Distract Me

by M. J. Berterman

  “Damn, you’re mouth feels so good... don’t stop,” he pleaded.

  My tongue swirled around the hard ridges of his tip. I moaned against him. He tasted so good.

  “Keep going.” He rested his hand on the back of my neck as he slid in and out of my mouth.

  “That’s it.” He pulled my hair tighter when he wanted me to speed up.

  I grabbed his balls and massaged them as I sucked harder. His moans became so intense that it made me suck even harder and faster. His hand was tangled in my hair.

  “I’m going to come.” He moaned, but I stayed at the same speed to let him know I wanted him to come in my mouth.

  He thrust his hips up and let out a sexy moan as I felt his warmth fill my mouth.

  “Fuck... that felt amazing.” He sounded out of breath, and his eyes were closed still.

  His cock still throbbed in my hand as I licked the tip clean. I couldn’t get enough of him. Wiping my lips, I tried to hide my smile.

  “You’re perfect,” he whispered into my hair.

  Kissing my lips softly, I kissed him back harder before he pulled away.

  A few seconds had passed before he broke eye contact with me. We didn’t need to say anything to each other. He leaned away from me first and began zipping up his pants. As much as I didn’t want this moment to end, I sat back and adjusted my dress and seatbelt. Holding on to my hand, he started the car and drove off. The thought that someone could have been watching us in his car again came to mind, but I didn’t care. He made me forget the world when he touched me. My grin was cheesy as I stared out his window. My thoughts were all over the place, and I wanted to say something, but I didn’t want to ruin the intensity we had just shared. The buildings looked familiar—really familiar. They were the buildings that surrounded my apartment. Where are we going? I thought to myself. I glanced over at Ryder, and he was so calm that I couldn’t read him. He was resting his elbow against the window and running his fingers through his dark hair. As he looked so relaxed, my insides were screwed up. I was ready to have a meltdown like a toddler. We were coming up to my apartment building as his car started to slow down. There’s no way he lived this close to me, especially with his expensive taste. My stomach started to flip with nerves. Did I do something wrong or was it that he got what he wanted from me? Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him. Are you fucking kidding me? I thought as he stopped in front of the elevators. Did he really just freaking use me and then drop me off? I couldn’t help but feel defeated.

  “I figured since it’s been a long night, maybe you wanted to go home.” He rested his hand on my arm.

  I couldn’t look at him. I was pissed off, so I just stared at the elevator exit sign for a few seconds.

  “Did I say I wanted to go home? Because I thought you invited me back to your place.” I surprised myself that I was so forward with him.

  My eyes darted to his face for an answer.

  “I just thought maybe you…” He paused and rubbed his chin.

  His eyes looked sad, but I didn’t care. I unhooked my seatbelt and swung the door open as hard as I could before he could finish.

  “No, what you thought was you got what you wanted and what’s the point in taking her home now.” I jumped from the car and slammed the door in his cold face.

  Walking away, I decided that wasn’t enough to leave him with so I turned back to finish my temper tantrum with a nice flip of the bird. I know it’s childish, but I didn’t care.

  “Thanks for dinner, asshole,” I yelled as I pressed the elevator button.

  My temper was always my downfall. I could go from zero to one hundred. I could probably thank my dad for that. I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down before I did something I would regret. Just let it go, just let him go, and you never have to see him again. Pressing the elevator button again, I silently prayed it would open quickly because I had just heard his car door slam shut. Shit. Was he coming after me?

  “Come on, open!” I pressed the button again and again.

  He was walking up to me just when the elevator doors opened. I turned around in the elevator to face him.

  “Just leave me, please,” I said aggravated.

  “Adi, it’s not like that,” he said as he stayed on the other side of the doors.

  The doors closed, and I didn’t have the energy to cry. I was on such a high that the loss I felt right now was putting me in shock. Why did I let myself lose control with him? Always in control—that’s how I carried myself. Stupid. I knew I shouldn’t let people in, and this is just another example of why I don’t. Letting my guard down is something I can’t do.

  The doors opened, and I ran down the hall to my apartment, I hoped Mariella was still working late from her Saturday night wedding. Opening the door slowly, I noticed the kitchen was dark. Relief set in that she wasn’t home yet. She would want details, so I didn’t have to tell her how shitty my night turned out to be. I went straight to my room and washed my face, brushed my teeth, and threw my dress in a wrinkled mess in the corner of my room.

  “Ugh.” I huffed as I lay under my comforter for a few minutes trying to hide from the world.

  Did that really just happen? Ryder was so hot and had turned so cold again. One minute, I’m perfect, then the next, he pulls away like he’d never even thought of me. The rush of tears filled my eyes. Why did he just flip a switch with me?

  I heard the chime of my phone. Wiping my eyes, I sat up in bed. Leaning over, I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and looked at the message. It was Mariella. She said she was bored as hell and running extra late. She wanted me to lock up and not to wait for her. I wasn’t planning too, but I quickly text back okay.

  Why did I get my hopes up that he would text me after throwing me away in the parking garage? He was probably laughing right now that he got a roadside blowjob and then ditch. My body responded to the images of him in the car. He was so sexy, and I hated that I couldn’t turn a switch off as he could. My thoughts exhausted me, and I felt myself drifting to sleep.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  My stupid alarm was still set from Friday, and it woke me at six o’clock in the morning. Ugh. My head was pounding from my mind on overload, even in my sleep. I walked to the bathroom and took two Motrin then lay back down. Forget spin class today. I wouldn’t be able to focus so I would start fresh on Monday with a clear head.

  I missed my students so much from my three-day weekend. Monday, they could keep me busy enough to forget him. No messages on my phone so I threw it down on the bed. My stomach felt weak. Shit, I’m going to spin class. I didn’t want to be that chick that loafs around the house all day pining over a guy, so I got dressed in my black yoga leggings, sports bra, and a black workout tank to hit the seven o’clock spin class. All black like Johnny Cash.

  After cleaning out my water bottle, I ate a banana with yogurt. Mariella was passed out on the couch with her laptop laying on her chest. I’m guessing she was trying to download all the photos she took last night but drifted off to dreamland before she could finish. Taking her laptop, I closed it and put it on the coffee table. I couldn’t help but smirk as she looked so cute, exhausted but definitely still cute. She started to stir as I covered her with our throw blanket but she didn’t wake. I wrote a quick note for her and placed it on the counter. We always tried to keep each other in the loop if we would be away from the apartment. It was just an unspoken rule we had with each other so we could make sure each was okay.

  The walk to spin class wasn’t that crowded. Sunday morning seemed to be at a slow pace around the city. Maybe everyone was at church or sleeping in. I wasn’t doing either. I haven’t been to church since my mom was alive. I lost a little faith the day she passed away, and I wasn’t sure how to get it back. A couple times, I got so far as to getting dressed, but I couldn’t get myself to go. Chase went every Sunday morning with his family and invited me to go with them, but I think I just needed more time. My questioning God that day gave me issues that I needed to fix
myself.

  Surprisingly, the gym wasn’t that crowded, so I walked right in and picked a bike in the back. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to my trainer today. Josephine was always a ray of sunshine, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be around that right now. The music started, and my legs moved to the beat of “Feel Good Inc.” by Gorillaz. The music blasted so loud it took me away from my thoughts. I was sweating, and my mind was blank. My trainer pushed us hard through each heart pumping song, and before I knew it, the class was done, and I’d lasted the entire hour without a break.

  Grabbing my towel off the bike, I wiped my face and neck dry. I decided I was just going to walk home to take a shower since I didn’t have to be anywhere today. As I walked from the spin room, I saw his face. Ryder was lifting weights right across from my spin room.

  Did he see me? What a small world. This is his gym too. Wonderful.

  I felt the acid in my stomach starting to rise, so I darted for the bathroom. Barely making it to the stall in time, I expelled every bit of my breakfast from this morning. I went extra hard at spin, so my body was rejecting everything right now. Nerves just topped it off. Wiping my face with my towel, I threw cold water on my red face. I needed to get out of here before he saw me. Peeking out of the bathroom door, I didn’t see anyone in the hall, so I made a break for it. It was like I needed that vomit to rid me of the bad vibes from last night.

  The walk back, I felt more confident and couldn’t wait to go home and tell Mariella of the douche bag that I thought was perfect. It wasn’t my fault he had his own issues. Just as I approached my building elevator, I saw Ms. Foo holding her little Pekingese dog named Priscilla, who likes to bark at anything that moves.

  “Hi, Ms. Foo.” I waved.

  I reached out to pet Priscilla, who almost snapped my finger off so I quickly pulled it back. Ms. Foo was a petite Asian lady with short black hair and thick black glasses. She loved to report everything in the apartment building but her barking dog.

  “Hi, Adilyn, my dear. Have you been keeping busy?” she asked as I smiled politely.

  “Yes, the third graders have me pretty busy. I can’t wait to see them on Monday,” I add.

  “That’s good, my dear. Have a nice day.” She hated kids but smiled back anyway.

  Echoes of her dog barking filled the garage as I walked into the elevator. I knew mentioning the kids would keep her from complaining to me about all the young kids taking over the building.

  The apartment was quiet as I opened the door and peeked in.

  “Hello? Is sleeping beauty awake?” My voice carried through the apartment.

  The throw blanket was on the couch, but she was gone, and her laptop was too. The note I left on the counter was now covered by a handwritten one from Mariella.

  “I went to process my photos at the office. I’ll be back late, so don’t wait up again. I’m excited to hear about your date! P.S. You had a delivery earlier that I put in your room so it must have been amazing. ;)”

  My mouth fell open. Flowers...really? Why...more? Again. Throwing the note back down on the counter, I darted for my room as fast as I could. I smelled them as soon as I opened the door. My stomach twisted. My room was beginning to smell of the funeral home we laid my mom to rest and memories of that day came flooding back. I didn’t want to associate flowers with that day, but I did. People flooded her coffin with bouquets of her favorite daisies. The room had been covered in vases and varieties I’d never seen before. The task of donating them was overwhelming for me, so Chase and Delilah handled it all. The color red flashed before my eyes, and sure enough, a gorgeous bouquet of red roses was sitting on my desk. My finger played with the soft petal as I opened the envelope tucked in the center.

  “I want to see you again, please. I’m craving you. -Ryder”

  I threw the card down on the floor. He’s psychotic. Confusion was ripping through my mind. I can’t believe he had the nerve to send me flowers again. Is this supposed to make me forget about his cold attitude toward me and how he ruined the night? Sure. I’m not a doormat, and I won’t continue to be stepped on like one. I’m not responding because I can’t play games with someone like this. My necklace felt cool against my chest. I grabbed it and rubbed my thumb on the circle charm engraved with her L. I wished I had her guidance right now because I needed it, and I imagined her squeezing me tight for a hug saying, “Oh Adi!” I missed her hugs so much. Feeling the tears building up, I decided to call my dad. He answered on the first ring.

  “Hey, baby girl. How are things going?” I smiled because I felt better just hearing his voice.

  “Just got home from spin class, and I’ll probably just be staying in to grade more papers.” I sighed into the phone.

  “My boring, smart girl. You need to get out and do something, go see something new.” He laughed.

  “How do you know I haven’t already been out enough for the weekend?” I asked him but hoped he wouldn’t ask for any details.

  “Well, maybe that’s true. You could have, but don’t sit around and let your mind make you sick because sometimes it can make us isolate ourselves from the world that is good to us.” He sounded so relaxed—everything that I wasn’t right now.

  “I know, Dad. I’m just going to grade some papers then head out to grab something to eat.” I paused briefly but continued before he could say anything. “I’ll see you at dinner next week with Chase, okay?” I felt guilty I was cutting him off, but I really did need to get off the phone to finish grading.

  “Yes, I’ll see you next week, my baby girl.” He sighed.

  “Love you, Dad. Call me anytime.” I always reminded him of that even if he already knew it. Deep down, I needed to remind myself too.

  Hours of grading papers consumed me. My mind was lost in my third grader’s math and spelling tests from last week. I was shocked when I looked at my phone and realized it was almost six in the evening.

  “Damn. Where did the time go?” I whispered as I rubbed my stomach.

  No wonder I was getting hungry. My phone buzzed in my hand, and shock ripped through me as I read the name that flashed on my screen. Ryder. I was afraid to open the message, but my finger tapped it before I could think. I read the message slowly.

  “I hope you like the flowers. The color reminded me of your lips...I miss those lips. Can I see you again?” I swallowed hard as I read his text.

  He just doesn’t stop, and I’m not playing his games.

  “No, I’m busy,” I quickly text back.

  Within seconds, another message came. “Please, let me see you.”

  I thought about texting him back, but I didn’t.

  My stomach was starting to growl from hunger pains, so I went into the kitchen to see what we had to eat. The fridge was empty, so I decided on a toasted peanut butter sandwich, one of my favorites from when I was little. When I wasn’t feeling good, my mom would always make one for each of us and get out the coloring books. She didn’t need to say anything. We just sat together. There wasn’t anything good on TV tonight, so I just stopped on a dumb commercial about a new food chopper. As I finished my last bite of sandwich, there was a knock on the door. Rolling my eyes, I brushed off my shirt of crumbs. If it’s another delivery of flowers, I’m not going to accept them. I went stomping over to the door and looked through the peephole. Shit. Ryder was standing there. I froze, and a chill ran through my body. My eyes settled down on my favorite old red T-shirt that had a rip at the bottom and a black pair of workout shorts I love to lounge around in. My comfortable clothes. I got so caught up in grading that I didn’t even shower from the gym earlier. What the hell. I had no time to change, and he can’t see me like this. I rubbed my forehead to think of something quickly. I didn’t want to see him at all, but my heart was racing. Another knock on the door startled me.

  “Adi, can you please open the door?” he asked.

  I looked in the mirror above the sofa table. My hair was in a high messy bun, and I didn’t have a spot of makeup on. I put
my hands up to surrender. So what did I care what he thought of me? I didn’t want to ever see him again. This is it. I shook my head and opened the door.

  “What are you doing here?” I looked at him.

  He was just standing there with his hands tucked in the pockets. My eyes looked him up and down. He was fine. His dark jeans and his navy polo fit him perfectly. Why did he have to look so good? I didn’t want to see him, and I, of course, looked a hot mess. Regret sunk in that I even opened the door. I wasn’t supposed to care, but I did. His eyes searched my body like mine just did his.

  “You’re beautiful.” He smiled.

  “Did you need something, Ryder?” I rolled my eyes and looked down at my bare feet.

  It was killing me to be this cold to him. He reached up and grabbed my cheek, and I instantly leaned into it without thinking.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you last night.” He frowned.

  I didn’t say anything in return. I just stepped aside for him to come in. Not that I wanted him to come in, but because I didn’t need Ms. Foo listening or reporting a stranger standing in the hallway. She was always lurking the halls with Priscilla, barking in her arms at anyone who passed her apartment door. He walked in and stood in the kitchen.

  “Do you want something to drink?” I asked.

  “No, I just wanted to see you,” he quickly returned.

  Great, now he’s smirking at me. Does he think this is funny? I find no humor in this.

  “Ok.” I looked away from him and bit my nail. He was driving me nuts already. He took a few steps toward me, and I didn’t hold up my hand to stop him this time. Part of me wanted him to move closer even though I was still pissed off at him. He stopped right in front of me, and his arms reached out and pulled me into him. I didn’t look up at him or hold on to him. I really didn’t want the rejection again.

  “Adi, please forgive me. I was wrong, and I should have checked with you first instead of assuming you just wanted to go home.” He tilted my chin up to look at him.