Little Women

by Louisa May Alcott

  “Good evening, Diana!”[268] said Laurie, with the look of satisfaction she liked to see in his eyes when they rested on her.

  “Good evening, Apollo!” she answered, smiling back at him, for he, too, looked unusually debonair, and the thought of entering the ballroom on the arm of such a personable man caused Amy to pity the four plain Misses Davis from the bottom of her heart.

  “Here are your flowers. I arranged them myself, remembering that you didn’t like what Hannah calls a ‘sot-bookay,’” said Laurie, handing her a delicate nosegay, in a holder that she had long coveted as she daily passed it in Cardiglia’s window.

  “How kind you are!” she exclaimed gratefully. “If I’d known you were coming I’d have had something ready for you today, though not as pretty as this, I’m afraid.”

  “Thank you. It isn’t what it should be, but you have improved it,” he added, as she snapped the silver bracelet on her wrist.

  “Please don’t.”

  “I thought you liked that sort of thing?”

  “Not from you, it doesn’t sound natural, and I like your old bluntness better.”

  “I’m glad of it,” he answered, with a look of relief, then buttoned her gloves for her and asked if his tie was straight, just as he used to do when they went to parties together at home.

  The company assembled in the long salle a manger[269] that evening was such as one sees nowhere but on the Continent. The hospitable Americans had invited every acquaintance they had in Nice, and having no prejudice against titles, secured a few to add luster to their Christmas ball.

  A Russian prince condescended to sit in a corner for an hour and talk with a massive lady, dressed like Hamlet’s mother[270] in black velvet with a pearl bridle under her chin. A Polish count, aged eighteen, devoted himself to the ladies, who pronounced him “a fascinating dear,” and a German Serene Something, having come for the supper alone, roamed vaguely about, seeking what he might devour. Baron Rothschild’s private secretary, a large-nosed Jew in tight boots, affably beamed upon the world, as if his master’s name crowned him with a golden halo; a stout Frenchman, who knew the Emperor, came to indulge his mania for dancing, and Lady de Jones, a British matron, adorned the scene with her little family of eight. Of course, there were many light-footed, shrill-voiced American girls, handsome, lifeless-looking English ditto,[271] and a few plain but piquante French demoiselles;[272] likewise the usual set of traveling young gentlemen who disported themselves gaily, while mammas of all nations lined the walls and smiled upon them benignly when they danced with their daughters.

  Any young girl can imagine Amy’s state of mind when she “took the stage” that night, leaning on Laurie’s arm. She knew she looked well, she loved to dance, she felt that her foot was on her native heath in a ballroom, and enjoyed the delightful sense of power which comes when young girls first discover the new and lovely kingdom they are born to rule by virtue of beauty, youth, and womanhood. She did pity the Davis girls, who were awkward, plain, and destitute of escort, except a grim papa and three grimmer maiden aunts, and she bowed to them in her friendliest manner as she passed, which was good of her, as it permitted them to see her dress, and burn with curiosity to know who her distinguished-looking friend might be. With the first burst of the band, Amy’s color rose, her eyes began to sparkle, and her feet to tap the floor impatiently, for she danced well and wanted Laurie to know it: therefore the shock she received can better be imagined than described, when he said in a perfectly tranquil tone, “Do you care to dance?”

  “One usually does at a ball.”

  Her amazed look and quick answer caused Laurie to repair his error as fast as possible.

  “I meant the first dance. May I have the honor?”

  “I can give you one if I put off the Count. He dances divinely, but he will excuse me, as you are an old friend,” said Amy, hoping that the name would have a good effect, and show Laurie that she was not to be trifled with.

  “Nice little boy, but rather a short Pole to support was all the satisfaction she got, however.

  “A daughter of the gods,

  Divinely tall, and most divinely fair,”{19}

  The set in which they found themselves was composed of English, and Amy was compelled to walk decorously through a cotillion, feeling all the while as if she could dance the tarantella[273] with a relish. Laurie resigned her to the “nice little boy,” and went to do his duty to Flo, without securing Amy for the joys to come, which reprehensible want of forethought was properly punished, for she immediately engaged herself till supper, meaning to relent if he then gave any signs of penitence. She showed him her ball book with demure satisfaction when he strolled instead of rushed up to claim her for the next, a glorious polka redowa; but his polite regrets didn’t impose upon her, and when she gallopaded away with the Count, she saw Laurie sit down by her aunt with an actual expression of relief.

  That was unpardonable, and Amy took no more notice of him for a long while, except a word now and then when she came to her chaperon between the dances for a necessary pin or a moment’s rest. Her anger had a good effect, however, for she hid it under a smiling face, and seemed unusually blithe and brilliant. Laurie’s eyes followed her with pleasure, for she neither romped nor sauntered, but danced with spirit and grace, making the delightsome pastime what it should be. He very naturally fell to studying her from this new point of view, and before the evening was half over, had decided that “little Amy was going to make a very charming woman.”

  It was a lively scene, for soon the spirit of the social season took possession of everyone, and Christmas merriment made all faces shine, hearts happy, and heels light. The musicians fiddled, tooted, and banged as if they enjoyed it, everybody danced who could, and those who couldn’t admired their neighbors with uncommon warmth. The air was dark with Davises, and many Joneses gamboled like a flock of young giraffes. The golden secretary darted through the room like a meteor with a dashing Frenchwoman who carpeted the floor with her pink satin train. The Serene Teuton found the supper table and was happy, eating steadily through the bill of fare, and dismayed the garcons [274] by the ravages he committed. But the Emperor’s friend covered himself with glory, for he danced everything, whether he knew it or not, and introduced impromptu pirouettes when the figures bewildered him. The boyish abandon of that stout man was charming to behold, for though he “carried weight,” he danced like an India-rubber ball. He ran, he flew, he pranced, his face glowed, his bald head shone, his coattails waved wildly, his pumps actually twinkled in the air, and when the music stopped, he wiped the drops from his brow, and beamed upon his fellow men like a French Pickwick without glasses.

  Amy and her Pole distinguished themselves by equal enthusiasm but more graceful agility, and Laurie found himself involuntarily keeping time to the rhythmic rise and fall of the white slippers as they flew by as indefatigably as if winged. When little Vladimir finally relinquished her, with assurances that he was “desolated to leave so early,” she was ready to rest, and see how her recreant knight had borne his punishment.

  It had been successful, for at three-and-twenty, blighted affections find a balm in friendly society, and young nerves will thrill, young blood dance, and healthy young spirits rise, when subjected to the enchantment of beauty, light, music, and motion. Laurie had a waked-up look as he rose to give her his seat; and when he hurried away to bring her some supper, she said to herself, with a satisfied smile, “Ah, I thought that would do him good!”

  “You look like Balzac’s ‘Femme peinte par elle-meme,’”[275] he said, as he fanned her with one hand and held her coffee cup in the other.

  “My rouge won’t come off.” And Amy rubbed her brilliant cheek, and showed him her white glove with a sober simplicity that made him laugh outright.

  “What do you call this stuff?” he asked, touching a fold of her dress that had blown over his knee.

  “Illusion.”

  “Good name for it. It’s very pretty – new thing, is
n’t it?”

  “It’s as old as the hills; you have seen it on dozens of girls, and you never found out that it was pretty till now – stupide!”

  “I never saw it on you before, which accounts for the mistake, you see.”

  “None of that, it is forbidden. I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now. No, don’t lounge, it makes me nervous.”

  Laurie sat bolt upright, and meekly took her empty plate feeling an odd sort of pleasure in having “little Amy” order him about, for she had lost her shyness now, and felt an irresistible desire to trample on him, as girls have a delightful way of doing when lords of creation show any signs of subjection.

  “Where did you learn all this sort of thing?” he asked with a quizzical look.

  “As ‘this sort of thing’ is rather a vague expression, would you kindly explain?” returned Amy, knowing perfectly well what he meant, but wickedly leaving him to describe what is indescribable.

  “Well – the general air, the style, the self-possession, the – the – illusion – you know,” laughed Laurie, breaking down and helping himself out of his quandary with the new word.

  Amy was gratified, but of course didn’t show it, and demurely answered, “Foreign life polishes one in spite of one’s self, I study as well as play, and as for this” – with a little gesture toward her dress – “why, tulle is cheap, posies to be had for nothing, and I am used to making the most of my poor little things.”

  Amy rather regretted that last sentence, fearing it wasn’t in good taste, but Laurie liked her the better for it, and found himself both admiring and respecting the brave patience that made the most of opportunity, and the cheerful spirit that covered poverty with flowers. Amy did not know why he looked at her so kindly, nor why he filled up her book with his own name, and devoted himself to her for the rest of the evening in the most delightful manner, but the impulse that wrought this agreeable change was the result of one of the new impressions which both of them were unconsciously giving and receiving.

  38

  On the Shelf

  In France the young girls have a dull time of it till they are married, when “Vive la liberte” [276] becomes their motto. In America, as everyone knows, girls early sign the declaration of independence, and enjoy their freedom with republican zest, but the young matrons usually abdicate with the first heir to the throne and go into a seclusion almost as close as a French nunnery, though by no means as quiet. Whether they like it or not, they are virtually put upon the shelf as soon as the wedding excitement is over, and most of them might exclaim, as did a very pretty woman the other day, “I’m as handsome as ever, but no one takes any notice of me because I’m married.”

  Not being a belle or even a fashionable lady, Meg did not experience this affliction till her babies were a year old, for in her little world primitive customs prevailed, and she found herself more admired and beloved than ever.

  As she was a womanly little woman, the maternal instinct was very strong, and she was entirely absorbed in her children, to the utter exclusion of everything and everybody else. Day and night she brooded over them with tireless devotion and anxiety, leaving John to the tender mercies of the help, for an Irish lady now presided over the kitchen department. Being a domestic man, John decidedly missed the wifely attentions he had been accustomed to receive, but as he adored his babies, he cheerfully relinquished his comfort for a time, supposing with masculine ignorance that peace would soon be restored. But three months passed, and there was no return of repose; Meg looked worn and nervous, the babies absorbed every minute of her time, the house was neglected, and Kitty, the cook, who took life “aisy,” kept him on short commons. When he went out in the morning he was bewildered by small commissions for the captive mamma, if he came gaily in at night, eager to embrace his family, he was quenched by a “Hush! They are just asleep after worrying all day.” If he proposed a little amusement at home, “No, it would disturb the babies.” If he hinted at a lecture or concert, he was answered with a reproachful look, and a decided “Leave my children for pleasure, never!” His sleep was broken by infant wails and visions of a phantom figure pacing noiselessly to and fro in the watches of the night; his meals were interrupted by the frequent flight of the presiding genius, who deserted him, half-helped, if a muffled chirp sounded from the nest above; and when he read his paper of an evening, Demi’s colic got into the shipping list and Daisy’s fall affected the price of stocks, for Mrs. Brooke was only interested in domestic news.

  The poor man was very uncomfortable, for the children had bereft him of his wife, home was merely a nursery and the perpetual “hushing” made him feel like a brutal intruder whenever he entered the sacred precincts of Babyland. He bore it very patiently for six months, and, when no signs of amendment appeared, he did what other paternal exiles do – tried to get a little comfort elsewhere. Scott had married and gone to housekeeping not far off, and John fell into the way of running over for an hour or two of an evening, when his own parlor was empty, and his own wife singing lullabies that seemed to have no end. Mrs. Scott was a lively, pretty girl, with nothing to do but be agreeable, and she performed her mission most successfully. The parlor was always bright and attractive, the chessboard ready, the piano in tune, plenty of gay gossip, and a nice little supper set forth in tempting style.

  John would have preferred his own fireside if it had not been so lonely, but as it was he gratefully took the next best thing and enjoyed his neighbor’s society.

  Meg rather approved of the new arrangement at first, and found it a relief to know that John was having a good time instead of dozing in the parlor, or tramping about the house and waking the children. But by-and-by, when the teething worry was over and the idols went to sleep at proper hours, leaving Mamma time to rest, she began to miss John, and find her workbasket dull company, when he was not sitting opposite in his old dressing gown, comfortably scorching his slippers on the fender. She would not ask him to stay at home, but felt injured because he did not know that she wanted him without being told, entirely forgetting the many evenings he had waited for her in vain. She was nervous and worn out with watching and worry, and in that unreasonable frame of mind which the best of mothers occasionally experience when domestic cares oppress them. Want of exercise robs them of cheerfulness, and too much devotion to that idol of American women, the teapot, makes them feel as if they were all nerve and no muscle.

  “Yes,” she would say, looking in the glass, “I’m getting old and ugly. John doesn’t find me interesting any longer, so he leaves his faded wife and goes to see his pretty neighbor, who has no incum brances. Well, the babies love me, they don’t care if I am thin and pale and haven’t time to crimp my hair, they are my comfort, and some day John will see what I’ve gladly sacrificed for them, won’t he, my precious?”

  To which pathetic appeal Daisy would answer with a coo, or Demi with a crow, and Meg would put by her lamentations for a maternal revel, which soothed her solitude for the time being. But the pain increased as politics absorbed John, who was always running over to discuss interesting points with Scott, quite unconscious that Meg missed him. Not a word did she say, however, till her mother found her in tears one day, and insisted on knowing what the matter was, for Meg’s drooping spirits had not escaped her observation.

  “I wouldn’t tell anyone except you, Mother, but I really do need advice, for if John goes on so much longer I might as well be widowed,” replied Mrs. Brooke, drying her tears on Daisy’s bib with an injured air.

  “Goes on how, my dear?” asked her mother anxiously.

  “He’s away all day, and at night when I want to see him, he is continually going over to the Scotts’. It isnt fair that I should have the hardest work, and never any amusement. Men are very selfish, even the best of them.”

  “So are women. Don’t blame John till you see where you are wrong yourself.”

  “But it can’t be right for him to neglect me.”

  “Don’t you neglect him?
”

  “Why, Mother, I thought you’d take my part!”

  “So I do, as far as sympathizing goes, but I think the fault is yours, Meg.”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “Let me show you. Did John ever neglect you, as you call it, while you made it a point to give him your society of an evening, his only leisure time?”

  “No, but I can’t do it now, with two babies to tend.”

  “I think you could, dear, and I think you ought. May I speak quite freely, and will you remember that it’s Mother who blames as well as Mother who sympathizes?”

  “Indeed I will! Speak to me as if I were little Meg again. I often feel as if I needed teaching more than ever since these babies look to me for everything.”

  Meg drew her low chair beside her mother‘s, and, with a little interruption in either lap, the two women rocked and talked lovingly together, feeling that the tie of motherhood made them more one than ever.

  “You have only made the mistake that most young wives make – forgotten your duty to your husband in your love for your children. A very natural and forgivable mistake, Meg, but one that had better be remedied before you take to different ways; for children should draw you nearer than ever, not separate you, as if they were all yours, and John had nothing to do but support them. I’ve seen it for some weeks, but have not spoken, feeling sure it would come right in time.”

  “I’m afraid it won’t. If I ask him to stay, he’ll think I’m jealous, and I wouldn’t insult him by such an idea. He doesn’t see that I want him, and I don’t know how to tell him without words.”

  “Make it so pleasant he won’t want to go away. My dear, he’s longing for his little home; but it isn’t home without you, and you are always in the nursery.”