Hard Freak

by Candy J. Starr

  Only it wasn’t Crow. It was Polly.

  Damn shit.

  I screamed.

  She screamed.

  This was not the night I’d had in mind.

  Chapter 3

  “GET DRESSED AND GET back your own room,” she said. She didn’t shout, but her voice had a cold, sharp edge.

  I was going to explain that she really had no right to tell me what to do. I was an adult and responsible for myself. But one look at her face made me forget that. A word out of place, and she’d start swinging punches.

  I jumped up, covering myself with my hands. I grabbed my clothes and ran into the bathroom.

  I ran the cold water and splashed my cheeks, but cold water wasn’t enough to stop the burning. If I took my time getting dressed, I could delay facing Polly, but then I risked Crow returning to find a very angry Polly in his room. That would be worse than any punishment she could inflict on me.

  After she’d dragged me back to my room, instead of leaving, she stayed with me. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to ignore her pacing around like a caged tiger. If she just yelled at me and got it out of her system, it’d be much better than that pacing.

  When she got out her phone, I asked who she was calling.

  “Crow. I want to know what the hell he was playing at.”

  “He didn’t know.” I didn’t look up, but I needed to tell her that. He had no blame in this.

  “What?”

  “I decided on my own. I wanted to surprise him.”

  She slammed her phone down on the table and spun around to face me. “Are you an idiot? Why the hell would you do that? You aren’t some crazed groupie. Jeez, Fay, I don’t know what to do with you. It’s driving me nuts, having to constantly watch you in case you do something wrong.”

  Her jaw jutted in that way it did when she got stubborn. I knew it well. My mom was the same. I probably was, too.

  “You could stop,” I said, standing up to face her. “You could stop playing mother hen and actually let me spend some time alone with Crow. Why don’t you worry about your own shit, like Damo, instead of hovering around me?”

  My heart pounded but I had to have my say.

  “Yeah, and if anything happens to you, I’m the one who’ll have to face your mother. I wanted you on this tour, and I promised her I’d look after you. I have to make sure you’re okay.”

  “What? You think I’m going to do something stupid, like get knocked up?”

  “No, I think you’re going to do something stupid like get your heart broken. You don’t know Crow.”

  That was all she had. That I didn’t know him.

  “You don’t know him. You’ve hardly spoken to him. He’s a good guy, and you’re judging him based on nothing.”

  “He has shadows. I can’t explain it, but there are things not right with him.”

  My body grew tense. So tense I might snap. I didn’t want to rile Polly up any more than she was, but I couldn’t let her say things like that about Crow. It was so damn judgmental.

  “Because he’s quiet and keeps to himself? That’s not abnormal, it’s just the kind of guy he is. He doesn’t need to pounce around like Damo and Elijah, proving what a big man he is.”

  Polly sighed. “It’s more than that. Even Damo thinks there are secrets in Crow’s past.”

  I resisted saying that I didn’t give a fig about Damo’s opinion.

  “Does he know what they are? Does anyone? It’s all tour rumors and bullshit. He’s one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. So, get off his case and get off mine. This is all becoming a bore.”

  She raked her hands through her hair. “How do I get you to understand? He’s not the man for you. You need someone more your own age and... I don’t know. Just not Crow.”

  “There’s nothing for me to understand. You don’t make sense.”

  I huffed and sat back on the bed. Polly sat herself down on the sofa. We both folded our arms.

  “I’m spending the night here,” I said.

  “Oh, no, you’re not.”

  “Try to stop me.”

  I considered picking her up and throwing her out the door, but I wasn’t sure if I was capable of that. Instead, I sat on the bed and glowered at her. She glowered back. The two of us would’ve sat like that all night if Damo hadn’t knocked on my door.

  “Polly, you there?” he asked.

  She got up and opened the door. Damo came into my room.

  “I found her in Crow’s bed. Naked. She says Crow didn’t know.”

  Damo faced me. I waited for another lecture, but the corners of his mouth twitched like he wanted to laugh but not in front of Polly. That twitching made me want to laugh, too. This might be as embarrassing as hell, but it was kind of funny too. I must’ve looked like such an idiot when Polly walked into that room.

  “What am I going to do with her?” Polly asked Damo.

  Damo shrugged. “She’s old enough to make up her own mind. Just let her be.”

  Yes! Damo was on my side. I bet he’d had too much of Polly interfering in my life instead of being all lovey-dovey with him.

  But then he turned to me. “Just, maybe, take it a bit easy. It could give a man a real fright walking into his room and finding someone in his bed. And what if he’d picked up some chick at the bar?”

  “What? Is some bitch chatting him up?” I got up and grabbed my jacket.

  Damo caught my arm. “I was speaking hypothetically. He and Jax are sitting in a corner talking drums.”

  I sat back down.

  Then Fartstard, the tour manager, turned up. Was the entire tour going to end up in my room? And damn Polly poured the whole story out to him. She could shut her cake hole instead of letting everyone know what I’d done. I’d never hear the end of this. Being naked in someone’s bed leading to hot, all-night sex was one thing. Being naked in someone’s bed and being dragged out by your cousin was a whole other matter. An embarrassing one.

  I sighed.

  “Tell him,” Polly said to Fartstard. “Tell Damo we can’t let Fay do as she likes.”

  Polly had her hands on her hips and her chest out in fight mode. Poor Damo.

  “Can you all get out of my room now?” I said. “I need to sleep.”

  “I’m staying here,” Polly said.

  “No, you’re not.” Damo grabbed her arm.

  “What if she tries again?”

  “I’m not going to try again,” I said, sinking back on my bed. “I just want to sleep. This has been way too much drama for me.”

  Crow would find out about this. If not tonight, then in the morning. God, that would be the most humiliating thing of all. Would he be embarrassed about it, or would he be secretly annoyed that I’d gotten caught?

  “What were you doing in Crow’s room, anyway?” I asked Polly.

  “He had some demos of Damo’s. I came to pick them up. And good thing, too.”

  Fuck my life.

  Chapter 4

  CROW BARELY LOOKED at me when I went down to the breakfast buffet the next morning. Shitsticks, had I ruined things with him? My brilliant idea hadn’t been so brilliant after all. Now I felt like a big loser, and everyone kept side-eying me. I’d be the talk of the tour for the next day, at least.

  I stacked my plate with bacon, then looked around for somewhere to sit. Polly and Damo sat at one end of a long table. I headed to the other end of that table. I didn’t want Polly scowling at me over my bacon. I hated being on bad terms with her, but I knew her well enough that when she got like this, it was best to keep my distance.

  And I could hardly sit down beside Crow. I could imagine Polly’s reaction to that.

  This was some fancy breakfast buffet. I was becoming an expert on them with this tour. Maybe I could start a breakfast buffet blog. The place even had a guy who cooked eggs to your request. I’d have been all over that any other morning, but today I just wanted to eat and get out of here. Now I knew how Elijah had felt when everyone w
as mocking him. It definitely wasn’t as much fun when I was the target.

  A couple of the roadies gave me prolonged glances. I gave them the finger and went back to my bacon. If they thought I’d be jumping into their beds, they could forget it. Crow was the only man for me. I’d decided that back in Berlin, and Amsterdam had confirmed it. Brussels was meant to seal the deal, but the deal wasn’t being sealed.

  Jax sat down beside me. Then Matt and Fiona joined us.

  I didn’t like that grin on Jax’s face.

  “Don’t start. Don’t even start,” I told him. I looked down at my plate, not wanting to see the laughter in his eyes.

  “What’s going on?” Matt asked. “I feel like I miss half the stuff that happens on this tour.”

  “That’s because you and Fiona cocoon yourselves up, away from everybody else,” Jax said. “You never hang out, and you never come drinking. You’re got to socialize sometimes.”

  A weird expression flitted over Fiona’s face. I had no idea what was going on, but she really didn’t seem comfortable. She’d had a pretty wild reputation in the past. The whole world knew that. It wasn’t a hidden thing. If she wanted to live that reputation down now, that was her business. She and Matt seemed really happy together. Sometimes I envied their closeness. They didn’t seem to need anyone else.

  “They don’t have to socialize,” I said. “It’s not like they’re missing out on anything, just boring talk about gear. Drinking with you guys isn’t exactly riveting.”

  I smiled at Fiona, and she smiled back. If she had secrets, she should be allowed to keep them. I’d never spoken to her much. She kind of intimidated me, being a famous model and all. But then she’d helped out, giving us tips at the last photography shoot, and I’d wanted to learn more from her. Also, it’d be better to hang out with someone other than Polly for a while.

  “Hey, Fiona, can you teach me how you do your eyeliner sometime?” I asked her. “I can never get mine quite right, and I end up with panda eyes onstage.”

  “Sure,” she said, and nodded.

  A chair scraped on the tile floor, and Crow got up from the table. I bolted down the rest of my bacon and followed him. We needed to talk. And we needed to do that somewhere without a hundred eyes on us.

  He waited for the elevator. I rushed over and grabbed his arm.

  “Hey,” I said.

  Only I had no idea what to follow that with. What do you say in a situation like this? “Sorry I got sprung naked in your bed”? That didn’t seem appropriate. I wasn’t sorry I did it, anyway, just that I’d gotten caught.

  Instead of talking, my entire body went into blush-mode. I could count the times I’d been lost for words on one hand, and this was definitely one of them.

  I knew he looked at me, waiting for me to talk, but I couldn’t look back. Instead, I stared at that black hotel logo on the green carpet. That was some ugly but probably expensive carpet. I wanted to make a joke about it with Crow, but this wasn’t the right time. I didn’t know what this was the time for.

  The elevator dinged. Now I’d have to get in with Crow, still not knowing what to say. The two of us alone in that tiny space. I hated feeling this uncomfortable around him.

  The doors shut.

  “Fay, you can’t pull stunts like that,” Crow said.

  “I wasn’t... I didn’t...” What the hell was I trying to say?

  “You’re a good friend, Fay. Like a little sister. Well, not my sister. She’s nothing like you.”

  I nodded, still looking at the floor. That was a brush-off. I wasn’t stupid.

  “Let’s just keep things like they are,” he added.

  I had to look up at him. I’d never be his little sister. I could be like that with Elijah and Damo and Jax, but never with Crow.

  “I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you,” I said. I forced myself to look him in the eye, no matter how much I fluttered inside. “You might think of me as a little sister, but I don’t see you as a big brother. Far from it. This ‘friends only’ thing doesn’t work for me, and I think if you were honest, it wouldn’t work for you.”

  He shook his head. Not like he was saying no, but like he had a thought in there that he wanted to go away.

  With that beard covering his face, it was difficult to read his expression, but as much as he denied my words, his eyes said something different. He didn’t look at me like a guy looked at his sister. Not unless they came from a very dysfunctional family.

  That prolonged gaze burned through me. It smoldered enough to burn me all the way through, stirring me up inside. He didn’t need to touch me or talk or anything like that. His gaze was enough.

  The man wanted me as much as I wanted him, but something held him back. Something more than Polly. There was some big wall in his head, and I had knock it down. I could do that. I could be the bulldozer to his brick wall.

  I longed to touch him. To reach out and grab his hand or stroke his arm. We didn’t need to kiss, even. I just needed my body in contact with his. Surely, that wouldn’t hurt.

  But before I could act, the elevator doors opened, and he strode off to his room, leaving me alone.

  Chapter 5

  I RUSHED AFTER CROW. We needed to talk. Talk properly, not leave things up in the air like that.

  He’d reached his room before I caught up to him. He’d just swiped his door card and had the door open.

  “Go back to your own room, Fay,” he said.

  Instead of doing that, I slipped under his arm and into his room. He wouldn’t get rid of me that easily.

  “You’re lying,” I said. “You’re lying to me, and you’re lying to yourself. You can say all you like about me being your little sister, but that’s total bull. You want more than that, so admit it.”

  He tried to push past me to get into his room, but I refused to move. I wouldn’t let him ignore me that easily. I needed to make him see that this was best for us.

  He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up out of his way.

  A shudder went through my body from that touch. Even when he moved away, the feeling of his hands on me remained. My entire body flushed, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak.

  “We aren’t right for each other,” he said.

  He organized some things in his closet, but that was just an excuse not to look at me. I’d seen his stuff, and it didn’t need reorganizing.

  “How do you know if you haven’t given us a chance?”

  “I know. You’re a kid, Fay. You don’t know what you want.”

  He could say that, but that want pulsated through me. There wasn’t one part of my body that didn’t feel that want. My hair, my toes, the lint in my belly button. Every single part. And, hell, that want pulsated in more urgent places.

  “I know what I want,” I said. “I want you.”

  I thought he’d ignore that. The silence stretched out with only the sound of the cleaners chatting in the hallway breaking it. Then he took a few steps toward me.

  That pulsing got stronger. His gaze swept over me, so strong that it felt like a caress. I gulped.

  “You have the body of a woman, but you’re not.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Try me,” I said.

  He laughed. “You’re getting in way over your head.”

  “That’s where I want to be,” I replied.

  He moved closer. I could smell him, and the woodsy scent of him teased me. Only inches separated us. He wasn’t like his normal self. There was a danger to him, and I had to admit that danger aroused me.

  “Is it?”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, tilting my head to face him.

  Before I could say more, he pushed me against the wall. His body pressed against mine.

  “Are you sure?” he growled in my ear.

  I nodded.

  My heart pounded and I thought I’d combust with the heat. But this was exactly what I wanted. His body against mine, his breath on my skin.

  He grabbed my wrists and raised my hands abov
e my head.

  Oh, hell. I made a noise partway between a moan and a whimper. His body pressed tighter. His leg parted mine. His chest pressed hard against my breasts. I squirmed, needing him even closer to me. Needing him naked. Needing him inside me. If he meant to put me off, he was going about it entirely the wrong way.

  His lips met mine, rough and demanding. He intended his kiss to punish me with brutal force. He wanted to repel me, but instead he flooded me with an intense desire that needed to be sated. I kissed back just as hard and just as brutally, my body meeting his, my leg twisting around him.

  He released my hands, grabbed my thighs instead and hoisted me up against the wall. His hard cock met my pussy, rubbing against me in rough thrusts, making me wish he’d strip these damn jeans from me.

  He kissed me so roughly, my mouth would bruise. I didn’t care. I kissed him back just as fiercely. His fingers dug into my thighs as I bucked against him.

  If he thought this darkness in him would repel me, he couldn’t be more wrong. It called to me.

  As he nipped my neck, I moaned, wanting more and more. Whatever he wanted to give, I’d take it. I bite him back, partly to suppress my screams.

  He lifted me away from the wall and carried me towards the bed.

  I ached so much. I couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough. My fingers dug into his shoulders, gripping him tight. My hold on this world was tenuous, and real soon, he’d tip me over the edge.

  When he lowered me to the bed, he paused, looking at me as though searching my face for something. I whimpered, needing more than that. What was he doing with his hands? If they weren’t on my body, then they were in the wrong place. I raised myself up, wanting to pull him to me.

  Instead, he turned away.

  “Go back to your room, Fay,” he said.

  “No.”

  Hell, no. He couldn’t leave me like this. I was so fucking hot and wet. If we didn’t finish this, it’d be pure torture. I grabbed his hand.

  “Crow... What’s going on?”

  He pulled me up off the bed and straightened my t-shirt. “This isn’t right,” he said. “Why don’t you go back to your room and finger yourself? You’ll stay out of trouble that way.”