I got the feeling she didn’t want to admit that Notting and her had taken things to another level. “Is Notting living here?” I saw her gulp and surprise flashed in her eyes. Whoops. She certainly didn’t expect me to ask that so quickly. “Come on, Mom. It’s no big deal.”
Her chest rose as she took in a breath and held it. Her eyes searched mine and she let out a big sigh. “Jake, Notting does stay here from time to time.”
I smiled at her impishly. “Mom, I’m not thirteen anymore. It’s okay to have a boyfriend. I already know you guys have had a thing going on for years.”
She grew rigid, standing taller and then turned sitting down on the sofa. “Notting and I are very good friends, Jake, and…”
“Mom, it’s okay. Don’t you get it?” I said, interrupting her. I still couldn’t believe after all the time that went by, and how long I’d been gone, that she still couldn’t admit anything about Notting. “Did you hear what I said? I know about Notting.”
The skin on her cheeks flushed pink and I immediately felt bad. I totally put her on the spot, but it needed to happen. She should be happy to have everything out in the open. “What’s the problem?” I probed.
She fidgeted with the rings on her fingers. “I want to hear about you.” She blinked. “Who met you at the airport?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Ok. Let’s see something.” I turned around and walked toward her bedroom. She didn’t say anything until I was all the way into her room.
I heard her voice faintly. “Jake, what are you doing?”
I stood facing the neatly-made bed, its white comforter pulled and tucked tightly against its mattress. I glanced around the room. I spotted Notting’s camel-colored travel satchel. I knew it was his. It had the familiar well-traveled scars, and Dump’s branded cigarette-burned happy face stared back at me.
“What are you looking for?” she said, coming up behind me. “Notting’s not here.”
I didn’t answer her and walked toward the closet. “Jake?” she said, her voice strained.
Just as I thought, Notting’s razor sat on the side of the sink across from the wall of closet mirrors. I pulled open the doors, and men’s clothing hung there.
I shot my mother an ironic look over my shoulder. “I guess I’m doing what you would do and just seeing for myself.” I stared at her, smiling, waiting for her to admit it. “Can’t we all just move on?”
Her forehead knitted together. “Jake this is not how I wanted you to find out.”
“Mom, you’re acting like you got caught cheating or…” I stalled as the words darted from my mouth, thinking of my father. “I mean, come on. It’s okay. I’m a big boy.” There was something that flashed in her eyes. What was her problem? “Look. I know I caught you off guard, and I’m sorry. I think I’ll just stay at a hotel, until you work whatever it is you need to work out,” I said, swinging my arms around and pointing out the obvious.
“No, no, no. I want you to stay here.” She pulled the hair from around her neck and reached over to the bathroom counter, grabbing a little black elastic band to tie her hair back. Instantly, she looked ten years younger. She exhaled loudly. “Come.” She turned, walking toward the bedroom door, and I followed. “Notting won’t be home for a while. I want to hear about what’s been going on with you. Notting, of course tells me everything, but I want to hear your version. Are you still dating Sophia? Or is this thing with Aly still happening?”
Kill me before the pink elephant swallows me whole, I thought.
I did not want to talk about Sophia with her. I decided not to lean on my mom anymore about Notting; instead, I’d just ask him directly. I was shocked he never said anything to me in the first place. I felt strange about the whole thing. Why wouldn’t he tell me, especially after all the intimate talks we’d had in the past?
Sitting at the kitchen counter as my mother did her usual frittering around, making food I wasn’t hungry for, she prodded again about my personal life in New York.
“Are you still seeing Sophia? I really liked her, she seems like a good one.”
Not as good as Aly.
“Um, about that…” I paused.
She shut the stove carefully. “What happened?” she asked sadly. “Did you break it off because you and Aly are getting serious again? I had a feeling since London…but with her school and all, are you sure you want to have a long distance relationship...? It wouldn’t…”
I sucked in a deep breath and stood up. “Look, mom,” I interrupted her babbling, “actually, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Ok.” She kept shredding cheese without looking up at me.
“Aly is coming back with me to New York.” I held my breath. My heart thumped hard in anticipation of her reply. She smiled softly and kept shredding for a moment longer.
She looked at me and her eyes drifted across my face, wondering if I was kidding. “This is news. I’m not sure what to say.”
Really? She didn’t have one thing to say about it? I waited. She most definitely had to have something to say about it.
Gulp–nothing. Lick my lips–nothing.
She looked away from me and began placing the cheese in a bowl.
I wasn’t about to go after this. Or was I? Reverse psychology at its best.
“No other questions?” She shook her head no. I nodded. “Ok. So. Um, I guess I’ll go get checked into a hotel and come back in a bit. I wanna spend some time with Aly, too.”
I stood blinking, dumbfounded.
“I’m making enchiladas. Will you please come for dinner?” Her voice sounded funny. It pitched higher, and the mood that blanked the room was nothing I was used to. She sounded small, insubstantial, unlike her. This yanked at me.
“Yeah, of course. I just don’t want you to feel weird about Notting, Mom.”
“Don’t be silly.” Her lips turned up at the corners, but I knew she didn’t mean her tiny gesture. She was faking it, like me. A faker knows a faker, a con. “Notting and I are working through some things. Trying something new.” She paused and sighed. “I don’t want this to affect you, Jake.”
I huffed, disturbed by her ridiculous concern. “Stop it already. You can’t be serious.” She had to be kidding. Was she trying to milk me for attention? “I’m really not sure what the problem is. I want you and Notting to finally be together, and it’s obvious that you’ve had a problem with me knowing about it for years.”
She leaned against the counter as her eyes diverted from mine and snatched a nearby dishtowel up, holding it to her face.
Fuck, she got all sensitive. “I can’t do this, Jake.” Her muffled voice squeezed through the rag. “We can discuss this later.”
I gulped. Holy shit, she was crying. I hadn’t seen her cry in a long, long time. Like a time warp, I felt six years old. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
She removed the towel from her eyes, which continued to pool, and she sniffled. “I wanted to tell you, not have you find out like this. I’m sorry,” she said, holding back more tears. “It’s just very emotional for me, moving on.” Then she laughed ironically, tossing her head back. “I’m supposed to be the parent, and here I am crying to you. It shouldn’t be this way.”
She shook her head and her forehead creased with sadness. She shouldn’t be sad, she should be happy to be moving on with her life.
“But it is this way,” I remarked. I wanted to go to her, but I stood, paralyzed. I wanted so badly to tell her not to be sad, that she deserved better than my father and his going with another women behind her back.
She smiled and put on a brave face, tucking the stray hair behind her ear. “I want you to be happy, Jake, and successful. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. It seems you’re about to have everything you’ve ever wanted. That’s all I could ask for.”
I laughed to myself. She was the master at diversion.
“I just wanted to love you and provide for you the best I could, in memory of…” she paused, sucking in her tears, “you
r father. To not having anything in my personal life affect you in any way, and it could have many, many times. So I made you my number one priority, and I still do. I’ll do it until the day I die.”
Oh geez, why was she always so melodramatic.
I sighed. “I know, Mom, I know you did.” Now it was getting really heavy, and I couldn’t take it. This was her issue, she was right. I needed to go. I wanted Aly. I scooted to her side and gave her a gentle hug. “What time do you want me back?”
“Seven.” She turned going to the fridge. “Jake. Please stay here. There’s no reason to spend money on a hotel.”
I laughed. “Mom, there are other reasons I want to stay in a hotel.” I hoped she’d get the hint as I turned and walked out of the kitchen. “I’ll be back.”
3
Alyssa
The warm afternoon air spun around my face as I held Jake’s hand in mine, walking into The Shade, our town’s local boutique hotel. I prayed that the person at the front desk wasn’t someone we knew. I was relieved that I didn’t recognize the lady with short brown hair and gold sparkly earrings, standing there and punching away at a hidden keyboard. I glanced around for any familiar faces. Just what I needed was for my mom and dad to hear they saw me with a boy, checking into the hotel down the street. My heart raced like I was gonna get in trouble or something.
I wondered if this paranoia would ever go away. I mean, I was eighteen after all. I’d traveled all the way across the globe and back, and my parents knew about it. What was my problem? This lady obviously didn’t recognize either of us. I breathed a soft sigh of relief as I waited quietly behind Jake, keeping my head bent down, as if that would thwart anyone noticing me.
***
My fingers traced the sweeping dark blue and black lines permanently etched onto Jake’s left forearm–he’d gotten more ink work done. I tried to make out what he was going for; the only markings I could make out were the little musical notes. He told me it was a surprise, so I stood there wondering, waiting for the elevator door to open. Walking through the hallway, I could barely feel my feet hitting carpet. I was tingling all over and could hardly contain myself as he swept me up into his arms and walked me through the hotel room door.
“Honey, we’re home.” He smiled seductively.
I took his face in my hands, feeling the slight roughness of his unshaven cheeks, and kissed him deeply. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t feel any other part of my body except my lips and tongue blending together with his, and the intense ache that radiated through my hips and down my thighs. It was as if he was my life’s breath, and I would die if I didn’t inhale every bit of him. He laid me gently on the bed and lingered above, pressing into me. Sliding my hands up underneath his shirt, his skin felt like silk at my fingertips. I pulled the shirt over his head, and he stared down at me with his dreamy blue eyes. He was now firm against me, and it made me wet with desire. Wow. I wrapped my legs around him, wanting us to melt together for eternity.
We feverishly yanked at each other’s clothing, peeling each piece off one by one and tossing them across the room, giggling and laughing. Was it nervous laughter? Mischievous laughter? Maybe it was both. It’d been so long since I’d been with him, and my insecurities were looming over me. Would I be able to satisfy him again? My irrational thoughts were stifled soon enough when his loving words filled my ears.
“You’re the end-all, Aly,” he whispered, looking at me intensely. My breathing was erratic, and I was ready to explode. His words continued, caressing my ears like silk. “I love you. I wanna show you how much I love you. I’ll move mountains to be with you. Nothing’s gonna keep us apart now.” His hand caressed my thigh and he kissed me softly, licking my lips. He moved down my neck, sending chills over every inch of my body. Tender, warm, wet kisses covered me all the way down to my stomach, then to my thighs, and he took me into his mouth. Toe-curling doesn’t even describe how he made me feel. I was in a complete pleasure blackout, and it ended way too soon. I’m sure the whole universe heard me, but I didn’t care at that moment. All I wanted was more of him.
“Oh my god,” I said, breathless, covering my face. “Mmmm.” I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensations that were still flowing through me.
“I love drinking you up. You’re so fuckin’ hot.” His voice was husky with desire.
“I still ache for you,” I whispered sitting up, and pulled him up to me. I took him into my hand, and he was as hard as a rock. I stroked him. “I need more of you.”
He smiled softly. “You want more, huh?” His eyebrows raised in amusement.
“I wanna make your eyes roll into the back of your head.” I purred, giggling, and poked him in the chest.
I wanted to feel him. I wanted to be as close to him as I could. I wanted to be a part of him. I wanted him inside me. I prayed that it wouldn’t hurt like it did the first time. I wanted to get off with him inside me; that hadn’t happened my entire time in London. My lady part wouldn’t allow it.
“You drive me crazy, you feel so good,” he moaned in my ear, moving my hips as close as they could be. The fullness of him filled me. I only wanted to wince the first several thrusts. The pain ebbed and didn’t return. Only warm, pulsing goodness ebbed through me, and watching the pleasure-filled-pain wash over Jake’s face made me feel something I’d never felt before. For the first time, I felt like a woman.
Our blur of lust was finally satisfied, leaving us spent and curled up in each other’s arms. “Do we really have to go to dinner at your house?” I whined.
I wanted to stay in bed with him for the rest of the night before I had to face my father. He’d been acting like Jake didn’t exist, talking like I would be around all summer. He conveniently forgot that I would be in New York during our annual family vacation.
Jake propped his too-handsome head up in his hand and stared at me with his devastating blue eyes. I melted into him, kissing his chin and neck over and over again. “We don’t have to. But I don’t wanna be a dick. I left my mom crying and all emo.” He collapsed onto his back and rubbed his face, staring at the ceiling, and pulled at his hair. His muscular arms made his new tattoos beyond hot. Was it possible for him to get hotter? I guess so. What a little ink wouldn’t do, right? “Notting moved in.”
“What?!” The news propelled me to sit up, pulling at the sheets to cover my boobs.
Jake smiled. “You know, you don’t have to cover them. I think they like being naked, and me admiring their perfectly round perkiness….and me playing with them.” He reached out, squeezing one.
“Stop it,” I giggled, hitting his hand away. I crossed my legs, thinking more of Notting and his mom. “You know, I never thought anything of him being around without you there. But now that you say it, his truck was always parked at your house.”
“Yep. My mom didn’t tell me. I found out because I asked and she got all tongue-tied.” He laughed, getting out of the bed. His butt was perfectly round, like an athlete’s. His legs were strong, and I admired his bare behind as he disappeared into the bathroom.
“You need to get some sun. I don’t recall you ever being this white,” I shouted, smiling. I heard the shower turn on. “What? Doesn’t the sun shine in the city?”
I heard him laugh. “Not like it does here! Come rinse off,” he hollered.
I jumped out of bed, pulling at the sheet for it to come with me. I peeked around the corner. I could see him through the steamy glass shower door. He was facing the faucet, and his head was bent down underneath the water. As much as I wanted to get in with him, little sprouts of embarrassment tickled at me. Holy crap, he had me so outta control, what must he think? This time was so different than London.
He turned facing me, shouting my name, making me jump. “Alycat!” he called out again. He didn’t see me; his eyes were closed.
“I’m here,” I said, walking to the shower door, clutching the white sheet tighter around me.
“Drop that thing and get in here,” he ordered, squintin
g and smiling. He took a little bottle into his hand. “Come on.”
“I’m just fine watching you,” I flirted, walking over to the vanity mirror, keeping my eyes on Jake. My insides bubbled. I was the luckiest girl in the world. We’d really made it, hadn’t we?
***
I sat staring at Jake, not believing what I was hearing. Are you kidding me? He still had a girlfriend, and she had no idea that he was essentially leaving her to move in with me, into a brand new apartment.
“I seriously can’t believe you,” I said, flabbergasted. I couldn’t think of anything else to say at that moment, and paced back and forth with my mouth hanging open. I should have been angry, but instead I felt overwhelming sympathy for what was to come for Sophia. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I shouted.
He breathed in deeply. “You’re not mad?”
“I don’t know what I am!” I really didn’t know what to feel. “I guess, yeah, I’m pissed, but I’m also sad for Sophia! What the fuck are you thinking?”
He shook his head and looked at the ceiling in frustration. “I didn’t want to deal with it, I’d been blowing her off and not seeing her as often, and I guess I hoped it would just go away.”
“It? You mean she. You sound like you’re ten years old, Jake,” I sneered. Now I was getting truly angry, and I huffed. “You need to call her. I don’t wanna show up somewhere and have her there, not knowing what’s going on.”
“I can’t do this over the phone. I told you that. I promise I’ll take care of it as soon as we get there. I promise you won’t have to deal with any of this.”
“I sure hope so,” I squeaked out, already convinced that this was not going to go over easily. Scenes from the Rachel episodes flashed in my head. “This is gonna be a repeat of Rachel, you just watch.”
“No, no it’s not. Sophia already knows about you. She knew we were together in London. I’m telling you, it’s not like Rachel at all. Please don’t worry. I’m sorry for dragging it out.”
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