Logan scans my face, searching for what exactly I’m not sure. He seems remarkably calm now, and while I’m grateful this is going better than expected, I’m still somewhat puzzled. “You don’t seem overly surprised or put out.”
He grunts. “Oh, I’m not happy about this, Angel. Not happy at all, but I saw the way he looked at you when they appeared on the ship, before he kidnapped you. I could tell he loved you; he was incapable of hiding it. And I’ve seen the way he is around you since we escaped. When he put you on the spot out there”—he motions toward the corridor outside—“I had an inkling of where this was going. But marriage? Stars!” He braces his hands behind his head as he blows air out of his mouth. “It was common knowledge at the Heir’s Summit that he had a serious girlfriend back on Torc. You know”—he stares off into space, a quasi-amused look on his face—“he and I never got along, and I remember what I thought the first time I met him.” His eyes pierce mine as he has an “a-ha” moment. “That I didn’t like him because he had something of mine, something that belonged to me. I didn’t realize it back then, but it was you.”
“Really?” I wrap my hand around his wrist. He nods, and my heart melts. That’s one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard. “Logan.” I make soothing, circular shapes on his wrist with my thumb, and he shivers. “The marriage means nothing to me. It changes nothing. Surely, given the circumstances of my abduction, it isn’t legally binding? Griselda was intent on revoking it, and it didn’t seem like a big deal. Is there anything in the Eterno Commandments which prohibits us from bonding because of it?”
“You still want that with me?” Hope blooms in his eyes, and my face softens.
“Of course, I do! I mustn’t be explaining myself properly.” I lower our conjoined hands into my lap and lean into him until our noses are touching. I want him to see deep into my soul when I tell him this. “This is one decision that is completely governed by my heart. My heart can’t lie, and it pines for you. It wants only you. It craves a future with you. Even if someone was to tell me that that marriage is real and binding, I can’t force myself to love him when I love you! And I hope when I talk to Ax that he can accept that position too, because surely he can’t want me when I don’t love him like he loves me.” I snag fistfuls of my hair. “It’s awful, and I know it’s going to hurt him, and I hate that, but I can’t live a lie. I won’t. Because that wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”
My chest heaves with compelling emotion, and my control is stretched to the breaking point. I quiver all over as I prepare to make my final admission. “There’s more.”
Logan brows knit together.
“When I was on Torc, I had to say and do things so that he’d believe I was starting to fall for him again.” I hang my head in shame.
Logan caresses my cheek and I look up at him. “Hey. You did what you had to do to escape. I understand that.”
“It was truly awful of me. To play him like that. To betray you like that. I—”
He holds up a hand. “I don’t need to hear all the gory details.” A glimmer of pain flies across his face.
“I didn’t sleep with him,” I rush to reassure him. “It was only kissing, mainly. Ax is a sweet guy, and he didn’t pressure me at all. Which, of course, only makes it worse. And now I feel responsible for him; he is only in this position because of me. Only here because of me. Ostracized from his mother and his people because of me. I’ve led him to this point on false pretenses, and that was so wrong. He is expecting something that I can no longer give him, and I feel so guilty about how I’ve treated him.” I worry my lip between my teeth.
Logan emits a relieved sigh as he unclasps my stiff fingers and pulls them to his lips. His light touch sends delicious tremors zipping up and down my body, and if ever I needed additional reassurance that I’m making the right decision, that’s it. No one makes me feel all the feels like Logan does. “Don’t feel guilty for any of that. Axton made his own choices, and you did what you had to do to survive. I can relate. It’s how I felt after I was forced into kissing Dali at the ceremony on Amara.” He shivers as if a chill has crawled up his spine.
My eyes scrunch up as I contemplate whether to tell him this next truth. Pulling on my bravery cap, I level him direct in the eye. “It’s not the same thing, Logan.” I slowly shake my head. “When Ax kissed me, when he touched me, I … I had feelings for him. It felt familiar, like some part of me does remember him deep down.”
His tormented eyes probe mine, and I hate that I’ve hurt him. But we made a pact to be completely honest with one another, and this is me staying true to my word. “It wasn’t even a tenth of the way you make me feel,” I add, hoping it will comfort him. “And it doesn’t change what I want or who I want to be with.”
Logan rises and pulls me into his arms. I rest my head on his chest, and the steady beating of his heart soothes me. His lips brush my hair, and I cling to his waist. We stay clinched in our mute embrace for a few minutes until he breaches the silence. “Are you very sure, Sadie?” I ease back a little and look up at him. Sincere eyes meet mine. “While it would destroy me to lose you, you need to ensure you’re making the right call here. Are you sure it’s me you love and not him?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you. It will only ever be you,” I admit without hesitation.
His mouth devours mine as a thud booms from the corridor outside, causing the walls to lightly quake. Panicked, I break our kiss and race to the door. Yanking it open, I stare, appalled, at the sight of Ax slumped on the floor. His legs are raised at the knees, and his head is in his hands. I drop down on my knees in front of him. “You were listening? Why would you do that?!” I shriek. “I told you I was going to talk to you next.”
He lifts his head, and I gulp at the transparent pain etched all over his face. “I had a sense you were planning to sugarcoat things for me. I knew you’d tell him the truth, and I needed to hear that.”
Tears pool in his eyes, and I’m so ashamed. A strangled sob escapes my mouth. “I’m so sorry, Ax. I truly am.”
“There’s nothing to see here,” Logan says to Alex and Neve. They are standing at the top of the corridor, unspoken questions lingering in the air. “Talk in there.” Logan motions toward the bedroom on the left, and I climb to my feet. Hesitantly, he reaches out to help Ax up.
Ax shoves his hands away. “Get your damned hands off me!” he growls, clambering, unaided, to his feet. Logan’s look is full of compassion, and it swells my heart with pride. “I don’t want your help or your sympathy.” Sidestepping him, he opens the door to the empty bedroom. With his back to me, he says, “And I heard everything I needed to hear. I don’t want to talk to you. I need to be alone.”
He slams the door in my face. Tears cascade over my cheeks as I stand there helplessly. I couldn’t hate myself any more than I do in this moment. I can’t believe he learned the truth like that. I didn’t want him to hear me say those things. I wanted to have the opportunity to let him down more gently. I owed him that much. Swiping my hot tears away, I open the door and storm in. Logan hovers uncertainly in the corridor outside.
Ax is lying face down on the bed, his huge body spread-eagled across the width of the comforter. I rest on the edge of the bed. “Ax, please. Let me explain properly.”
“Please, leave me alone, Sadie. I can’t bear to even look at you right now.” His voice is muffled in the comforter, but the sentiment is relayed loud and clear.
“Give him some space,” Logan silently conveys. “He needs time to come to terms with it.”
“I can’t leave things like this between us! What he heard was dreadful. I’ve hurt him so much. I need him to understand how grateful I am for all he’s done for me and that it doesn’t mean I don’t care! He needs to hear that.”
“And he will, Angel. But even if you told him those things right now, he wouldn’t hear them. He needs to learn to accept this in his own way, in his own time. In the meantime, I think
you should respect his wishes.”
I get up slowly. “I’m really sorry, Ax. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. Let me know when you are up to talking about it. Or if you need anything or …”
Logan gently pulls me out into the corridor. His arms encircle me as he quietly closes the door. I snuggle into his embrace, as a dull ache starts to build behind my eyes. “I’m a terrible person.”
“Ssh, now.” He runs his hands up and down my back. “You know you’re not. You’re a good person who has been placed in a terrible situation. And I know you’ll do the right thing by him.”
Resting my hands on his chest, I look into his earnest face. “I will. I made a promise to my old self that I would keep both of you safe, and I don’t intend on breaking it.” I switch to mindspeak, fearful of Ax overhearing something else he shouldn’t. “I know it’s not going to be easy to be in the same space together. God knows it’s already ten million levels of awkward, but we have to try. I can’t walk away from him, Logan. I can’t leave him on his own.”
He leans down and kisses my cheek. “I’ll try to understand that, but you might want to reconsider. Perhaps it would be easier for him if he was separated from us? If he didn’t have to see us together all the time?”
I shake my head. “That isn’t an option. Griselda threatened his life, Logan. The old me made a secret recording. Griselda said if I didn’t kill you that she’d kill Ax. It’s not only your life that’s at stake; his is too.” I bite my bottom lip. “Do you think Dante is aware of that fact?”
Logan looks reflective. “You think that’s why he wanted both me and Ax held captive?”
“When I was on the STSS, Dante was probing me for info on Ax. I think that explains it, yes.”
“Maybe, but then that would mean—”
“That he’s in cahoots with Griselda,” I finish for him.
“Not inconceivable,” Logan admits with a frustrated sigh.
“I know. So, now you see why I need to keep him close.”
“I do. I don’t like it, but you have no other choice.”
“Thank you for being so understanding.” I mean it. He has made this so much easier than I thought possible.
“Don’t thank me yet.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“I’m trying very hard to be the good guy here. After all”—he reels me in closer—“I got the girl. And I feel for him, I do. I have some experience of what it’s like to lose you. And to have your own mother threaten to kill you in such a careless manner? It’s awful. But I can’t help how I feel. He’s deceived me for years, and I’m jealous of all that he’s shared with you.”
“Don’t be. He’s my past. You’re my future.” I rise on tiptoes and kiss him lightly on the lips. “By the way, he doesn’t know about Griselda’s threat, and I want to keep it that way. It’d destroy him.”
Logan tucks my hair behind my ears. “He won’t hear it from me.”
I move to kiss him again when a blatant cough demands our attention. Breaking apart, we turn to face a clearly worried Neve.
“We’ve received a message,” she confirms. “You’re gonna want to hear this.”
CHAPTER 7
“I’ve been using the underground comm channel to maintain contact with my buddies in Saven,” Rylan explains, as we join him in the cockpit. “This message came through ten minutes ago. It’s from King Coryn, and he was quite explicit that you be notified immediately.”
Logan’s shoulders tighten instantly, and his eyes narrow suspiciously.
“Who’s King Coryn?” I ask.
Logan’s knee taps restlessly off the ground. “He’s the king of Narik, one of our neighboring planets.” Privately he conveys a different sentiment. “He was my mother’s lover. The one I told you about.”
“Why would he be contacting you now?”
“I don’t know.” Logan chews on the corner of his lip. “Play the message, please.”
Rylan obliges. A handsome older man with warm honey-brown eyes and dark hair, peppered with flecks of gray, materializes on the screen before us. I’m surprised to see another alien race in humanoid form. “They are shapeshifters, too,” Logan confirms, answering my unspoken question. “They have held human form for even longer than the Saven.”
The king speaks confidently in a heavily accented tone. “Crown Prince.” He bows his head respectfully. “It has been many years since we have spoken, and I’m sure you’re curious as to why I have contacted you now. While Narik has always assumed a position of neutrality, we are aware how things are altering in the galaxy. I’ve known something like this was coming, and I want to pledge our allegiance. Narik will support Saven under your leadership, and I can offer you refuge.” He pauses briefly. “There are things we need to discuss. And not solely of a political nature.”
His serene composure momentarily falters, and a harrowing look crosses his face. “Your mother asked me to look out for you, and I’ve been trying to do that from the sidelines. But, I believe the time has come to update you in a more transparent manner. There are certain things you need to know.”
Logan grips the edge of his seat rigidly. Tension radiates off him in waves. Sensing him drowning under the admission, I drape my arm around his shoulder and kiss his cheek. A tiny ripple of pain darts through my skull, and I inwardly wince.
The king continues speaking. “I understand that I need to earn your trust, but, rest assured, I am genuine. You can trust me. I’m in your corner, and I always have been. You just didn’t know it.”
Logan pinches the bridge of his nose, his face heavy with confusion.
“I thought it might help to hear it from someone else,” the king adds. He rises, and there’s a bit of shuffling in the background.
Then, Dali’s beautiful face fills the screen. She looks healthy and well, her emerald green eyes sparkling with vitality. Tossing her flowing black locks over her shoulder, she leans into the screen. “Hey, Logan. I hope this message reaches you in time. Sorry for the loss of contact, but it wasn’t safe to continue communicating. Dante and my father have been tracking us from day one. Win and I were forced to take shelter in Narik when it became apparent that my father was hell-bent on stopping me from garnering allies. King Coryn reached out to me, and we’ve been hiding out here ever since. But more than that. We are making concrete plans, and we have a way to win this.” Her face glows with excitement and uber-confidence. “With his support, I believe we can achieve our goals. We need you here. Things are reaching critical mass, and we must take action soon. I know you have some history with him, but trust me, it’s safe here. He can offer us protection while we figure things out. While we put things in motion. Hurry. Come quickly. Love to Sadie and the others.” She blows a kiss as she rises. “See you soon.”
The message dies out and the only sound in the room is the mix of our conjoined breathing. Rylan looks to Logan for direction.
“What’s the word from Saven?” Logan asks.
Rylan grimaces. “It’s not good. The fighting is escalating, and both Dante and Advisor Mellor are in the wind. The military corps are split right down the middle. No one is in charge. It’s utter chaos.”
Logan links his hands behind his neck, strain clearly visible. He looks to me for reassurance. “What do you think we should do?”
“The king seemed sincere, and you know Dali is trustworthy. If she says we should go there, and that they have a way of ending this, then I think that’s what we should do. Let’s hear them out. Besides, we need to refuel and stock up on supplies, so it seems like the practical thing to do.” It’s difficult to push my concerns for my loved ones on Earth to one side, but right now, the tenuous situation in Saven is more pressing and more demanding of our focus.
Logan pulls me in close and kisses my forehead. “Okay. Set a course for Narik,” he tells Rylan. “Did they send you an entry code?”
“Affirmative.”
“Great.” He stands up, slapping a hand on Rylan’s shoulder. “I�
�ll inform the others.”
Everyone is convened in the cabin as Logan explains about King Coryn’s message. Everyone except Ax. I wander out to his room and knock tentatively on the door. “Ax, it’s me. Please open up.” I’m greeted by stony silence. I rap on the door a few more times before it becomes obvious that he’s still ignoring me. I plop down on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest.
The door from the main cabin opens, and Izzy ghosts into the corridor. She slinks down beside me. “You told him?” she inquires.
“Yeah.” I massage my sore head.
“Poor guy.”
“I know. He’s still not talking to me. Would you try? I’m worried about him.”
“Sure. I’ll keep an eye on him.”
I wince as a barb of pain arrows through my skull.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing. A mild headache.” As quick as I am to dismiss it, a perturbing thought occurs to me. “Do you think this is in some way connected with that chip Griselda inserted in me?” Distracted, I rub the spot behind my ear where the hidden chip resides. Another more worrisome thought rises to the surface. If it is connected, then it could also mean that Griselda is trying to get into my head again. But how? I blew up political HQ?
She looks pensive. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Or maybe it’s just a headache.” I’m probably reading far too much into it.
“When things settle down, you should get it removed,” she suggests.
“That’s an option?” My brow flicks up. I’m fairly sure Ax said it was impossible.
“Of course.” She looks at me strangely. “Griselda uses those implants on prisoners, but as soon as they are released from their sentence, the chip is removed. It’s a fairly routine procedure. I don’t see how it would be any different for you.”
My lips pucker. I file it away for discussion with Ax at a later stage. Assuming he’ll ever want to speak to me again, that is. I tip my head back, sighing.
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