Cue for Quiet

by Thomas L Sherred

I don't think his frown was completely genuine. "You, apparently."

  I swung my legs over the edge of the cot and stretched. "Have a seat and a cigarette."

  He sat down beside me and reached for his lighter. "Peter, I wish-"

  I cut in on him. "Item one, I want my pants."

  He gestured impatiently. "You'll get them. Now-"

  "I said, I want my pants."

  He began to get annoyed. "I told you-"

  "And I told you I want my pants. I don't want them later or in a while; I want my pants and I want them now."

  He sat back and looked at me. "What's all this?"

  I let fly. "For the record, I want my pants. I'm certainly no patient in this morgue, and I'm not going to be treated like one, so whatever you or anyone else has got to say to me is not going to be while I'm as bare as a baby. My mind's made up," and I scrunched together ungracefully on the little space that remained on my end of the cot and pulled the sheet over my head. Kid stuff, and we both knew it.

  He didn't say anything, although I could feel his eyes boring through the flimsy sheet, and I lay there until I felt the springs creak as he got up and I could hear his footsteps retreating. When he came back with my clothes over his arm I was sitting up. While I was dressing he tried to talk to me, but I would have none of it.

  When I was dressed I said, "Now, you were saying-?"

  I drew a long speculative stare. "Peter, what's eating you?"

  I told him. "I just got tired of being shoved around. With the physical exam over with you give me one reason why I should sit around in my bare hide. Am I a machine? My name's Miller, not the Patient in Cell Two."

  He thought he was being reasonable. "And you think you get results by knocking around people that are trying to help you?"

  "With some people, you do. I tried talking, and that didn't work. I got action my way, didn't I?"

  He sighed. "Action, yes. Do you know what Kellner said?"

  "Not interested. Whatever he's got to say to me is going to have a please in front and a thank you after."

  Wearily, "Peter, must you always act like a child?"

  "No, I don't," I blazed at him. "But I'm damn well going to. I'm free, white and a citizen, and I'm going to be treated like one, and not a side-show freak!"

  "Now, now," he soothed. "Doctor Kellner is a very famous and a very busy man. He might not have realized-"

  "Realize your hat! He's so used to living in the clouds he thinks the world is one big moron. Well, I may be one, but no one is going to tell me I am!"

  "I see your point," and he stood up. "But you try to be a little more cooperative. I'll see Kellner now," and he started out.

  "Cooperative?" I bellowed at his back. "What do you think I've been doing? What do you-"

  * * * * *

  He must have read the riot act. When they took me in to Kellner and his crew it was "please, Mr. Miller" and "thank you, Mr. Miller." The place didn't seem so cold and bare so long as I had my pants. I didn't see Whom and his van Dyke, but I hoped it was the tile floor and not me that gave him the concussion.

  The rest of the tests, you can imagine, were almost anticlimactic. I stopped motors, blew tubes, turned lights off and on, rang bells and cooked the insulation on yards and yards of wire. My head they kept connected with taped terminals and every time I blew a fuse or a motor they would see the dials spin crazily. Then they would stand around clucking and chattering desperately. They took X-rays by the score, hoping to find something wrong with the shape of my head, and for all the results they got, might have been using a Brownie on a cue ball. Then they'd back off to the corner and sulk. One little bearded rascal, in particular, to this day is certain that Kellner was risking his life in getting within ten feet. He never turned his back on me that I recall; he sidled around, afraid I would set his watch to running backwards. You know, one of the funniest and yet one of the most pathetic things in the world is the spectacle of someone who has spent his life in mastering a subject, only to find that he has built a sled without runners. Long before we were finished I thought Kellner, for one, was going to eat his tie, stripes and all. Running around in ever-widening circles they were, like coon dogs after a scent. They didn't get a smell. The medico who ran the electro-cardiograph refused to make sense, after the fifth trials, out of the wiggly marks on his graphs.

  "Kellner," he stated flatly, "I don't know just what your game is, but these readings are not true."

  Kellner didn't like that. Nor did he like the man who wanted to shave my head. I wouldn't let them do that. I look bad enough now. I compromised by letting them soak my head in what smelled like water, and then tying or pasting strands of tape all over my scalp. A pretty mess I was, as bad as a woman getting a permanent wave. Worse. One whole day I stood for that. This specialist, whatever he did, had Kellner get me to run through my repertoire of bells and fans and buzzers while he peered nearsightedly at his elaborate tool shop. When the fuse would blow or the bell would ring, the specialist would wince as though he were pinched. Kellner stood over his shoulder saying at intervals, "What do you get? What do you get?" Kellner finally got it. The specialist stood up, swore in Platt-deutsch, some at Kellner and some at me and some at his machine, and left in all directions. The gist of it was that he was too important and too busy to have jokes played on him. Kellner just wagged his head and walked out.

  The Old Man said, "You're not one bit different from anyone else."

  "Sure," I said. "I could have told you that long ago. It shouldn't take a doctor."

  "Miller, what in blazes are we going to do with you?"

  I didn't know. I'd done my share. "Where do we go from here?"

  The Old Man looked out the window. The sun was going down. "Someone wants to see you. He's been waiting for Kellner to finish with you. We leave tonight."

  "For where?" I didn't like this running around. "Who's 'he'?"

  "For Washington. You'll see who it is."

  Washington, more than just a sleeper jump away. Washington? Oh, oh…. Well, let's get it over with. We did. We left for the capital that night.

  We slipped in the back door, or what passed for the back door. Pretty elaborate layout, the White House. Our footsteps rang as hollow as my heart on the shiny waxed floors.

  The Old Man did the honors. "Mr. President, this is Mr. Miller."

  He shook hands. He had a good grip.

  "General Hayes, you know. Admiral Lacey, Admiral Jessop, Mr. Hoover you know, General Buckley. Gentlemen. Mr. Miller."

  We shook hands all around. "Glad to know you." My palms were slippery.

  The President sat, and we followed suit. The guest of honor, I felt like my head was shaved, and I had a slit pants leg. You don't meet the President every day.

  The President broke the ice. It was thin to begin with. "You have within yourself the ability, the power, to do a great deal for your country, Mr. Miller, or would you prefer to be called Pete?"

  Pete was all right. He was older, and bigger. Bigger all around.

  "A great deal of good, or a great deal of harm."

  No harm. I'm a good citizen.

  "I'm sure of that. But you can understand what I mean, by harm."

  Likely I could, if I really wanted to. But I didn't. Not the place where you were born.

  "Naturally, Pete, it makes me feel a great deal better, however, to hear you say and phrase it just like that." The light of the lamp glittered on his glasses. "Very, very much better, Pete."

  I was glad it was dark beyond the range of the lamp. My face was red. "Thank you, Mr. President."

  "I like it better, Pete, because from this day on, Pete, you and I and all of us know that you, and you alone, are going to have a mighty hard row to hoe." That's right; he was a farmer once. "Hard in this respect-you understand, I know, that for the rest of your natural life you must and shall be guarded with all the alert fervor that national security demands. Does that sound too much like a jail sentence?"

  It did, but I lied. I
said, "Not exactly, Mr. President. Whatever you say is all right with me."

  He smiled. "Thank you, Pete…. Guarded as well and as closely as-the question is, where?"

  * * * * *

  I didn't know I'd had a choice. The Old Man had talked to me before on that.

  "Not exactly, Pete. This is what I mean: General Buckley and General Hayes feel that you will be safest on the mainland somewhere in the Continental United States. Admirals Lacey and Jessop, on the other hand, feel that the everpresent risk of espionage can be controlled only by isolation, perhaps on some island where the personnel can be exclusively either military or naval."

  I grinned inwardly. I knew this was going to happen.

  "Mr. Hoover concedes that both possible places have inherent advantages and disadvantages," the President went on. "He feels, however, that protection should be provided by a staff specially trained in law-enforcement and counter-espionage."

  So where did that leave me? I didn't say it quite that way, but I put across the idea.

  The President frowned a bit at nothing. "I'm informed you haven't been too … comfortable."

  I gulped. Might as well be hung for a sheep. If the Boss likes you, the Help must. "I'm sorry, Mr. President, but it isn't much fun being shifted around pillar and post."

  He nodded slowly. "Quite understandable, under the circumstances. That, we'll try to eliminate as much as we can. You can see, Pete," and he flashed that famous wide grin, "it will be in the national interest to see that you are always in the finest physical and mental condition. Crudely expressed, perhaps, but the truth, nevertheless."

  I like people to tell me the truth. He could see that. He's like that, himself. On his job, you have to be like that.

  "Now, Pete; let's get down to cases. Have you any ideas, any preferences, any suggestions?" He took a gold pencil out of his breast pocket and it began to twirl.

  I had an idea, all right. "Why not just let me go back home? I'll keep my mouth shut, I won't blow any fuses or raise any hell, if you'll excuse the expression."

  Someone coughed. The President turned his head out of the circle of light. "Yes, Mr. Hoover?"

  J. Edgar Hoover was diffident. "Er … Mrs. Miller has been informed of her husband's … demise. An honorable one," he hastened to add, "and is receiving a comfortable pension, paid from the Bureau's special funds."

  "How much?" I wanted to know.

  He shifted uncomfortably. "Well … a hundred a month."

  I looked at the President. "Bought any butter lately?"

  The President strangled a cough. "Have you, Mr. Hoover, bought any butter lately?"

  J. Edgar Hoover couldn't say anything. It wasn't his fault.

  I flicked a glance at General Hayes. "How much does it cost the Army for an antiaircraft gun?" I looked at one of the admirals. "And how much goes down the drain when you launch a battleship? Or even a PT boat?"

  The President took over. "Rest assured, Mr. Miller. Your wife's pension is quadrupled, effective immediately." He swung his chair to face Hoover; "Cash will be transferred tomorrow to the Bureau from the State Department's special fund. You'll see to that?" to the Old Man. So that was what he did for a living. That State Department is a good lifetime job, I understand.

  * * * * *

  That took a load from my mind, but not all. I spoke to Hoover directly.

  "How is my … widow?"

  As tense and as bad as I felt just then, I was sorry for him.

  "Quite well, Mr. Miller. Quite well, considering. It came as a blow to her, naturally-"

  "What about the house?" I asked him. "Is she keeping up the payments?"

  He had to admit that he didn't know. The President told him to finish the payments, pay for the house. Over and above the pension? Over and above the pension. And I was to get a regular monthly report on how she was getting along.

  "Excuse me, Mr. President. I'd rather not get a regular monthly report, or any word at all, unless she-unless anything happens to her."

  "No report at all, Pete?" That surprised, him, and he eyed me over the top of his bifocals.

  "She's still young, Mr. President," I said, "and she's just as pretty as the day we got married. I don't think I'd want to know if … she got married again."

  The quiet was thick enough to slice. If they talked about Helen any more I was going to throw something. The President saw how I felt.

  "Now, Mr. Miller-Pete. Let's get back to business. You were saying-?"

  Yes, I had an idea. "Put me on an island somewhere, the further away the better. I wouldn't like being around things without being able to be in the middle. Better put me where I can't weaken, where I can't sneak out a window or swim back." Everyone was listening. "Keep the uniforms away from me, out of sight." The Brass didn't like that, but they heard me out. "Feed me a case of beer once in a while and a few magazines and some books and right boys to play euchre. I guess that's all I want."

  The gold pencil turned over and over. "That isn't very much, Pete."

  "That's all. If I'm going to do the Army's and the Navy's work they can leave me alone till they need me. If I can't live my life the way I want, it makes no difference what I do. My own fault is that all my family lived to be eighty, and so will I. Is that what you wanted to know?"

  The gold pencil rolled off the table. "Yes, yes, Pete. That's what I wanted to know."

  I tried once more. "There isn't any way I can just go home?"

  A slow shake of his head, and finality was in his voice. "I'm afraid there isn't any way." And that was that.

  The President stood up in dismissal, and we all rose nervously. He held out his hand. "Sorry, Pete. Perhaps some day…."

  I shook his hand limply and the Old Man was at my elbow to steer me out. Together we paced back through the dark hall, together we stepped quietly out into the black Washington night. Our footsteps echoed softly past the buildings of the past and the future. The car was waiting; Stein, the driver. The heavy door slammed, and the tires hissed me from the pavement.

  The Old Man's voice was gentle. "You behaved well, Peter."

  "Yeh."

  "I was afraid, for a moment, that you were going to kick over the traces. The President is a very important man."

  "Yeh."

  "You are, too. Right now, probably the most important man in the world. You took it very well."

  "Yeh."

  "Is that all you have to say?"

  I looked out the window. "Yeh," and he fell quiet.

  Stein got us to the airport, and there was waiting an Army ship for the three of us. I might have been able to see the Monument or the Capitol when we were airborne. I don't know. I didn't look.

  Later I asked Stein where we were going. He didn't know. I prodded the Old Man out of a doze. I wished I could sleep.

  He hesitated. Then, "West. Far west."

  "West." I thought that over. "How much out of your way would it be to fly over Detroit?"

  "You couldn't see much."

  I knew that. "How much out of your way?"

  Not too much. He nodded to Stein, who got up and went forward. After he came back and sat down the plane slipped on one wing and straightened on its new course. No one said anything more after that.

  We hit Detroit about five thousand feet, the sun just coming up from Lake Ste. Clair. Smith was right. Although I craned my neck I couldn't see much. I picked up Gratiot, using the Penobscot Tower for a landmark, and followed it to Mack, and out Mack. I could just pick out the dogleg at Connors, and imagined I could see the traffic light at Chalmers. I had to imagine hard. The way we were flying, the body and the wing hid where I'd lived, where-the cigarette I had in my fist tasted dry, and so did my mouth, so I threw it down and closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Somewhere around Nebraska we landed for fuel.

  * * * * *

  Maybe it was Kansas. It was flat, and hot, and dry. The Old Man and Stein and I got out to stretch. There was no shade, no trees, no green oasis for the traveler. The olive
drab tanker that pulled up to pump gas into our wing tanks was plastered with "No Smoking" tabs, and we walked away before the hose was fully unreeled. Off to our right was the only shade, back of the landing strip, a great gray hangar glutted with shiny-nosed, finny monsters. Out of the acrid half-pleasant reek of high-octane, we stood smoking idly, watching the denimed air-crews clamber flylike over the jutting wings. From the post buildings off to the right jounced a dusty motorcycle. We watched it twist to a jerking stop at our refueling ship, and the soldier that dismounted bobbed in salute to the two pilots watching the gassing operation. Two motions only they used; one to return the salute and another to point us out in the shadow of the hangar. The soldier shaded his eyes from the sun to peer in our direction, calculated the distance with his eye, and then roared his motorcycle almost to our feet.

  "Post Commander's compliments," he barked. "And will the gentlemen please report at once to the Colonel's office?"

  The Old Man eyed the motorcycle and the empty sidecar. He looked at Stein.

  "Better stay here," he said thoughtfully. "If I need you, I'll come back." He climbed awkwardly into the sidecar, and the soldier, after a hesitant acceptance, kicked the starter. The Old Man gripped the sides firmly as they bounced away in the baking breeze, and Stein looked absently at his watch. It was close to noon.

  At twelve-thirty the gas truck rolled ponderously back to its den. At one, our two pilots struck out across the strip for the post buildings, shimmering in the heat. At one-thirty, I turned to Stein, who had been biting his nails for an hour.

  "Enough is enough," I said. "Who finds out what-you or I?"

  He hesitated, and strained his eyes. The Old Man, nor anyone, was not in sight. The post might have been alone in the Sahara. He chewed his lip.

  "Me, I guess." He knew better than to argue with me, in my mood. "I'll be back. Ten minutes," and he started for the post. He got no further than half the distance when an olive sedan, a big one, raced toward us. It stopped for Stein, sucked him into the front seat, whirled back past me to our plane standing patiently, and dumped out our two pilots. A final abrupt bounding spin brought it to the hangar. The Old Man leaned out of the back door.