Perfectly Imperfect (Perfectly #1)

by Fabiola Francisco

  He hugs me and whispers in my ear, “I am proud of you. I don’t want anyone else, mistakes and all. None of us are perfect. You are my everything. Don’t you see that? When you let me walk out of your house my world turned upside down. I felt like I died. I actually think a part of me did. Losing you won’t leave a hole in me, it will burn my heart completely leaving it in ashes.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to burst out like that, especially after everything you’re dealing with right now. But I couldn’t let you think I didn’t care; that I kissed you just because. You wouldn’t even let me explain.” I say trying to make it seem better that I just bursted out on him when we’re here for his brother’s funeral. “I’m scared.” I admit shyly.

  “I know. Me too. This is it, though. I’m not letting you go. No more running. Life isn’t a marathon so you can slow down. We talk things out from now on. This is new for me too, but we’re in it together. You’re mine, Sweet Pea.” I smile and kiss him softly.

  “Let’s finish working. I know you have other things to take care of.”

  “We’re pretty much done. Come on, let’s go eat something and I’ll make some calls.”

  I follow him inside, my hand in his, and I feel this unknown peace overwhelm me, but in a good way.

  I insist on prepping the food, but he says it helps keep him distracted. Grayson makes us sandwiches, and we eat in comfortable silence. I clear the table after we finish, and he goes to make some phone calls to finalize the plans with the funeral home and make sure everyone knows the time and place of the funeral. I smile at him, reassuring him he isn’t alone, and he’s off to deal with his brother’s death.

  The next few days are going to be hard, but for the first time in my life I don’t feel like running from the challenges. The person I care the most about is by my side and needs me. I am here to help him through all of this. I want to be here for him. Life isn’t fair, but if you have someone who cares about you by your side, it’s easier to overcome the hardships.

  It’s been two days since we’ve been in South Carolina. Yesterday we spent the day going through Logan’s things. I wasn’t sure if Grayson wanted me to help him or not, but when he asked for my help I couldn’t say no. It was emotional to say the least. To see someone as strong as Grayson break down in sobs as he was going through old memories of his brother, their friends, time they had spent together.

  I remember something he said that caught me off guard and upset me.

  “Maybe if I never moved, if I had stayed here with him, he wouldn’t be gone. I would have been able to protect him like when we were little.” He said between cries, guilt consuming him, breaking him.

  “Absolutely not! You can’t control this, Grayson. You can’t control what happens in life or what other people do. Trust me, I know firsthand, and if you let that fuck with your head it will drown you. I refuse to let you do that to yourself. You were the one that told me I couldn’t change my parents and their mistakes, you were right. It goes the same for you now. You couldn’t change this. It sucks. It’s a shitty thing, but you need to find a way to learn from this.”

  I hope he listened to me when I said it. It seemed like he did, but you never know. It’s easy to blame yourself for what happens to other people, especially when you aren’t around them. I would do anything to take this pain away from him, give him my last breath if it meant he could be happy again.

  We spent the rest of the day talking. I learned that Grayson actually grew up near this house, which is why it was so much harder for him to let his dad in when he reached out to Logan and him. He couldn’t understand how he was living so close to them and didn’t care to be a part of their lives. He said he always lived in the area. He went to college in Greenville and got a job in the city, but it was nothing compared to the offer he got in Portland.

  Today’s the day of the funeral, and we’ve both been quiet. Getting ready around each other but not speaking. I know when Grayson is ready to talk he will. The viewing will be in the morning and the burial will follow a few hours later after everyone has had a chance to say goodbye.

  We’re the first to arrive at the funeral home. I give Grayson privacy to be alone with his brother one last time. He opted for closed casket. I don’t think he would’ve been able to stay strong if Logan’s body was lying there, visible, reminding him that he was just a lifeless body now.

  People begin to arrive a short while after us, and they greet Grayson and give him their condolences. From what he told me they don’t have much family, maybe a cousin here and there they don’t really keep in touch with, and some friends and his brother’s coworkers are coming. I stand off to the side watching and observing everyone as they mourn differently. Some people are crying over by the casket, others are talking and getting reacquainted, a few are just sitting staring anywhere but at the reality that lies in front of them. Grayson is talking to different people trying to mingle, but I can tell the last thing he wants is to be here with all these people he barely knows or people he hasn’t spoken to in months listening to stories about his brother.

  His eyes meet mine across the room, and I offer a small smile. He gives me a slight nod and tight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Suddenly someone new walks in through the doors, and I notice Grayson stiffen. His eyes go wild.

  I look at the person who just walked in; a woman who must be in her late forties with long blonde hair. I can’t see her face. She wearing a fitted navy blue dress that’s a bit short and inappropriate considering we’re at a funeral and she isn’t twenty. There’s a man by her side dressed casually in jeans and a black button down shirt. He’s a bit scruffy looking. They’re headed straight to Grayson, and I can see his discomfort. I make my way to them just in time to hear him say, “Ma, what are you doing here?”

  I freeze. I didn’t think his mom would be here. From everything Grayson has told me about her, I hadn’t realized she was still in contact with her sons, even if it was to know that one had died. I quickly compose myself and stand tall next to Grayson. I may only be 5’2” but I am going to stand tall and confidently next to him and support him.

  “I’m here for my son’s funeral. That is what’s going on right?” She says sarcastically.

  “How did you find out?” He asks surprised.

  “News spreads quickly in this town. You should know that.” I already don’t like this woman. She seems unaffected by Logan’s death and like she’s here to socialize or prove a point. “And who is this?” She asks, eyeing me up and down. I do my best to be polite and not give this woman a piece of my mind out of respect for Grayson and Logan, but if we were anywhere else I swear she’d hear what I have to say. I take a deep breath.

  “Hi Mrs. Carter. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Mia.” I say extending my hand out to her.

  “It’s actually Mrs. Montgomery now.” She says taking my hand, but not before eyeing me with distaste.

  “Of course it is,” Grayson says under his breath, but we both hear him. Fortunately, his mom chooses to ignore him and walk away.

  “Are you okay?” I ask him waiting for him to snap.

  “Yes. Well, no, but… you know.” His hands are in fists by his side trembling and I hold them, calming him. Hoping some kind of peace can enter his body.

  “I know, but remember you aren’t alone. I’m here for you.” I say kissing his cheek softly. I stay by his side the rest of the morning.

  The burial is heartbreaking. I stay by Grayson’s side even when I feel awkward standing so close and not really being a part of Logan’s life, but Grayson holds my hand like if it’s his source of oxygen, of life, and I’m strong for him. A few people say some nice words about Logan, and then they begin to lower the casket. When it reaches the bottom, Grayson grabs a handful of dirt and throws it in, tears streaming down his face. He stands back up and just watches in a daze as they continue to cover what’s left of his brother with dirt. The crowd begins to thin out and it is just he and I.

  He kneels
on the ground in front of the grave and begins to sob uncontrollably. “It’s not fair! Why did you have to go? Anyone else. Not you.” He’s saying out loud as he cries, his breathing erratic. When I can’t watch him anymore, I kneel next to him and hug him. I hug him harder than I ever have and hold him in my arms until he’s ready to leave.

  We get home a little after five in the afternoon, exhausted. Grayson lies down in the couch, and I get him some water. By the time I return with the glass, he’s asleep. I cover him with a blanket and watch him for a minute. My beautiful, broken man. My heart swells with the love I feel for him. His face looks so peaceful as he sleeps, and I hope he gets some rest. He hasn’t been sleeping well, and I’ve found myself holding him each night as he loses himself in his devastation. He needs to relax after the stressful and emotional days we’ve had.

  I lie down next to him as close as I can and try not to fall off the couch. On instinct, he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in. I sigh and nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. Even asleep he comforts me. “I love you, Grayson Carter.” I say although I know he’s asleep. He makes a noise and I freeze thinking he’s awake and heard me, but his breath is even and his eyes stay closed. I drift off to sleep with him finding comfort and peace in his arms.

  When I wake up I see Grayson staring at me with a smile spread across his lips. “You seem happier,” I tell him.

  “I am,” and his smile widens, reaching his eyes for the first time in days. It makes my heart skip a beat. I missed that smile. I’m biting my lip, nervous as to what has him so happy.

  “Care to share what’s got you all smiles?”

  “You.”

  I blink at him unsure of what I did to put that smile on his face but happy I did. “What did I do?”

  “You told me you loved me.” He states trying to contain his glee.

  I stare at him. He heard me? My heart begins to race. “I thought you were asleep.” I say sounding like an asshole, and his smile leaves his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just hadn’t realized you heard me. I wish I would’ve told you when you were awake, but it just… it was… it felt right.” I stutter trying to fix what I said, but nervous as hell.

  “Stop. Don’t worry. I understand. You’ll have plenty of more chances to tell me from now on,” he says, his smile returning full force. “Besides, it made it more real. You know, hearing you say it when it wasn’t forced or you felt like you needed to.”

  I shake my head at him, smiling a bit, and lean in to kiss him. “It is real, silly. I wouldn’t say it because I felt obligated.”

  He kisses me back with more passion and his tongue slips into my mouth finding mine. My hands begin to move over his body, feeling all of him, each ripple of muscle on his stomach, his chest, his arms. I loop my arms around his neck and bring him closer to me. He does the same, exploring my body like if it were the first time. I guess in a way it is the first time. The first time we make love. I tangle my fingers in his hair and lay on top of him, pressing my body to his feeling all of him. I never thought I’d have the chance to be with him again. His arms roam down my body and under my dress, rubbing his hands up and down my thighs before cupping my ass. I open my legs a bit so I’m almost straddling him. His hands make their way to my underwear, pulling them off, and he’s back to my most intimate body part.

  He pushes a finger inside me, and I moan around his lips. His finger moves in and out, pleasing me and making me burn with desire from the waist down. He puts in a second finger and circles my clit with his thumb. I moan again and begin to grind on him. We kiss more frantically, and I feel him hard beneath me. I want to touch him. To please him like he’s doing to me. I move my hands down to undo his belt, but he grabs them with his free hand behind my back, holding me in place as he continues his delicious torture on my body. I start to tremble, and he knows I’m close. He keeps moving his fingers in and out of me and moves his other hand to my breasts, releasing my hands, teasing my nipples over my dress. That undoes me. I lose it and orgasm around him, moaning his name, my head tilted back, eyes closed.

  We never stop kissing. I pull my hands down, and this time he doesn’t stop me. I undo his pants and pull them down along with his boxer briefs. He kicks off his shoes followed by his pants. I grab his length, hard and ready, but I won’t let him in just yet. It’s my turn to play.

  I scoot down him and move my hand up and down, licking my lips, never breaking eye contact. I lower my head and taste his tip, swirling my tongue around it, never stopping the movement of my hands. His breath hitches, and his eyes close momentarily. Then I suddenly take him completely in my mouth, moving up and down sucking and licking him. His eyes fly open looking at me intensely. I never break my eye contact, looking at him from beneath my lashes and he does, too. I hear him moan and say my name. It only adds fuel to my movements. I feel him getting close and he tries to pull me off him, but I don’t move. I want to finish him off. Then, he stops moving and I feel him let go, his orgasm entering my mouth, and I swallow all of him.

  I move up over him, his breathing hard, and hold him tightly. He moves my chin up with his hand so I’m looking at him and he kisses me. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he says, and I hear the promise in his voice. He rips off my dress and bra leaving me naked on top of him. Before I know it he’s hard again, and I’m wet with desire. Passion surrounds us with love and lust.

  Suddenly he interrupts what we’re doing, cursing under his breath. “I don’t have a condom.”

  “Grayson, it’s okay. I’m on the pill, and I am healthy. I want to feel all of you inside me.”

  “Are you sure? I know I am healthy, too, but I’ve never had sex without a condom.” He says.

  “Me either, but I want to with you. I’m all yours. No one else’s.” I say without flinching or hiding.

  Without another word, he moves us so he’s on top and without skipping a beat enters me. I feel his entire member move inside me. It feels different, amazing. It’s flesh on flesh, and I am more sensitive to his movements filling me completely.

  It’s gentle yet passionate. There’s so much meaning this time. He moves slowly but deliberately like he’s claiming me, and I’m doing the same. I match his movements, and it’s the most loving thing I’ve ever experienced.

  We begin to pick up speed losing ourselves in desire and passion and building up the intensity. I’m close, and I can tell he is, too. Feeling him raw inside me is making my wild. My walls begin to clench around him, and I’m swirling with pleasure. “Grayson” I let out before I get lost in my orgasm.

  He thrust in me one last time and lets go. “I love you,” he whispers as he orgasms, and I kiss him because it’s exactly what I want to hear.

  We stay on the couch holding each other for what seems like hours. He’s brushing my hair with his hands, caressing my arms and back, goose bumps rising up my body. I am exactly where I want to be, exactly where I belong.

  “I love you,” I tell him looking him straight in the eyes, not cowering behind sleepiness or walls.

  “I know,” he responds smiling and I can’t help but roll my eyes and smack him across his shoulder playfully.

  Chapter 15

  We’re leaving back to Portland tomorrow. Yesterday Grayson spent the day figuring out things with his brother’s house and the horses. At first he thought about selling it, but I talked him out of it. I think he’ll regret it eventually. It’s what he has left of his brother and seeing him in this environment has shown me a different side of him. He looks like he belongs here, but I guess in a way he does. It’s what he was raised with.

  He was able to talk to his brother’s friend to watch over the house. The other two horses in the barn are his, so he would have to come by anyways. I told Grayson we could come and visit whenever he wanted.

  I’m hanging out on the couch working while Grayson’s outside cutting the grass and taking care of the horses. I have a perfect view of him thanks to all the windows that line the bac
k wall, and he looks hot out there in jeans, a white tank top and his cap. I can see all his muscles moving with ease as he carries bales of hay. It’s a clear blue day with the sun shining down, and I see his skin shimmer with beads of sweat rolling off him.

  I stand up to grab a glass of water and head outside. He must hear me approaching because he stops what he’s doing and turns around to face me. A genuine smile spreads across his face, and my heart skips a beat. It feels good to be able to make him smile like that. I know he’s hurting, and I want to help him move through this. All these emotions coursing through me are new and different and scary, but they also feel right.

  “I brought you some water,” I say shyly. Why the hell am I shy?

  “Thanks, Sweet Pea.” He grabs the glass of water and chugs it down. I just stare at him, appreciating the view in front of me as he drinks his water. When he finishes he raises an eyebrow at me, and I know I’ve been caught staring. I shrug and smile unapologetic as he moves closer and wraps his arm around my waist pulling me in closer, kissing me softly. He pulls his head back to look at me but doesn’t let go of his hold around me.

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m grateful I did something right.”

  “I think you got it the other way around. Thank you,” I tell him getting on my tiptoes to kiss him again. I feel him harden under his jeans, and I wiggle a bit teasing him.

  “You better stop teasing me like that or I’ll take you right here.” He threatens.

  “Oh, yeah?” I challenge.

  “Yes, so stop distracting. I need to finish what I’m doing. Save your temptations and teases for later. I’m almost done, and we can go do something. I’m sorry we’ve been stuck here all these days.”