by Hantz, Sara
“I told you, I’m just going to look. And don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it. All I know so far is it’s called ‘Wait for Love’.”
“Wait for Love?” She makes loud vomit noises. “That name is so awful it’s not funny.”
“I know. I felt like reaching for the bucket myself when I heard it. But it’s only a name. I’m going to go with an open mind and then decide.”
“Look, I hate to burst your bubble. But aren’t you forgetting something?”
I drop down onto my bed and lean against the headboard, crossing my legs underneath me.
“And it’s taken you this long to mention it.” I laugh. “You’re definitely slipping Maddie. Most definitely slipping.”
“Well?”
“Well, I know that technically I don’t qualify for membership, but—”
“Technically? What do you mean technically? Is there any other way to qualify? You’re either a virgin or you’re not. And you my friend are not.”
“There’s no need to put it quite like that. What I meant to say was, although I might not be a virgin I’ve only done it once (well, twice but in the same session) and that was over a year ago. So I could well have closed up. Which means that although technically I’m not virgin, in reality it could well seem like I am when I do it again.”
That has to qualify as the most stupid thing I’ve said in a long time. And judging by the snorts coming down the phone Maddie thinks so too.
“Suzy. I’m going to miss you soooo much. No-one else I know could say something like that and get away with it. Maybe they’ll let you in if you explain your re-virginisation theory. I can see it now. You’ll stand up and say ‘my name is Suzy Green and I’ve been re-virginised. And I take the pledge to remain so until I next have sex.’”
“Stop it,” I say, laughing so much tears stream down my face. “I’m trying to be serious.”
I reach over, grab a tissue from the box on my bedside table and wipe my eyes. I really should laugh more often.
“Yeah, me too.” I can almost see Maddie’s eyes rolling toward the ceiling and her head shaking in reproach. “Anyway, I still don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.”
“Because Lori’s a member.” How pathetic does that sound? I really need to get a grip.
“And Lori is?” I detect a note of sarcasm in Maddie’s voice. But I don’t know why. It’s not like Lori and I are best buddies or anything. We hardly know each other. Unlike Maddie and me. We go as far back as kindergarten, and apart from a couple of weeks when we were fourteen (which was very silly and over some boy who turned out to be a complete dick) we’ve always been best friends.
“A girl at school. She has to look after me and show me around.”
“What’s she like?”
“Cool. Really clever and sporty. And she’s pretty. But not up herself,” I add quickly, before Maddie has a chance to say anything, which she’s quite likely to when you think about our views on the in-crowd at my old school— views we weren’t reluctant to express. “You’d like her. She’s okay.”
“Sounds like Rosie.” The tone of Maddie’s voice drops a little when she mentions my sister Rosie. Or should I say ex-sister. That doesn’t sound right. I don’t mean ex as in isn’t my sister anymore. I mean ex as in Rosie is dead. “Sorry I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about her.” Not to Maddie. Anyone else, well—some things are best left unsaid. At least they are until I can deal with it better. “And now you mention it I suppose Lori is a bit like Rosie. A passing resemblance, maybe.”
In a pale imitation sort of way. Rosie is, I mean was, unique. Everyone loved her. There was nothing she couldn’t do. And no-one could have wished for a cooler older sister. And she was as popular as they come. Yet she always had time for everyone—unlike the aforementioned in-crowd. So where’s the problem in me wanting to be like Rosie? Especially as I know Mom and Dad want me to be more like her—even if it’s the total opposite of how I’ve been for most of my seventeen years.
“So this Lori. She’s the reason you want to join the VC?”
“VC?”
“Duh. Virginity Club. You know the place you’re wangling entry into, despite falling a tad short on the entry criteria.”
“Oh, that VC. No it’s not because of her. And before you ask it’s not because of Guy either.” Oops, I didn’t mean to let that slip just yet.
For the second time a snort echoes in my ear. Maddie really needs to control herself. I’m feeling more and more like I’m on a farm.
“Excuse me,” she splutters. “Guy? Who is Guy?”
“Just some guy,” I say, sniggering at my sad attempts at a joke. “Who happens to be hot,” I add, sort of under my breath but it comes out louder than I intend.
“And who also happens to belong to the club. Now that’s more like the Suzy I’ve come to know and love. If there’s a guy-Guy involved then I can see why you want to join.”
“That’s not the only reason, though it may have a slight bearing on my decision. But really it’s all to do with my plan to become miss-perfect student, who the teachers don’t pick on for no reason at all. And if it means hanging out with the popular kids to achieve this, then I’m prepared to make the sacrifice.” I let out a huge sigh for effect.
“So, homework in on time from now on. No more cheeking teachers. And joining all the right clubs, with all the right people.”
“You can mock. But let me tell you being good all the time is a lot harder than our usual trouble-making modus operandi.”
“Modus operandi? One day at your new elite school and you’re spouting Latin. I can’t bear it.”
“Shut up,” I say giggling. “This is serious business. And not just involving my behavior. I’ve had a total appearance overhaul as well, remember.”
“Oh to be a fly on the wall. And, by the way, I’m still waiting to hear what this guy looks like.”
A smile breaks out on my face as I think about him and my heart skips a beat. Oh dear. I think I’ve got it bad.
“He’s hot. With blond hair that curls a little over his ears. And he has pale blue eyes and such a killer smile.” I can feel a blush creeping up my face.
“And I bet he’s up himself. Guys like that usually are.”
“No he’s not,” I say hotly. “He’s confident. Well who wouldn’t be looking like that? And he’s in the football team.”
“Hmm. He doesn’t sound like your usual type.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Actually I do but that’s beside the point.
“A blond, blue-eyed, sporty, alleged virgin—’
“What do you mean alleged?”
“Well, guys like that just belong to these clubs for their image.”
“How do you work that out exactly?”
“Simple. What better way to get a girl if she thinks he doesn’t want them just for sex.”
“Maddie not all guys spend their time wondering if they’ll get to third base you know.”
“Hmmm. If you say so.”
“Well, I do. And for the record he definitely is my type.” As from now.
“Come on Suzy. This is me you’re talking to. If you’d have said, cute, laid back, with a cheeky grin then that would be different. You’ve never gone for the obvious. Because of their obvious deficiencies.”
Yes, and where has not going for the obvious got me? Precisely nowhere. Maddie and I are not exactly top of the in-crowd’s party list. We might spend our time drooling over various guys but that’s about it, being asked us out happens rarely.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter because he’s hardly going to notice me. Not with the likes of Lori around. And for all I know he’s already seeing someone.” I was going to ask Lori about that then changed my mind at the last minute in case she told him.
“Here we go again. Putting yourself down. Why wouldn’t he notice you?”
“You want a list?”
“Yeah
. And don’t come out with the usual crap about your hair.”
“Hair is important,” I moan.
“But not the be all and end all. Come on, why else won’t he notice you, hmm?”
“It’s no use talking to you. You’re deliberately being difficult.” I hold the phone against my ear with my shoulder, fold my arms and stick out my bottom lip.
“Stop sulking. Just because I’m not in your room doesn’t mean I don’t know what you’re doing.” I swear she’s got the gift, even if she does deny it. “So, tell me more about this elite school.”
“You’d just die if you could see the uniform,” I say, my tense muscles relaxing and brief tantrum forgotten. “And they all conform. Not a non-regulation item to be found on any of them. It’s like being a Stepford Student. And don’t get me started on the shoes. I’ve already got through a packet of blister plasters.”
“And your tongue stud?” Did she have to remind me of that? Losing it caused me a great deal of angst.
“What do you think? I had to say goodbye to it. After all that time keeping it a secret. And now, in the space of a few of hours, you’d never even know it had been there. The hole’s totally closed up.”
“Is there anything good about the place, not counting guy-Guy?”
Good question. Apart from the obvious, as in if I play my cards right I’ll be heading for the right college with the right people, doing the right course and being a daughter any parent would be proud of. I can’t let them down again. I just can’t.
“Sure. The guys in my classes seem okay.” I pause for a moment. My mind’s gone a total blank. “Anyway, it’s too early to decide. I’ll tell you one thing, though. For a top school the work isn’t that hard. I couldn’t believe it, I thought I’d have loads of catching up to do. But not so far.”
“You watch it. If you’re not careful you’ll be the class nerd.”
“Yeah, right. In your dreams.” Or should I say mine?
Chapter Three
“Why didn’t you tell us you’ve been put in the top class for math and English?” Mom asks out of the blue, while we’re sitting down eating dinner and I’m contemplating whether to put mayo or ketchup on my fries.
“Sorry, I forgot.” I say shrugging. I decide on mayo and reach for the jar in the middle of the table.
“Oh, Suzy. How can you forget? It’s great news. We’re really thrilled, aren’t we dear?” She smiles at Dad who nods his head in agreement.
“It’s no big deal.”
Which is just not true. I was totally freaked when they told me. I know I’ve been working hard and doing my homework, but I didn’t realize I was doing so well. Unless they’ve made a mistake—which is always a possibility. Then they’ll put me back in the other class, and I’ll look a right idiot. I don’t know why Mom’s so excited about it. It’s not like I’m in Rosie’s league or anything. Hang on a minute—
“How do you know, anyway?” I stop unscrewing the lid, put the jar down and stare at her.
“Because I phoned the school to see how you’re doing.”
What? Oh no. How could she? I lean forward and rest my head on my hand. This is so embarrassing.
“But why, Mom? Why?”
“I think that’s obvious, Suzy.” She raises her left eyebrow, a remarkable feat in itself, but I know it means it’s lecture time. It used to be a longstanding joke between Rosie and me. “How else am I meant to find out? Every time I ask you how school’s going you just say ‘good’. I know you’re working harder than before. I can see that for myself. But I want to make sure everything really is okay. So I phoned and spoke to the Principal.”
Spying on me more like. I shake my head in disbelief. This so isn’t happening. I mean, I’m not a baby. How many seventeen-year-olds are there who have a mother phoning their school? All I can hope for is no-one gets to hear about it.
“Well, please don’t phone again. I promise next time I’ll tell you when anything happens.” When it’s something I don’t mind her knowing.
I’m not sure whether I’ll mention going to the VC meeting tomorrow night. She might start asking awkward questions. I wanted to go to the meeting two weeks ago, but couldn’t because it was Dad’s birthday and it’s always been tradition on birthdays for us all to go to the movies, birthday person chooses the movie, and then out for a pizza. I’ll admit there were times in the past when I tried to get out of it, unsuccessfully I might add, but I wouldn’t try that now. Especially as it was his first birthday since Rosie died.
“We only want the best for you, love. Sending you to this school seems to be turning out really well.” She reaches over and touches me gently on the arm. Now I feel guilty big time. I’m all they have, so of course they want me to do well. And I won’t disappoint. Not like in the past.
***
I tear into Starbucks, praying they haven’t left already. What is it with me? With the best intentions in the world, I’m always late. There’s inevitably something conspiring against me—nine times out of ten it’s my hair. Maddie always used to tell me to meet her half an hour earlier than I needed to. And she thought I didn’t know.
And tonight was a double whammy. Not only did I have my hair to contend with but finding something to wear was a challenge of the highest order. I mean, what does one wear to a virginity club? Clearly not ripped black jeans with studs and a Nirvana t-shirt. My eyes are drawn to the dark brown pants and green shirt I’m wearing. As my mother said when I left: ‘very neat and tidy, dear.’ Neat and tidy!
I drag my thoughts back to tonight. If Lori and Rachel have already gone then I’m going back home. No way am I going on my own. Absolutely not. I scan the place and see them sitting at a table by the window. Phew.
They don’t look happy, though. I bet they’ve been talking about me being late, probably regretting asking me to come tonight. Even though Lori doesn’t have to mentor me any more they’re still sort of including me in things they do. By that I mean if they see me in the cafeteria they ask me to join them. And I was asked over to Jana’s house last week after school. Of course, it does help that Lori and I now have all our classes together because of the AP classes I’m in. And she often sits next to me. So, I guess I’m on the fringes of the in crowd.
Lori catches sight of me and waves. I start to walk toward them but before I manage even a couple of steps they get up and head in my direction.
“So sorry,” I say once they’re in earshot. “I had a hell of a time with my hair.” At least they haven’t heard that excuse thousands of times before, so hopefully they’ll be more understanding than my old friends. Not that it’s a lie. It took me ages to straighten it, which wasn’t helped by me forgetting to switch the straightener on once I’d plugged it in.
“It looks cool,” Rachel says. “I wish I had hair like yours. It’s so thick and bouncy. And you can do so much with it. Mine,” she curls her bottom lip as she slides her fingers through her awesome blond, to die for, hair, “is so fine I can’t do anything other than this.”
Sure. And if I’d been drinking the caramel frappuccino I’ve been looking forward to all afternoon and which I’m clearly going to have to forgo, I’d have choked on it. I’m learning fast that Rachel is full of self deprecating crap which she indulges in just to get other people to contradict her. I mean, really. This girl is tall, slim with cleavage, and a face that wouldn’t look out of place on the front of Cosmo.
“Come on,” Lori says impatiently, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. “We’re meant to be meeting the others in five minutes and we’ve got a ten minute walk.” Ouch. She turns on her heel and heads toward the door. Rachel and I follow.
“So, tell me again what’s going to happen,” I say while we’re striding down Main Street. “I don’t have to go up on a stage or anything do I?”
This is really scary. What if they ask me to take the pledge and I say yes and somehow they know I’m lying and then everyone hates me? Or what if I take the pledge (not that I’ve decided yet) an
d the words come out all wrong? Or what if I laugh?
I’m always laughing when I shouldn’t. I get told off and a smirk magically appears on my face. Then I get told off even more. I think it’s genetic. Because I surely can’t help it.
Although, I haven’t been told off once since starting this new school. And I have to say it feels pretty good not to have all eyes on me when something wrong has been done.
Not that I blame my old teachers. Maddie and I did have a penchant for practical jokes. You tell me anyone who can resist gluing the teacher’s chair when there’s a glue stick on the table and the room is empty. Well, anyone who, like Maddie and I, tends to get themselves in a spot of trouble from time to time. Okay. Maybe that’s a tad under-played. I have to admit we got into a lot of trouble a lot of the time. But—yes there’s always a but—the things we did were relatively harmless. Well, they were until my last episode—but I blame that on all the stress I was under. And I truly learnt my lesson, that’s for sure.
“You’ll be fine,” says Lori. “At the beginning of the meeting Jamie will welcome everyone and ask the new people to put up their hands. Then if there are any new people, which there are.” She smiles at me. “He’ll talk a bit about what our philosophy is and ask you if you’re ready to take the pledge. Then you do. Voila. See, no problem.”
“And if I take the pledge do I have to stand up and put my hand on the bible or something. Like in court.”
“That’s up to you. Did you bring a bible with you?”
“No. Was I meant to? You didn’t mention it. Or if you did I’ve forgotten. Maybe someone will lend me one. Or—”
Lori starts to giggle. “Suzy. I’m joking. Of course you don’t have to. ‘Wait for Love’ isn’t a religious group. It’s all about wanting to save ourselves for that special someone.”
“That’s cool.”
Did I just say that? And did I sound convincing? What’s weird is no-one has actually asked me if I’m a virgin. They just assume it. I wonder why? Maybe I give off a virginal air.
“Hey, over there,” says Rachel looking over her shoulder and bringing me back from my thoughts. “Guy and Jana.”