Fallen Women

by Sue Welfare

  Kate stared up into his big brown hurt eyes, totally bemused. How the hell had this happened? One minute she was a happily married woman, the next she’d got an adulterous husband, a best friend who was betraying her, emails from amorous married strangers, and was being hit on by the tastiest man she’d been alone with for a long time. It felt as if her entire life had undergone a polar shift.

  ‘The thing is …’ Kate began.

  ‘That you don’t want to go out to lunch with me?’ he said flatly, turning back towards the path.

  Kate shook her head and hurried after him. ‘If it was only that simple.’

  In Windsor Street it was a beautiful evening, barbecue weather, not that Joe was thinking about barbecues, more like hell fire and damnation. He was seething with pure undiluted frustration; Kate’s voice mail was still on and no one was picking up the phone at Maggie’s house either.

  He’d left ringing her all day, waiting for them both to cool down. It was nearly ten o’clock, he’d been ringing on and off since eight; surely to God either Maggie or Kate had to be about somewhere. Was it that they were out again or had the pair of them gone to bed already? No one went to bed at eight. It had crossed his mind that Maggie might have a caller display unit and once Kate saw who was ringing she was choosing not to pick it up.

  Joe punched Maggie’s number into the handset and caught the message one more time, ‘… if you’d like to leave your name and number after the tone then I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks for calling.’

  Bloody sodding woman! He slammed the phone back down into its cradle. Kate could have at least had the decency to call up and see if the boys were all right. Joe took a pull on the beer he’d just got out of the fridge. It wasn’t his first of the evening.

  How much had Kate told her family? Was that why Maggie wasn’t answering either? Just like Kate, she couldn’t keep anything to herself, she had to go and tell someone. Fancy telling bloody Bill, and him coming round with that holier than thou expression was the final straw, arrogant smug bastard, as if his relationships ever ran smooth.

  ‘Dad, do you think you can give us a hand with my science homework?’ asked Danny from the kitchen door. ‘I just want someone to help test me on this stuff we’ve got to do tomorrow.’

  ‘You have got to be joking,’ he growled. ‘Ask Jake.’

  Danny looked hurt and sounded indignant. ‘No, he can’t pronounce the words. I’ve got to hand this in first thing tomorrow and then we’ve got a test.’

  ‘You should have thought about that over the weekend instead of gallivanting out with your mates and playing on the bloody internet,’ Joe growled. He knew he was taking his anger out on Danny but couldn’t work out how to stop himself. Danny met his gaze for a few seconds, just long enough to register his disgust, and then turned and swore under his breath.

  ‘What did you say?’ Joe snapped, aware he was ready to fly at the least provocation.

  Danny turned back, face set to match Joe’s own. ‘You’re the one who’s always going on about how much this bloody school costs, always going on about doing my friggin’ best.’

  It was all Joe could do not to punch him.

  ‘If I don’t do well in science this year I stand to lose my bursary and Mum’s already said I can’t stay there without it because she can’t afford full fees.’

  Danny had said she not you or we, Joe noticed. Although Kate was always careful to say we in conversations the kids knew the real state of play. Kate was the one who really made things tick, who oiled the machine, who made it all come right, who made sure the money went around and no one suffered because of Joe’s … Joe’s … Momentarily, Joe stiffened, not wanting to think those thoughts, refusing to admit that any of those things might be his responsibility.

  He squared his shoulders; Kate had known the kind of man he was when she married him. He was a free spirit, a creative, most certainly not your average nine to five man. Joe had always thought, always hoped, that one of the reasons Kate had fancied him was because he was dangerous, a little bit wild, outside the system. Someone who would take her outside her experience. It was just like a woman to marry a maverick and then want to house-train him.

  Across the hall, Danny was still watching him, waiting for a reaction. Realistically Joe knew that Kate didn’t see him as dangerous, nor did Danny, not at all. Danny saw him as a pain in the arse. School was a sore spot and one that Joe had no wish to pick at.

  Kate had sorted out assisted places for both of the boys at local private schools, partly on some sort of bursary and partly by offering them hands on help with PR. It was a coup, a masterstroke really, and one of which she was justifiably proud. Jake had already been promised a place at the school on the same terms as Danny if he could pass the entrance exam. So this was sacred ground.

  Joe took a breath, not quite sure what he was planning to say, when the door bell rang. They both looked relieved and Danny hurried down the corridor to answer it. ‘It’s Bill,’ he said, stating the obvious.

  As Bill and Joe’s eyes met, Joe sighed, ‘You’d better come in.’

  But Danny wasn’t going to let Joe off the hook that easily. ‘Bill, is there any chance you could help me with my science homework, only Dad’s busy at the moment?’

  Bill glanced at Joe who waved a hand towards him. ‘Carte blanche, mate, liberty hall, here. I haven’t got a fucking clue about what he’s doing anyway. I was an arts man, not sciences.’

  Bill’s focus sharpened. ‘Have you been drinking?’

  ‘And what’s it to you if I have, Claire-bloody-Rayner? What are you now, the voice of my conscience?’

  Meanwhile, in the house at Church Pines the barbecue was in full swing by the time Kate and Andrew got back to the party. While Andrew went inside to refresh their drinks Julie sidled up to her. ‘I’m very impressed,’ she said in a stage whisper.

  ‘Impressed?’

  ‘Don’t come the dark horse with me, Kate Sutherland, I know you, remember. Andrew Taylor is a real catch – apparently he’s terribly standoffish, keeps himself very much to himself. Shy, I’ve always thought. You and your mother have got sort of some special knack. It has got be genetic.’

  Kate smiled noncommittally, glad she had inherited her mum’s charisma and not her dad’s hairy ears.

  Julie had obviously been at the real punch, and some residual shade of the schoolgirl formerly known as Easy whom Kate had known and loved, was slowly resurfacing.

  Although Kate could feel her colour rising; it had been a long time since she had unashamedly flirted with someone, even longer since it had been reciprocated so enthusiastically.

  ‘Well?’ demanded Julie. ‘What have you got to say for yourself?’

  Kate took a breath, composing her thoughts but fortunately it seemed that fate was on her side.

  ‘Julie?’ She swung round at the sound of her name being called from the house, at which point Kate made off into the shadows saved by a catering emergency involving paper napkins, a box of matches and two small boys.

  If Andrew wanted her company he would have to come and sniff her out. Kate was hoping that he wouldn’t interpret her lurking behind the ornamental bay as a desire to get away from him.

  Maggie, by contrast, was sitting talking to a group of women although holding court would be a better description; she sat centre stage and they were all giggling, drinking, and quite obviously having a whale of a time.

  Kate grinned at her on her way to the shadows. ‘So where’s his nibs gone then? I can’t take you anywhere, can I? Even Julie wanted to know what you’d sprayed yourself with.’

  Maggie lifted that magic eyebrow. ‘You mean Charles? I think he’s gone off to get me something special from the barbecue.’

  Kate laughed.

  At which point Andrew reappeared carrying two drinks and this time Maggie was the one to do a double take. Kate introduced them and then made her way back down the garden with Andrew, well aware that every eye in the place – or
at least those of the women under the awning – was on her.

  Away from the circle of lights and the hardcore of party goers, Andrew settled down on one of the low walls round the flowerbeds. ‘So what are you going to do about Joe?’ he asked picking up the conversation they’d been having earlier exactly where they’d left it.

  She shook her head. ‘At the moment it’s like looking into a snowstorm. The good wife in me says I ought to go home and salvage what I can – I’ve always been someone who does the right thing and sticks at things. And yet there is this other part of me that is kind of pleased, relieved. Does that sound crazy?’

  Andrew shook his head.

  ‘There’s no peace anywhere at the moment, nowhere to escape from my thoughts, from Joe, from Chrissie, even when I’m working on my computer.’ Kate started to tell him about RomanticSouls, Sam57, Vulnerable Venus and then realised with a start that he was staring at her in a way that suggested he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. He moved closer and for one amazing unbelievable unexpected moment Kate thought he was going to kiss her.

  ‘Do you want something to eat?’ he said, pointing towards the barbecue. ‘I’ve just realised that I’m absolutely famished.’

  Kate laughed, relieved, and yet at the same time oddly disappointed that he hadn’t made a move. ‘Yes, I would,’ she said, trying to recall her cool. ‘I thought you were about to share some pearls of wisdom about the nature of life, love and the universe.’

  ‘I was thinking more of a beefburger and a big bowl of salad,’ he said offering his hand, helping her to her feet.

  As their hands touched, Kate felt an odd, excited little kick in the bottom of her belly. For a vet in Bermudas, Andrew Taylor had a lovely hutchside manner.

  Chapter 11

  It was eleven by the time Kate and Maggie finally rolled home to the house in Church Hill. It was still warm. For a few moments as Kate stood by the back door, her heart ached for all those nights already spent, the nights she had stood here as a child, as a teenager and a young woman, looking up at this view, the moon glowing down, framed by the house, the magnolia and the ever-murderous laburnums. The night’s canvas was as black as Indian ink. Clear and fine, the sky was littered with a million stars and Kate realised that here with Maggie was the first time she had truly felt safe and at peace for a long time. Nothing had fundamentally changed, Kate was aware of that. There was no magical solution to the things that haunted her, but for the first time since she had arrived in Denham, Kate had a sense of sanctuary, a real sense of coming home.

  ‘Well, that went a lot better than I’d thought it was going to,’ said Maggie, sounding tired, manoeuvring herself across the hall and into the kitchen with the aid of crutches.

  Kate looked at her and grinned. ‘It’s quite remarkable that you can do that after so much red wine.’

  Maggie snorted and lowered herself very gingerly onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. ‘My arms and shoulders ache and my leg is throbbing like crazy. I think maybe I’ve overdone it,’ she spoke through gritted teeth and then, once she had lifted the cast up onto a chair, added, ‘Julie Hicks has changed, hasn’t she?’

  Kate handed her a mug of coffee and a bottle of painkillers. ‘I almost heard the total disbelief in your voice then, Mum. Mind you, the same thought kept going through my mind. She’s so straight now that it’s scary. I kept thinking that this couldn’t be the same girl who used to roll up here first thing in the morning for the walk to school with a fag on, purple hair and eyeliner so thick she could barely see.’

  ‘Remember when she came round in a black leather miniskirt, basque, black stockings and suspenders? I thought your dad was going to explode,’ said Maggie with a grin.

  Kate giggled. ‘And you asked her where she was going and she said Girl Guides.’

  Both women burst into a peal of easy unselfconscious laughter.

  Across the table Maggie stretched and then yawned dramatically. Her colour was rapidly fading away as if tiredness was stealing her resistance to the pain. Despite a lot of makeup the bruises and stitches still looked deeply painful.

  ‘I’m going to bed now; I’m totally shattered. Would you take my coffee through, please? I can hardly keep my eyes open. I just want to nip to the bathroom. Although,’ she said, the grinned fixed, ‘maybe nip isn’t the word I’m looking for.’

  Kate nodded and as she reached the doorway said, casually, over one shoulder, ‘Would you mind if I popped out for a little while tomorrow? I’ve been invited out to lunch.’

  Maggie didn’t miss a beat. ‘Of course I don’t mind Who are you going with then? Julie Hicks or the good-looking vet?’

  Kate opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

  ‘Not that it’s any of my business, of course,’ Maggie continued, bobbing off towards the loo, ‘but I think it’s getting to the point where I ought to know what’s going on. I checked the phone when we came in; there are eleven calls from Joe on the caller display and God knows how many messages. I can’t imagine he’s that desperate to find out how I’m getting on.’

  As she got to the door Maggie looked back, beading Kate with knowing eyes. Kate, still looking for words, wasn’t sure whether she wanted to protest or apologise but Maggie shook her head.

  ‘Don’t panic, I haven’t listened to any of them but I think that it’s time we talked whether you want to or not. I said this morning when we were discussing Guy that however much we love each other there are just some conversations that parents and children aren’t meant to have, that I wouldn’t dream of meddling in your affairs without your asking me. But if I were worried about something then I’d tell you. Well, Kate, I have to say I’m worried and nothing that you’ve said or done or any of the evidence so far have eased my concerns.’

  Kate stood very still. Unable to find any words that sounded even vaguely appropriate.

  ‘And another thing.’

  ‘Yes.’ Kate braced herself for whatever was about to come next.

  ‘Tomorrow morning can we put one of those plastic garden chairs in the shower cubicle and wrap my plaster up in a bin liner? I could really do with a shower, I’m sure that I stink.’

  Kate laughed with a heady combination of amusement and relief. ‘Of course you don’t stink, don’t be ridiculous – you had a wash before we went to Julie’s.’

  ‘I don’t care, a wash doesn’t count, I feel dirty.’

  Kate nodded. ‘Okay. We’ll do the shower thing tomorrow then.’

  ‘Good. Good night and sweet dreams, darling.’

  And with that she was gone, swinging and hopping off towards the downstairs loo.

  Kate set one coffee alongside the sofa bed that was made up in the sitting room and then took her own mug through into the dining room. Switching on the lamps it was looked as if she was creeping back into a nest or a den that she’d built earlier. Her papers and things were still there, all arranged in a neat arc around the laptop, flanked by pens and Post-it notes and the detritus of her working life. Late or not, Kate turned on the computer and checked her email. The modem kicked in, burring and whizzing, and then the mail retrieval system announced that she had no new messages.

  Kate sat for a few moments staring at the empty in box with an odd but very real sense of regret and loss. Maybe honesty, both hers and Sam’s, had driven him away. Maybe he didn’t want to sort his life out or hear how she felt about being betrayed by someone just like him.

  Kate sighed. It was a risk she had had to take although it felt as if somewhere she had lost the key to all sorts of knowing and understanding. There was nothing much else to do other than close the computer down. Feeling tired and heavy, Kate picked up the phone. She ought to check on the messages Maggie had told her about. In her current mood they felt like splashes of icy cold water.

  Joe: ‘Kate, I’m surprised that you haven’t rung. The boys are okay. Missing you obviously and there are all sorts of odds and ends that they need sorting out – sports kits, some form or oth
er that Jake needs for a trip, where things are generally. I just wanted to talk, you know – see how things are going. I’ll ring you later.’

  And then, ‘Where the hell are you? It’s nine o’clock.’

  And then later still: ‘Kate, I can’t believe you, this is really beginning to piss me off, pick up the bloody phone, will you?’

  They got worse, much worse, the last one just a string of furious expletives.

  Feeling sick and shaky, Kate looked up at the clock. It was too late to ring Joe now. Maybe it had been a mistake to try and avoid talking to him but there was no way Kate could or wanted to put it right tonight. She’d ring him first thing tomorrow, although even as the thought formed Kate wondered what on earth she would say to him, what she wanted to say – after all the reason she’d gone to Julie’s had been to avoid talking to Joe in the first place.

  Picking her mobile out of her bag Kate switched it on, bracing herself for more of the same but here at least it was as quiet as the grave – there had been two calls from Joe but he hadn’t even bothered to leave a message, perhaps he had finally run out of ammunition. The only one was from Bill.

  ‘Hi Kate, I appreciate that maybe you don’t want to talk to anybody at the moment but the offer’s still open if you need me. You know where I am. The boys are fine. I popped round tonight.’ He laughed. ‘Danny collared me to help with his homework. It’s amazing – I don’t think we did that stuff in science until we were at uni.’ And then his tone dropped to something more serious, ‘Kate, Joe’s not coping with this very well at all. I don’t suppose that comes as any great surprise but I thought you ought to know. If you get this message and want to talk … I don’t have to tell you this, do I? Night, night, sweet dreams, hon.’

  Kate’s eyes filled up with tears. How could it be that the world appeared to be filled with so many men who would happily listen to her when her own seemed deaf? And then it struck her that of course Joe wasn’t deaf at all. He was just deaf to her.