If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  “Sam, hello.” She sounded pleased to hear from him, which boded well.

  “How’s it going?”

  “Good. Real good.”

  “You up for a pizza? I can stop by and we could watch a movie.” He wasn’t sure where the offer came from; he hadn’t planned to ask, but now that he had, it felt good.

  “Can’t, sorry.” She did sound genuinely regretful. “I’m finishing up this costume for the Halloween dance. Not sure I should have agreed to go as Dione. Tyler suggested we go as Greek gods, and, not knowing what I was getting myself in for, I agreed. Worse, I decided to sew my own costume.”

  “Can I stop by?” He felt like a fool needing permission and had no one to blame but himself.

  “Of course.” She sounded surprised. “You don’t need to ask, Sam. You’re welcome anytime. We’re friends, right?”

  —

  Sam arrived less than thirty minutes later and found Beth busy at her sewing machine with yards of diaphanous fabric gathered on the kitchen table.

  “I’m sorry I don’t have time for a movie tonight, Sam,” she said, and sounded genuinely apologetic. “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I chose this costume. The instructions didn’t look that complicated.”

  “I didn’t know you could sew.”

  “As you can see, I’m not that great at it. I learned years ago in Girl Scouts. My leader was a seamstress by trade and she insisted every girl know the fundamentals.” She puffed up her chest and used a high-pitched voice that apparently imitated her leader, causing Sam to smile.

  He wandered around her apartment, lost, forlorn, ill at ease, and, in a word, miserable.

  Finally, he couldn’t remain silent any longer. “So you’re going to the dance with that Tyler guy you mentioned.” Nothing like stating the obvious.

  “Not going going,” she returned, as if that explained everything.

  Sam narrowed his eyes. “What does that mean?”

  She looked up from the table, her hands still braced against the frothy fabric she fed into the machine. “He’s not picking me up at the house like it’s a date or anything.”

  “Oh.” That made him feel slightly better. Not much, but some. Then he had another question. “Who is Tyler dressing as?”

  “Zeus.”

  “Oh.” Zeus? Apparently, Tyler had a high opinion of himself.

  Beth scooted back her chair, stood, and placed her hand against the small of her back, elbows sticking out as she relieved the pressure in her spine.

  “I’m happy to see you taking my suggestion.” He’d feel a lot better if she hadn’t taken it up with quite so much gusto.

  “Me, too,” she said, sitting back down and returning to her project. The portable sewing machine buzzed like a chainsaw as she continued to feed the cloth through. “You made a good point.”

  He was beginning to regret the entire conversation. He’d overreacted and now he’d dug himself into a black hole. One week out and he was miserable and feeling more foolish every minute.

  “Zeus,” Sam muttered mockingly, thankful he couldn’t be heard over the noise.

  Feeling like he was more in the way than being helpful, he headed for the door.

  “On second thought, you could order us that pizza,” Beth suggested, her back to him as she sat at the table.

  You’d think she’d offered him a lifeline from the way he reacted. “Happy to.” He knew what she liked, sausage and black olives on one half and meat lovers with anchovies on his side.

  “I’ll pay my share, though, seeing that we’re no longer dating.”

  “The pizza was my idea,” Sam insisted. “Let me pay for it.”

  She stared at him. “You sure you want to do that?”

  “I’m sure.”

  She smiled back before twisting around and racing the fabric through the machine.

  “Thirty minutes,” he reported, once he’d finished placing the order.

  “Great. I’m starving.” She shuffled the half-sewn gown onto the table and turned around to face him. “Did you have a good week?”

  Here was his chance to tell her he’d been even more miserable than he’d been the week before. The easy way Beth had accepted his suggestion had dented his ego. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been that. She seemed almost eager to see other men, and that was just plain wrong. He’d imagined there would be tears, accusations, anger. He had to say, this woman was full of surprises. Pride wouldn’t let him get anywhere close to the truth. “I’m okay” was all he was willing to admit. “What about you?”

  “Busy! The entire week has been hectic. I’ve had something every night, which explains why I’m putting this costume together at the last minute.”

  Sam pinched his lips and hoped she didn’t notice. If she was going to be dating so much, he certainly didn’t want to hear about it.

  “I’m sorry to miss our jamming session,” she admitted. “I had a meeting with a group of music teachers in the area that night.”

  So she hadn’t been out on a date after all. Sam brightened immediately and his ego slid comfortably back into place. Actually, it felt as if a hundred-pound sack of cement had been lifted from his shoulders.

  “Do you remember Jazmine?” Beth asked him. “She was one of the nurses’ aides at the rehab center?”

  “Vaguely.”

  “She was one of my favorites. I admire her so much.” Beth was excited and nearly rushed the words together in her eagerness to explain. “She’s a single mom with two little kids, working hard to make a decent life for herself. She got good news this week.”

  “Oh?”

  “After completing all the paperwork and going through several interviews, she’s been accepted by Habitat for Humanity. That means she’ll be building a home for herself and her children. A real home with her own two hands. She didn’t want a handout, she was looking for a hand up and she got it. When she told me, I swear she was nearly bursting with excitement and joy.”

  “I know someone who did that,” Sam told her.

  “Who?”

  “Nichole’s sister. Rocco and Cassie’s husband are good friends. It’s a great program.”

  “From everything Jazmine said, it sounds like it. She asked if I’d be willing to volunteer to help and I said I would.”

  Beth looked happy and excited for her friend, and when she smiled he found it nearly impossible not to smile back.

  “I’ve never had an active social life before, Sam, and I’ll admit I like it.”

  “It’s good of you to volunteer to help Jazmine.”

  “That’s not all I’ve got going. Doug is taking me out to eat after church on Sunday and then Monday Nichole and I are getting together. I have friends, my own friends, people I choose to associate with. Although”—she paused to inhale a deep breath—“I have to tell you, I don’t know what Mom would say if she heard I’m working at a construction site.”

  Beth continued to chatter away like a magpie at dawn, but all he heard was that she would be seeing this Doug guy she’d mentioned a week earlier. Sam bit down on his back teeth so hard he was convinced he’d cracked a molar.

  “And then there’s my date with Tyler.”

  “You’re dating Tyler? I thought it was chaperoning the one dance. You mean there’s more?”

  “He asked me out for next week, too.”

  Sam’s jaw was clenched so hard he feared a thin-line fracture.

  “He wanted to take me to…”

  Sam had to turn away before he said or did something he’d regret.

  Beth stopped, and when Sam glanced back she looked at him as if she’d missed something.

  “You’re right, you are busy these days,” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. A week. All it’d taken was one week: seven measly days. Beth couldn’t be accused of letting any grass grow under her feet.

  “Everything all right, Sam?” she asked, looking concerned.

  Another word about the men she
was dating and Sam was going to lose it.

  “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not discuss the other men in your life.”

  “Of course, but you’re the one who suggested I get more experience, spread my wings, so to speak.”

  She was right.

  Beth lowered her hands on her thighs and released a long, slow sigh. “There’s no need to be jealous.”

  “Jealous?” He laughed as though that was ridiculous. Pride demanded he keep his cool. He was doing his best to downplay his feelings. He’d never dreamed it would be this hard.

  The delivery guy chose that moment to ring the doorbell. Sam had never been happier to have an excuse to end a conversation. He would have gladly paid double for their pizza. He gave the delivery boy a healthy tip.

  Beth cleared off the table, and they sat down with the open box supported by the back of the sewing machine.

  Beth ate her first slice and was reaching for a second when her phone rang. She had it on the table and glanced over and read the caller ID. Her eyes grew wide and she swallowed hard.

  “Who is it?” Sam asked, although he wanted to grab back the words. If it was another guy wanting to take her out, then he was leaving. No way was he sitting here and listening to that.

  “I don’t believe this,” Beth cried.

  “Someone is bothering you?” Sam would answer and deal with it, if that was the case.

  “Unbelievable,” she muttered. “Yes, someone’s bothering me. It’s my mother.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Beth

  “Beth,” Sam said, concerned for her. “I thought you and your mother had an understanding.”

  “I thought we did.” She wasn’t happy to see her mother’s name turn up on caller ID.

  “You said your piece. You’re an adult. You have your own life now and the only way she can take that away from you is if you let her.”

  Sam was right. “I’m not answering the phone, and if she does decide the only way to talk to me is to fly to Portland, that doesn’t mean I have any obligation to see her.” What perturbed her was the fact that Beth had made herself clear. She wouldn’t put up with any further interference in her life.

  “Babe, are you afraid of her?”

  He called her babe, and while her heart reacted instantly, she didn’t want to show it. “Mom has a strong personality; I’m more like my dad.”

  “You’ve only mentioned him in passing. Tell me about him,” Sam said, easing back into the chair, comfortable now when he hadn’t been earlier.

  Beth smiled, thinking about her father, whom she dearly loved. Often in the evenings he would have her play for him when he returned from work. He sat in his favorite chair and listened to her while he read the evening newspaper. Her music soothed him from the stresses of the day. He encouraged her talent and her love of music.

  “My dad’s name is Phillip and he’s a geophysicist.”

  Sam lifted his eyebrows. “Sorry, but what exactly does a geophysicist do?”

  She could remember asking him that herself at one point in her youth and was disappointed when she learned he wasn’t a fireman. “He’s mostly involved in research. He studies the structure and dynamics of the earth and the solar system. He’s quiet and intense and something of a mathematical genius. I never understood how my parents got together. They have opposite personalities. Dad is a loner and Mom needs to be around people, especially those she wants to impress.”

  Beth appeared to be a nice blend of both personalities.

  “If it wasn’t for my dad’s intervention,” she continued, “I might never have been able to break away from Chicago.”

  “How’s that?”

  Beth’s heart warmed as she remembered the way her father had stepped forward to help her. Phillip Prudhomme was deeply involved in his work and had been emotionally and physically absent for most of Beth’s life. He gave his wife free rein when it came to raising their only child. She suspected he had no clue what kind of control his wife had over Beth.

  “I managed to save some money,” she began, “because heaven forbid that I should actually have a real job. I played the organ for the church and was given a small stipend, which I hoarded away along with Christmas and birthday money.”

  “You were going to run away?”

  “Ridiculous when you think about it, isn’t it? I’m twenty-five, Sam, twenty-five, and had yet to have a life, a real life where I stand on my own, support myself, or have a chance to share my passion for music with others.”

  He reached for her hand and held it in his own. The warmth she felt from his touch raced up her arm. She’d missed him dreadfully this past week but was afraid to mention how empty her days had felt without him.

  “You have a life now,” he said, his voice gentle. “And look how far you’ve come in just a few months.”

  “Thanks to my aunt. I contacted her and asked if I could come live with her for a time.”

  “And she agreed?”

  “Sunshine told me she’d been waiting years for this phone call. I was determined to leave but felt I needed to tell my dad. I was afraid my mother would make him think my aunt had somehow manipulated me into moving. Sort of an emotional kidnapping.”

  “The conversation went well?”

  Beth nodded. “It was the first heartfelt conversation I’d ever had with my father. All the frustration over the last year when Mom had attempted to marry me off poured out of me. I wanted to teach music, share the classics with young hearts and minds and take on a few piano students of my own. Mom would never approve of that. I poured it all out, and when I finished, I saw tears in my father’s eyes.”

  “I’m going to like your father,” Sam said.

  His comment produced a smile from Beth. “I know you will. Dad said I didn’t need to sneak out in the middle of the night. He would make it so I could leave with my head held high.”

  “Which you did.”

  “Because of Dad. I’m not entirely sure what he said to my mother but when he finished talking she’d agreed to stay completely out of my life for six months. He would have made sure she kept away if not for that stupid car accident.” Forgetting herself, she added, “That accident was one of the worst days of my life and one of the very best.”

  “The best?” Sam asked, surprised.

  “Well, yes, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you if it hadn’t been for the accident.”

  Sam grinned and, seeming to have forgotten himself, he drew her into his arms for a hug. Beth laid her head upon his shoulders and all but sighed at the comfort she felt in his embrace. Neither of them seemed eager to break apart. After several minutes, they awkwardly eased away from each other and didn’t make eye contact.

  Beth continued with her story. “I suspect Dad was in touch with Sunshine, although she never mentioned it.”

  “When are the six months up?”

  “December.”

  Sam looked forward to the time he could meet Beth’s father and then realized he was counting on the fact the two of them would still be together over the holidays. The thought jarred him, and at the same time the tension eased from between his shoulder blades as he realized that was exactly what he wanted.

  —

  Beth connected with her aunt early the following afternoon. As expected, she found Sunshine busy at work in her studio. Her aunt glanced up when Beth arrived. One look and she set aside her brush and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Am I that easy to read?”

  “Like an open book, Sweet Pea.” Sunshine reached for a rag, wiped her hands, and pulled out a stool for Beth to sit down.

  “Sam stopped by Friday evening and we shared a pizza.”

  Sunshine looked more than pleased. Beth had shared with her their conversation from the Friday before. “I didn’t think he’d be able to stay away.”

  Beth felt worlds better after his visit. “He asked me not to tell him about any other men I was dating.”

  Unable to resist, Sunshine laughed. “H
e regrets it already.”

  “Maybe.” Beth wasn’t willing to believe it yet. “While he was there, Mom phoned.”

  “No!”

  “I don’t know what I need to do to get her to leave me alone.”

  “Did you answer?”

  “No way.”

  Sunshine approved. “Good girl.”

  “Can you please tell me what happened between you and my mom? Why is your relationship so awkward?” Even as a toddler, Beth was aware of the strain between the two sisters. Never understanding what had happened, she simply accepted it as something all sisters shared. She remembered she was grateful as a young girl that she didn’t have a sister, because she never wanted to feel toward her sibling the way her mother felt toward Sunshine.

  Her aunt looked away and a weak smile came over her. “In a nutshell, I loved a man, a special, wonderful man who I thought was my soulmate. I’ve never felt as strongly about any man as I did about him. He was the sun in my world.”

  Peter. It had to be him.

  “Several men have come and gone from my life since,” Sunshine continued, “but there has only been him in my heart.”

  “What happened?” Beth asked, needing to know.

  “Ellie knew how I felt about him and stole him away from me while I was studying in Europe.” Her aunt looked away and her eyes grew dim and sad. “He was at fault, too,” Sunshine admitted. “When I returned they were together. I moved to California shortly thereafter. Only a few months later I learned they’d split.”

  “She didn’t love him, did she?”

  “Who’s to say? Your mother always wanted whatever I had, and in this case it was Peter. I felt betrayed. I was young, angry, and, to be fair, we were all immature. I would have done things differently now, but it’s years too late.”

  “That’s when you went to graduate school?”

  “Yes,” her aunt said, her voice dropping to that of a whisper. “I wasn’t in California long before I heard from Peter. He reached out to me, but I was unwilling to forgive either one of them. I couldn’t look past the pain of their betrayal.”