Saving Face (a young adult romance)

by Dell, T. J.

  “Umm, no not really.” The envelope was still laughing at her from the top of her dresser. However she had dug out all the old literature she and Brent had sent away for last summer. Penn State had a very good teaching program. So why didn’t she just tell Beth the envelope was here, and waiting to be opened? Because, Beth didn’t need any more ammunition for her scaredy-cat theory.

  Beth misinterpreted Alyssa’s dull tone. “We’re sorry. Let’s talk about something else. What should we do this weekend?”

  “There’s a movie out I want to see.” Tommy piped up too quickly.

  “Oh no. Not that street racing movie! I told you I didn’t want to see that.” Beth replied immediately. “There is an art show at the community center. I wanted go to that.”

  Tommy looked as if he might be ill if he were forced to attend the art show. “Alyssa will go with you, won’t you Alyssa? And I can get some of the guys together for movie.”

  “Sure, I’ll go to the art show.” Alyssa was glad to have something to do.

  “So what kind of art are we talking about?” Alyssa was asking as she and Beth waited in line outside the community center.

  “The ad just said local talent and various mediums.” Beth answered. “But I thought it looked pretty cool. Is that statue a real person?”

  She was pointing to a pedestal where a girl in a long metallic toga style dress was posed. She was covered from head to toe in a metallic paint that matched her dress perfectly. If Alyssa didn’t know the community center didn’t have statues she would have thought the girl was one. How was standing still an art? Beth however seemed impressed.

  Inside the different rooms of the community center had been transformed into galleries. A lot of the exhibits had silent auction papers attached. Some even had sold stickers. Alyssa was impressed and sometimes surprised when she saw the sold stickers. The galleries all seemed to be arranged by type of art. Some held paintings and drawings other’s had sculptures. One windowed hallway was displaying a pretty collection of crystal sculptures that threw rainbows onto the opposite wall.

  The first gallery they entered had what Alyssa could only assume was modern art. What would someone want with sculptures of oversized eating utensils? Even Beth was surprised at that one. Another display was a TV that seemed to be rigged to a motion sensor. As soon as they approached it flickered on and displayed a video a girl climbing in and out of different sized packing boxes. Actually they watched that several times. She didn’t get, but it was strangely addictive.

  The next room was more enjoyable. The walls were filled with more easily recognized drawings and paintings. Alyssa even jotted down her name and a bid for a particularly pretty snowscape. It was doubtful that she’d win, but the scene sort of reminded her of the landscape photos Brent was so fond of. Maybe if she won, and if she got up the nerve to talk to him again, and if he had any interest in being her friend… well maybe he might like this as a graduation gift or something.

  For the most part the galleries were comfortably filled and people were free to mill around from display to display as they pleased. The photography room was crowded. Not that Alyssa blamed anyone. She was partial to photography herself. Beth and Alyssa squeezed past the crowd to check out the pieces hanging on the far wall. Most of the crowd seemed to be concentrating on one exhibit.

  “is that her?”

  “there she is.”

  “look over there.”

  The crowd all seemed to be muttering at once. Beth and Alyssa turned, around to see what was going on, only to find several heads turned in their direction.

  “Excuse me miss? Are you the girl from the heart photos?” An older woman was talking to her.

  Alyssa moved past her without answering. Later on she would feel badly for having ignored her, but now she had to see. Even as she made her way through the crowd though, she knew. By the time the first panel of the exhibit was visible to her she wasn’t surprised to see her own face staring down from the large black and white print.

  To the left of the exhibit Alyssa could now see a small poster board on a stand. Brent Carter: Local featured artist. It said beneath a photo of her best friend. Ex-best friend. It went on to explain Brent was a senior in high school and that one of his teachers had submitted this collection on his behalf. Blah blah blah.

  Looking to her right, Alyssa noticed the photos were all hung on large felt covered panels of an accordion style stand; each one angled slightly like the open pages of a book. Above the set up was large banner reading A Heart in Motion in an elegant script font. The first photo showed her emptying bottles and trash into the garbage cans at the pond. She wasn’t looking at the camera—instead her intent expression was focused on her task.

  The next was from the home coming parade. Alyssa’s face was shown in profile as she applied glitter to the little girl in a cheer leader costume. This one was vibrant with color. The little girl’s happiness was as clear as day. How did he do that? It seemed that every emotion jumped off the wall at her. Somehow Brent was able to capture moments rather than images.

  Another panel was hung with several smaller prints—all from the hospital carnival. A montage of children’s painted faces, each with her quietly standing in the background. Beneath the frame, where all the pieces of art had yellow silent auction sheets, was a green tag that said Not For Sale. Glancing up and down she could tell that each of these photos had green tags. All around her the crowd was making room for her. Either they recognized her face, and therefore her superior claim to being there. Or, and later on Alyssa would think this more likely, they could tell that if they didn’t move—she would just have run them right over. At that moment Alyssa was alone in the room with those photos.

  There more than a dozen panels. One showed her adjusting Mr. Petry’s tie for a date with Sophia Bunch. There was even one of her and Pop. One arm was wrapped around his neck as she pressed a light kiss to his cheek. She remembered him taking this photo. It was about half a second after Pop had extracted that ridiculous promise to take care of Alyssa from Brent.

  “Alyssa? Are you okay? Alyssa?” Beth’s voice shook her back to reality. Beth was standing to the right of her, and in front of the final panel.

  “Yeah, I’m good. I just wish I’d known, you know?”

  Beth nodded. “They’re beautiful. Not that you aren’t always beautiful—but these are something else.”

  Alyssa knew exactly what she meant. There was a quality about the girl in these photos that Alyssa almost didn’t recognize. Certainly seeing this exhibit was a long way from looking at her reflection. This sure wasn’t what she saw in the mirror before she left for school in the mornings. Moving to stand behind Beth Alyssa took in the final photo. This was one she didn’t remember being taken. Alyssa was half facing away from the camera and her head was turned, smiling over her shoulder. Her moss colored dress betrayed the setting. That was the night. The night everything started to fall apart. In the picture only Alyssa was clear—the background was digitally blurred. The effect implying that Alyssa and her smile was the only thing worth seeing.

  She looked beautiful, and it wasn’t her dress, or her hair and makeup. It was that extra quality she’d been trying to put her finger on. Here it was much more pronounced. Here she was able to identify it. Alyssa stumbled backwards two steps. Beth caught her.

  “What’s the matter?” She sounded concerned.

  “That sonafabitch!”

  “Alyssa?” Beth was—understandably—panicking. “Okay, let’s get you out of here.” She had to half drag Alyssa out of the room. All the while Alyssa was muttering unintelligibly but profanely under her breath.

  Chapter Twenty

  Beth didn’t get any real information out of her the entire drive home. When Alyssa had a mental breakdown—she really did it right. Finally Beth pulled in front of Alyssa’s driveway.

  “Want me to come in awhile?” Beth sounded hopeful and hesitant at the same time. Not that Alyssa blamed her. Mental breakdown, r
emember?

  “Nope. Thanks for the ride, I had fun.” Breakdown or no, Alyssa still had manners.

  “Okay, well call me later, if you want to.”

  Alyssa climbed out of the car and waved to Beth as she drove off. When the car was out of sight she turned on her heel and marched straight over the Carter’s house.

  Inside the familiar house was full of people. Mostly grownups that looked over dressed for a Saturday afternoon. Alyssa barely noticed them. She stormed down the hallway pausing only for a moment at the entrance to the family room—he wasn’t in there. In the kitchen she exchanged polite words with a girl she was reasonable certain she’d met before. Brent’s cousin, maybe? Whatever, she said she remembered seeing him outside and that was all Alyssa really cared about.

  Outside round tables with long white table clothes were set up all over the backyard under different tents. The big kind that you rent for parties—which Alyssa realized this must be. At the far end of the yard Alyssa could see a band was setting up, and some sort of portable dance floor was in front of them. In a corner by the fence Alyssa spied Brent standing at a small bar. She was too angry with him to notice how incredible he looked. Suits were very kind to him. Alyssa didn’t stop to think about what she was going to say. Surely if she stopped to think of anything at all she would scare herself right over that fence and into the safety of her own back yard.

  “Alyssa!” Brent turned around just as she reached him. Confusion and maybe a little bit of hope filled his eyes. “What are you doin…”

  “You lied to me!” Alyssa interrupted him

  “What! No…”

  “You are a liar and I…” Alyssa finished her sentence into the palm of Brent’s hand. People were staring, she realized.

  “Come on.” He closed one hand around her elbow and dragged her into the house and up the stairs. More people stared.

  Inside his bedroom Alyssa lost the nerve she’d been fostering since the community center. At one time this was a safe place for her, but now the room was filled with memories of her last visit. Alyssa stood nervously by Brent’s desk. That was as far away from his bed as she could manage. Brent turned the lock on the door knob and turned to face her.

  They stared at each other.

  “Who died?” Alyssa finally managed.

  “What?”

  “Umm… all those people…I thought maybe a wake?” Alyssa fidgeted.

  “Complete with a three piece band? It’s my Aunt Carol’s wedding.” Alyssa’s eyes went wide at his explanation. “She didn’t want a big deal since it’s her second—mom said she could do it here.”

  “I didn’t know she was engaged. I probably shouldn’t have interrupted.” Alyssa moved towards the door.

  Brent was quicker. “Oh, no. Now that you’re here you aren’t leaving.” He was leaning against the door. He looked as panicked as she felt.

  Another beat or two passed silently. “I’ve never lied to you Alyssa.” His words came out slowly in a forced calm voice.

  “You did. Before—when we were still friends…”

  “Still friends?” Brent’s face fell. “Aren’t we friends now? What happened to taking a break?”

  “A break! You haven’t called at all. It’s been months.”

  “I called! I called, and I came to your house. Alyssa, you wouldn’t let me through the front door. You locked the window!” Brent shoved one hand through his hair. “You can’t have any idea what that was like for me. When the window was locked—it was awful, Lyssa. So I figured I’d give you some time, but you never called. And that day before your softball game? Running off on me the way you did? It was worse that the damn window.”

  “I was late!” Alyssa protested.

  “You were early. Really early!”

  How did he know that? “How do you know that?”

  Brent shifted around where he was standing. “Beth told me. I’m afraid I’ve been making a nuisance of myself with her and Tommy. I knew when the game was Lyssa. I was there.”

  “You were at the first softball game?”

  “I come to all your games. I just sit on the other team’s bleachers. I wasn’t sure you’d want me there. You are amazing with those kids.”

  Alyssa nodded. He came to every game. Last fall he’d told her he would be at every game if she was playing a sport. She wasn’t playing, but she supposed this counted.

  “Lyssa? When did I lie to you?” Brent took a small step towards her, but then his eyes darted back to the door. As though he was afraid she might get by him, Brent retreated to continue blocking the exit.

  “I went to the community center with Beth today. I saw your exhibit.”

  “Is that what this is about? I told you I was taking those photos! You agreed! You even signed the release form.”

  Alyssa did remember him making her fill out some paperwork releasing any rights to the photos.

  “I’m not mad about the photos. They’re great by the way—you were by far the most popular artist.”

  “Thanks.” His voice was impatient. He raised his eyebrows at her.

  “At first I couldn’t figure it out—why they were so good. I mean you know I think you’re a great photographer, but these…”

  “Lyssa!”

  “Right—well the thing is. You said you weren’t in love with me. I asked you. Right here in this room, and you said no. You laughed at me and sent me away. Those photos… well it would seem you do have some feelings for me.” Alyssa muttered the last part, now she was feeling pretty stupid.

  Brent was struggling against the smile at the corner of his mouth. “I never said I didn’t have feelings for you, Lyssa. I believe I said I hadn’t been pining for you. Which is true, was true. And I wasn’t laughing at you. I was embarrassed. I thought, well I thought it was mutual—and then you apologized for leading me on! I was embarrassed and disappointed.”

  Alyssa was just staring at him. So he started talking again. “After Christmas, when Pop died—I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe your feelings had changed too. I waited weeks for you to call.” Brent seemed to have run out of things to say, or maybe he was just out of breath.

  “You punched Pete.” Alyssa changed tactics.

  “When Beth told me…” Brent’s hands curled into fists. “I wanted to kill him, Lyssa. If I had been with you…”

  “It’s not your fault. Nothing happened. I was drunk.” Alyssa whispered.

  “About that. I understand why you were mad. But I didn’t know, I mean…” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “When I woke up, and you were in my bed? I thought you were trying to tell me something. I didn’t know you were drunk. I get that you were mad—I took advantage. Unintentionally! But I did.”

  “I wasn’t mad. I was just embarrassed.” Alyssa mumbled. “You might have girls in your bed all the time, but I wasn’t sure…I mean I’m sure it was great, but…” She trailed off.

  “Lyssa?” Brent abandoned his post at the door, and came to stand in front of her. Not touching her, but close enough for the air to buzz with implied intimacy. “Lyssa, what do you think happened?

  Alyssa couldn’t believe he was going to make her say it. “I woke up in your bed, and in your shirt.”

  “Oh Lyssa! No, wonder you hated me.” Brent pulled her into a tight hug. Wrapping his big arms around her shoulders he continued to speak softly into her ear. “You must have thought I was just like Pete. How could you? Don’t you know me any better than that?”

  “Didn’t we?”

  “No! I did think… I mean I was still half asleep at first, but when I realized you’d been drinking, and your arm! Lyssa I couldn’t believe how bad it was.” He pulled out of their embrace enough to examine her now healed arm. His big hand brushed lightly over the areas that had been bruised. “When I came back with the ice pack you’d umm… stripped down to your underwear and you were almost asleep. It was all I could do to get a shirt on you before you were out.”

  “We didn’t sleep together?” Alyssa wa
s a little behind.

  “No. But, but I wanted to Lyssa. It was very… difficult… to fall back asleep that night. When I woke up and you were gone—I thought it would kill me. And when you wouldn’t even talk to me—I could only take so much rejection Lyssa.”

  “I wasn’t rejecting you! I just…” Alyssa blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Well apparently I have a tendency to avoid things that are scary.” She finished.

  If Brent found anything amiss with that explanation he wisely kept his piece about it. “I scare you?” A big slow smile lit up his face.

  “Is that good? Do you want to be scary?” Alyssa thought he might be a little insane. But at least being here and talking to him was getting easier. He was still Brent.

  “I want to be something! Lyssa if I scare you at all, then that gives me some hope. I miss you so much.”

  “I miss you too. All the time.” Alyssa took a deep breath. “Just so I’m clear… are you saying that you do have feelings for me?”

  “It was that day at the hospital. Who’s the redheaded girl? She was dressed like a ladybug.”

  “You have feelings for Brittany? She’s in the tenth grade!”

  Brent was laughing at her. “No. I don’t. But Brittany spent most of that afternoon sobbing over one kid or another. Hugging them and talking about how brave they were. She was a total downer.”

  “Are you trying to change the subject?”

  “No. Would you just listen?” Brent was grinning at her. “You never cried or shied away. That little boy? The one that wanted the spider web on his head? You were his hero. I was blown away by you that day. You were incredible. That’s when I knew… that I was completely, totally, and irrevocably in love with you.”

  “Oh.” Alyssa didn’t have enough breath to manage more than that one word.

  “If I kiss you, are you going to run screaming out the window?” Brent was an inch away from her face.

  “No. I think if were to you kiss me, I might be inclined to stay—quite a while.” Alyssa teased.