A Little Broken

by Juli Valenti

  His hand trailed a path down her side, grazing her pronounced ribcage. She winced inwardly, hoping that he wouldn’t notice how badly her bones protruded, but he didn’t stop in his quest. His hand continued its path, past her hip, and down to her leg. As he brought his hand back up, it slipped under the light cotton of her boxers. He raised his hips off her, allowing room for his fingers to graze her folds softly, teasing her. As his hand reached her wet warmth, he groaned.

  Dominick pulled away abruptly, kissing down her body, leaving a trail from his tongue that caused her to shiver. He kissed first one breast, taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking hard, before moving to the other to repeat the treatment. Through his torment on her breasts, his hand began spreading the wetness between her legs. As he continued nipping and sucking his way lower, she was surprised to find that the boxer shorts she’d been wearing had come off at some point – probably as he was distracting her – his caressing and sucking overwhelming everything. He stopped in the cradle of her legs and their eyes locked as he leaned down, separated her folds, and pressed a kiss against the sensitive nub at the apex of her thighs. Her body jerked at the sensation, her nerves on high alert.

  “Oh my God,” she said on the end of a moan.

  “It’s Dominick, don’t forget it when you reach paradise,” he said jokingly, though his eyes were heated. He didn’t give her a chance to respond as he plunged first one finger, then another inside her. He found a rhythm with his fingers and tongue; in, out, suck, in, out, suck. Jessie couldn’t think, could barely breathe, through the pleasure he was bringing her. He never looked away from her, never broke eye contact as he inserted another finger into her. It was enough.

  She erupted, her hips bucking unabashed against his face, as he continued to suck, continued to wring every ounce of orgasm from her. She screamed as it rolled through her, from her. She’d never felt anything this intense. When she quieted, he gently removed his fingers from her and smiled so brightly, she dazedly thought that he was a second sun.

  “God, Jessie. You’re so responsive – I could do that all day.” He crawled up the bed back to her, kissing her lightly on the lips before lying back down, and pulling her against him. She could still feel his erection, still hard, against her back.

  “What about you? I agreed, you know. I’m a big girl, I know what I said yes to,” she said, voice hoarse from her screams.

  “I’m good, Jessie. This was about you. The time will come for me, don’t worry.” His voice was soothing, but firm. It was apparent he had no intentions on finishing what she’d started – Jessie didn’t know if she was disappointed or relieved.

  “But –” she started, only to be stopped by his hand over her mouth.

  “No buts. We’re going to take a little nap, and when we get up, I’m going to make you breakfast then we’re going out. You said you don’t work today, and I’m taking advantage of that.” He kissed her hair once more.

  Jessie meant to argue, really she did, but before she could form the words to say, sleep overcame her. Just like that, he won the discussion. She’d hate that when she woke up.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jessie woke, confused. It took her a few moments to remember where she was, and she rolled over to find Dominick gone. His side of the bed was cold and empty, as though he hadn’t been there for some time now. Glancing at the ceiling, she saw that it was ten o’clock. Stretching, she extracted herself from the covers, slipped back into her borrowed boxers and tank top, and staggered into the bedroom’s adjoining bathroom.

  A packaged toothbrush was on the counter, along with three different types of toothpaste, travel sized. There was also a wrapped facial bar. Confused, she looked around and saw a CVS bag in the garbage. She wandered over to it, plucking the receipt on the top of the pile – he’d purchased the items about forty-five minutes before she woke up. Her insides tumbled at his thoughtfulness as she completed her morning needs.

  The smell of food filled her nose as she strolled up the hallway and into the kitchen. Dominick stood at the stove, an apron tied around his waist, stirring something on the burner.

  “Morning, beautiful. Sit, please, breakfast is almost ready,” he told her, not turning from his work.

  Unspeaking, she propped herself on a stool at the bar area. She was content to watch him work, and if she was being honest with herself, she had no idea what to say to him. The previous night’s events were on repeat in her head, confusing and shaming her all at once. She had no excuse for assaulting him the way she had, and she was beyond humiliated that he found her the way he had. The nightmares had plagued her since she started sleeping again, and even the state scenery change didn’t stop them. He now also knew that she slept on the floor, and the lack of judgment in his eyes made her feel worse.

  “Stop thinking – house rules: no thinking in the kitchen.”

  Dominick’s words interrupted her musing, as he pressed against her back to place a plate in front of her. He kissed her head softly, before placing his own plate on the bar, and taking the seat next to her. She looked down at her plate, which was an assortment of breakfast foods: bacon, sausage, eggs, home-style potatoes, toast, ham, and pancakes. This much food would feed her for over a week, and she looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

  “I didn’t know what you liked, so I made a bunch of different stuff.”

  “There’s no way I can eat all of this,” she said, trepidation in her voice. She certainly didn’t want to waste his food, or his time. She was also afraid of coming across ungrateful. She sighed internally, and briefly entertained the thought that life without him may be easier for her. True, she’d be alone, but then she’d only be dealing with her grief. Her guilt, her sorrows. With Dominick, she had a whole other spectrum of feelings: guilt was there, yes, but a different guilt. This wasn’t one of fault; this was the guilt of living when she should have been the one in the ground.

  “Didn’t I tell you, no thinking? Stop giving me that look. You don’t have to eat it all. I won’t take offense.” He was shoveling his food into his mouth, almost literally. She was surprised he could breathe, let alone talk.

  Hesitantly she picked up a piece of bacon, groaning as she took a bite. Man, it was good. It was soft, soggy, salty – perfect. The first slice disappeared quickly, and she was munching on the second before she broke the silence they’d fallen into.

  “Thank you. For the toothbrush and toothpaste, I mean - you didn’t have to run out to get it for me.”

  “I had to run out anyway, it was no big deal.”

  “What time did you get up? How come you didn’t wake me?” she asked him. It had bothered her to wake up alone. If asked, she couldn’t have said why – she’d gotten used to being alone, maybe too used to it.

  “I got up around maybe seven-thirty.” He paused before continuing, “I figured you needed the sleep. We went to sleep late last night, err, this morning…and you didn’t sleep well the first time. And the second time…well…” his voice trailed off, color flooding his cheeks.

  Jessie knew that her cheeks were a mirror image of his, if not brighter. She was super embarrassed and completely disgusted with herself. Worse, when she thought about it, under the shame, was excitement. She’d enjoyed herself, truly let go for once, and wanted to finish what they started.

  “I’m…I’m so sorry, Dominick. I can’t imagine what you must think of me, or what you see when you look at my face,” She wiped the grease off her hand, and moved to stand.

  Dominick moved faster than her, pinning her back to the bar, an arm on either side of her. He stared at her for a moment then leaned forward to kiss her softly. Her hands on his hips, she let him. As he broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers.

  “I see you. I see you, Jessie. I see a beautiful, good-hearted, funny, and sarcastic woman. I see your fragility, your hesitancy, your true pain, and they make you that much more gorgeous to me. I don’t regret this morning, and I want more, trust me. I want it all. In your tim
e, though. Not mine. When I do make love to you, it’s going to be because you want me to, because you want me. Not because you want to escape the memories that haunt you.”

  His breath was warm on her face as he spoke, and she closed her eyes, letting his words fill her. He took her eyes closing as an invitation and captured her lips once more. His lips were firmer this time, pressing harder into hers, and his tongue sought entrance to her mouth. She opened to him, her body melting against him. With sheer force of will, she kept her hands from roaming his body, but it took effort.

  Dominick pulled away first, breaths coming fast. Pressing his lower body into the cradle of hers he said in a whisper, “See, I want you.”

  She could feel his desire against her, and she bit her lip to keep a moan from escaping her. If he wanted to wait for more, he really needed stop kissing her – though that thought made her frown. She didn’t want him to stop.

  As if he read her mind, he took a deep breath and pushed himself away from the bar. He scooped his plate and moved to the sink, rinsing it, and leaving it there. He turned to her, taking her in from her bare feet to her mussed bed-hair.

  “Finish your breakfast, pretty girl. We have plans today.” His voice was almost normal when he spoke, and Jessie took a deep breath before starting back in on her food.

  “We do?” she asked, pushing her nearly full plate aside. “Well, in that case, I need to go finish what you started…” she let her words trail off as her fingers traced down her breasts, circling one of the hard points straining the fabric. Dominick’s eyes shot wide, his quick draw of air loud in the otherwise silent room. She stood, allowing her hand to graze lower, delighting in the tick appearing in his neck as he strained to stay immobile. “Erm, I mean, go to the bathroom to get changed.”

  She stood quickly, leaving Dominick with his mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe she had just done that. Or said what she had. Where the hell did that confidence come from? She made a great show of leaving the room, swaying her hips provocatively, glad that he couldn’t tell how shaken she was by her own comment. His reactions to her were thrilling her, making her feel sexy and wanted. It was a delicious thing, this newfound feeling, and secretly, she desperately wanted to keep it for as long as she could.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jessie’s new confidence lasted all about five minutes – the amount of time it took her to reach the bathroom, shower, and realize she didn’t have anything to “get ready” in. Her options were the giant Scarlett dress, or the borrowed boxer shorts and tank top she was already wearing.

  “Well, hell,” she said, clutching her towel tightly. She knew she was going to have to go ask Dominick if he had anything she might possibly wear until they could stop at her condo, and she dreaded admitting defeat.

  Red faced and dripping, she opened the bathroom door, only to find a bag hanging on the door knob. Upon a quick perusal, she found a pair of jeans, a top, and some undergarments. Not questioning her good luck, or his thoughtfulness, Jessie snatched the bag fast. The clothes were all her size, brand new with tags that had some hip designer name on them – not that she cared about labels anymore. Seeing a small spot of pink at the bottom of the bag, she grabbed it, finding a rubber bracelet marbled with blue throughout. It had one word stamped into the material: Hope.

  She placed it delicately on the sink, staring at it as she dressed in the clothes Dominick had thoughtfully provided for her. Her heart was full, so many emotions swirling in it that she was almost in a daze. She had seen the colors of the bracelet before – they were a common indicator of SIDS awareness. What Jessie couldn’t fathom was how he could have picked one up in the short amount of time he was gone. He had said he’d had to run out anyway, but she hadn’t known he meant to run out for things for her, and especially not on a run to find something like this. Perching on the closed toilet lid, she picked the bracelet back up, turning it to look at it from all angles. It was beautiful to her, a thoughtful piece of silent support and…hope. Her vision blurred as she clutched it to her heart, then slipped it on her wrist.

  A soft knock at the door broke her trance, and Jessie realized she must’ve been sitting there for a while, just staring at the thoughtful token she now wore.

  “You ok in there, pretty girl?” Dominick’s voice filtered from outside the door.

  “Yeah, I’m good – thanks for the clothes,” she answered as she wiped her eyes.

  “Well, I’ll be waiting out front – we have a lot to do today, let’s get to it!” His voice was cheerful, an excited tone creeping out.

  Deciding to not make a big deal out of the bracelet, she finished getting ready and left to meet Dominick. While she moved through his apartment, Jessie felt a tinge of anxiety about where he could possibly be taking her, but she squashed it quickly. No, she was going to enjoy this, this time. She could go back to wallowing tomorrow; today, she wanted to be alive.

  ***

  The afternoon seemed to pass in a blur for Jessie. Dominick took her everywhere, bouncing around like a cartoon tiger with springs for feet. His enthusiasm had been contagious and Jessie found herself wide eyed and laughing along with him. Often times she caught him staring at her, and when she’d ask him why, he’d smile, chuck her under the chin, and pull her along in their tour of the city. It was the first day in a long time that every bad thing, every bad memory, seemed to fade for her. She wasn’t seeing ghosts in every corner, and didn’t have time to feel guilty about enjoying the day.

  It was around sunset when Dominick pulled into an empty lot. They had just finished eating dinner, and he’d said that there was one more place he had to take her. Jessie looked out her window, looking for a sign or something to let her know where they were now. She saw no indicator close by, but when she looked out the front windshield, she saw sand and beyond that, ocean.

  “The beach?” she asked.

  “Yep, come on.”

  Like he had the entire day, he opened her door, and offered his hand to her. She took it, allowing him to pull her from the seat and followed as he led her to a bench overlooking the water. It was so blue, almost clear in some places, and the smell of the salt in the ocean was much stronger out here than in the city. It was like it was calling to her and she couldn’t help but grin.

  “Shoes,” he said, waiving toward her feet. He bent to take his own off, while she followed suit, rolling up the cuff of her pants as she went. When she was finished he took them from her, and pushed gently on her lower back, urging her toward the sand. “Go on,” he encouraged.

  Jessie studied his face for a moment, noting the smiling glint in his eye and turned, running toward the majestic sight in front of her. The second her feet hit the soft, white sand, a childlike giggle bubbled out of her, and she kept moving toward the water. The surf was cool on her bare feet and the sand was firm, having hardened under the weight of the water. She waded out, ankle deep, and turned, spotting Dominick leaning against his car, watching her. Waving, she smiled and spun, trying to take it all in.

  As far as Jessie could see in front of her was water; to the sides there was an endless expanse of white sand. Out here, in the dimming light of yellow, pink, and purples, it was like a new world. Arms encircled her from behind and she leaned back, resting her head against Dominick’s chest, letting out a long sigh.

  “This,” Jessie motioned around her, “is magical. It’s like…there’s a whole other world out there. It seems to go on forever.”

  “It seems to. I like to think that the ocean has no memory. See how the surf rolls in, and goes back out? I always think that it is erasing what came before it, you know?” His voice was serious as he buried his face in her hair, tightening his grip around her waist.

  She rested her hand on his, taking it all in as the water created a rhythm around them, almost a song. Closing her eyes, Jessie could swear that she almost heard music – a gentle, peaceful melody, promising things that she had lost all hope in. Dominick turned her to face him, moved his hands, an
d placed her arms around his neck. She laced her fingers, allowing him to lead her through the surf, moving them to the rhythm of the water. His eyes locked with hers, and the emotion and thoughts flashing across them was almost too bare for her to handle. She could plainly see his longing, desire, and something she was too scared to even give name to. He couldn’t possibly, anyway. Blocking her thoughts, unwilling to let them have any influence on this moment between them, she allowed her body to melt against him, completely trusting him to lead them in this dance.

  Dominick placed a soft kiss on her forehead, before grabbing one of her hands and abruptly spinning her. Startled, she laughed, lost her balance, and stumbled backwards into the surf. He tried to catch her, but in his attempt, tumbled with her to the ground, bracing his hands out to catch himself before landing too hard on her.

  As he towered above her, Jessie’s laughter quickly stopped in her throat. The sexual tension between them quickly returned, having been forgotten during the day. Water was soaking through the back of her shirt, her jeans, but she barely registered the spreading coolness. She could only focus on his face, so close to hers, his eyes on her lips. Everything stilled around them, as if the entire world were holding its breath. Jessie relished in the weight of his body against hers, and she stayed as still as possible for fear of breaking the moment. With the next wave of the surf, his eyes flicked up to hers and locked on them as he lowered his head, brushing his lips softly against hers. She couldn’t help arching into him, pressing against him, and pushing for more.

  “Jessie,” Dominick whispered against her mouth. Groaning, he kissed her once more before getting to his feet, lifting her as he went. “No.”

  Pushing away from him, she felt the tears of rejection threaten her eyes, but held them back – she knew his stand in regards to intimacy between them, and she would have to live with it. That didn’t make his rejection hurt any less, though. Jessie didn’t speak as she made her way back to the car or during the return drive through town, instead focusing on the lights outside her window. Dominick hadn’t even specified where they were going, and when he pulled up outside her condo her vision was watery. Her heart squeezed painfully and all she could think of was getting to her space so she could lock out the world and him, and lick her wounds in privacy. She barely heard his farewell as she hurried from the car and to the hallway leading to her place. Once she was out of his sight, she ran, taking the steps two at a time, rushing to get inside. At the door, it took her four tries to get the key to trip the lock, and she burst inside, her breath ragged.