straight at her. He formed a mild smile, and with his unconnected hand, gestured for her to come in.

  She shook her head, but remained tentatively by the door. He turned to the nurse who also looked up and gestured to her. Alyssa glanced back at Caroline, who was still occupied with the books in her bag, and turned back to the door. She opened it and slipped inside.

  “You curious about the platelet donation?” the nurse asked.

  She stepped closer to them. “I suppose I am.” She looked down at Grant. “How are you feeling?”

  He grinned. “Strong as an ox. No worries.”

  She took a deep breath and turned her attention to the red cord. Closer now, she could see it was actually a catheter that had been inserted into a vein that was carrying his blood into the machine. The nurse adjusted a couple buttons.

  “How much blood are you taking?”

  The nurse turned to her. “We’re not taking the whole blood. We’re only taking what we need – the platelets – and we’re returning the rest.”

  Alyssa frowned.

  “Here, take a look.”

  Alyssa stepped around to where the nurse stood. “You see this? His blood is being pulled into the machine. In about ten minutes, we’ll spin it around so that we’re replacing it back to him with an anticoagulant.”

  She turned to Grant who was looking up at her. “How long will this take?”

  “We’ll do this entire cycle six to eight times
in order to get a single unit of platelets for Caroline’s transfusion. Mr. Fontaine has generously offered to donate a second unit while Caroline’s going through her procedure.”

  She turned back to him and stared, her eyes wide. “What?”

  He shrugged.

  The nurse went on, “We’ll have to collect up to ten blood bags to get the number of platelets necessary for Caroline’s procedure today. But after we harvest that, and we get Caroline going on her transfusion, Mr. Fontaine has agreed to stay and donate a second unit.”

  Alyssa gazed at him, her question clear on her face.

  “We’ll all hope the single transfusion takes care of her bleeding,” he said. “But just in case it doesn’t and she needs a second transfusion, I don’t want her to be stuck without a donor. And it seems, at least at this particular time, I’m uniquely qualified to make those donations.”

  She was momentarily speechless. He was going way above and beyond her expectations. “But that’s asking so much of you. I can’t let you ….”

  He shook his head. “It’s not bad, really. Since they’re returning the red blood cells, you don’t feel the dizziness or fatigue that you feel after giving whole blood. The only side effect I’m feeling is I’m a little chilly.”

  At his words, the nurse came over to him with a blanket, tucking it around his shoulders. “Thank you,” Grant said. Then he turned to Alyssa. “I could think of a better way for you to keep me warm.”

  Alyssa frowned and shook her head. Emotions warred inside her. She still loved him. It was impossible to turn off her feelings just because she was mad at him. No, furious! She was furious at him for lying to her and sneaking around behind her back for years, and even when he had the chance to come clean to her, he hadn’t.

  But the sight of him connected to a machine that was taking his blood and preparing it for Caroline’s transfusion, softened her angry heart, just a little.

  “Why are you doing this? Not only the first one, but now a second, completely unsolicited?”

  He looked up at her. “Isn’t it obvious? Because I love her. Because she’s hurting, and I can help. I don’t want her to suffer any more than she has to. I would give anything to that little girl – including any body part that would help her be healthy and happy.”

  As he spoke, she locked eyes with his, mesmerized by the intensity of his words. Of course, she felt the same way. Parents felt a unique dedication to their offspring. They would rather take pain onto themselves than subject their own child to it. His words made him sound like …

  “You’re her father.” She whispered the words but they had the power to bring a smile to his lips.

  He nodded. “Yes, I’m her father. I want her to be well.”

  “Me, too. I hope your platelets do the trick.” She remembered that she’d left Caroline in the waiting room. She turned to leave, but turned back and put her hand over Grant’s free hand. She squeezed it. “Thank you again.”

  He shook his head. “Alyssa, I’m sorry about yesterday. For not telling you sooner. About everything.”

  Tears sprung just beneath the surface of her eyes and she realized how raw she still was about that topic. She held a hand up. “I can’t talk about that. Let’s get through this, okay?”

  The expression in his eyes spoke to her as clearly as his words. “I want us to be a family, Alyssa. Like we should be, should have been all along. I love you ….”

  Alyssa shook her head so fiercely she felt dizzy. She started for the door. “Grant …,” She turned back to face him, then shifted her gaze to the nurse, who was trying to appear like she hadn’t witnessed all that had been said. Alyssa dove through the door.

  Chapter Seventeen

  A week later, the pins and needles Alyssa had been sitting on began to subside. Caroline had not had a single nosebleed since the transfusion. She hadn’t gone this long without one since the sudden onset of the first one.

  Grant’s donation had worked, thank God. The transfusion appeared to be a success.

  Sure, Dr. Scott would keep an eye on her platelet levels, and if they needed to do another transfusion, they had Grant’s blood stored. But it certainly appeared to her untrained eye that Caroline was out of danger.

  The last week had been difficult for a number of reasons. Not only had the suspense of the transfusion results kept her wondering, but she had eliminated all contact with Grant. He’d handled this all wrong, starting years ago when he bribed a clinic professional to sell him confidential information – violating her privacy in the process. But the action she held him most responsible for, and the action that was most unforgiveable, was pretending to befriend her to get close to Caroline, and not put the brakes on when he knew they were growing close.

  Because now they were in love. And it couldn’t possibly work between them.

  He’d called her numerous times. When at work, she had the secretarial staff remind him each and every time that he now had a new Account Executive, and would he please route his calls to Tony White? When at home, she turned the ringer off so Caroline wouldn’t wonder why she wasn’t answering the phone, and every once in a while, she’d check the messages. At last count he’d left a dozen. They all held the same sentiment – he was sorry, but he was in love with her and Caroline, and he wanted them to be a family.

  Didn’t he realize that could never work?

  But she found herself listening to his messages again and again, her heart aching, tears standing in her eyes, sniffing softly so she didn’t draw Caroline’s attention.

  She’d get over it eventually. It would take some adjustment, but she was used to being without a man. She’d lived her life before with no man, and she could do it again. She’d dig into work, and she’d take good care of Caroline, and she would have a full life.

  She breathed a sigh. And occasionally she’d allow herself to remember a glimpse of their lovemaking, the moment she’d felt so loved and beautiful and desired. After all, it was good enough to last a lifetime.

  “Mommy? Can we go to the park? I want to swing.”

  She tore her attention back to her daughter, who had come into her room and was looking at her with pleading in her eyes. Her first impulse was to say no, just in case the nosebleeds began again. She bit her tongue.

  “You feel okay, sweetie?”

  Caroline let out an exaggerated groan. “Yes, I feel fine.”

  “Okay, get your coat.”

  Caroline jumped up and down and clapped. Alyssa allowed a reluctant smile.

  * * * *

  Midway through the next week at work, Tony popped his head into her office. “Got a minute, champ?”

  She looked up from her computer screen. “Sure.”

  He took a few steps in, closed her door and sat down in her extra chair. She gave him an eyebrows-up look.

  “How are you doing?” he asked.

  She thought about the question for a moment. Relieved that Caroline’s healed. Thankful to Grant for making it so. But heartbroken, barely holding it together because of their breakup. But she wasn’t going to talk about it, even to her best friend in New York.

  “Fine. You?”

  “Huh uh, darling. It’s me. Dish me the real scoop.”

  She sighed. “Why? Is it that obvious?”

  He leaned back in the straight backed chair. “Not to everyone. You’re keeping it together pretty well. But to me? You got me a little worried.”

  She looked at him in silence before she finally said, “Did you know Grant and I had developed a relationship? You know, romantic.”

  He nodded. “I saw the signs.”

  “I broke up with him a few weeks ago. He lied to me and I can’t forgive that. So I’m alone again. Well, not alone. I’ve got Caroline. Just like usual. I just have to get used to not having … him … anymore.” At that, tears threatened and she reached for a tissue from the dispenser on her desk.

  Tony leaned forward and reached for her hand. His warm one enveloped her cold one and it felt
nice.

  “I have to tell you something I never in a million years thought I’d say. And I know you’ll be shocked when you hear it. But I think you ought to reconsider.”

  She frowned, confused. “Reconsider what?”

  “The whole breakup thing.”

  “Why?”

  “Since you forced Grant to work with me, I’ve gotten to know him a little bit. I mean, I’ve talked to him enough to know one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “He’s crazy about you.”

  Alyssa snorted.

  “I’m serious. That man – that power-hungry, record-breaking, multi-millionaire is head over heels for you, Alyssa. When he so much as mentions your name, it’s clear as glass on his face. In his voice. And for me to realize it, it’s got to be pretty obvious, huh?”

  Alyssa stared, her heart beating so hard she could hear it racing in her ears. She wanted to believe it, she really did. But there was so much she was unsure of. Did he really love her, or was he only after Caroline? Had he hired her only so he could keep a closer eye on his heiress? Once someone’s lied to you, how can you ever know when they’re telling you the truth?

  She shook her head. “He lied to me, Tony.”

  Tony held his hands up, palms out. “Look, I don’t know the whole story. I know some based off what I’ve gleaned from him and you. But I know enough to wonder, did he really lie to you? Or was he just protecting a long-term secret? He had a lot at stake by keeping that secret, secret. You had the power in your hands to change his life drastically. Maybe you can think of it not that he was lying to you, but that he was deciding when he could trust you enough to reveal it to you.”

  Alyssa nodded. When she looked at things from that vantage point, she could begin to wrap her mind around why Grant hadn’t told her his whole story from the beginning. He’d broken the law – she had the power to turn him in, which could result in jail time, or at the very least, a felony charge.

  And she held the power to refuse him access to Caroline until she was legally an adult. He didn’t have any legal rights to Caroline due to the agreement he’d signed at the sperm clinic.