Behind Closed Doors

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “It’s either that, or they think we are. Shit, what they need to realize is that when they’re sleeping, we’re thinking. I used to do that all the time. When John was still at the house, he’d be snoring, and I’d be thinking a thousand thoughts.”

  “Something’s wrong with them, and if you ask me, Eve should have been put on this earth first. She might’ve made the mistake of eating that apple, but I’m willing to bet she had more common sense in her baby finger than Adam had in his whole head.”

  They both laughed. Regina drove past the club and parked down the street. They checked their lipstick and powder to make sure everything was intact and stepped out of the car. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t as warm as it should be either, given that it was almost the end of May. Regina wore a sleeveless, closely fitted, brownish-colored dress, matching heels, and off-white panty hose. Karen wore a black sleeveless sweater and a black crepe skirt.

  They walked up to the line that consisted of nine or ten people, mostly women, and looked at each other. Not much had changed since when they’d been single. There always seemed to be more women out than men. Of course, that didn’t faze Karen, since she wasn’t looking for a man to take home anyway, but Regina was having different thoughts. She was on a mission and wasn’t planning to leave this place until she’d found the perfect one-night stand. She wasn’t about to go one more evening without having an orgasm, and that was that. Karen would have thought she was crazy, with AIDS floating around the way it was, and that was the main reason she’d decided to keep her plans to herself. It was just better that way. No sense in upsetting the girl about something she’d already made her mind up about anyway.

  They paid the ten-dollar cover charge and entered the club. It wasn’t all that packed yet, but most people never seemed to come out until after eleven or so. They walked over to the first table they saw and took a seat.

  “Everything still looks the same,” Regina said, casing the place.

  “Yeah, it sure does.” Karen set her purse on the table. “It’s still a nice place to go, though, when you want to get out of the house.”

  Shoot, Regina thought, that wasn’t why she was there at all. It was true that she’d wanted to get out of the house, but her main reason for coming here was to find someone who wanted to have sex and who wasn’t going to expect anything after the little escapade was over. “But where are all the men? I mean, I was expecting way more than this,” Regina said without even thinking. Damn. Just that quickly she’d told off on herself. She couldn’t keep shit from Karen no matter how hard she tried.

  “I know you’re not thinking about hooking up with some brother that you don’t know anything about, are you?”

  Regina batted her eyes and grinned slyly. “I’m not saying anything.”

  “Please tell me you’re not thinking about….” Karen paused and gazed down at Regina’s left ring finger. That rock Larry had given her for their engagement was missing, and so was her diamond-encrusted wedding band. “That’s exactly what you’re thinking about, aren’t you? I don’t believe you.”

  “What?” Regina said, still grinning.

  Karen shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m sick of being by myself. And anyway, wouldn’t you rather see me trying to have a good time instead of sitting around the house moping like some stray puppy?”

  “You know I would, but I just want you to be careful. There’s too many diseases out here. All I’m saying is, if you do anything, please make sure the guy has a condom. Things have gotten worse since before we were married, and finding a safe sex partner is like playing Russian roulette.”

  “Girl, don’t even worry about that. I would never do anything without protection.”

  “All right now. Just make sure you don’t,” Karen said, scanning the room. “Hey, isn’t that the guy you purchased that tennis bracelet from yesterday?”

  “Where?” Regina said, quickly turning her head in the same direction that Karen was looking in.

  “Over there.” Karen pointed as discreetly as possible. “The guy with the double-breasted suit on.”

  “That’s definitely him,” Regina said. “And looking finer than he did yesterday. Shit.”

  “You kind of like him, don’t you?”

  “It’s been so long since I had to look at any guy in that way, I don’t know if I do or not. And, although it probably sounds petty, I don’t know if I even want to think about getting mixed up with someone who works as a salesclerk in some jewelry store.”

  “If the man is nice and will treat you right, you’d better get that out of your head. That asshole you’re married to now makes a ton of money, and look how he turned out.”

  “You’ve definitely got a point there.”

  “Oh shit,” Karen said, laughing under her voice. “Here he comes.”

  By then, there wasn’t any time for Regina to respond.

  “How’s it going, ladies?” he asked, smiling, a drink in his hand.

  “Fine,” they both answered.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen either one of you in here before. Is this your first time?”

  “No,” Regina said. “We’ve been in here before, but not in a long time. You come here often?”

  “Actually, I come quite a bit. At least a couple times a month.”

  Regina didn’t know what else to say and felt as nervous as some schoolgirl talking for the first time to a boy she liked.

  Karen picked up on it and spoke up. “You can have a seat if you want to. We’re not expecting anyone else.”

  Regina looked at her in disbelief.

  “If that’s okay with both of you, I will,” he said, directing the comment to Regina.

  “It’s okay with me,” Regina said.

  He sat down. “I guess the least I could do is introduce myself. I’m Malcolm Taylor.” He shook Regina’s hand and then Karen’s.

  “I’m Karen Jackson.”

  “I’m Regina Moore.”

  “Nice to meet both of you, although I guess we sort of already met indirectly at the jewelry store,” he said, looking at Regina’s wrist. “I see you’ve got the bracelet on, huh?”

  “Sure do. It’s really nice, and I’m glad I bought it.”

  Regina felt uncomfortable and couldn’t understand it at first, but then it dawned on her. She was seriously attracted to the man. And he must have felt the same way about her, because he hadn’t taken his eyes off her for more than two seconds ever since he’d approached the table. The chemistry between them was so thick that it was almost visible. This just couldn’t be. She’d only been separated from her husband for two weeks, and here she was already attracted to another man. And to top it off, she could hardly see Malcolm as being the one-night stand she’d come there to look for. Gosh. She wasn’t ready for anything like this. At least not yet.

  “Can I buy you ladies a drink?” he asked.

  “No, I’m fine,” Karen said. “But thanks for asking.”

  “I’m fine for now, too,” Regina added.

  “I’m going to the ladies’ room,” Karen said. “I’ll be right back, though.” She rose and walked away from the table.

  Damn. The last thing Regina wanted was to be left alone with this gorgeous man. Oh, she wasn’t the slightest bit worried about what he might do; it was herself she didn’t trust. She couldn’t believe Karen had left and not asked her to go with her the way she usually did whenever they were out somewhere, and it was obvious that she’d done it on purpose. She’d have to deal with Karen later.

  Malcolm swallowed the last of his drink. “You wanna dance?”

  “Sure.”

  By the time they made their way across the dance floor, some fast song Regina didn’t recognize had finished playing, and the beginning notes of “Before I Let You Go” by Blackstreet had already started. Of course, it had to be a slow one, she thought.

  Malcolm pulled her as close to him as was publicly appropriate, wrapped his arms around her waist, and waited
for her to position her hands on his shoulders. They started two-stepping. She couldn’t believe how wonderful it felt to lean against this man she’d hardly known for less than an hour. It felt like she’d known him for years. She’d been attracted to Larry from the very beginning when she’d first met him, too, but it hadn’t been anything like this. The sensations pulsating through her body were almost too much for her to handle. Her heart was pounding hard, and it felt like it was going to explode.

  He looked down at her. “So, tell me. What man in his right mind would allow his beautiful wife to go out on a Saturday night to a club filled with a bunch of single men?”

  Shoot. She’d left her wedding rings at home in her jewelry case, and she wondered how he could possibly know she was married. “How did you know I had a husband?”

  “Because yesterday you had on a set of wedding rings and the credit card you used had the name Larry Moore on it. That was a dead giveaway.”

  She’d forgotten all about that. She chuckled quietly and said, “Do you always memorize the names on every credit card you see?”

  “No, actually I don’t. But there was something special about you, and I couldn’t help but remember the name.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yes. Really.”

  “Well, to make a long story short, we’re about to go through a divorce, so I guess you could say I’m married, but not for long.”

  “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. It’s never an easy thing when two people have to break up.”

  Regina didn’t say anything, but she wondered if maybe he’d gone through a divorce himself, since it sounded like he understood what she was experiencing.

  “It really feels good, holding you like this,” he said.

  Regina didn’t know if she was ready for such straightforwardness and decided not to respond.

  “I didn’t say anything out of line, did I?” he asked.

  “No. Why’d you think that?”

  “Because you’re not saying anything.”

  Hmmph. Actually, she had a lot to say, but she wasn’t about to let him know it. He felt good to her too, and to be honest, she wished the dance would never end. That she could lie in his arms from now until the end of time. “No. You didn’t say anything out of line.”

  “Good. Because the last thing I want to do is upset you.”

  Regina glanced over at their table and caught Karen’s eye. They smiled at each other. Regina had been so caught up in her conversation with Malcolm that she hadn’t even noticed Karen returning from the ladies’ room. She couldn’t wait to tell her how attracted she was to Malcolm and how comfortable she felt with him. It was almost too good to be true. And although she hated to think about it, she wondered if it was.

  When the song ended, TLC’s “Red Light Special” began with no break in between. Regina and Malcolm kept slow dancing.

  KAREN LOOKED AWAY from the dance floor and saw a petite-sized waitress approaching her.

  “Can I get you anything?” the waitress asked.

  Karen was already starting to get bored and decided that maybe if she had a drink, things might liven up a bit. “Sure. I’ll have a citrus wine cooler. Whatever brand you have is fine.” Karen never usually drank, so the label on the beverage really didn’t matter to her.

  When the waitress walked away, Karen scanned the room again. This place wasn’t nearly as exciting as she’d thought it would be. And although she dreaded admitting it, it wasn’t the same without John. Damn him for ruining their marriage.

  As the waitress set the drink down on the table, Karen pulled money out of her purse and paid her. But when the waitress started to walk away again, she sensed someone standing behind her, and she turned around. It was John.

  He pulled around the chair Regina had been sitting in and sat down. “Hey, we need to talk, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  Karen was shocked to see him and couldn’t believe how pushy he was acting. This wasn’t his way of handling things, and she wondered what had gotten into him.

  “How’d you know where I was?”

  “That’s not important,” John said, pulling her up from the table by her wrist.

  Karen jerked her arm away from him. “I just know you’re not trying to strong-arm me. You must be out of your damn mind, because I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Hey, I didn’t mean to grab you like that, but we really do need to talk.”

  “What I want to know is how you knew where I was. What have you been doing? Spying on me?”

  “Damn it, Karen. What difference does it make?”

  “It makes a lot of difference to me.”

  “I called Regina to talk to her about us, and she told me you were coming down here. Now, are you satisfied?”

  “Regina had no right doing that, and you had no right calling her.”

  “She’s your best friend. You’ve never had a problem with me talking to Regina before, so what’s the problem now?”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with you talking to her, I just don’t want you guys scheming behind my back,” Karen said, staring straight at Regina, who was smiling. Karen furnished her with a dirty look and glanced in another direction.

  “Karen, please. You know good and well we weren’t scheming behind your back. Why don’t you stop acting like this and just come outside with me.”

  Karen was getting pissed off, and since she didn’t want to show her ass in front of a bunch of strangers, she figured it was best to go outside like John wanted. They strolled a ways down the street until they were alone.

  “Look,” Karen said. “I’ve given you chance after chance to correct your shit, but you’ve refused to do it. You knew what the consequences were, but you kept doing what you were doing, anyway. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it. It’s as simple as that.”

  “I haven’t gone to the track since the day I made that last withdrawal, which was over a week and a half ago. I knew it was wrong, and I haven’t done anything like that since. I went too far that time, and I’m aware of it. I told you I was going to go to one of those meetings tomorrow, and I meant it. I’m not here to beg you, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you end things between us without getting a chance to explain myself.”

  “I don’t see what you have to explain. You’ve thrown a ton of money away, and as far as I’m concerned, that sums up everything. You have a problem, and when a person has a problem, they do whatever it takes to remedy the situation.”

  “It’s not that easy. You don’t understand, because you don’t have any unusual problems or an obsessive personality like I do. When I gave up cigarettes, I became addicted to caffeine. Do you realize I drink at least six to seven cups of coffee every day? When I saw that the lottery wasn’t paying off, I started going to the track. Whenever I give up one obsession I search and search until I find some other outlet. It’s not about becoming rich from betting on the horses, it’s about being obsessed with winning. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that I can’t even explain. It’s almost like getting high. Like I’m living on the edge. I can’t explain why I do it, but when I’m inside Arlington and I’m waiting for those horses to race around that track, I get a feeling like I’ve never felt before. And as much as I hate to say it, not even you can give me that. It’s a sickness, and I know that now.”

  Karen couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was as though he was finally reaching out to her. He’d never confessed his feelings like this before, and she wasn’t sure how she should respond. She waited for him to continue.

  “Baby, please. Just wait for me. I know after what you found out today you’re probably wanting to divorce me, but I’m asking you to give me some time to get myself together. Once I get more involved with Gamblers Anonymous, I know things will be different. I wish I could have started way before now, but I just couldn’t see it. I mean, I knew I had a problem, but I honestly believed I could handle it. And if it makes any di
fference to you, I didn’t blow the entire fifteen hundred dollars. I used the money from that second withdrawal to get the transmission on the Beamer repaired.”

  She couldn’t believe it. He’d actually done something logical with part of the money he’d taken from the account. This was good news, and it made her feel just a little better about all of this.

  “I love you more than anything,” she finally said. “But I can’t live my life like this anymore. The last thing I ever wanted to do was be separated from you, but at the time, I didn’t see any other way,” she said, holding back what was sure to be huge crocodile tears if she released them.

  John took her in his arms. “I love you, baby, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let gambling cause our marriage to break up,” he said, sniffling.

  Was he crying? She couldn’t remember if he’d ever done that in front of her before. Maybe when someone had died, but never over something like this. She hugged him tight, and for the first time in a while, she could tell she was doing the right thing. He’d taken $1,500 from their accounts, and there was no way she could merely pretend it hadn’t happened, but she was willing to stand by his side as long as he attended those meetings religiously.

  Her mother had been advising her over and over again to work with John on his problem, but she’d never taken her seriously, until now. As far as Karen had been concerned, this was John’s problem, and it was up to him to be a man and take care of it. But now she had to admit that maybe that hadn’t been the right attitude, especially since she had a certain responsibility when it came to their marriage, the same as he did. She’d promised to stay with him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, and it was time she acted like it.

  “Hey,” John said, grabbing both sides of her face with his hands and gazing straight into her eyes. “Don’t be mad at Regina. She was only doing what she thought was right. She doesn’t want to see us apart, and that’s why she tried to get us together tonight.”

  “Yeah. I know. I’d better go back in there so I can apologize for looking at her the way I did. She probably thinks I’m a real bitch.”