by M. J. Haag
As soon as we arrived, the fey carrying the supplies went straight to Tolerance’s storage shed and started unloading. Then, they left to fetch another load while we waited for Matt.
Eden tugged me aside as people started to gather to look at what we had for trade.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Not really. I’ve been this far away,” I pinched my fingers together so there was only a sliver of space between them, “from infection twice. Now, Mr. Brenna-is-mine over there decides it’s all talk and no go, spouting nonsense about me needing to turn eighteen. Do you even know what day it is? I sure as hell don’t.”
She gave me a quick hug.
“I’m so glad it’s not what I was thinking,” she said. Then she pulled back to frown at me. “He’s seriously turning you down? What have you tried?”
“Full frontal exposure with leg lift.”
“Damn. He didn’t budge?”
She looked to where Thallirin was standing, arms crossed to keep the humans from getting too close to us.
“He kissed me, but that’s not going to keep me safe.”
“Maybe he needs to be romanced,” she said. “Soft light. Dinner. Music. See-through clothing.” She shook her head. “Honestly, I’m at a loss here. All I have to do is look at Ghua, and he starts stripping. It doesn’t matter where we are or who else is in the room.”
“Maybe Thallirin’s not as into me as Ghua’s into you,” I said, feeling more than upset at the idea.
I looked at Thallirin again, but a flash of white hair in the crowd beyond him distracted me.
Time stopped. I knew that hair. The crowd shifted, and the view was gone before I could see a face.
“You just got really pale,” Eden said.
Not answering her, I rushed past Thallirin and into the crowd even as fear crawled up my spine. Eden called my name, but I didn’t take my eyes from the spot where I’d seen the hair. I had to know if it was true.
When I reached where I thought I’d seen the man, I turned a slow circle, looking for him. For a moment, I thought he’d noticed me and run. Then, the crowd shifted again, and I spotted an older man with a shock of white hair, holding the arm of an older woman. They saw me watching and smiled.
I managed a weak smile in return and exhaled slowly.
My eyes had been wrong.
Oscar, Van’s father, wasn’t in Tenacity.
Chapter Fifteen
Hands locked around my arms, and the unexpected contact startled a yip out of me. I jerked my gaze up as I was lifted off my feet and carried out of the crowd. Thallirin’s gaze swept over my face. He didn't say anything until I was on my own two feet near the supply shed.
Bracing his arms against the metal wall on each side of me, he leaned in. I didn't feel caged but protected. It didn't matter that Oscar wasn’t here. Thinking I’d seen him was enough of a reminder that it wasn't just the infected I needed to worry about.
“What happened?” Thallirin asked.
“I thought I saw someone that I knew. But, it wasn't who I thought it was. It just scared me for a minute. I'm fine.”
“You saw someone who scared you, and you went running toward them?” He scowled at me.
I crossed my arms and scowled back.
“You say you want me, but as soon as I started wanting you back, you ran away. Don't scold me for contrary choices when you do the same.”
He sighed heavily and pressed his forehead against mine.
“You are my heart, Brenna. Even when your words kick me in the testicles.”
I snorted out a laugh.
“It's a relief to know you understand what's going on.”
“Everything okay here?” Eden asked from nearby. I peeked under Thallirin’s arm to smile at her.
“Yeah, it's fine.”
“Why'd you go running off?” she asked.
“I thought I saw someone.”
“Someone who scared her,” Thallirin said, still caging me in.
I set my hand on his chest, not to push him away but for the connection. Both of us seemed to need it.
“And you went running toward that person?” Eden asked.
“I thought it was Oscar. I needed to know.”
She swore softly.
“It wasn't, though,” I said quickly. “It was an old guy with his wife.”
She didn't seem to hear me as she looked out over the crowd.
“Who is Oscar?” Thallirin asked.
“No one important,” I said, patting his chest.
Eden and I shared a look. I wasn't trying to hide anything from him, but given his reaction to Garrett this morning, I didn't want Thallirin to go crazy in a crowd of newcomers. It would be a bad first impression of the fey for them.
I looked up at Thallirin.
“You going to let me go?”
He grunted and stepped away from me.
“No more running into the crowd,” he said.
I grinned and joined Garrett and Zach. They did most of the trade negotiating while I spoke to people off to the side, who were too hesitant to approach because of the fey. I tried to reassure them that the fey were nice and their physical differences didn’t mean they were bad, but only a few seemed to listen to me. Others continued to look at the fey with suspicion.
The people who had the livestock quickly approached the group when they heard what we wanted.
The owner of the single, pregnant cow that had made it to Tenacity wasn’t willing to give her up. However, he was willing to trade for a map of where he’d found her. He claimed there were more at a farm a few days’ walk from us. His price was steep for the information. Half of what we’d brought to trade and a box of food every week for a year. If we found livestock still living, though, it would be worth the supplies.
A woman approached us with two chickens. Her price, like the first man’s, was a box of food delivered to her house each week until the chickens died. One of the fey quickly agreed to it then asked her to show him where she lived. She was young enough and had no man with her. I wondered if she understood what she’d actually traded.
The rest of our supplies went in random trades to those who needed them, and we were ready to head back before my stomach had a chance to rumble for lunch.
Thallirin carried me again; and I spent my time watching him instead of the trees. I couldn’t help but wonder if what Eden had said would work. Did he need more than just a flash of skin? Did he need some kind of assurance, too, that I wasn’t just using him for his body to become immune?
As soon as we crossed over Tolerance’s wall, Eden called Thallirin’s name and waved for us to follow. I didn’t realize her intent until we were standing on Mya’s front lawn. Had I known where Eden was leading us, I would have convinced Thallirin to take me home first.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
“We need to let Mya and Drav know about the map and the cows. The animals won’t live on their own for long. If we want any chance at long-term survival, we need to move fast to rescue them.”
“But why do Thallirin and I need to be here?”
She flashed me a grin.
“You have other plans?” she asked.
“Maybe,” I said, then scowled at Thallirin when he quickly put me down.
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “Come on. It’s good to socialize.”
With anyone else but Mya and Drav, I thought to myself.
Eden knocked on the door, and Drav opened it a minute later.
“Hey, Drav. If Mya’s up for it, we have some news from Tenacity.”
He let us in, and I saw Mya in her usual spot on the couch.
“Feeling any better?” Eden asked, removing her coat. I reluctantly did the same and followed her into the living room.
“It comes and goes,” she said with a look at Drav.
He grunted his agreement before shifting his gaze to me. There was a lot less scowl this time, which just annoyed me.
Ghua sat a
nd pulled Eden into his lap, where she snuggled comfortably. I looked at Thallirin, and he just stared back at me. Stubborn fool. I turned back to Mya.
“We traded goods for a map that supposedly leads to livestock,” I said, just wanting to get the conversation over with. “Garrett has the map. It’s a three-day walk, but it should be less than a day to drive there.”
“Pregnant cows,” Eden said. “Oscar was as obsessed with animals and needing them to survive as he was with needing women.”
Ghua growled, and Eden absently patted his arm.
“The man was right on both counts, just wrong about how he went about obtaining them. If there’s still something living out there, we should move quickly to bring it back.”
“What do you have in mind?” Mya asked.
“I think a group should leave today,” Eden said. “They’d probably reach the farm just before nightfall.”
“That’s too dangerous,” Mya said. “The hellhounds—”
“Need to be hunted,” Thallirin said. “Humans cannot go with us.”
“Go ask for volunteers,” Drav said. “Will you come?”
Thallirin nodded. Ghua stood and set Eden in the chair and left with Thallirin and Drav.
“What in the hell just happened?” I asked.
“I think they decided they’re going to get the cows,” Mya said, leaning her head back on the couch. “I can finally puke in peace.”
“That bad?” Eden asked.
“It seems worse when I’m stressed, which has been constant since the breach.”
If she was looking for pity, I wasn’t going to give it. I felt bad about the stress and the baby situation but held firm to my belief that she’d handled things wrong with me all around. And when she’d had the opportunity to make amends, she didn’t even want to do that.
“How are things with Thallirin?” she asked.
“Fine.” I stood and grabbed my jacket. “I think I’ll go home and sleep before I grab a night shift on the wall.”
I moved around the kitchen, making myself dinner. It wasn’t the nice candlelit dinner for two that I’d hoped for, just a lonely dinner for one. I could have gone to Mom and Uan’s, but I didn’t feel like company. The reality was that I missed Thallirin. At what point had I grown so used to his presence? I’d resented his attention and now I resented his absence.
His image rose in my mind. I didn’t see his scars, only his steady gaze. His stoic expression. That lack of apparent emotion had frustrated me at first. However, I now realized that his stability had comforted me more often than not.
Was stability enough of a reason for me to feel what I was feeling? Anger that he’d left me? Missing him to the point that I’d barely slept after returning home? I sighed and stared out the kitchen window at the fading light, knowing I wouldn’t have the answer until he returned.
Finishing my soup, I rinsed the bowl and got ready for my shift on the wall. The quiet, cold night enveloped me the minute I stepped outside. I paused and looked around. A fey moved silently in the shadows across the street and nodded to me. Relieved that I wasn’t totally alone, I nodded back.
The walk to the wall didn’t take long, and I saw Uan in my usual place when I arrived.
“Your mom missed you at dinner,” he said in lieu of a greeting.
I shook my head as I climbed the ladder and joined him.
“I slept so I could take a shift tonight,” I said. “I figured with so many fey gone, we’d need the extra eyes.”
Uan grunted and looked out at the skeletal trees.
“I thought you were avoiding us because you are angry Thallirin left.”
I studied him.
“Why would I be mad about that?”
Uan’s gaze met mine.
“You are often angry about many things,” he said with a shrug.
I frowned at him. My first thought was to say it wasn’t true. However, he was right. As much as I’d tried to hide it, even from myself, I was angry. Angry at Mya for not helping me. Angry at Thallirin for even looking at me after what happened at the bunker. At Van, for forcing me to do something I didn’t want to do to survive. Mostly, though, I was angry my father died so I could live, and I was angry at what happened to the world I once knew and everything that followed that I couldn’t prevent. It had all made me feel so helpless.
Then, it hit me. None of that anger had helped anything. It hadn’t changed the past or taken away the pain. In fact, I had only added to that buried ball of emotion by holding onto it. And holding onto that resentment because of my past was keeping me from fully embracing my future.
I looked at Uan.
“I’m sorry for all the angry things I’ve said to you in the past.”
“I’ve watched Byllo with Timmy. He watched Jessie with Savvy. When children are hurt and angry, parents hug them. Can I hug you?”
The simple request opened the world for me. I wasn’t the only one hurt by her past.
I nodded to Uan, and he wrapped me in a hug.
“We cannot change the past. What is done is done. But we can decide our future. I choose your mother and you and Zach. You will be my family, and I will be happy because I won’t be lonely anymore. What do you choose, Brenna?”
I hugged him back. Every fey had experienced their world change, not once but twice. First, when they were locked away and, again, when they were set free. They didn’t hold onto anger, though. They held onto hope. Hope for a family. Hope for a better future.
“Thank you, Uan. You’ve helped me more than you know.”
He gave me an awkward back pat and released me. I smiled at him.
A long, low howl distantly echoed. We both stared out into the darkness.
“You should go stay with your—”
“I’d rather stay here and watch your back when you jump down there to kill that thing. You’re important to Mom. And me.”
He grunted and looked over to one of the fey farther down the wall. That fey nodded.
“Was that a silent communication to keep an eye on me?” I asked.
Uan grinned widely, the white of his sharp teeth showing in the darkness.
“You’re important to all of us.”
“I know. Thank you.”
I waited with him, listening to the howl growing closer and the second one that joined it. Then the third. More fey came to the walls or started to patrol the grounds just inside them.
Several of the fey on the wall jumped down to the other side. They moved quietly as they stalked farther out into the trees. I’d seen the hellhounds up close when I’d been trapped in the bunker with Van. They’d attacked with a focused determination to get to the humans there, somehow sensing we were the weaker prey. Their single-minded focus had enabled the fey to kill the pair. But at a cost. One of them had died. Another, Ghua, had almost died.
The howling stopped, and I knew the hellhounds were stalking closer.
“Be careful,” I said to Uan as he stepped forward to jump.
“Don’t shoot me,” he said with another smile before he disappeared down into the darkness.
I watched for the twin, glowing red dots that would signal the hellhounds’ presence. When I saw them, I nocked an arrow and waited.
The hellhounds crept forward from the barren trees, stealthy shadows among shadows. I couldn’t see the fey; and no one moved to stop the beasts, but I felt little fear. I knew the fey were there and wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
When the beasts were close enough, I let an arrow fly straight toward one glowing eye. Wind. Distance. Timing. It all influenced accuracy. And although I knew I was good, the hellhounds were made to live. I didn’t expect my arrow to do more than bounce off the impenetrable hide of my target. However, it flew so true it pierced one glowing eye.
The hound roared and swiped at the arrow. A light flared to life, flooding the area as fey dropped from the trees. They speared the creature while it was distracted and ripped open its chest to dig for its crystallized he
art, the only way to kill it. I nocked another arrow and watched a second group circle the next beast. It snarled and lunged. Between its movement and the fey’s, there was no safe shot.
The fey had to use nearly every spear to pin the hellhound to the ground to remove its black heart. The dark energy pulsed from the corrupt organ even as the creature continued to thrash and howl. Undead. The source of the spread of the infection.
I didn’t lower my bow until all the hearts were nothing but dust and the creatures were finally silent.
“You did well,” Uan called from below.
I smiled as other fey nodded at me. They pulled the corpses away then returned to whatever they’d been doing before the hounds’ arrival.
“Do you think the noise will draw more infected?” I asked when Uan rejoined me.
“Maybe.”
“I don’t like that the infected just disappeared.”
He looked at me curiously.
“They did not disappear. You were almost bitten on a supply run.”
“Right. I meant I don’t like that they vanished from here.”
“They did not vanish from here. We killed them.”
I snorted at his literal answers.
“You didn’t kill all of them in the world. We shine lights up into the sky at night, make noise during the day, and go on supply runs. They’re getting smarter, Uan. Not dumber. They know we’re here. Why aren’t they trying to get us? What are they waiting for?”
He grunted and continued to watch the darkness with me until just before dawn. I yawned and moved toward the ladder, knowing someone would take my place.
“Will you come with me to Tenacity after we eat breakfast?” he asked, jumping from the wall, to land beside me. “I have supplies to trade, but I know the humans there will not want to talk to me.”
“Of course I’ll go with you. What are we trading?”
We started walking toward Mom’s…their house.
“Nancy wants me to find more canned meat.” He sighed slightly. “She thinks I am not eating enough and wants me to trade the corn.”
“Are you eating enough?” I asked.
“Everything has a season. Even in the caves, there were times our bellies begged for more. These lean times will not last forever.”