by Hantz, Sara
My head spins around in double quick time and I see them walking toward us. I reach up and slide my hand down my hair in case it’s sticking up as it’s a bit windy. Guy’s been really nice to me since that first morning. We get on so well. Though I’ve missed him this last week because he’s been at on some football camp.
“Hi guys,” he says when he catches us up. I swear his gaze lingers a few seconds longer on me than on Lori and Rachel. Or is that wishful thinking? Maddie always says I have a vivid imagination.
“Hi,” we all say in Unison.
“Glad you decided to come,” he says to me.
Me too. Me too. Me too. This is going to be the best evening ever. But I don’t want him to think I’m keen. Guys like him are used to girls running after them. I’m going to play it real cool. Let him think I’m not bothered whether he’s there or not.
“Thanks.” I turn away and follow Lori toward the entrance to the Bedford Center where the meeting is being held.
“Hey Suzy,” he calls after me. “Wait for me.” I glance over my shoulder and grin.
“Hurry up then,” I say, making a concerted effort to refrain from punching the air.
He jogs over to where I’m standing and we walk through the entrance and make our way toward the private room at the back where the meeting is taking place. Guy holds the door open and I walk in front of him into the room, where I come to an abrupt halt.
Holy crap.
Take me home now. The room is packed. As in so full it’s standing room only. There’s got to be way over fifty kids here probably closer to a hundred. All sitting in rows on wooden seats and facing a small stage at the front. Where’s this low key affair Lori promised?
“You okay?” Guy whispers in my ear.
Okay, as in will I get over the shivers racing up and down my spine caused by his closeness? Or okay as in there’s no way on earth I’m pledging anything in front of this amount of people?
I swallow hard. “I’m not sure. I didn’t expect to see so many here.” I lean back against the wall, welcoming the feel of its support. Guy stands next to me on one side and Lori, Rachel and Jana on the other.
“It’s a great turnout,” Guy says. “We don’t normally have this many. I think it’s because we’ve been giving out leaflets at St Bartholomew’s School. I recognize some of them from there.”
He must really be into this virgin stuff if he goes around trying to convert other students. Though I suppose convert isn’t the right word. You can’t convert from not being a virgin to being a virgin. Apart from in special cases, obviously.
“So that means there’ll be a lot of people pledging tonight then.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
That won’t be so bad then, because I can hide behind someone else and no-one will be able to spot the guilty look on my face. That’s if I decide to take the pledge. I really haven’t decided yet. And that’s the truth. Though I must admit to being swayed by Guy.
“Hi everyone,” says a man standing on the stage, who Guy tells me is Jamie the President.
Something else I couldn’t believe. The club is run by a full committee with elections, fund raising and all those other things committees do. Not that I’ve ever been on a committee before. Or belonged to a club for that matter. I couldn’t see the attraction, despite Rosie’s attempts to convince me otherwise. Still, that’s in the past. I’m open to anything now. Sort of.
“Good to see you all. Sorry there aren’t enough chairs. We’ll fix that for the next meeting. Okay, hands up the new people.”
Standing where we are I get a full view of everyone putting up their hands and so gingerly put mine up too. I am not comfortable with all this.
“It’s great to have you here at ‘Wait For Love’. Where we believe in staying pure until we take those sacred marriage vows.”
What? Lori said it wasn’t religious. But ‘sacred’ and ‘pure’ sure ring religious bells with me. Not that I’m against religion per se. But I’m finding it so hard, since Rosie’s death, to come to terms with a God who could take away someone so perfect in the prime of their life.
“No one is twisting your arm,” Jamie continues. “But just know that if you take the pledge tonight you will be a better person because of it.”
So what does that make all the people who don’t pledge? Bad people?
“Because it’s all about respect,” Jamie adds, after what seems like a well timed pause. Clearly done for effect. I wonder if he’s had theatrical training. He certainly gestures like an actor. And I know he’s not still at school. Unless he’s got that premature aging disease.
“Respecting yourself and others respecting you.”
I lean to the side and whisper into Lori’s ear. “Who is Jamie exactly? Apart from being the Pres.”
“He’s a youth worker with the church,” she replies turning so I can see her face and, more to the point, her eyes which are bright and shining. Oh no. She’s got it bad for Jamie. It’s written all over her face. “He’s cute. Don’t you think?”
Um, in a word. No. Creepy would be a far better description from what I’ve seen so far. I don’t mean creepy looking. He’s dressed okay, and quite passable for someone older. It’s more his voice and the things he’s saying that are freaking me out. But let’s be fair. I don’t know him like she does. Which clearly won’t be in the biblical sense as that is forbidden.
“Yeah, he seems okay.” Like I’m going to tell her my true first impressions.
“So, are you going to?” Lori asks.
“Am I going to what?”
“Take the pledge, of course. What did you think I meant?”
Well, there’s the sixty-four thousand dollar question.
Chapter Four
“I call upon all people present to witness my pledge to remain a virgin until I marry, so I can give my partner the most precious gift I have. Myself.”
I let out a huge sigh and glance up to the ceiling, half expecting a loud clap of thunder and the floor to open up and swallow me whole. There’s lying and there’s lying. And this is definitely the latter. A shiver runs down my spine. I’m not superstitious but this is truly unnerving. Where’s Maddie when you need her? And what a mouthful I had to say. It sounded more like a marriage vow. Of course, unlike with a marriage pledge, you don’t get to go to a top hotel for the reception and honeymoon night. Not that I want marriage or anything remotely like it for a long time yet. God no.
You know, I can’t believe I’ve actually done it. Well, we’ve actually done it. There’s about fifteen of us standing on the stage doing what Jamie called a ‘mass pledge’. I wonder if that makes it more effective, or whether we’re doing it together to save time?
This has got to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever done, though. And what’s even weirder is that everyone around me believes those words that fell so eloquently from my lips. Well they do if the deafening cheers are anything to go by. So I must have been convincing, even if I did mutter quietly. Not that anyone would have noticed, the girl next to me more than made up for my lack of volume. She gave it her all, shouting so loud I swear they could hear her two blocks down. I had to hold myself back from shouting hallelujah once we’d finished.
On the other hand, it is sort of cool as well. I mean, never before have so many people cheered me on. In the past I’ve always steered clear of anything remotely team-like. I might not actually deserve the accolades but it’s not like I’m hurting anyone. And if I stick to the pledge from now on, however much temptation is put in my way, then everything will be perfect. And I’m hardly going to experience loads of temptation, if the past is anything to go by. It’s not that I haven’t had boyfriends—clearly, or I wouldn’t be in this mess—but there haven’t been many, and certainly none I’d consider sleeping with.
“Yay, Suzy. Don’t you feel good?” asks Guy when I walk back to where he’s standing. “Now you’re really one of us.” A broad smile crosses his face and he puts his arm around my shoulder in a very pr
otective like manner. My legs feel distinctly wobbly at this precise moment, I hope they’ll hold me up. Though if I do fall Guy can catch me. Mmm, now there’s a thought.
Surely I’m not wrong in thinking he’s a little bit interested in me if he’s acting like this.
“Um, yeah. I guess. But a bit over-awed by it all.” What sort of answer is that? Over-awed. I ask you.
He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze then lets his arm drop to his side. Crap. I guess he doesn’t want everyone else to realize he’s interested. Either that, or it’s not appropriate behavior for the VC. Or am I kidding myself? Whatever. There’s definitely some connection between us, that much I can tell.
“Suzy. Suzy,” Lori hollers in my ear, distracting me for a moment. She gives me a huge hug. “You did it. I’m so proud of you. We both are, aren’t we Rach?” Rachel, who’s standing behind Lori, nods in agreement. “After the meeting we’ll go celebrate. Everyone back to mine. Mom’s out for the night and won’t be back until really late. Some boring dinner in aid of the hospital.”
A party. That’s more like it. Can’t remember the last party I went to. Yes, I can. Nearly a year ago, just after camp. Dani’s sixteenth birthday (this girl at my old school). It’s a all bit hazy but I have it on the best authority (Maddie, who else?) that we had a good time—though I suppose the less said about that the better when you think about where I am at the moment.
Not that I did it or anything. But whoever made the punch got a bit carried away and I was truly wasted. Good job I stayed with Maddie that weekend. I’d have been grounded for months if my parents had seen the state I was in—Maddie’s really lucky because her parents are always so busy they don’t notice what she does.
Maddie asked whether she should have a party for me when we moved away but I said no. Hardly surprising under the circumstances. I just wanted to leave quietly.
I wonder if this party includes drink. I’ve still got some allowance left even though someone else will have to buy it for me. My fake id was ‘borrowed’ ages ago and I didn’t bother to get it back—what with everything else going on. Maybe Lori’s older brother will get us some, if he’s around. I’m sure he’s over twenty-one. Older brothers and sisters definitely have their uses. Or did, in my case.
I shake my head to try and rid the cloud of depression threatening to fall. I can’t think of Rosie now. I’ll save it for later when I’m on my own.
“Sounds great.” I say brightly (hopefully not so brightly they think I’m faking it). “You coming Guy?” The words tumble out of my mouth before I’ve time to check them.
What did I tell myself earlier? Not to come across as too keen. And what have I just done? Correct. Come across as keen. Will I ever learn?
“Sure, I’ll try and get there.” He shrugs and looks away—in a very shifty manner, if you ask me.
I notice out the corner of my eye a look pass between Lori and Rachel. The ‘poor-thing-doesn’t-have-a-chance’ sort of look that Maddie and I have been doing for years. Now I feel like a right idiot.
“Whatever.” I turn my back on Guy. See, I can do ‘who-cares’ like the best of them.
“So, what do we do now, Lori?”
The meeting seems to have fallen into disarray, with everyone talking amongst themselves. Unless that’s all the meeting is. I mean what else is there to do after we’ve multi-pledged? Unless—nah. They wouldn’t do that ‘let’s-help-each-other-in-our-quest’ sort of thing. Would they?
“Jamie asks for anyone to come up on stage who’s found themselves tempted and they talk about their feelings and we support them in their drive to stay on the right path.”
Geez. I was only joking. This is too much. I can’t believe that kids go along with this sort of stuff. After taking the pledge that should be it. Who the hell would want to get up on stage and tell everyone what they’ve been up to? No way will I ever do that. It’s not normal.
“Surely no-one will admit to it in front of all these people.”
“I thought that when I first took the pledge,” Lori says, making me squirm her smile is so patronizing. “But it’s okay. And if it helps you not to give in to temptation then it’s got to be good, hasn’t it? Jamie says the clubs with the highest success rate are the ones where everyone supports each other and they meet regularly.”
“Right,” I say nodding my head. “Has Jamie been involved in these clubs before?”
“Oh yes,” Lori says animatedly. “He set up one in the last city he worked. And he set up our club about nine months ago. He says one of the most satisfying areas of his work is knowing he’s helped young people realize they’re foolish to give in to an instant thrill when they can have an eternity of pleasure with the right person.”
Creepy. Definitely creepy. No other word for it. Even if Lori can’t see that. Or Rachel either, by the looks of it—as the expression on her face suggests she’s just as enamored with Jamie as Lori.
It must be me. I’m not cut out for this serious, conforming business. It was a silly idea. I don’t know why I even thought I could do it. Well, that’s a lie I do know why. So Mom and Dad will forgive my past and be proud of me. And I always knew it wouldn’t be easy.
What is it Dad says? ‘Anything worth having is worth working for’. There’s no doubting I’ve done a pretty good job at my new school so far. The hard work I’m putting in is definitely paying off. Top marks. No detentions. In fact I doubt teachers from my old school would recognize me. I don’t recognize myself half the time.
It’s like I’m undergoing a whole personality transplant. Not that I mind. It certainly beats constantly having to watch my back in case I get caught doing something I shouldn’t. Though it’s got to be said, I do miss the kicks.
Okay. So I’ll give this a chance. As long as I’m not expected to go up there and ‘fess-up’ I’m prepared to support the other mugs. Oops, I didn’t mean that. I meant to say ‘those who need it’.
“Sounds like a good idea. Anyway, back to the party, Lori. What about drink? Who’s going to buy it?”
Oh no. Looks like I’ve done it again. Her expression is nothing if not stunned. If she tells me they don’t drink and all belong to the ‘No Getting Wasted Club’ then that seriously is it for me.
“Good point,” Lori replies. Phew. Substitute stunned for pensive. An easy mistake to make when you think of the stress this evening has put me under.
“Got your fake id with you?”
“Sorry. Fake id?” She frowns. “You’re kidding right?”
Duh. I give my head a metaphorical slap. How could I forget that the only kids in school who use a fake id are the naughty ones? The goodies might drink, given the opportunity, but they sure as hell won’t risk prosecution and a ruined career by carrying one.
“What do you think?” I grin and she visibly relaxes.
Yes! I inwardly pat myself on the back for my successful attempt at rescuing potentially damaging situation.
“We’ve got some beer at home. Plus Rob should be there, he’s home this weekend, and he’ll go and get us what we want.”
Rob’s her brother. Who I’ve only heard about and not seen. Can’t wait to meet him especially if he’s remotely like Lori described. Though most people are usually a tad biased when it comes to their family. Unless you hate the sights of one another, like Maddie and her younger brother—who argue non-stop about everything.
“Cool. Want to share a pack of beer?”
“Okay, guys” Jamie shouts over the noise, before Lori has time to reply. “Let’s get back on track.”
Everyone shuffles to the places they were previously. Which means I’m propping up the wall again with Guy standing next to me.
“Well done all you new pledgers,” Jamie continues. “Don’t forget to pick up your handbook on the way out. For the rest of you, I hope you’ve had a fulfilling week.” He smiles, then suddenly the smile vanishes and his face becomes serious (I wonder if he’s a proponent of the method school of acting) “Some of you may
have experienced feelings toward someone that you believe could develop into something further if you’re not careful. Now, if that’s you then think about coming to the front and sharing it with us. So we can help you resist.” He pauses and scans the room. “Does anyone have anything to share? If so, come forward.”
I have this hugest urge to giggle, feeling suddenly like I’m on some evangelical TV program. Not sure I’ll be able to contain myself if someone does go up to ‘share’.
I look around me to see if anyone if going to take the plunge. It looks as if there aren’t any takers. Except.
Oh no.
Guy.
Chapter Five
“Don’t do it, Guy. Don’t.” I grab his arm and hold onto it. No way is he going up there to make a complete dick of himself. And me. Because we surely don’t know each other well enough for him to start confessing our feelings for one another on stage—however many hot glances have passed between us.
I stand my ground, refusing to release him even though he’s tugging with all his might. What I’m doing is for the best. We can talk this thing through together after the meeting, without opening it up for the whole world to listen.
“Suzy. Let go. Now.” His voice, though not raised is cold and actually quite scary. But I won’t back down.
“You’ll thank me for this later. Trust me. I know all about acting without thinking. I made it an art form.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let go.” He yanks his arm with such force that he slides out of my grasp.
Oh no. Someone tell me this isn’t happening.
I stand open mouthed as he marches off.
“Suzy. You freak. Leave Guy alone,” Lori’s voice comes in loud and clear from my left-hand side. That’s all I need, an audience. “He’s not likely to ask you out if you start acting like that.”
“You don’t understand,” I say, while keeping an eye on Guy, as he strides toward the stage, stopping just where Jamie is standing. Except for some reason he then takes a sharp left and pushes open a door. My stomach shoots to the floor and back. “Oh no. He’s going to—to the bathroom.”