In This Small Spot

by Caren Werlinger

  “Well, it’s noisy, but I’m learning to make as few trips as possible,” Mickey said as she sat.

  “Ummm, this smells great. Alice would be so proud of you,” Jennifer said as she passed the chicken to Mickey.

  “No,” Mickey laughed, “she’d be pissed that I could have learned to do this a long time ago, and didn’t.”

  Just as they began dishing food onto their plates, the doorbell rang.

  “Come in!” Mickey called out, salad tongs in hand. “You’re just in t–”

  Jennifer grabbed her arm. Mickey looked at Jennifer and then followed her gaze to the door. It took her a few seconds to recognize the woman standing there beside Jamie.

  “Look who turned up at our house,” he said.

  Lauren was wearing corduroy slacks and a light turtleneck, and her blond hair was long enough to be pulled back into a loose braid, but the eyes, Mickey would have known those eyes anywhere.

  Mickey sat back weakly in her chair, still holding the salad tongs. “We were just talking about you,” was all she could think of to say.

  “Am I interrupting?” Lauren asked uncertainly.

  “Of course not,” Jennifer said, jumping up to give her a hug. “Come in and sit down,” she insisted as she led Lauren and Jamie to the table.

  Jamie held back. “We should go.”

  “Don’t be silly,” Mickey chided, collecting herself. “Let’s say grace and eat.”

  They clasped hands and Mickey prayed, “We thank you for all the blessings you have given us, for the food we are about to receive, but mostly,” she squeezed Lauren’s hand, “we thank you for allowing us all to be together again. Amen.”

  As they began eating, Jennifer excitedly asked Lauren to tell them what she’d been doing.

  “I’ve been in San Francisco,” Lauren answered. “Dealing with my mother’s will. Did Michele tell you anything about that?” When Jennifer and Jamie shook their heads no, Lauren continued, “Well, it’s been a nightmare. I was finally able to buy my sister’s share of the house and give my father the deed. I convinced her to contribute to a trust fund for him, and I got my brother set up with a trust fund also, which will only pay him the interest. If he finds a way to go through the principle, he’s on his own.”

  She ate a few bites, not saying anything more until Mickey asked uncomfortably, “What about the rest?”

  Lauren looked at her with a smile and said, “That’s the best part. After all my mother did to try and sever my connection to St. Bridget’s, I’ve given the abbey the rest of her money.”

  Mickey stared at her for a moment, then threw her head back and laughed.

  “It took a while to set it up in such a way that the diocese can’t touch it. It all goes to the abbey,” Lauren said happily. “I’d give a lot to see my mother’s reaction to that.”

  Jennifer looked confused. “How much?” she asked innocently.

  “Just over fifteen million.”

  Jamie dropped his fork. “Fifteen million dollars? You gave up fifteen million dollars? You didn’t keep any of it?” he asked as if he was having trouble comprehending this notion.

  “I’ve never wanted my mother’s money.” Lauren looked down at her plate, pushing her food around with her fork. “I kept a few thousand, enough to set up a new life somewhere…” she looked up at Mickey uncertainly.

  “Here? I hope,” Mickey said, her eyes shining.

  Lauren’s face was radiant as she smiled back at Mickey. After a few seconds, she turned to Jennifer. “Tell me about you and Jamie, and the museum’s restoration work.”

  Jennifer chatted happily as they finished their meal, filling Lauren in on Jamie’s latest work. The tapestries they had nearly finished before the fire were now on display at the Mannheim, but, “Mother Theodora hasn’t been able to tell me whether or not the abbey will be able to resume any restoration work for us,” she said as she rose to carry some plates into the kitchen.

  “You’re forgetting something,” Mickey said as she caught Jennifer, wrapping her arm around Jennifer’s waist. “We’re pregnant,” she announced, patting Jennifer’s abdomen.

  Lauren looked from Jamie to Jennifer and back to Mickey. Smiling, she asked uncertainly, “‘We’ are?”

  “Yes,” Jamie replied, grinning. “We are.”

  “You and I are going to be aunts!” Mickey said happily.

  “And when are we due?” Lauren played along.

  “In September,” Jennifer answered. “And I’m going to remind all of you of the ‘we’ part when it comes time for labor!”

  Mickey struggled to her feet, getting her crutches in position, and began walking into the kitchen.

  “Michele!” Lauren exclaimed, her hands pressed to her chest. “I didn’t realize – the last time I saw you, you weren’t walking.”

  Mickey burned a deep red. “I don’t know if you can call this walking, but it keeps me out of a wheelchair.”

  She stood propped at the sink to rinse the dishes as Jamie loaded the dishwasher and Jennifer and Lauren put away the leftovers.

  “And now we are going home,” Jamie announced as he put the last plate in the dishwasher. Mickey walked them to the door. “Call us when you’re ready for company,” he whispered as he gave Mickey a kiss on the cheek.

  Mickey closed the door and turned to Lauren. She suddenly felt very self-conscious now that they were alone. “Let me show you around?” she suggested, turning to the stairs. She led the way up, showing Lauren the layout of the rooms up there. In the furnished bedroom, she explained awkwardly, “This room, this whole floor can be yours, if you want.” She stared at the floor, blushing again. “I didn’t know… I didn’t want to assume…”

  Lauren stepped close and took Mickey’s face in her hands. Mickey felt she was drowning in those soft, grey eyes. Wordlessly, she brought Mickey’s mouth to hers. The softness of her lips stunned Mickey who had almost forgotten what a kiss felt like. “That’s not fair,” Mickey whispered, resting her forehead in the crook of Lauren’s neck when they parted. Lauren wrapped her arms around Mickey in a strong embrace. “I’m already weak in the knees.”

  Lauren pressed her soft cheek against Mickey’s and murmured, “Why don’t you show me to our room?”

  Mutely, Mickey led the way back down the stairs. Suddenly, several thoughts occurred to her. “How did you get here? Do you have any luggage? And how did you find the house?”

  Lauren smiled. “I flew into Syracuse and rented a car. I found Jamie and Jennifer’s house, and Jamie drove with me here. I’m sure he and Jennifer will have an interesting conversation tonight. I’ll go get my bag.” She was back in a moment and followed Mickey through the family room into the new master bedroom.

  “That dresser can be yours,” Mickey pointed. “There are clean towels, t-shirts, robe – anything you need. I’ll let you wash up while I go lock up the house.”

  She took her time locking the doors and windows. When she got back, Lauren was just coming out of the bathroom, wearing a sleeveless night shirt.

  “I’ll just be a minute,” Mickey said. She quickly showered and brushed her teeth. Her heart was hammering as she buttoned up her pajama shirt. She braced her hands on the sink, inspecting her reflection in the mirror. She could see the shadow of the agitated pulse beating in her neck. Taking a deep breath, she reached for her crutches. When she emerged from the bathroom, the bed was turned down, and the bedside lamps were on their lowest setting. Lauren was sitting on the side of the bed, her blond hair falling loose down to her shoulders.

  “It looked like this might be your side of the bed,” Lauren said shyly as Mickey sat beside her, laying her crutches within reach on the floor. She reached up to run her fingers through Mickey’s red hair. “I see you’ve kept it short.”

  “I always liked it better that way,” Mickey said. She took Lauren’s hand in hers, gently intertwining their fingers. “I can’t believe you’re finally here.”

  “I feel like I’ve been in purgatory
, just waiting to be able to come to you. I’m sorry it took me so long,” Lauren said sincerely. “I wanted to come immediately when Mother wrote that you had left, but every time it seemed I might be able to leave, my sister pulled some new legal trick to drag things out. I’m so sorry I was never able to give you a date, but I was afraid of saying I’d come and then not be able to. I had to be sure she couldn’t undo everything I’d been working on.”

  “I’ve missed you so much,” Mickey murmured.

  Lauren traced her fingers over the contours of Mickey’s face. “And I’ve missed you, more than I would have believed possible.” A smile flickered across her face. “But you were waiting for me? You had a room ready for me? You trusted me that much, even after so long?”

  Mickey looked at her, all the love she was feeling leaving her totally defenseless. “Yes.”

  Lauren again pressed her lips to Mickey’s, but this time Mickey was ready, her lips parting, tongue gently exploring, asking Lauren to respond which she did.

  Mickey pulled away after a moment and said softly, “I haven’t done this in a very long time.”

  Lauren blushed. “It’s been even longer for me, and I’ve never… with a woman...”

  “But,” Mickey said nervously, “now… some things are working, some things aren’t… I don’t know…”

  Lauren brought her lips to Mickey’s cheek and murmured reassuringly in her ear, “We’ll figure it out together.” She remained there for a few seconds, breathing in Mickey’s ear. “Would you let me see your back?” she whispered.

  Mickey nodded and let Lauren unbutton her pajama top. She slid it off Mickey’s shoulders, her eyes admiring Mickey’s muscular arms and shoulders, her small breasts. Mickey stretched out across the bed on her stomach. She understood. Lauren was as scarred by everything that had happened as Mickey was, only her healing had been put on hold while she was gone. The healing she needed to do had to be done together. Lauren pulled her night shirt off and lay gently next to Mickey. Mickey’s skin still had large areas that were numb, but she could feel Lauren’s fingers as they gently probed and caressed the scars and ridges on her back. Lauren shifted so that she was partially lying on top of Mickey, the soft pressure of her breasts and stomach warm against Mickey’s skin. She could feel Lauren’s hair and her breath and her lips as she tenderly kissed Mickey’s back, and she could feel her tears.

  “I never dreamed anyone could love me this much,” Lauren whispered.

  Mickey rolled over and wrapped her arms around Lauren, pulling her close. “I love you so much more than that,” she said fervently. Everything else that needed to be said was said with her kiss.

  ╬ ╬ ╬

  Mickey woke with her cheek nestled against Lauren’s shoulder, her arm rising and falling with Lauren’s breathing as it lay draped over her chest. She shifted her hand to feel Lauren’s heartbeat. Closing her eyes, she smiled. She had always felt blessed beyond reason to have the love of a woman as genuine and good as Alice, but she never expected to experience that kind of joy again. And yet, lying here, warm and soft, was a woman she would love, and who would love her in return, for the rest of her life. She glanced at the bedside clock, and woke Lauren with a kiss on the cheek.

  “Good morning,” she smiled. “I want to show you something. Let’s get dressed.” Mickey slid out from under the covers, and reached for her crutches. “Oh my gosh!” she yelped as the cold metal brushed her naked hips. In a few minutes, they had brushed their teeth, dressed and were going out the kitchen door.

  “Where are we going?” Lauren yawned, pulling the collar of her jacket more tightly around her neck to ward off the pre-dawn chill.

  “You’ll see,” Mickey told her excitedly. “This was the one extravagance I allowed myself.”

  They were walking along a six-foot wide pathway built of decking boards. Benches were positioned every hundred yards or so, and the walk was lit, dimly now as dawn approached, by a series of solar lights. Even though it was chilly, Mickey was soon panting and sweating with the effort of the steady uphill climb.

  “Why don’t we sit and rest?” Lauren asked worriedly.

  “I’m fine,” Mickey insisted breathlessly. “We’re almost there.”

  With one final climb up some steps, the path ended at a screened-in gazebo with two chairs facing to the west. Behind them, the eastern sky was just beginning to lighten.

  “Wait,” Mickey gasped as they sat in the chairs.

  Lauren sat beside her, patiently waiting for a moment, and then she heard it. The bell for Lauds was ringing. She turned to Mickey in the rosy light, an expression of amazement on her face, and reached for her hand.

  “Listen,” Mickey whispered. Faintly, they could hear singing. When it ended nearly forty minutes later, Lauren wiped tears from her cheeks. “You can only hear the singing for Lauds and Prime most days,” Mickey said, “and sometimes in the evening the voices will carry over here from Matins, but you can hear the bells all day long.”

  “I can’t believe it,” Lauren said, still weeping. “I’ve been so cut off from everything I’ve cherished – the abbey, you – it felt like I’ve been exiled or imprisoned somewhere I didn’t want to be.”

  “You’ve given up so much,” Mickey said guiltily.

  Lauren looked over at her. “I didn’t give it up for you, but I gave it up because of you.” She clasped Mickey’s hand more tightly. “You have opened my heart to a world where love and joy and trust are simply there – without any games or deceit. Believe me, after spending the last several months in a place where none of those things exists, it reminded me how rare and precious you are. And last night,” she closed her eyes, remembering. “I confess, I’ve struggled a bit. Not with the fact that I love you, but our love has been so esoteric, so spiritual that part of me worried whether giving in to the sexual desire I feel for you would ruin things somehow, leave us feeling empty and lost once that part was satisfied. But last night… last night felt holy to me. I never knew what it could feel like to be so connected to another person, body and soul.”

  Mickey kissed Lauren’s hand. “I love you so very much.”

  A bell rang in the distance and they could hear voices again, singing the hour of Prime. They sat side by side, holding hands, lost in the music as the dawn grew brighter around them.

  “That’s the last we’ll be able to hear until maybe the evening,” Mickey sighed when the singing faded. “I guess the air currents change as the day warms up.” She reached for her crutches. “There’s something else I want to show you.”

  “There’s more?” Lauren laughed as they started back down the path.

  “Jamie found this place and convinced me to buy it sight unseen,” Mickey explained on the way back toward the house. “The original garage was too far from the house to be practical for me, but it was perfect for something else.” When they got to the garage, she opened the door and flipped on the lights.

  “Oh, Michele,” Lauren breathed, bracing herself against the wall. “I can’t believe this.”

  There was a floor loom, empty, waiting. To one side was a large work table and embroidery frames of various sizes. Along the wall were three utility sinks with drying racks attached to the wall.

  “I didn’t know if you would want to start working on your own creations, or maybe take on some restoration work. From what Jennifer says, even if St. Bridget’s resumes some, there’s a lot more waiting, even from other museums that have contacted her.” She looked anxiously over at Lauren. “If anything isn’t the way you want it, we can change it. I’d be willing to help. Just tell me –”

  Her words were cut off by Lauren’s kiss – a deep, passionate kiss as her arms held Mickey strongly against her. Lauren pulled away, holding Mickey’s face in her hands and looking at her with a gaze that was hungry, almost angry, in its intensity. “Come back to bed with me,” she said.

  Inside, Lauren knelt and undressed Mickey as she sat on the side of the bed, caressing and kissing her as s
he did, and then undressed herself and lay down on top of Mickey. Remembering which areas had seemed the most sensitive the night before, Lauren touched and kissed and teased until Mickey was on the edge of orgasm and then positioned herself so that Mickey could touch her also. Together they came in a tumultuous climax that left them both trembling.

  Lauren propped herself up on an elbow and tenderly ran her fingertips over Mickey’s lips. “That was unexpected,” Mickey gasped, still catching her breath. “This part of you is unexpected.”

  Lauren smiled uncertainly. “Is that good?” she asked.

  “It’s very good,” Mickey laughed.

  “I think I’d better get you some breakfast or you’ll never have enough stamina for our first day together.”

  “If it’s going to be more of this, it had better be a really big breakfast.”

  Chapter 46

  “Thank you, everyone,” Mickey said, looking around at the nurses and anesthesiologist as they continued counting instruments and cleaning up the surgical debris after the patient was wheeled into the recovery room.

  Mickey stepped off the draped apparatus she’d been standing on to perform a hernia repair, a relatively simple forty-five minute procedure, but one she couldn’t have done two weeks ago.

  “I can stand upright without my crutches if I can brace my hips against something,” she had told Greg as they had a late lunch at the hospital one day. The small cafeteria was nearly empty except for a few visitors and a maintenance man who was replacing an overhead light fixture. “But in the OR, I’ve got to be able to lean over the table and stay there at least a half hour, up to who knows how long? My muscles just won’t hold me in that position, and I can’t take the risk of endangering a patient by starting a procedure and having to stop in the middle of it to rest.” She rested her forehead on her other hand as she poked at her chicken with her fork. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do this,” she said quietly.

  As she had expected, Mickey’s first few weeks in Greg’s practice were slow – two or three patients a day during her two days a week in the office. “It’ll get busier once they get to know you,” he assured her. She had been talking to the hospital administrators about operating there one day per week, but those talks had stalled when her physical limitations were brought up. She was surprised at how many of the hospital staff remembered her from Mother Theodora’s accident. Several people asked about Mother, and she assured them Mother was doing well. If they were also curious about why she was no longer a nun, they didn’t ask.