Behind Closed Doors

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Girl, you don’t know if you’re going to have to get a divorce or not, so don’t even start thinking like that.”

  “Well, it sure seems like that’s what he wants. Normally, I never think the worst about anything. You’re usually the pessimistic one when it comes to situations like this, but I’m optimistic about everything. And although I never really thought about it before, that one saying you have makes a lot of sense.”

  “Which saying is that? You know I have a lot of them,” Karen said, laughing, trying to brighten Regina’s spirits.

  “Yeah, you do,” Regina said softly. “But I’m talking about the one where you say, ’If you expect the worse, you won’t be disappointed when something bad happens.’ Actually, it’s a good way to think, because Lord knows, I’ve gotten my feelings hurt more than a few times by expecting everything to turn out perfect.”

  Karen turned into her subdivision and passed the Ridgemore East sign. As she drove closer to her house, she saw a black vehicle parked in the driveway.

  Regina looked at her and burst out laughing. “Were you expecting company or something?”

  “No,” Karen said, shaking her head. “Sometimes I just can’t believe John. He just won’t give it a rest.”

  “Girl, what do you expect? You’re his wife, and this is where he lives. He’d be a fool not to try and make things right with you. I’ve told you before, you’d better let the man move back in there, before you end up like me. All alone.”

  Karen pursed her lips. “Please. I spent a couple of hours with him yesterday, when I got back from taking Mom out to dinner. I told him that maybe I would see him again this weekend, and here he is less than a day later.”

  “Yeah, and as I recall, when we were driving back home last night, you had a big smile on your face. You were glad to be with him, and you know it. You might as well let him move back in, because all you’re doing is trying to play hard to get.”

  “He still hasn’t gone to any Gamblers Anonymous meetings, and there’s no way I’m trusting him to quit this on his own,” Karen said, reaching toward the backseat to pick up her purse. She opened the car door and stepped out.

  Regina walked around to the driver’s side. “Well, have fun, and please, by all means, do everything you know I would do.”

  “Girl, please. It’s not even like that.”

  “Oh, yes it is.”

  “Are you gonna be okay?” Karen asked, backing away from the car.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Oh, no. We were supposed to get something to eat.”

  “Yeah, I know, but since we didn’t make it to the health club to work out, I’m not really hungry, and this whole evening has ruined what little bit of an appetite I had, anyway.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. Oh well, I’d better get in here to see what’s up with John. I’ll call you later when he leaves.”

  “Are you kidding? I’ll bet he’s planning to spend the night. How long have you made him go without sex, anyway? If I were you, I’d be giving him some.”

  “Bye, Regina.”

  “SO, WHAT ARE YOU doing here?” Karen asked, plopping down on the sofa in the great room. John was sitting on the other end, smiling at her. The television was on, and it was obvious that he’d made himself right at home. He’d even taken his shoes off and propped his feet up on the coffee table—something he knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

  “I stopped by to get the electric drill, so I figured I’d wait for you to get home.”

  “Yeah, right,” she said skeptically. “What do you need the drill for?”

  “My mother wants me to hang some mini-blinds for her, and there’s too many screws to do it manually.”

  Let her buy her own drill. That’s what Karen wanted to tell him, but since she’d be talking about his mother, she decided to keep it to herself. “So when are you going to put them up?”

  “Probably tomorrow when I get off work. You must’ve ridden with Regina to the health club?”

  “Yeah, I rode with her, but we never got there.”

  “Why not?”

  “She decided to take a detour over to Marilyn’s to see if Larry was there, and sure enough, he was.”

  “They didn’t get into it, did they?”

  “Hmmph. More than that. She threw a rock through his car window.”

  “Not the Lexus!”

  “Yeah, and you know how strung out he is on that stupid car. He was pissed. And had the audacity to push her.”

  “What?” John said, raising his eyebrows.

  “He sure did. I’ve never seen him act like this before. It’s like he’s a totally different person. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was on drugs.”

  “Well, actually, I’m not surprised that he’s messing around.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because whenever we’ve gone to see the Bears or the Bulls, his eyes were always wandering. But he never tried to come on to anybody, so I never thought he’d go this far. And especially with somebody you guys are friends with.”

  “Shit, Marilyn was never a friend of mine. I tried to warn Regina about her from the very beginning, but she wouldn’t listen. I knew Marilyn was jealous of her, and that’s why I’ve always used a long-handled spoon whenever I’ve had to deal with her. I knew she couldn’t be trusted. And how come you never told me he was looking at other women all the time?”

  “That was his business, not mine, and I told you, he never came on to anybody in front of me, so I never thought it was any big deal.”

  “Well, as you can see, it was a big deal.”

  “Larry should be ashamed of himself. I could never see myself doing anything like that.”

  “I hope not, because if you did I’d kill you,” she said, throwing the tan-colored jacquard pillow at him.

  “Although I don’t see why I’m not looking for someone else. You don’t want me.”

  “John, please. You know that’s not why I asked you to move out. This is strictly about your gambling and nothing else.”

  “Yeah, but we could have worked this out without me having to leave.”

  “You’ve been doing this for almost three months now, and when you didn’t come home on time for my birthday, that pushed me over the edge. I was practically begging you to get some help, but you refused. My hands were tied. Over and over, you kept singing the same song, that you weren’t going to bet on the horses anymore, but you kept doing it anyway. We may not have the same problem that Regina and Larry are having, but to me it’s just as serious. Financial problems can shatter any relationship, and that’s exactly what was happening to us. So, we need this time apart.”

  “What good is it doing?”

  “You tell me? It’s supposed to make you take a long look at what you’re doing to our marriage. So, is it?”

  “I was aware of what I was doing before I moved out, and I told you I’m not going to do that anymore. If I wasn’t serious, would I have deposited over half my paycheck into the account last Friday?”

  “I don’t know, because you brought all of your money home the week before my birthday, and then you still threw your whole paycheck away the very next week. You can put on a front for only so long, but when you have a problem, you just can’t keep it going. I don’t understand why you can’t see that.”

  “What if I start going to the meetings? Will that satisfy you enough for us to get on with our lives?”

  “Only if you’re sincere about it. You have to want to go for yourself, otherwise it’s not even worth the trouble.”

  “Fine,” John said in frustration. “I’ll go to the meetings. I’ll call to find out when the next one is, tomorrow.”

  “That’s all I’ve been asking you to do from the very beginning.”

  “Have you had anything to eat?”

  “No. Regina and I were supposed to go get something, but with everything that went on, we never got around to it. She didn’t have an appetite, anyway. Which is another reason
I’m really worried about her. She seems like she’s trying to accept what’s going on, but I know deep down, she’s in a lot of pain.”

  “Maybe you should keep a close eye on her. You never know how something like this can affect a person. And you know how sensitive Regina is.”

  “Yeah, I know. I told her I’d give her a call later on after you left.”

  “I was thinking maybe I could spend the night,” he said slyly. “It’s already after seven-thirty, and one night isn’t going to hurt anything. It’s not like I don’t live here.”

  Regina had been right, Karen thought. He’d been planning to spend the night all along and had been setting her up for the kill the entire time. “I don’t know,” she said, pulling her legs up on the couch under her behind. “I don’t think we’re ready for that.”

  “Of course we are. You still love me, don’t you?” he said, pulling her closer to him.

  She didn’t resist. “You know I do, but that doesn’t have anything to do with this. The last thing I want is for us to get back together before this problem is taken care of.”

  “I promise, I’ll start going to the meetings,” he said, turning her toward him. He kissed her on her forehead.

  She couldn’t believe she was letting him do this. She’d tried to be hard about all of this so he would get the picture, but like always, he knew what it took to get next to her. The man was smooth, and he knew it. It was almost like they were playing some kind of game or something. She’d made him move out, and here he was spending the night at his own house with his own wife. The more she thought about it, the sillier it seemed. Although, this was the first time she’d gotten him to agree to go to those support group meetings, so really, not all of her efforts had been lost. She’d let him spend the night tonight, but wouldn’t authorize his moving back in until she saw some real progress with his gambling obsession. And since he just so happened to be spending the night, she didn’t see any reason to disappoint Regina. She was going to make love to her husband.

  CHAPTER 14

  IT WAS FRIDAY AT 9 A.M. and the last time Karen had spoken with Regina was Wednesday evening. She’d been worried sick about her all week, but with John staying over the last few nights, she hadn’t found much time to check on her. The girl hadn’t made one single attempt to go into work ever since that terrible incident over at Marilyn’s four days ago. On Monday, it had seemed like she was coming to terms with the whole Larry and Marilyn situation, but as the week had gone on, Regina had become more and more depressed. Something was going to have to be done. That was all there was to it. She wasn’t about to let her girl go out like this. Not without a serious fight.

  Karen closed her office door, moved back around her desk, and sat down. She was wearing a cream-colored silk blouse and a magenta crepe skirt. She was planning to take the afternoon off and hadn’t wanted to be bothered with wearing a suit today. Plus, she usually dressed a little more casual on Fridays, anyway.

  She dialed Regina’s number.

  “Hello?” Regina answered, sounding as if she’d been asleep when the phone had rung.

  “Hey, girl. Wake up.”

  Regina groaned. “Hey.”

  “So, I see you stayed home from work again.”

  “Mmm-hmm. I’m just not in the mood for dealing with anybody.”

  “Well, you’d better get in the mood. You haven’t been out of the house all week, and I’m putting an end to that little routine, today.”

  “Girl, please. I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere I want to go.”

  Karen was at a loss for words. This girl was sounding so down and out that you’d have thought the world had come to an end. She had to think of something quick. “Look, Regina. Since I’m taking the afternoon off, you and I are driving over to the mall to do some shopping. I need to find a couple of shorts sets for Memorial Day weekend, anyway. So, after I run home and throw on a pair of jeans, I’ll be by your house to pick you up no later than two o’clock. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  Regina exhaled deeply. “I don’t feel like it.”

  “Since when don’t you feel like going shopping? And I can’t remember a time when you didn’t feel like spending some money? Please. Just be dressed by two o’clock. You’ll feel a lot better once you take a nice, hot bath and put on one of your many outfits that still have the price tag on it.”

  “Girl, why are you doing this? I won’t be any fun. You’ll have a much better time if you go by yourself.”

  “I’ll pick you up at two. Okay?”

  “I guess. You’re sure you’re only wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, right? ’Cause I don’t feel like getting dressed up. These days, you know I can’t stand that.”

  “I laid my jeans out before I left for work this morning, so you don’t have to worry about me getting dressed up. It’s bad enough that I have to do it all week long. I’m late for my meeting, so I’ll see you this afternoon, okay?”

  “All right. Talk to you later.”

  REGINA HAD dropped back off to sleep after she’d hung up from talking to Karen, and now it was almost noon. She sat up on the edge of the bed and pressed against the sides of her head with both hands. She had a headache out of this world and felt like she hadn’t had one hour of sleep.

  She dragged herself into the bathroom, plugged the drain in the tub, and started her bathwater. She poured in two capfuls of pink bubble bath. She turned around to face the mirror and frowned when she saw how horrible her face looked. She’d skipped every aspect of her usual skincare regimen all week, and now ugly, red splotches were plastered across her cheeks. How was she going to go anywhere looking like this? She’d heard one of the supermodels on TV saying that whenever her skin broke out, she smoothed Listerine over it. At the time, Regina had thought it sounded crazy, but right now, she was ready and willing to try anything.

  She scrubbed her face with the Mary Kay cleanser she’d purchased from a girl at work, then patted Listerine across her cheeks with a cotton ball. She pulled off her nightgown, turned off the scorching hot water, and eased her body into the sudsy bubbles. It was a little hotter than she liked, but her body was slowly starting to adapt to it. She went to reach for her wash towel on the side of the tub and stopped when she felt a spell of dizziness. She sat still with her eyes closed and waited a couple of minutes for it to pass. Maybe the water was too hot. Or maybe she was having problems with anemia again. Last year, she’d had to take pills for almost five months before the iron in her body had finally regained its proper level. It was a good thing she’d scheduled her yearly exam for tomorrow; otherwise she might have had to wait until sometime next week just to get in and see her doctor.

  Although she was hardly looking forward to having one of those miserable pap smears. The procedure was painless, but the thought of having an almost total stranger stick some chilly metal instrument inside her made her uneasy. And no matter how many times she experienced it, the feeling never got any better. After tomorrow, though, a pap smear would be the least of her worries for at least the next twelve months.

  She rubbed the Zest soap across the water-drenched washcloth, washed herself from the shoulders down, and crinkled her nose. She’d gone three whole days without cleaning any part of her body, and if Karen hadn’t insisted that she go shopping with her, today would have been number four. This didn’t make a lick of sense. She needed to be ashamed of herself. But for some odd reason she wasn’t. She just didn’t care. As far as she was concerned, there was no one she had to impress, because with the exception of a marriage certificate filed away in a safety-deposit box, there was no sign of a husband, anyway.

  After soaking and relaxing for almost a half hour, she thoroughly lathered her body a second time. Just because she didn’t seem to have a problem with being a filthy pig, that wasn’t reason enough for Karen to have to put up with smelling any horrible scents. She stood up, reached for the bath towel, and carefully dried her pitiful self off. Then she brus
hed the plaque from her teeth and gargled with blue mouthwash. She walked out into the bedroom, over to the closet, and pulled a pair of stonewashed jeans and a Bulls T-shirt off their hangers. From the dresser drawer, she pulled out a purple bra and matching bikini panties, and slipped both pieces on. She glanced down at her legs and saw that they were already starting to get ashy, but she wasn’t in the mood for rubbing any lotion on them. It was a good thing she was wearing socks and jeans—they would conceal it.

  Standing in front of the mirror, she tucked in her T-shirt, zipped her pants, and buckled her black Coach belt, which had to be pulled two holes tighter. She’d lost a tremendous amount of weight, thanks to worrying herself to death about Larry. She looked in the mirror and saw what a mess her hair was in. There hadn’t been a comb, brush or curling iron near it since she’d locked herself in the house four days ago, and it felt like straw. She went into the bathroom, rubbed some pink moisturizer lotion between the palms of her hands, saturated her hair with it, and brushed her short mane toward the back until every strand was in place. She was far from winning a prize for best hairstyle, but at least she’d look somewhat presentable once she threw on her Bulls baseball cap. Large, gold hoop earrings would add some style to it as well.

  After applying foundation, pressed face powder, and a trivial amount of gingersnap blush, her cheeks didn’t appear to look so bad after all. Her newfound facial remedy was actually working, and the Bozo look was gone. Thank God for that.

  She gathered her purse and her last, partially empty pack of Capri menthol 120s and headed downstairs to the patio. After kicking this disgusting, addictive habit five months ago, she’d been forced to start it up again, even though it had been the one New Year’s resolution she’d been able to keep. She’d been sneaking one here and there ever since the night she’d flown back from Atlanta, and although she hated to admit it, the number per day was gradually increasing. Pretty soon, she’d be lighting up the moment her eyelids popped open every morning if she continued at the rate she was going. And she didn’t even want to think about all the times she’d raced through the parking lot at work, just to steal a few nicotine puffs. That smoke-free environment at work had made her life a living hell before she’d finally kicked the habit, and she had no idea how she was going to deal with that all over again. This thing with Larry had been far too much for her to handle, and these tiny, little cancer sticks were the only crutch she had to hold on to. They were the reason she’d been able to keep at least some sanity and why her nerves, at least for the most part, were somewhat settled. Larry had always hated the fact that she smoked. Said it wasn’t ladylike, that it was hazardous to her health. Karen, on the other hand, was more concerned with the dangers of secondhand smoke. As usual, that girl was worried about herself.