I have a ring on my finger and she doesn’t.
Jake was quiet, but he was always kind of quiet. Should I read into it? Should I say anything? A little prodding wouldn’t hurt. “Hey, what’s up?” I nudged him and the elevator door opened.
He shrugged and raked his hand through his hair. Ding ding, there it is!
“What?” I asked again.
“I think you’re right.” He reached over taking my hand. “I think I should say something to Sophia to let her know we have to talk when I get back.”
Every fiber in me sang out with joy. Why did I ever doubt him? “Ok.” I squeezed his hand. “What makes you say that?” Ugh, game playing, but I couldn’t help myself.
“She sent a text and wants to come visit.” Even though I already knew this, my stomach boiled up hearing him say it. The elevator doors opened, and if I thought it was cold upstairs, it was nothing compared to how cold it was in the bottom foyer. “Put your hat and gloves on,” he directed and bent down, kissing me tenderly on the lips.
It was brilliant and bright white outside. Even with the gray clouds looming over us, it was beautiful. I stepped carefully down the stairs, and the freshly fallen snow crunched beneath my boots. On the sidewalk, I was wide-eyed, taking in the unfamiliar sights. Cars lined the street, tightly packed and the trees were naked with their bare branches looking like beautiful death. It was about 1 pm, and there were lots of people strolling about bundled tightly in their wool coats and hats. The residents were clearly used to the freezing cold weather. I took in a deep breath and exhaled, shivering while watching my breath float upward.
Jake pulled a black wool beanie out of his coat pocket. I stared at the cars parked along the street and noticed a camera lens pointing out of one from across the street. What the?
“Is that guy taking pictures of us?”
Jake laughed, but didn’t turn around to look. “Probably.” He pulled his gloves on and smirked at me. “Let’s give ’em something to shoot.” He took me in his arms and kissed me hard on the lips, chuckling. “I want the world to know you’re my life.”
His lips grew soft on mine, warm and velvety. His tongue was hot against my cold lips, and in that instant, I forgot how freezing I was. Jake rested his forehead on mine and I wiped the dampness from my mouth with the back of my glove, peeking over his shoulder. “They’re still there.” I whispered.
“Come on.” He ignored my notice and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me along. “There’s a pub down on the corner. I’m starving.”
“So paparazzi follow you around here?” I was floored. He couldn’t be that famous. I mean I guess selling out venues and winning awards, he had to be by now. But really? My Jake? I was totally trippin’. Paparazzi were for people like Lady Gaga, Madonna and Bono.
I stole a glance at Jake as we walked along hand in hand, and he pulled his scarf over his mouth and nose. Knowing him for as long as I’ve had memories and being with him there on the streets of London with people lurking to shoot pictures of him seemed completely out of sorts. I struggled to grasp the meaning of our future. I still had to graduate high school. I wanted to go to college. I thought of our discussed plans for me to attend NYU and then I thought of the cost to my parents (Jake was insisting on paying for my tuition, but I couldn’t go there.). I had a free ride to two colleges, USC and Pepperdine. NYU had to be paid for.
“So when exactly are you heading back to New York?”
He reached up removing the scarf from his mouth. “In a couple of months, after this next tour.”
I nodded, trying to enjoy the scenery and to stay in the moment. Stop worrying about shit, Aly. I looked ahead of me. Everything about the exteriors of each building we passed screamed history. It was old and it made me think of all those Jane Austin novels I’d read, and now there I was quite possibly walking on the same street as her. We came around the corner and the number of people on the street doubled. All of a sudden, horns beeped and shouting could be heard off in the distance. Jake slowed as he approached a group of people smoking in front of a green double door with stamped copper plating. We’d arrived at our destination, The Horseman.
12
As soon as we stepped inside, Jake was met with familiarity. A hostess with long blond hair and wide set blue eyes met us with a thick, possibly Russian accent. She was as tall as me, and beautiful.
Great. I wonder where she fits in.
“Jake!” She beamed, holding out her arms as if asking for a hug. She barely gave me any notice when she placed her ice blue eyes back on Jake. She took him by the shoulders with both hands and kissed his cheek, then kissed the other one.
“Natasha, this is Alyssa.” He took my hand and squeezed it, backing away from her. “My girlfriend. She just flew in from America.”
Her eyes registered with a bit of surprise, but she smiled politely at me and took my shoulders and kissed my cheeks as she did Jake’s. I guess she couldn’t be that bad if she greeted me the same, right?
“It’s nice to meet you.” She looked past Jake and spoke Russian to a couple of older gentlemen behind us. They nodded. She gestured to her left, and there was one table by the window that was open. I assumed that’s where we were headed. She didn’t escort us, nor did she give us menus. The crowd was a mixture of older, hip patrons with slim-fitting button -downs and pegged pants, and the younger tattooed, edgy types you’d see in Silverlake or West Hollywood. A few of them whispered and stared at Jake and me as we passed. Jake pulled out a chair for me and scooted his close to mine. He leaned in giving me a peck on the cheek. I guess I should have known it would be this way. It was always this way, even at home when we went to school together. Everywhere we went, people stared at him.
I unbuttoned my coat and pulled my hat off. Jake did the same. “What do you feel like eating?”
“No menus?”
“Nah, they’ll make you whatever you want.”
“Really?” I leered at him skeptically and my mind raced to come up with the most extravagant dish. “Hmm. How about sushi?”
He tilted his head, giving me a tight stare. “Sorry. Try again.”
“What? You said anything.” He just shook his head at my smartass comeback.
He smiled at the waitress who approached our table, a short brunette with happy eyes. “’Ello Jake, good to see ya, and who’s this? Don’t think I’ve ever recalled you bringin’ a lady friend around.”
He smiled at me and his hand slipped under the table, resting on my thigh. “Nope. She’s the one and only. This is Alyssa. Alyssa, meet Candice.”
“Hello, Candice. Nice to meet you.” I’m sure I had a smile a mile wide. I scolded myself again for doubting Jake.
“Alyssa’s just in from America.”
“Oh? And how long will you be with us?”
“Only a week, unfortunately.”
“Bleak weather while you’re here, but I’m sure you’ll have a nice time.”
“We’ll be keeping each other warm, that’s for sure.” He winked at me. I felt myself begin to blush, and my eyes went to Candice, who giggled and covered her mouth.
“What will you two have?” She took out a pad from her apron and tapped the pen on it.
“I’m going to have the Pot Pie, and Alyssa here will have?” He jiggled my leg.
“Um, um, I guess I’ll have the same thing.”
“And we’ll have two Hef’s,” Jake included.
“Ok. Comin’ right up.” Candice smiled and disappeared.
I leaned into Jake and placed my cheek on his shoulder, taking in his scent. It made my stomach flutter. I closed my eyes. I thought about how my body felt and I squirmed in my seat to see if it still ached. It barely did. Good, I thought as I took in another whiff of him. I was torn with wanting to explore a snowy London and going back to Jake’s bed.
Just as I was about to ask what a Hef was, our beers arrived, golden and foggy in a cold glass. Jake thanked Candice and lifted his glass. “Cheers, Alycat. Day one of our ad
ventures in London.”
I took my glass and clinked it against his. “Mmm,” I hummed quietly, and took a sip of beer. It went down cold and bitter, making me shiver. I smacked my lips. “I’ve never had one of these before, and I’ve never had a Pot Pie.”
“You’ll love it. It’s an entire meal in one neat deliciously flaky bread bowl. It’s got veggies and turkey. It’s perfect.”
I smirked at his food pitch. “Wow, you’re certainly a fan. They should make you their pitchman. I guess I should be excited,” I laughed, teasing him.
“You should.” He looked at me with a serious expression. “It has all the important food groups.” His eyes sparkled at me as he tried not to laugh at himself.
Our pot pies arrived sooner than I would have thought, and the fresh baked smell made my tummy rumble and my mouth water. Jake picked up his fork and raised it to me. I stared at it for a second and he waived it at me, a sign for me to - take your fork, stupid.
“Oh.” I said and grabbed my fork. He tapped it against mine.
“Bon Appetit.”
I cut into the golden, flaky surface and hot steam puffed out. I cut in deeper, and sure enough I saw peas, carrots and potatoes in a thick creamy soup-like base. I’ve seen pictures of pot pies and was never inclined to order one, but this, I was happy to have sitting in front of me. Jake blew the hot steam away from his and took a small forkful, blowing on it before he stuffed it in his mouth.
“Oh shit,” he said under his breath and dropped his fork. He waived his hand violently in front of his mouth, sucking in air through his teeth. “It’s hot, be careful.” He warned through a mouthful. “Fuck. I always do that, burn the shit outta my mouth with these guys.”
I nodded, blowing on my own forkful, testing it on my lips and finally placing the first bit in my mouth. Total mouth orgasm, a salty-warm-meaty goodness; holy shit, it was good. We sat in silence, enjoying our meal, when Sophia’s text tone chimed out again and my blood froze. Jake eyes instantly met mine.
He sighed, taking the phone from his pocket, looking at its screen. I pretended to be into my food, but I was stewing in my own pot pie of ill emotions. She was probably having some cosmic vibes that her man had slipped from her grasp. I felt bad and told myself not to, that he was mine first. I stabbed angrily at a big piece of turkey. Jake must have been watching me, because he reached over, grabbing my wrist.
“Hey, I’ll take care of it now.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead and then got up. I watched him walk through the dining area, just like most of the younger crowd did. I glanced around and some of the eyes were looking at me. Ugh, fucking mind your own business. I calmly resumed eating my food when some random guy with black slicked-back hair and lip piercings approached our table. I eyed him up and down. He wore a crisply pressed checked button down under a black cashmere v-neck vest.
What a fashion contrast.
He cleared his throat nervously as I stared at him blankly. “Um, hi, I’m Henry, and um, sorry to bother you, but I…we, were wondering…” He looked back at his table and three other strangers stared on keenly. “We were wondering if the guy you’re with is Jake from RR?”
I forced a smile. “Yes, he is.”
He sighed and smiled like it was the best news he’d ever heard in his life. He nodded his head, looking animatedly at the others. They all reacted with similar enthusiasm. I looked past hipster Henry and saw Jake weaving his way back towards me. I was relieved he was back so soon, but thought that it was too fast to have any kind of important discussion. I was in no mood to pretend or be polite with Henry now.
“Do you think he’d mind if we got a couple pictures with him?” I smiled at Henry and looked over at his table. His friends had looked away when they saw Jake approach at Henry’s back. Henry had no idea as he stared at me with hopeful eyes, waiting for me to answer.
“I think you could ask him yourself.” I tilted my head and smirked.
Jake wore a sincere smile on his face. “Hey, man.” Jake grabbed Henry by the shoulder and held out his hand. “You are?”
“Oh my god, um, I’m so sorry to bother you both. Um I’m Henry,” he stammered and took Jake’s hand shaking it aggressively. “I’m, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to…” Henry was gonna have a coronary right in front of us, and all I could do was look away, trying not to laugh. Poor Henry.
“Dude, it’s cool.” Jake tried to calm him by patting him on the back.
“I’m really sorry to bother you when you’re eating.”
“It’s cool, man. You know, if you’re still around when we’re finished we can talk outside. Cool?”
Henry bowed at Jake like he was royalty and I glanced over at Henry’s table. The girls had their mouths covered by their hands.
Wow. This was really happening.
“Yeah. That’d be amazin’.”
“Alright then.” Jake nodded at him and took his seat next to me.
Jake took his fork and looked down at his food.
Henry silently turned and walked away with clenched fists, and his friends smiled wildly at him. I could hear loud whispers coming from their table. Other customers glanced around trying to figure out the commotion, but no one else seemed the wiser as to who Jake was. I didn’t want any more disturbances. Jake finished his food and the last of his beer, and for the duration, I just picked at mine. I knew he didn’t talk to Sophia unless she’d hung up on him or something. I could feel him looking at me and I tried to talk myself up. It was simple enough. He said he’d take care of it and I knew he would. Get over yourself, Aly. I eventually looked at him, and he was wearing a dubious expression.
“What?”
“I left her a message.”
“What kinda message?” I prodded and took the last sip of my beer. Candice must have had a beacon on us, because she was right there with fresh glasses of Hef. “Thank you, Candice.”
“Anytime, Lovie,” she replied as she walked away without turning around.
Jake resumed his explanation. “I was happy it went straight to voicemail, I’m not gonna lie. She must have been on the phone or somethin’.” He paused to take a gulp of beer and sighed shaking his head. “I told her I got her messages and coming for a visit wasn’t a good idea because some things have changed. I told her it was complicated and I needed to talk to her, but right now wasn’t a good time.”
I felt awful for her. I would die if I listened to a message like that. I hoped she wasn’t in love with him, but she probably was. It’d been a long relationship, as Jake said. I could have cried for her. Part of me wanted him to call her back, but no one wants to hear that shit over the phone, but how else? It was probably more treacherous for her not hearing his voice and to have a message left like that.
“If she calls you back, Jake, you need to take the call. If she wants to hear it over the phone, then she wants to hear it.”
Sophia certainly wanted to hear it. Jake left me sitting there again, this time for about fifteen minutes. I watched as Henry’s clan moved to the bar area. I ordered another beer. I was now warmly buzzed and happy that Jake was telling Sophia that he had a change of heart. I stared at my ring, moving it over to my left finger. I wanted to leave it there so badly. I jumped when noticed Jake standing there, watching me ogle the ring I’d moved to my other finger.
“You caught me.” I raised my hands in mock surrender and smirked. I could feel the heat on my face.
“You’re so fucking cute when you’re embarrassed.” He sat next to me, taking me in his arms. “I love you to the moon and back.”
“Only to the moon?” I teased. “I love you to Pluto and back.”
He gave me a challenging look. “Hmm. I don’t think Pluto is a planet anymore, it’s like a number or something.”
I laughed and shoved him. “So?”
His eyes darted around the room. “So, it’s done.”
What does ‘done’ mean anyway? Should I ask more questions or let it be? Ugh. “Ok, then,” I said, a bit terse.
“Look. I told her that I was seeing someone here. I reminded her of our understanding.” He took a breath. “She didn’t say much, to be honest.”
“But you didn’t tell her it was me?”
“Aly, it doesn’t matter, and I’m not gonna kick her while she’s down. I told her we’d talk when I got back.” He took his phone and turned it off. “I don’t need this to be on, I have you here. I wanna disappear from the grid.”
That was it on the matter. I’d learned a long time ago not to browbeat him. We said our goodbyes to Natasha and Candice, and sure enough, Henry and his troop quickly came outside as we took our few first steps away from the door. They didn’t have their coats on. Jake quickly took care of business by posing with his adoring fans. The girls hopped around, blowing into their hands as they listened to Henry gush about how Jake changed his life.
He changed mine too, I thought. My boyfriend was a real-life rockstar.
13
It snowed for three days straight, and Jake used it as an excuse not to venture out, not that I wanted to. It was blowing sideways and coming down in white cotton sheets. I was perfectly happy playing house; lighting citrus scented candles, cleaning, cooking the food Emily had prepared for us, and feeling the weight of Jake on me and his warm skin pressed to mine. I was lost in a Jake drug haze, like I was stuck in an opium den. We were settled into our temporary bubble of faux-wedded bliss. I glanced down at my sparkling stone-laden ring, the one I’d never moved back to my right hand. I would keep on pretending while I was there. Will this be what it’s like once we move in together in New York? I’m sure it would be, why not? I asked myself and reasoned. This is proof of what it would be, right?
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