I began counting down the days I had remaining as I played with the pages of the book I was reading. The fourth day had begun. My trip is half over. My stomach sank at the thought. I listened to Jake as he began to strum his guitar. I wondered where he was at and rolled over, glancing around. He sat at the edge of his seat at the far end of the flat, wearing only his black sweat pants, and looked deep in thought. He was writing a new song—humming and jotting words down in his leather journal. I rolled back and stared at the industrial-looking ceiling with its exposed pipes and beams, bringing the bed covers over my chilled arms. I began to obsess about what the remaining months would hold, until I graduated and was with Jake again. My thoughts went to Sophia. I was glad Jake turned off his phone. I hadn’t seen it once, since.
“I can hear you moving around over there.”
I stretched out, humming, and tossed my book to the side. “Mhmm.”
Jake plucked at his chords. “I think we may be able to venture out today. It finally stopped snowing.”
I turned onto my stomach and our eyes met. “Aren’t you cold?”
“Nope.” He smiled at me softly and brushed his hair to the side. “How you feelin’?”
“I’m feelin’ tortured,” I said, propping my chin up by one hand as I pouted and poked at the pillow with the other. “I only have three more days left with you.” As soon as the words fell out of my mouth, my stomach tightened even more. Wow.
His eyes dulled, almost going gray, and he nodded. “I wish I could go back with you,” he said sadly.
“In a perfect world.” I laughed ironically. “But nothing in our world has ever been perfect.”
“It’s perfect for us now.”
I smiled, feeling uplifted by his words. “True enough. I’ll stop being a Debbie-Downer…as my mom would say.” I hopped out of bed, fixing my panties.
“Mmm,” Jake moaned as he watched me continue straightening myself in the mirror. I ignored his alluring sounds, smiling despite myself. “Come over here and sit on my lap.”
I looked at him with sly-seductive eyes, mockingly. “Oh, are you sure that this is what you want? Do you really want all of my fresh-out-of-bed loveliness?” I prowled towards him, giggling.
“Oh alright.” He threw his hands in the air. “What I really meant was come over here and sit on my face.”
I guffawed and picked up his t-shirt from the back of the sofa and threw it at him (He knew I didn’t want to go there yet, and kept asking me at every turn). He gently laid down his guitar. His blue eyes shimmered as he stared me up and down. Then he suddenly jumped up, scaring me, and I gasped. He charged me and I screamed louder turning to run away, but I was in his grip in a flash.
He twirled me into his chest and breathed me in. “Ew, stop!” I cried through staggered laughs. “I can’t stand myself right now.”
“I can.” He dragged me toward the bed.
“Let’s get ready. You said it stopped snowing. I wanna go see stuff.”
“No, I changed my mind.” He muscled me down onto the bed, tickling me.
I was breathless from laughing and fighting him, so I went limp. He released his tight hold on me but remained lying next to me. He lifted my shirt as he kissed my neck and caressed my stomach. The chills ran up and down my body, making me curl into him. “Jake,” I sighed. “Come on. I only have a few more days.”
“Even more reason to stay here. We can come back whenever you want once we’re living together. I wanna be warm and cozy next to you, not freezing my ass off.”
“But you said we’d explore.” I poked his chest firmly, pouting.
A knock came at the door and we both froze, holding our breath. My heart was in my throat. I felt like I’d been caught red-handed, but there was no reason for me to be worried. I was no longer hiding from anyone. Old habits die hard. Jake pushed himself up and stared off into nothing. His eyes darted around the brick wall as his mind searched for who it could possibly be. “No one knows I live here except for Emily,” he whispered and stood.
Knock, knock. Buzz – the doorbell vibrated.
I gulped. I had a bad feeling and my mind stopped at Sophia. What if she came here anyway? The flight to London was only five hours. Holy shit. Jake said he had lived in the same building before he moved, just a floor below. Jake crept to the door and looked through the peephole.
“You gotta be kidding me.” His shoulders slumped as he looked back at me. “It’s my mother.”
I laughed. “Shut up!” I covered my mouth in dismay, hoping he was kidding. By the look on his face, he wasn’t. Stress etched across his brow. He ran his hand through his hair and paced back and forth rapidly. “Put some clothes on,” he ordered and walked over, picking his shirt up off the ground, sliding it over his head. “Put your clothes on!” I scrambled to my sweats, forcing my legs in as quickly as I could. My heart raced. I felt like I was back in the 9th grade.
“Jake?” I heard her voice faintly through the door.
Oh. My. Fucking. God! It really is her!
“Get ready,” he said unhappily and unlocked the door.
“Mom, are you ok? What are you doing here?”
“Yes, yes I’m fine.” She walked through the door swiftly. “I’ve been trying to…” As soon as she saw me, her eyes flashed open wide and her mouth hung open in shock. “Alyssa?” She questioned, unbelieving. I hadn’t seen Kate, other than from a distance, in years.
“Mom, Alyssa just arrived a few days ago.”
Kate just stared at me, blinking like I was some sort of an apparition. The seconds ticked by, and she looked back at Jake and gulped, wringing the black scarf she held in her hands. The air grew thick, and with each passing second, I felt my throat closing. I stood there, frozen, wondering what was happening and why she was there, unannounced.
“This is certainly a surprise.” She stared back at Jake as he shut the door.
“Yeah, well, you standing there is a surprise,” he said dryly and walked over standing next to me. “Where’s Notting?”
She took a beat, deciding to ignore Jake’s question. “When did you move? I’ve been knocking on some poor man’s door since yesterday.”
“Mom, what’s going on? Why are you here? And why didn’t you let me know?” Jake’s voice rose in frustration.
Kate walked over and put her bag down on the sofa and looked around, her eyes landed on the messy bed at the other end of the room. Great, I thought. I clutched at my chest, feeling my sweater beneath my hand, though I felt naked. I felt as if I was floating on a cloud. I was light headed from the blood rushing too quickly though my veins. My knees felt weak and I walked over sitting on the arm of the sofa. Jake followed me and placed his arm around my shoulder in a reassuring manner. All Kate did was stare at us, perplexed.
“Alyssa, aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
“Mom. What’s going on? Stop avoiding my questions.” Jake’s voice was calm, but I could hear his restraint beneath it.
She took in a deep breath. “I just wanted to come see you. I felt a sudden urge.” She paused, looking at me. “Now I see it was a bad idea. I’m sorry to burst in on you two like this.”
I instantly felt bad. I could tell she was trying to get a grip on the situation. She was here for a reason. Jake walked over to her, giving her a hug, and I wondered how long it’d been since he’d seen her. Now I felt like I was the one who shouldn’t have been there. I looked down at my hands and my stomach sank when I saw the ring Jake gave me. I tucked my hands under my thighs. Shit. I was thankful it wasn’t a traditional engagement ring, and that we’d decided to hold off on all that. I moved my hands behind my back and placed the ring back to my right hand.
“Where’s Notting?” Jake asked her again, holding her at arms-length by the shoulders, forcing her to answer.
“He’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Are you two okay?”
“Yes.” She moved to take her coat off. “I’ve been trying to call you for a couple of days. I was extremely w
orried about you. You obviously didn’t get any of my calls.”
Jake looked at me and bowed his head, holding back a smile. “I turned my phone off so I could enjoy my time with Aly, without any distractions.”
Kate looked over at me with resignation and smiled weakly. Smiled! Okay, it was a small smile, but maybe she’d be ok with all this. “It’s nice to see you, Aly. I’m just stunned to see you here…in London.” She shook her head, still in disbelief.
14
Kate left Jake and me after only a half hour more of strained conversation. Something was on her mind. It was written all over her face when she stared off in preoccupation, starting and stopping conversation. I knew that’s why she’d flown out to see Jake. She had something to talk to him about. I worried that it was something serious, like with her health. After all, our parents were getting older, right around the age that those things start to go wrong. Jake blew off my concerns. “She’s just being her dramatic self. She probably wants to sell the house or something and’s guilt ridden about it,” he said coldly, and got in the shower. Gone were his playful gestures. He didn’t ask me to take a shower with him for the first time since I’d arrived.
I watched Jake carefully while I rushed to get ready. He was rigid, commonly so whenever his mother was around. Even after all these years, she had the same effect on him. He wore a defensive air, like a break wall at the ready for the next towering wave to hit. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to hurry, but it felt right. As soon as I put my socks on, he called out, “Are you ready to go?”
My mind raced, wondering what my remaining days would hold now that Kate and Notting would be around. The silence Jake exuded was excruciating for me, but I remained silent. Jake sat at the kitchen counter, thumbing through some papers, when he finally spoke. “Hey, I’m really sorry about this. It’s the last thing I would have thought would happen. I mean really?” He looked at me, bewildered.
I walked over to him and embraced his back, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. She came for a reason. I think maybe you should call her and go and meet her.”
“I don’t want to.” He dropped his fists to the counter, shaking his head. “I seriously can’t believe she’s here.”
“Aren’t you worried that it’s something serious?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I know her, it’s never a serious thing.” He swiveled to face me, shifting me between his legs. He viewed me thoughtfully for a moment while I played with his hair and traced his eyebrows with my fingertip. He looked and smelled fresh, making me take his head into my chest. I breathed him in. “Let’s go,” he said, giving my waist a squeeze.
“Okay,” I agreed. If he wanted to ignore the fact that his mother was there, then what other choice did I have? I didn’t want to ruin my time.
***
We walked in front of Buckingham Palace and I was in awe. It was so massive, and it looked lonely and cold. I imagined the period movies and TV shows about The Queen and The Tudors. The history of England and its monarchy was so intriguing to me. I wished I could go on a private tour of all their residences and meet with The Queen. I thought of Princess Diana, and wondered how it must have been for her. What a tragedy to be hounded so insistently by the paparazzi. To feel the sense of urgency to escape their lenses, that you die fleeing, in a fiery crash. I thought of the new princess, Kate, and hoped she’d be left alone to raise her family and love her husband, the future King. Prince William would probably be an old man by the time he became king. Queen Elizabeth must be a vampire or something. She’d looked the same for as long as I could remember, old but never aging.
We strolled over, hand in hand, to the fountain and it was partially frozen. I picked up a handful of snow that had piled on the side of the fountain’s wall, forming it into a ball, and threw it at Jake. He chased me down the street and scooped me up, spinning me around, threatening me that he’d throw me into the fountain if I didn’t behave. Jake’s mood was light, as if he’d forgotten that Kate was there, this was a relief to me. We stood kissing in the cold wind, and I was filled with the warmth and calm I’d been longing for. The idea of coming to visit Jake in London was always so far away, a dream. We slipped back into the ease of enjoying each other without words, just being together. There’s something to say about the ability to just be with someone in silence.
“Have you had enough of the snow, Alycat?” His blue eyes shone like jewels against the white contrast of our surroundings.
“Wait.” I instructed. “Stand there. It’s my turn to be an artsy photographer.” I slipped the gloves off my hands and dug the phone from my bag. “I’m not sure if this will work, but your eyes are so amazing against the snow.”
“Okay.” He chuckled uncomfortably.
I held my camera phone close to his face. I only wanted his eyes and the white landscape in the background. After a few shots I was pretty sure I’d find one that was perfect. I stared at the pictures on my screen. “You have no idea how I could just stare into your eyes forever.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but the words leaked quietly out of my mouth before I realized it. He pulled me close and I shook off my embarrassment of being so hopelessly in love. “But now I can.”
“You have your pictures and I have mine.” He winked down at me.
The verve of desire pulsed through me. “I think I’m ready for you to warm me up.”
***
What was it about human instinct? The carnal nature in us all; you either feel it for someone or you don’t. I’ve never felt it so strongly for anyone other than Jake. Would I ever? I knew I had a full life and experiences ahead of me, but I always had a thirst for Jake. Even after the years that went by, nothing or no one could quench it. Sure, there were other boys and then Nathan and Mike (ugh, I shouldn’t count Mike). I was super attracted to Nathan, and for a while there, I wanted him, or I thought I did, but I could never go all the way. The feelings for Nathan were never the insatiable kind, like they were with Jake.
As I lay next to Jake, listening to the quiet rhythm of his breathing, the yearning, animalistic feelings were manifesting. I coiled my leg around his and pressed my pelvic bone into his hip, kissing his shoulder. He moaned deeply and shifted to face me. After a few moments of soft kisses, he moved to take me. His hand ran over my thigh and grabbed my hip, filling me. We moaned in unison. How could I want to be closer to him? There was no possible way to be. If I could have found a way, I would have made it happen.
Lying there, spent with satisfaction, I watched Jake mill around the flat. Emily had come to clean while we were out. I was bummed I’d missed her. Not only did I want to check her out, I did want to thank her for cleaning up after me. It was dark outside, just after 6 pm. I snuggled into the pillows, taking in Jake’s comforting aroma. My skin and hair were filled with traces of him, and it made my insides bubble. I could have died happy right then and there. Jake slid back in next to me after getting the fire going again.
He pulled me close. “So my mom wants to have dinner.”
My stomach sank. “With who? You?”
“She didn’t say, but I’m assuming the both of us.”
“Maybe you should just go.”
“I’m not going without you.” I could feel his heart beat accelerate. “She’s being strange, I have to admit.”
“I told you!” my voice leapt and I sat up looking down at him. “What did she say?”
He covered his face with his hands. “I finally checked my phone, and she left two messages.”
“And?” I peeled one of his hands from his face.
“It’s just the sound of her voice, the tone, and she said she loved me very much, like twice in the same message.”
I didn’t know what to say, my mind instantly went to her health. “Shit.”
“Yeah.” He sat up. “Now I’m worried.”
Jake called his mom while I moved to get ready. I’d not been outside at night yet, and I
was excited to see the nighttime sights, even though I was bummed about Kate. I prayed that it wasn’t anything too serious.
Kate was staying at The May Fair Hotel, and she’d picked a quant little bistro just a few doors down. It was weird sitting there with her, making small talk. Now that Jake’s phone had been re-commissioned, it was going off constantly. I’d yet to hear the familiar Sophia tone. Thank God.
Jake’s phone rang out again, for the third time. “Hey, I’m sorry, it’s Bobby. Somethin’ must be up, I gotta take this.”
“Sure darling, go ahead.” Kate nodded as if giving him permission.
Jake got up from the table and vanished. I didn’t expect him to leave the table. Now Kate and I were awkwardly staring at each other. I smiled and grabbed my water, taking a sip.
Kate smiled pleasantly at me, then opened her mouth. “Alyssa, how have you been?”
I blinked, wondering what I should offer up. “I’ve been great. I’m excited to be here. I’ve never been to London.”
“It’s a beautiful city. Too bad you decided to come in the depths of winter.”
“I didn’t realize it would be snowing.”
She sipped her wine. I wanted to sip her wine. Ugh, should I order a glass? I was of age in Europe, after all. I seriously needed something to calm me down. Kate stared in thought at the empty plate in front of her, and before I realized it, I was asking a question.
“Is everything okay?”
Kate’s mouth opened to speak, but then she closed it, smiling at me. She took a deep breath and sighed loudly. “Everything will be fine.”
“Are you ok?” I looked at her keenly, praying she’d say yes.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“No really, are you ok?” I decided to just go for it. Who knows if Jake would ever ask? “You know, Jake’s really shocked to see you here. He’s worried about you.”
“There is nothing wrong with me. There is something that’s come up, and…” She trialed off, sadness filled her eyes and a bit of something else I couldn’t place. “It’s about time that we discuss it, and I just wanted to see my son.” She gave me a weak smile. “I missed him. It’s been over a year.”
Fever Pitch Page 8