Fallen Women

by Sue Welfare

  In the diary were a couple of advertorials that needed to get sorted and sent off, some admin, accounts. It was a relief to open the folders on the computer up and see that some things hadn’t changed at all. Within half an hour, Kate’s brain was firmly in work mode, her mind swiftly – and gratefully – locking down onto the task in hand.

  When, a little later, she heard the house phone ringing Kate ignored it. If it was Joe she didn’t want to talk to him and if it was Guy she didn’t want to know. Anyway Maggie had the walkabout phone outside with her; she could answer it.

  ‘Kate?’

  With the best will in the world she couldn’t ignore her invalid mother. Kate went outside to see what she wanted.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘That was Julie Hicks on the phone, just to remind us about her house-warming party tonight.’

  Kate pulled a face.

  Maggie wasn’t in the least bit fazed. ‘We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I think I ought to ring her and let her know one way or the other.’

  Kate considered the options for a few seconds. Joe was bound to ring back later when he had time to compose himself. And what if Chrissie rang? Kate thought about the phone tucked down in her briefcase. Because of work she couldn’t keep her mobile off forever and if she did Joe and/or Chrissie would probably, eventually, catch her on Maggie’s phone anyway. And then what was she going to do? Or say?

  Kate made a decision; what she needed was more time to think.

  ‘What time does Julie’s party start?’

  ‘Seven apparently, because of the children, but we don’t have to go until later.’

  ‘Seven is just fine. It would be a real shame to let Julie down.’

  Maggie didn’t bother to ask what it was that had changed Kate’s mind. Instead she smiled. ‘I’ll ring back and tell her we’re coming then, shall I?’ Although there was something in her tone that still offered Kate a way out if she should need it.

  ‘Yes, fine,’ Kate nodded and headed back inside, hoping that Chrissie, Joe and Bill would have the good grace to hold off until she was out.

  Just before lunch Kate picked up her email. There in the in-box was a message from Sam57. It was odd how much it felt like a nice surprise.

  ‘Dear Venus, Hi, it was great to hear from you so soon. I thought you’d be snowed under – to be honest I hadn’t actually expected a reply, so I’m doubly pleased. Sounds like things are pretty complicated for you at the moment, but the offer still stands – maybe at the moment you are more in need of a friend than ever.’

  Kate began to type her reply, hers written between the lines of his so that it looked as if they were having a real conversation.

  ‘You don’t know how complicated.’

  ‘Is there any way that I can help?’

  ‘I’m not sure; it felt good yesterday to just be able to dump it all on you. Pretty self-indulgent though. And then this morning I had a stand up row with my husband on the phone – it’s like I don’t know him anymore.’

  ‘And don’t worry about offloading. Having someone outside of your situation can be helpful, someone who’s got no vested interest in the outcome.’

  Kate sighed.

  ‘Yes, but I don’t want to string you along, Sam. I just wanted to explain, I suppose – you sounded so nice – but the thing is I’m really not looking to be rescued by a knight in shining armour. Maybe you ought to look elsewhere? Realistically I’m not looking for a relationship at all at the moment. I’ve got enough problems with the one I’ve got. I’ll understand if you’re not interested in carrying on with this – being a full-time shoulder to cry on isn’t exactly the most glamorous or rewarding role I could think of. It’s been nice to know you, though, however briefly. With thanks and best wishes, Venus.’

  This time Kate didn’t hesitate pressing send and watched her mail vanish from the out-box into cyberspace.

  As they were eating lunch, the phone rang again. Maggie still had the walkabout handset tucked in her jacket pocket so there was no way Kate could escape. She just hoped it wasn’t Joe, although she did wonder whether she was too old to invent one of those urgent calls of nature the boys conveniently came up with.

  Maggie, hand over the receiver, mouthed, ‘It’s Liz.’

  Kate sighed with relief; odd how times change. A week earlier a phone call from Liz certainly wouldn’t have been something that gave her relief, more something to avoid, like cholera.

  ‘Hi Liz,’ Kate called loudly in Maggie’s general direction, hoping that it might spare her any real conversation.

  ‘She’d like to talk to you,’ Maggie said, after the basic pleasantries, how-are-yous and thanks had been exchanged.

  ‘Hi, I was going to ring and thank you for last night,’ said Kate as Maggie handed her the phone.

  ‘You know you’re always welcome. It was nice to see you.’ Liz sounded almost gracious. ‘Nice to have the chance to cook something special.’

  ‘Absolutely, Mum and I were talking about the food all the way home, weren’t we?’ said Kate, miming finger down the throat vomiting to Maggie who smiled indulgently, while wearing her keep-me-out-of-this face.

  ‘I was just wondering if you’d had chance to talk to Mum about you know what.’

  ‘You know what?’

  ‘Yes, you know. The house. Have you had any chance to talk about her fall and the idea of moving into somewhere smaller? I’ve got some nice brochures and I’ve been talking to a woman from Age Concern. I wasn’t sure whether to bring the details up last night over dinner or whether it might be a bit too soon. What do you think? I was thinking of taking Mum on a visit – they do a tour at this place – the warden place sounds terribly nice. Not that I’ve made any definite arrangements or anything, it’s just that they’re now building the second phase,’ adding defensively, ‘although this woman did suggest it might be a good idea to get the house valued. What do you think?’

  Kate looked at Maggie. Liz was like a terrier once she got her teeth into something. ‘Actually we’ve already talked about it, briefly.’

  ‘Really, well done. So what did she say?’ Liz whispered as if there was some possibility that Maggie might be able to overhear her.

  It wasn’t comfortable having this kind of conversation with Maggie sitting within spitting distance. ‘Actually Mum was the one who said that maybe this place was too big for – for her current circumstances,’ Kate said, carefully enunciating every word in case Liz planned to take it down and use it in evidence against her later.

  Across the kitchen Maggie rolled her eyes heavenwards.

  Liz made approving noises. ‘Good, that’s wonderful. It’s obviously beginning to sink in – you know, a sense of her own limitations and vulnerabilities. Her frailties. Which is wonderful. I don’t mean wonderful exactly but you know what I mean. What I’m trying to say is that this way we won’t be going against the flow.’

  If only she knew. As Liz began to wax lyrical about alarm bells and ramps, Kate glanced across the kitchen.

  ‘And they get a little pull cord over the bed and one in the loo, just in case they fall over,’ Liz was busy saying. ‘It’s all added into the rent so the care costs are spread over the year. It seems very reasonable.’

  For a moment Kate wondered – for the millionth time – if Liz had been born into the right family. She was going to have a hell of a shock when she finally realised that Maggie was a long way away from hanging up her high heels.

  In the corner of the kitchen Maggie had got her good foot up on the edge of the scrub table and was busy painting her toenails and smoking a roll-up. There was a telltale pungency in the air that suggested maybe it wasn’t just Old Holborn.

  When she hung up, Maggie looked up expectantly, waiting for a resumé of the conversation. ‘And?’ she asked, as Kate came over to where she was sitting.

  ‘Liz thinks it’s high time that you went into a home. Nice colour by the way.’

  Maggie nodded, wriggling first her fi
ngers and then her toes. ‘I think so too,’ and then added almost as an afterthought, ‘Just promise me, Kate, that you won’t die young and leave me to Liz in your will.’

  Kate smiled. ‘I’ll do my best’, at which point Maggie, busily holding her breath held the roll-up out towards Kate.

  Kate shook her head. ‘No thanks, Mum. I’ve got to think of my health – and yours, obviously.’

  ‘Right,’ said Maggie taking another toke on the joint. ‘I’m glad someone is.’

  After lunch Kate finished off two batches of invoices and then logged on to pick up her email, telling herself as she did that it was just one of those things, routine. No sweat, no big thing. After all she could hardly expect a reply yet from – Kate stopped short, just shy of actually thinking of Sam57 by name. She clicked the button to send and receive mail and felt her heart give a little lurch when she saw that his name was there in the in-box amongst at least a dozen new replies to the Vulnerable Venus ad. Kate opened up his message. He must be writing from the office, stealing a few minutes to reply to her.

  ‘It was great to hear from you so soon, Venus. Actually friendship is fine by me. I’m not sure that I’m looking for anything serious at the moment either. I suppose I did harbour this fantasy plan of riding up on a white steed and rescuing Venus Mark One from the clutches of Mr Wrong, but this sounds – well, if not better, then at least something more possible. I have always valued friendship – let’s see what happens, shall we? Maybe I’ll hang on in here and you’ll change your mind. One thing, though, before we go on – and something which may make you change your mind about me. This is hard to write but I think I have to come clean about it. I’m married too or at least that’s what it says on the licence …

  Are you still there or have you deleted this in disgust?’

  Kate stared at the screen in disbelief. ‘Oh my God,’ she whispered under her breath but couldn’t stop herself from reading on.

  ‘I’ve only just put the ad on RomanticSouls and yours is the only one I’ve replied to so far. Thing is I’m really lonely and I’ve discovered over the years that there is nowhere more lonely than inside an unhappy relationship. I know it sounds like a cliché but my wife doesn’t understand me. At the moment I’m trying to convince myself that I’m only staying here for the sake of the kids, that and the fact I’ve got nowhere to go and don’t want to be on my own. This must sound totally crazy to you but it feels good to get it off my chest. You sound so straight – I didn’t want to carry on writing a lie …’

  Kate shivered.

  ‘… My wife is a good woman but we are just poles apart. I still love her dearly which sounds mad too, huh? The thing is that I can’t seem to reach her anymore. You’ve been so honest about where you’re at that I thought I ought to confess – and offer you the same get out clause. If you don’t want to carry on writing – well – under the circumstances I can completely understand. In which case, so long and thanks for all the fish. It’s been nice to meet you, Venus, and I really hope it all works itself out. But if you’d like to carry on mailing then I’d be happy to hear from you again.’

  Kate re-read the mail and then very slowly started to type.

  ‘Odd isn’t it, that I’m on the other side of this equation. Here, I was the one that couldn’t be reached.’

  She paused for a few seconds, composing her thoughts, marshalling her emotions, wondering whether she dare go on, but what was the harm? After all, if Sam didn’t like what he read there was no need for him to reply, was there?

  ‘I need to understand why you are looking for someone else. You say you still love your wife but surely love is about faithfulness and being with someone, tolerating those things that drive you mad and celebrating those things you love? I realise that no one person is everything we need but surely if you make a commitment, if you make a promise then you shouldn’t go looking elsewhere until you’ve told that person, talked to them, said it’s over? Or is that you feel the need for another person to lever you out of where you are? To give you the courage to go? I know it might sound like it but this isn’t about criticism – I suppose I’m asking you to help me, Sam; help me to understand what the hell is going on in my life. I’m lost and so angry and so hurt –’

  Pressing send gave Kate no problem at all.

  Chapter 10

  ‘Taramasalata anyone?’ Julie Hicks piped up, shouldering her way through the dozen or so people already grouped around the plastic outdoor tables, which were set up under a large green-striped awning by the patio doors. There were other people dotted in small groups around the well manicured lawns, sipping drinks and chatting in the warmth of the early evening sun.

  It was a good turn out for midweek, thought Kate murderously as she ploughed Maggie and the wheelchair across the grass from the back gate. Julie had requested that everyone park ‘around the back’ so as not to cause a problem for any of the other residents. There were a lot of cars and guests out there, shame none of them seemed to think helping her would be a good idea.

  Julie was heading their way bearing a large circular tray the centre of which was dominated by a forest of crudités: slivers of carrot, celery and something indefinable and white – possibly raw potato – sticking out of it. Beneath the forest were vast puddles of what looked like pink semolina.

  ‘Hello Kate, Mrs Sutherland,’ Julie nodded and smiled in welcome. She was wearing a vivid turquoise halter-neck sundress and had obviously spent the last couple of days out in the sun. The dip and her shoulders clashed violently.

  ‘How lovely to see you both. I’m so glad that you could make it. I thought perhaps you’d be too busy. I’ll rally some of the troops to get you up on the terrace, Mrs Sutherland,’ said Julie, as Kate struggled to bump the wheelchair up onto the paving slabs that passed for a terrace.

  ‘I knew I should have brought my crutches,’ Maggie hissed uncomfortably. Meanwhile, Julie waved over a couple of men, tall thin things with sloping shoulders and circlets of sparse red and grey hair wrapped around conical skulls. Looking them up and down Kate decided they would probably snap something if they had to lift Maggie and the chair, but they managed after a fashion, finally getting her up off the lawn with much ‘One, two, three’-ing ‘heave-ho’-ing,’ and even more huffing and puffing.

  Maggie pulled a stricken face as they bore her at knee height towards the buffet.

  ‘Do you want me to nip back to the car and get your crutches?’ called Kate anxiously.

  But before she could answer Julie jumped in, ‘No, we’ll be just fine, won’t we, Mrs Sutherland? Now where would you like to be, shade or sun? Have you met my husband Malcolm?’

  Maggie nodded politely in the direction of one of the tall, thin, gingery struggling men, while Julie continued, ‘And this is my toy boy, Keith,’ smiling towards the other tall, thin, gingery man, who looked as if he might be about to have some kind of seizure.

  Kate smiled in a small private way; Julie obviously hadn’t heard about Maggie and Guy on the grapevine or she would be busy wishing the ground would swallow her whole by now.

  ‘Actually he’s Malcolm’s younger brother, he helped us move, didn’t you Keith, love? He’s been such an angel, I really don’t know what we would have done without him, I really don’t.’ Julie leant forward and ruffled his balding pate.

  Kate looked Julie up and down; there was no way that this could be the same person who used to drink Jack Daniels and Coke like it was going out of fashion, the same person who was reputed to have slept with the whole of the senior school football team, including both reserves and the linesman, and smoked so much dope that some days in the sixth form common room she could barely stand up, let alone form a coherent sentence.

  It seemed so unfair. Julie used to be a bad influence, for Christ’s sake, one of those people who, when you mentioned their name, adults exchanged uneasy glances. Julie Hicks used to be the kind of person that parents like Kate’s had tolerated only because they thought the novelty would wear off
and if they stopped Kate seeing Julie it would just make her lifestyle seem all the more glamorous. Kate knew this because it was the same kind of tack she was currently using on Danny, and his little drug dealing compadres. Maybe a few Polaroids of what had happened to Julie might do more good.

  Kate bet Malcolm had no idea about the football team either.

  ‘Well, here we are then,’ Julie was saying, patting Kate’s arm affectionately. ‘I daren’t even think about how many years it is since we last saw each other. How are you?’ On the periphery of her hearing Kate could pick out the strains of something by Enya.

  Kate smiled inanely wondering how long she would have to stay. How long could she bear to stay? Dying of boredom and social pleasantries was a high price to pay for any temporary sanctuary, although at least Maggie offered her the perfect get out of jail free card.

  ‘What do you do? I’m sure that I ought to know this,’ said Julie warmly, speaking in the universal patois of the perfect hostess.

  ‘I’m in PR. Freelance mostly,’ said Kate. It was the start of one of those terrible, forgettable party conversations, where you don’t care what you say and the other person cares even less.

  Julie nodded. ‘Right.’ Kate might as well have said vivisection for all the reaction it got, although then again maybe that was what Malcolm was into. He certainly looked the type.

  ‘And what are you up to these days?’ asked Kate hopefully. ‘Still the good girl gone bad that we all knew and loved?’

  A few yards away under the awning, pinned like a butterfly to a board, and helpless in the face of an enormous amount of solicitous attention and good humour, Maggie was being introduced to everyone by Malcolm and his evil sidekick, Keith.

  ‘Who, me? Oh goodness me, no.’ Julie was laughing. ‘No, I’m still working in hospital administration. Part-time obviously since we had the girls but I was very lucky. I managed to get a transfer when we moved back here, same grade, same hours and everything, but no, I’m just plodding along. It’s Malcolm who’s the high-flyer in this family.’