If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  “Hello,” she said tentatively. She’d gotten several solicitation calls lately and was wary of getting more.

  “Beth. It’s me, Kier.”

  “Kier,” Beth repeated and groaned inwardly. He was one of her least favorite people and he epitomized everything she disliked about the men her mother pushed on her. Everything came easy for him. He’d never had to work to prove himself. One time she’d been out with him when his car got a flat tire and he’d thrown a fit, kicking his BMW as if to punish the car for inconveniencing him. Owen would have made a mint off Kier.

  “I’m in town. Let’s get together.”

  “I’m busy this weekend.” A small white lie but forgivable, not that it would do any good. Kier was far too accustomed to getting his own way.

  “Your mother asked me to check up on you.”

  No doubt she had.

  “You know she won’t let me hear the end of it unless I give her a full report.”

  “Right.” Six measly months. Her parents had agreed to give her these six months. They’d already broken their word. To be fair, she had been in a bad car accident, but still…Was six months so much to ask? Naturally, her mother would find a way around their agreement. If she put Kier off, Beth could guarantee Ellie Prudhomme would be on the next flight to Oregon, making Beth’s life miserable. Ellie had already let her feelings be known when it came to Sam. He wasn’t the man for Beth. He wasn’t suitable. Lowbrow. The list of subtle and not-so-subtle complaints mounted with every conversation, which is one reason Beth’s calls home were infrequent at best.

  “Let me take you to dinner,” Kier said. “I know a great place downtown. Not that it can compare to anything Chicago has to offer, but it will do in a pinch.”

  It wouldn’t do any good to argue. His comment about the restaurant showed what an arrogant jerk he was. “When?” she asked, accepting defeat.

  “Seeing that you’re busy all weekend”—he knew she was lying and his tone said as much—“it will have to be tonight.”

  She might as well get it over with. “Okay. I’ll change my plans.”

  “I thought you’d manage to squeeze me in.”

  “I’ll meet you at the restaurant,” she suggested. “Give me the address—”

  “No way,” Kier argued. “My mother raised me better than that. I’ll pick you up at your apartment. I’ll be by at six.”

  “My address is—”

  “Already got it,” he said, cutting her off.

  Of course he did. Her mother would have seen to that. “All right, then,” she said, unable to hide the defeat in her voice. “See you at six.”

  “We have a lot to catch up on,” Kier said, which was another way of telling her it was going to be a long night.

  Closing her eyes, Beth leaned against the side of her car, dreading this dinner. She had tentative plans with Sam for later. He and Rocco had something going on, but she didn’t know what. Telling him she was going out with another man wouldn’t sit well with him.

  She climbed in her car and heaved a giant sigh before she reached for her phone again.

  Sam answered almost right away. “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey,” she returned. “I’m going to need to bow out of anything tonight.”

  “Oh?” Sam didn’t bother to hide his surprise. “What’s up?”

  She could tell by the timbre of his voice that he suspected something wasn’t right. “A friend is visiting from Chicago.” Her heart was pounding, hoping he heard the regret she felt about not spending her evening with him.

  “Bring your friend along,” he suggested. “Nichole and Rocco invited us to Rock and Bowl. Several of Rocco’s crew are going to be there, and I was thinking we could—”

  “That won’t work.” She would love to see what her mother would say if Beth told her she went bowling with the crew from a towing company. It was comical enough to make Beth smile. Her mother would probably have a coronary.

  “You didn’t let me finish,” Sam said.

  “I know. I’m sorry. My friend has already made other plans, but I’d much rather be with you.”

  Sam didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Have fun. We’ll connect…whenever.”

  Beth hated to end their conversation like this. She hoped he understood how disappointed she was. “Do you want me to call once I’m home?”

  He paused and then said, “Not necessary.”

  That stung, and she blinked back the hurt. “You don’t want me to call?” she asked, unsure of his mood. “I told you I’d rather be with you. This is a friend of my mother’s, and if I don’t meet with him she’ll fly out here herself and it won’t be pretty.”

  “Him, Beth? Your friend is a he?”

  “Yes.” She’d wanted to avoid this, but now that was impossible. “His name is Kier and he’s the son of a family friend.”

  “I notice you didn’t invite me to join the two of you.”

  She stiffened. Sam was right; she hadn’t once considered including Sam in this dinner date. “I…should have, I know, but…” She let the rest fade.

  “But what?”

  Beth pressed her hand against her forehead. “Can we please talk about this later?”

  “No,” he objected. “We can’t, because I know what’s going through that head of yours. I’m an embarrassment to you, Beth, you don’t need to spell it out. I get the picture. If you’re looking for me to apologize for who I am, you’ll have a long wait.”

  “That is so not true.”

  “Coulda fooled me. It’s fine. Go out with this family friend, enjoy your evening. Can’t say I blame you. Fancy dinner in a posh restaurant versus Rock and Bowl. Guess I should be grateful you want anything to do with a guy with grease underneath his fingernails.”

  “Stop,” she insisted. “That’s ridiculous and you know it.”

  “Can’t say I do.” With that Sam ended the call.

  Beth was angry and her hands shook as she tossed her phone back into her purse. Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against the steering wheel. This was their first big fight and it was a doozy. She didn’t know how to prove that she wasn’t embarrassed by Sam. The fact that he worked with his hands and that he was good at what he did made her proud.

  Back at her apartment, Beth dressed for dinner with a heavy heart. She toyed with the idea of calling Sam back, but pride wouldn’t let her. He was being obtuse and unreasonable. It wasn’t like she was at his beck and call. They didn’t have any set plans that night. Everything had been up in the air.

  Typical of Kier, he left her waiting fifteen minutes, and when he finally arrived at her apartment he kissed her on both cheeks. “You’re as beautiful as ever.” He glanced around, taking in her apartment and frowning as if it was far below his standards. It was hard not to remind him that she lived on what she made teaching music and wasn’t living off a trust fund. Instead, she bit her tongue and did her best to pretend she didn’t notice his censure.

  “Home sweet home,” Kier said with a fake smile.

  Beth resisted suggesting he take pictures in order to give a more accurate account to her mother. In her current mood, it was hard to hide her feelings.

  It came as no surprise that the evening was dreadful from beginning to end. Kier chose a restaurant she had never heard of before, a place that offered only one seating a night. The menu was pretentious and the waiter even more so. It was as if he felt obliged to detail each ingredient used in the making of every dish.

  “The mushrooms were grown in the shadow of the Washington rainforest, hand-picked by altar boys.”

  Well, it went something like that. Beth had to use her linen napkin to disguise a smile while Kier absorbed the description and asked a number of asinine questions. She’d suspected it was going to be a long evening, and she was right.

  It was after eleven by the time Kier dropped her off at her apartment. Standing outside her door, he seemed to wait for an invitation to come inside. He wasn’t getting one and it took sever
al uncomfortable minutes for him to figure that out. Before he left, he braced his hands against her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. “It was good to see you, Beth.”

  She could lie and say she felt the same, but she didn’t. The best she had to offer was a weak smile in return.

  “We’ll have to do this again.”

  Not if she could find a way out of it. “Give my mother my best,” she said.

  “Will do,” Kier promised. Then, when she least expected it, he leaned forward and gave her a moist, openmouthed kiss.

  It took every bit of restraint she possessed not to wipe her hand across her lips. The evening was even worse than she’d anticipated. As soon as she was inside her apartment, she leaned against the door and grabbed her phone, praying Sam had left her a text message or called.

  He hadn’t, and it felt as if her heart had sunk to the level of her ankles.

  —

  After a sleepless night, Beth made her decision. She should never have gone out with Kier. Her heart had been with Sam and their friends the entire night. As ridiculous as it sounded, she’d gone because she’d wanted to please her mother. What was she, five years old? Beth’s life was her own and it was time she started living it. Deep down there was a small child, looking to make her mother happy. Well, no more. Beth was finished. She was cutting the umbilical cord.

  Now all she had to do was tell Sam how sorry she was. Before her first piano student arrived, she called Sam’s cell, ready to do whatever was necessary to make things right between them.

  Her call went immediately to voicemail, which told her he’d turned off his phone.

  Beth had three piano students from nine until noon. When the last one left, a twelve-year-old who showed real talent, Beth couldn’t stand it any longer. She grabbed her phone and tried Sam again.

  Same thing.

  He wasn’t going to make this easy.

  Beth left her apartment and drove to Sam’s house. She saw he was working on one of his old cars. He was bent over the engine, and if he noticed when she parked at the curb, he gave no indication. She walked up his driveway.

  Sam glanced up, saw it was her, and then returned to whatever he was doing as if she wasn’t there.

  Beth knew that she’d hurt him, and she was sorry. The best thing to do was address it head-on. “I came so you’d know I’m not ashamed of who you are or what you do, Sam.”

  He looked up a second time and said nothing.

  “It’s true. Please don’t be like this.”

  “Like what? Like a mechanic?”

  Frustrated now, she wanted to stomp her foot. “I had no idea you could be this stubborn.”

  “Don’t think you know me at all, babe.”

  “That’s not true,” she argued.

  “I knew I was going to regret getting involved with you.”

  “Would you stop? You’re being ridiculous. I’m the same Beth you cuddled with in front of the television two nights ago. Nothing has changed except that I had this stupid obligatory dinner I felt I had to attend. I hated every minute of it. Every single minute. Why do you find that so hard to believe?”

  “Then why did you?” he demanded.

  “My mom’s involved…It’s complicated.”

  “No doubt.” He straightened and moved away from the car, tucking his hands into his back pockets.

  “Did you have a good time last night without me?” She needed him to give her something, anything that would crack this granite wall he’d erected that she couldn’t seem to navigate.

  “Peachy,” he told her.

  “Did…did you take anyone else?”

  Sam didn’t answer. Instead, his face broke into an easy smile. “Don’t think you’re the only woman I know. We aren’t exclusive. You go out with other guys…”

  “One guy who I don’t even like.”

  “Whatever.”

  “So…you?” She couldn’t finish the question when he’d basically told her he’d gone with another woman. For a wild moment she was convinced her heart stopped beating. She swallowed hard, and when she could breathe again she somehow managed to smile back.

  “Oh.” She took two steps in retreat, praying he would stop her. He didn’t. She turned and started toward her car when she changed her mind. No way was she giving up on him, on them. No way.

  Whirling around, she saw that he was watching her. She walked straight back to him and thrust her arms around him, hugging him close around his middle, uncaring if she got grease or anything else on her clothes. He stumbled back at the strength of her hold. She clung to him as if they were free-falling off a cliff.

  “I can’t bear to fight with you. This is killing me.”

  His hands were in her hair as he crushed her against him.

  “I’m sorry, so sorry, Sam. You’re right. I should never have gone with Kier. I did it because I was looking to appease my mother, and that was wrong. I’m through. Done with it. Finished.”

  Sam kissed the top of her head and rubbed his chin over her crown. “I was so jealous I hated myself.”

  “I’m jealous, too. I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else.”

  He snickered softly. “I stayed home last night.”

  “You did?” She stepped back enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “You stayed home?”

  “And stewed.”

  “I didn’t sleep well.”

  “Me neither,” he confessed.

  “We can’t do this to each other, Sam. I hurt you and I’m sorry.”

  “I’m an embarrassment to you.”

  “No,” she cried, desperate for him to believe her. “I wouldn’t care if you dug ditches.”

  “As it happens, I did that one summer after high school.” He grinned and covered the hand she pressed against his cheek.

  “What matters to me is you.”

  “You matter to me, too, babe. So much.”

  He hugged her until it hurt to breathe, but Beth didn’t care. She was in his arms, and that was exactly where she wanted to be.

  CHAPTER 21

  Sam

  Matters had smoothed over with Beth, and Sam was glad they were back on an even keel. A couple weeks passed and the October rains hit in full force. One Sunday afternoon while Sam was busy doing wash, he got a call from Rocco. “Remember how you said you owed me one?”

  Curious question. “When?”

  “Don’t be cute. Just recently. I was the one who introduced you to Beth, remember?”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “So do you have any plans with her today?”

  Sam didn’t like the sound of this. “Why do you ask?”

  “Need a favor.”

  “One that involves Beth?”

  “Yup.”

  Sam had the feeling he wasn’t going to like this. “What do you need?”

  “It’s Nichole’s birthday and I want to take her out for the evening. We haven’t had a night with just the two of us in months. Owen is spending the weekend with Leanne and Nikolai and they’re taking him to the zoo and dropping him off in the morning. Kaylene is out with friends. We had a sitter lined up, but she called and has come down with the flu.”

  “Let me see if I get this straight,” Sam said. “Are you asking Beth and me to babysit Matthew?”

  “You got it.”

  Sam rubbed a hand down his face. “Never done anything like this before.”

  “Didn’t think you had. Figured the two of you could manage. We won’t be gone long, just dinner and a movie.”

  “Dinner and a movie?” he repeated. “That’s what? Three, four hours?” A lot could happen in that amount of time.

  “Call if you have problems and we’ll come home.”

  Sam loved the kid, but he wasn’t a babysitter.

  “Can you do it?”

  He remained uncertain. “You can’t get anyone else?”

  “You weren’t my first choice.”

  “All right, all right. I’ll call Beth and get back to y
ou.”

  —

  At five-thirty Beth and Sam pulled up at Rocco and Nichole’s place. Beth didn’t seem any more confident about this than Sam was, but she was game. Neither one of them was willing to disappoint their friends.

  “Just how much trouble could one baby be?” Sam asked.

  “Right,” she said with more enthusiasm than warranted. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  “You babysat as a teenager, right?”

  Beth hated to disillusion him. “Not really. A little, I guess, but all the kids were older. No babies.”

  Sam groaned. “I have the feeling we’re both in over our heads.”

  “I’ve never been around babies much,” she confessed, and seemed as nervous about this as Sam was.

  “You think I have?” he asked.

  The front door opened and Rocco stepped outside and onto the porch. “You two going to sit in the car all night or are you going to come inside?” He looked pointedly at his watch. “Dinner reservations are at six.”

  “Guess we can’t put it off any longer,” Beth said.

  “Looks that way,” Sam agreed.

  Nichole was holding Matthew in her arms when they stepped inside. She’d written out a list of instructions and phone numbers in case they had any trouble. Sam took the tablet and read over the first page. Looked to him like the history of the Roman Empire would be a shorter read.

  Beth took the baby from her friend. Thankfully, he was asleep.

  “I really appreciate this,” Nichole whispered.

  “We’re happy to do it,” Beth told her, looking down at the baby.

  “Hey,” Sam said, frowning at Rocco. “Speak for yourself.”

  “Don’t listen to him,” Beth said, smiling. “He loves Matthew.”

  “No way am I changing a poopy diaper. I want to make that clear right now.”

  “Honey, come on,” Rocco urged. “We’re going to be late.”

  “I already said I’d handle the poop,” Beth assured Sam. She looked at Nichole and said, “Go. We’ve got this. And happy birthday. Enjoy tonight with your husband.”