A Flicker of Light

by Roberta Kagan

  “When are you going?”

  “Tonight. I have to. If that guard decides to investigate tomorrow I don’t want to be here. Also, hide this radio and this food. Try to find a safer place.”

  “Like where?”

  “Before I go, I will help you, I’ll dig a hole under the dog house and we can store some of the food there. Try to use up the rest as quickly as you can, or look for a better hiding place in the house. Now, as far as the dog house is concerned, no one would think to lift that old structure. It has been in place forever. The food should be safe, but only go to retrieve it at night when you are sure that no one is around. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, and I’ll explain to Klaus and Siegland.”

  She watched as he drove the shovel into the ground piled the dirt next to the dog house. When the opening seemed deep enough, they placed all of the canned goods inside and replaced the dirt, and then Aaron secured the dog house on top.

  “Come with me. We will decide on a meeting place.”

  They walked silently as the cicadas sang by the light of a full moon. An owl hooted as they entered the deep, dark, wooded area. Hand in hand, they walked like Hansel and Gretel until they reached a large oak tree. Aaron took a pocket knife and carved a heart at the bottom of the tree.

  “You’ll remember which tree it is by the carving. Do you remember how to get back here?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Then come when you can. If you miss a night or two, I will understand. Your safety is the most important thing to me. Under no circumstances are you to take any unnecessary risks.”

  She bent her head and tears came to her eyes.

  “I’m scared, Aaron.”

  “I know, my love. So am I, but you must be brave. Know that no matter what happens, I will always love you.”

  He held her for a long time and then they lay together beneath the sprawling oak tree. When she was in his arms, the world’s problems seemed far away. As the sun began to peek through the clouds, Aaron insisted that she return to the house.

  “I’ll be back tonight.”

  “Only come if you can manage it safely. Don’t take any chances at all. Do you understand me? Please?”

  “I promise. If I can’t make if for any reason, I’ll come as soon as it’s possible.”

  “That’s my girl.” He kissed her, and she felt the wetness of tears on his cheeks.

  Chapter 26

  I

  n the light of day, the trees and the ground became a feast for the eyes, ablaze with the colors of autumn. The leaves had turned and lay covering the ground like a beautiful tapestry. A slight breeze rustled the leaves, winding its way through the brilliant-hued trees in the forest as Aaron picked wild berries. After so many months in the darkness of the cellar, his skin had turned pale. The healing rays of the sun on his face and body warmed and calmed him.

  He marveled at the beauty of nature and wondered how such ugliness as Hitler’s Third Reich could exist in a world so divine. Far off the road, Aaron did not hear the trucks carrying the prisoners. Instead he watched in fascination as a spider climbed the trunk of a tree, its eight minuscule legs moving in perfect synchronization. Birds crooned, and each species brought its own melody to the morning symphony. There must be a God, Aaron thought as he looked up into the bright blue topaz-colored sky, but where had He gone? How could He allow such horrific acts to transpire? Yet, still, even in this darkest of times, God had shown him a flicker of light: his love for Petra. Even with all of the misery surrounding him, he could not help but feel elated with the joy only love can bring. For a while he lay leisurely watching the clouds as they took on various shapes: a dog blowing bubbles, a smiling hippo, a chubby baby, a dragon with a long, twisted tail. Allowing his imagination to wander, he grew immersed in the beauty so long denied him.

  As dusk fell upon the woods, his heart beat faster in anticipation of Petra’s imminent arrival. Soon, her golden hair would sprawl out over his chest, and he could once again hold her in his arms. The darkness of night could not come soon enough. But at last, by the grace of God, it did. The light footsteps and the rustle of leaves told him that she had arrived. To be sure he’d not mistaken the sounds he’d heard, he waited until he could see the shadow of her form. Then he rushed to her, taking her in his arms.

  “I brought you a whole basket of food. Siegland prepared it for you. She’s upset that you left.”

  His mouth found hers. He placed the basket on the ground. “I missed you,” Aaron said.

  “I missed you too.”

  With his arms around her, he lowered her carefully onto a bed of dried leaves. Then, gently but passionately, they made love.

  “You should eat.”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to let go of you for even a moment.”

  “I know, and I don’t want you to, but still you must eat.”

  “You’re right. I will.”

  He didn’t realize the intensity of his hunger until he put the first bit of sausage into his mouth. Famished, he ate the apples and strawberries, the bread and strudel, as well as two of the three sausages that Siegland had packed.

  “I’ll bring more tomorrow.”

  “Before you do, be sure that there’s enough for the family. I don’t want anyone to do without on my account. Have you spoken to Klaus about the radio and the food in the cellar?”

  “He said he will move it as soon as he can figure out what to do with it.”

  “Darling, stay on him. He must do it soon.”

  “You know Klaus. He hates to be told what to do. Besides, I didn’t see that guard all day. Maybe you can come back.”

  “Maybe, but let’s just wait. Keep trying to talk Klaus into moving the rest of the food and the radio. It’s important.”

  “I will, I promise,” Petra said.

  She kissed him and the passion of their love ignited, drawing them both in. They made love again with slow tenderness. After a long sleep in each other’s arms, she awoke to him staring at her.

  “What is it?’

  “I am just thinking of how lucky I am to have found you,” Aaron whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  “Even under these circumstances?”

  “Yes, even so,” Aaron said. “I love you, but of course you know that, and no matter what happens you own my heart.”

  “Don’t say that, Aaron. You scare me. You make me think that something bad is going to happen.”

  “No, Sweetheart. No, I don’t mean to make you feel that way. I just want you to know that in case it does, I love you.” He saw the distress on her face. “But it won’t. Nothing will happen. We’ll have a couple of kids and grow old together when this war is all over. I’ve already told you that Germany is losing the war. It’s just a matter of time now.”

  “If we can just hold out,” Petra said, and she squeezed his arm.

  When Petra arrived back at the farm house, she saw a group of German soldiers standing outside. Her heart leapt as she ran to find Siegland, her lungs tight. Each room in the house seemed so large and empty as she searched frantically. Finally she decided to go outside and confront the group, only to find Siegland graciously serving her famous strudel and coffee to the soldiers. Petra watched as the older woman took control of the situation, smiling and greeting the army men with a grandmotherly appeal. When Siegland saw Petra, for just a split second her face revealed her inner fears, but immediately she caught herself and the mask she wore for the Nazis reappeared.

  “She’s frightened,” Petra thought. “Why are they here? Have we been caught? And for what - Aaron? Or the hoarding? Or maybe the radio?” Her mind raced as she watched Siegland pour coffee and bring out platters of food.

  Without revealing a thing, Siegland turned to her and smiled, “Come and help me, child – our brave German soldiers need food.”

  Petra nodded, forcing a smile as she took the coffee pot from Siegland and began to distribute it among the men. She suddenly felt dizzy and thought she might vo
mit. The next time Petra went to the kitchen she tore off a sliver of pastry from a piece of strudel, in hope that it might settle her stomach. Her monthly flow had not arrived this month, nor had the previous one, and she felt certain that Aaron’s seed grew within her womb. Swollen breasts, nausea, and constant exhaustion meant pregnancy. These were the same symptoms she’d experienced when she was pregnant with Hans. Now they came again. A child could be such a gift, one she longed for, but not in Hitler’s Germany. It seemed unjust to bring a little one into such a world. Plus, the baby would be half Jewish. And yet she knew in her heart that, regardless of the punishment of being with a Jew, she would not choose anyone else to be the father. Never had she loved anyone or anything as much, not even little Hans. To her, Aaron was no less than the perfect man. Petra would bear his offspring with pride, in honor of the courageous, beloved man who owned her heart.

  When things settled down and the army had set up tents outside of the house, Petra found Siegland alone for a moment and asked her to explain what had brought the soldiers here.

  “Oh child, it’s nothing really. They’ve just come here and are using our farm as a resting place on their way somewhere. They will not be staying.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “You can never be sure of anything with these people, but that’s what they’re telling me,” Siegland said as she patted Petra’s hand.

  “Yes, I guess you’re right. We have to hope they are telling the truth.”

  “You see all those bags of grain outside? The SS brought those. They want me to bake some bread. So I will do it, and you will help me. We will look like perfect German Nazis. That way they won’t be looking for anything.”

  “All right, Mama, I agree with you. But I am so nervous, and Aaron said to be sure to remind you and Klaus that we need to find a better hiding place for the rest of the food and the radio.”

  “Well, it’s too late for that now. We must just hope they don’t know anything about it. I understand that you’re scared, but we must try to fool them. I told Klaus the same thing. He’s outside helping the guard who’s overseeing those poor folks, the prisoners from the camps. We don’t want trouble, so we must pretend to be exactly what they want us to be.”

  Chapter 27

  S

  iegland and Petra spent the afternoon kneading and rolling dough to prepare the heavy German breads for baking. The heat from the oven made the temperature inside the house almost unbearable, but despite the sweat trickling down their faces and pooling beneath their arms, they continued the effort.

  In the deep seclusion of the woods, Aaron walked. His sensitivity to light heightened as the sun burst through the trees. So much time in the darkness had made him appreciative of every small creature. Squirrels scampered up trees, running across the branches above him. Butterflies enhanced the beauty of the forest with their grace and beauty. For two hours he strolled with no obvious path, until he came to a stream. The water ran over rounded stones of all sizes, cool and clear, beckoning him, and so he bent to drink. The life-giving liquid had a pure, refreshing taste, and he took off his clothes to partake of a swim. Fish fluttered by his legs, tickling him as they did. Aaron luxuriated in the soft, gurgling water as he felt cleansed of his past suffering. Once he had his fill of this luxury, he left the stream and stood naked, the sun embracing him as the water dripped off of his muscular body. Before he could rest, he washed the filth from his clothes and laid them out to dry. Then he lay his relaxed and freshly-clean body down and let the sun seep deep into the core of his being. As he felt the cool earth beneath him, his mind drifted to Petra.

  Back at the farm, Siegland addressed Petra in a soft whisper, “It’s not safe for you to go tonight.”

  “You knew I planned to go to see Aaron, Mama?’

  “Of course, I know. But I think that tonight maybe it would be better if you stay here. I think they might follow you.”

  She ached to be with Aaron - to sleep in his arms - but she thought that perhaps Siegland might be right. If she went, she could lead them to him. Outside, the soldiers sang German war songs as the family sat with false smiles, awaiting their departure and hoping it would be soon.

  At the end of the day, the SS herded the prisoners away as usual. Broken, tired and sickly-thin, the men and women in their striped uniforms walked slowly forward to the open trucks as the guards prodded them with their rifle butts. Petra watched through the window as the vehicles, loaded with the walking dead, drove away. Siegland gave her a knowing look, and the two women reached for each other’s hands and held tight.

  Chapter 28

  A

  s the full moon took her rightful place in the night sky, Aaron sat waiting under the oak tree. Petra did not come. His mind spun in circles. Worry and concern consumed him. Had they been found out? Could Petra be in trouble? He knew she would come if she could. Patience, he told himself, don’t go to the farm. Trust her judgment. Wait for her. She will be here. The night passed and she never arrived. By morning, he’d become frantic. Aaron paced the forest like a wild cat. One more night - perhaps he should give her one more night before he went to the farm to investigate. The entire day he stayed beneath the tree where they had agreed to meet. He thought that perhaps she might come, but she didn’t.

  The following day he caught a fish in the stream. It took over three hours of grasping at the slippery creatures, only to have them slide off into their watery world, but at long last he’d succeeded. Without a fire he ate the fish raw. Sickened by the thick, slimy texture of the skin and worried about Petra’s safety, he soon grew nauseated, but he knew he must control his urge to vomit. He needed the nourishment to survive. Aaron left the stream and found his way back into the forest, out of the sun. He hoped that the shade would alleviate the headache that had begun pounding behind his eyes.

  Aaron could not wait for nightfall. It would be too difficult to see in the dark. If he went now he would be at a disadvantage, unprotected in the light of day. But his concern for Petra would not allow him to wait any longer to be sure everything was all right. So he went as far as he could under the protection of the trees, and then, in order to get closer, he walked out of the safety of the forest and continued on his way towards the farmhouse.

  The soldiers were camped all around the Bruchmeier land. Afraid to alert them, no one from the family had dared to question them about how long they planned to stay. The SS guards continued to appear in the morning with the prisoners, ready to finish harvesting the crops. Klaus watched Siegland. He feared that she might say something dangerous if she felt her sense of righteousness was pushed too far. In the early years of their marriage, Klaus had admired his wife’s outspoken nature. How she’d stood up when she observed an injustice. Now, however, that kind of behavior could only serve as a hazard to them all.

  Loud and boisterous, the soldiers surrounded the farm, noisy with their conversations and laughter. Duffel bags and discarded clothing lay strewn about. Many of the men had removed their boots and tended to their injured feet. Others came to Siegland in their undershirts and drawers, requesting that she wash their uniforms.

  Petra knew that Aaron would be worried. She prayed that he would not come back looking for her. If he did she, feared that they would spot him. But he would need food soon, and as things stood, she could not bring it to him. For Petra there was some reassurance in the knowledge that he had survived in the forest before, and he would now, at least until she could get away and go to him.

  Aaron’s anxiety over Petra grew stronger, and he lost sight of concern for his own well-being. When he arrived, he hid behind the neighbor’s elm tree and looked out toward the Bruchmeiers’ farm. From where he stood he could see soldiers wearing German army uniforms standing in crowds, socializing. He felt dread at the threat they posed to Petra, as well as Siegland and Klaus, who had offered him shelter at great risk to themselves. Every fiber of his being wanted to race out and protect his love. With all the restraint he could muster, he stayed
in place and watched. Although Aaron looked all around, Klaus was nowhere to be seen. But finally after several minutes, he saw Siegland and Petra walk outside, carrying platters and surrounded by soldiers. The men seemed gracious and oblivious to their surroundings, not like soldiers on duty at all. He contemplated the situation and decided to watch and wait. It did not appear as if Petra was in any danger. Still, he would not go far. Staying close, he would find a way to try to protect her if things got out of control.

  Aaron knew that without the shield of the woods he was much more vulnerable. It would be best, he thought, to wait in the forest until nightfall, and then make his way in the darkness to the Bruchmeier farm.

  Walking quickly across the road, he did not notice the Nazi officers sitting with their girlfriends in a large black automobile. One of the men and his lady friend were arguing. The woman left the vehicle, slamming the door as she went. Had the Nazis not been watching the woman as she marched down the road, they would never have noticed the ragged young man racing toward the edge of the dense woods. Incensed with the girl, the SS Officer needed an outlet for his anger, so he jumped from the car and took off after Aaron. Seeing the man in the dreaded uniform, Aaron sprinted faster, slipping and falling upon some stones.

  Approached by the officer, and dragged from the ground to his feet, Aaron’s heart was beating so loud that he could barely hear the man’s words.

  “Who are you? What are you doing here?” the Nazi asked.

  “I am a farmer. I am going fishing in the stream!”

  “Fishing, huh? So where is your pole? And more importantly, why did you run when you saw me if you have nothing to hide?’

  Aaron had not been alert; instead he’d been lost in concern for Petra, and now he could not think quickly. The realization hit him he had spoken without thinking. If he were a farmer going fishing he would have a pole. They had him. Fear blasted adrenaline into his muscles, and he dashed away. The Nazi took his gun from his belt and fired, but missed by just inches.