This made me feel worse for her, and I stared at Jake, wondering what else he was going to spring on me. I sulked into the bathroom to take a shower without another word. I wanted so bad to ask if he’d still been sleeping with her, but I was too afraid of what the answer would be. I didn’t want to hear yes. He was mine now. Sophia was just a formality.
4
Jake
Aly had her damp hair pulled into a tight bun. Her face was luminous against the setting sunlight streaming through the car windows. She was the most precious thing in my life, and I’d never been happier. Everything I’d ever dreamt was happening. I was alive and healthy, my band was whole, and everybody in my life was right where they wanted to be. Dump seemed on the mend, from his sickness and he’d given up smoking. He and Sienna were happily set up in Tribeca. Devon, our fill-in guitarist and now sometimes drummer, still toured with us even after Bobby returned, and Bobby and Marshall were still together. Now that Marshall was graduating with Aly, they too had their own plans.
Even with all of it ostensibly falling into place, uneasiness churned in my stomach. Aly didn’t seem as excited about coming to New York as I thought she’d be, even before I sprung the whole Sophia debacle on her. I squeezed her hand and she smiled, leaning her head back against the headrest and looking out the window. I turned the corner into our neighborhood and my nerves itched at me.
“How you doin’?” I rattled her hand.
She sighed deeply. “I’m just nervous about everything. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat.”
“Don’t be,” I said reassuringly, but I also worried how it’d go over.
The evening moved along, with my mother lost in the kitchen as Aly and I watched TV. I wondered when and if Notting would come home, or if my mom asked him to stay away. I’d bet any amount of money that she asked him to stay out; that’s just how she operated. As all these extraneous thoughts ran through my head I glanced at Aly, noticing she sat next to me in a petrified state. She didn’t return my affection, begging me under her breath to leave her alone. I playfully taunted her until she punched me hard in the arm, leaving a charlie-horse as a reminder for me to behave.
“Kids, dinner’s ready!” My mom shouted, and Aly glanced at me, rolling her eyes. She whispered her under her breath, “here we go.”
***
I pushed the rice around my plate. Aly was on edge. I could feel it as she quietly carved away at her enchiladas, unable to look up from her plate even though my mother kept an upbeat demeanor. My mother cleared her throat, glanced at me, and then looked at Aly. Aly held her stare, and all I could do was chew my food, wondering what the fuck would happen next. My mother opened her mouth to speak, and to my surprise, it was Aly’s voice I heard.
“Kate,” Aly said as she placed her fork and knife on her plate, never taking her eyes off of her. Oh shit. “I know so much has happened.” She shook her head, looking between the both of us, smiling ironically. “And I’m sure it’s as hard for you to sit there as it is for me to sit here, pretending that we don’t have a past, but I just want you to know that I love Jake more than you could ever know, and no matter what happens, I’ll always have his best interest at heart.”
I could see my mother gulp as she blinked, surprised at Aly’s bold, mature attitude. I was more astonished.
“Alyssa, dear.” She smiled kindly, breathing in. She pressed her fingers between her eyebrows before she spoke. “I’ve come to believe that you do care deeply for Jake, and I know you understand what he’s been through in his life and how hard he’s worked. You’re both grown now, so there’s not much else to say.” She shrugged. “I’ve chatted with your brother over the last few years, and it seems you’ve really got it together and you have your pick of colleges. I’m sure your father is proud.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “I can only imagine what he must think about you going off with Jake to New York after all that’s happened.”
Aly laughed and her eyes grew wide, shifting the energy in the room; it was lighter. “Yeah, he’s pretending it’s not gonna happen, or I don’t know what. Maybe he really did forget.”
“I doubt it,” I guffawed, almost spitting the food out of my mouth.
“I’ll be reminding him soon enough,” Aly said a bit loudly. Her hand slipped under the table, clasping my thigh, sending a warm sensation pulsing through my veins. Crazy, I thought, how one simple move could have such an effect on me.
“Speaking of, I, um,” I stammered. “Mom, I was hoping that you’d do me a huge favor.”
“What?” Her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed together.
“Um, I was hoping that you’d go over and talk to Aly’s dad, you know, and tell him that you’re aware of what’s going and stuff like that.”
“Stuff like that? Really?” She crossed her arms to her chest. “No, I will do no such thing. You’re twenty-one, and I have nothing to say to that man.” She smiled sadly. “I’m sure you understand. He’d have to come over here and be accountable for all the insults. I don’t care how much time has gone by, I’m not having it.”
“I’m really sorry about all that, about everything, Kate.” Aly rung her hands, “I don’t know what we were thinking back then, any of us.”
I totally regretted even bringing her into this. I was hoping that Aly and I would be able to leave as one big modern family, all made up and happy.
I cleared my throat, wanting to change the subject. “That was a long time ago; it’s time to drop it. Sorry I brought it up.” I stood, pushing my chair away. I gave my mother a hard stare for her to move along to a different subject and grabbed my plate.
“You’re right. The past is the past. Just know that sometimes the past can come back to bite you.”
“What? A past that you’re just letting go of, finally?” I lightly huffed, shaking my head. “I really don’t think we need to talk about pasts, especially with you.”
“Jake, stop it!” Aly scolded me.
“No, Aly, he’s right,” my mom remarked, looking at me then back to Aly. “On another note, he’s so quick to judge, yet has no idea what he’s judging.”
I threw my free hand up. “And that’s my fault? I practically begged you this morning to tell me…”
“Jake!” Aly chimed loudly with an edge I’d not heard before. “Like you said, I think we need to move on.”
Her courage to have a voice took me aback and perked me up. Twice in a row, I wasn’t used to her speaking up. Especially since it was against me, though I couldn’t keep the smile from peeking out at the sides of my mouth. I was intrigued by her newly sprouted personality trait. It was hot. I drank her in with my eyes for a long moment, and the aching pressure of yearning ran all over me. Her slender arms hung motionless at her sides as she stared me down, daring me to keep giving my mom shit. I forced myself to stop fantasizing about what I would do to her if my mother hadn’t been sitting right in front of us.
I grabbed the plate that sat in front of her and gave her a peck on the forehead. Her hand lightly wrapped around my calf as I stood next to her, making me go weak, and spurred me to clear my throat self-consciously. “So, when’s Notting gonna be back? Been missin’ that guy.” I didn’t look at my mom or Aly as I walked to the sink, and focused on rinsing the plate in my hand.
“Well, he actually should be back here any time now.”
“Why didn’t he have dinner with us?” I turned the water off and looked around for a towel.
“I wanted to be alone with you for a little bit.” Control freak, I thought. This irritated me. It was never ending; poor Notting, being kept away from where he lived. I ran my wet hands through my hair.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I glared at my mom.
“Jake,” Aly broke in, rising from her seat. “I think I’m gonna get going.”
My eyes darted to Aly. “No, no. It’s cool.” I motioned with my hands for her to calm down. “I’ll stop. I just don’t get it,” I said, looking at my mother and shaking my head.
/>
My mom ignored my remark and began clearing a few things off the table. “Are you excited to be graduating tomorrow, Aly? Ready to embark on your new adventures?”
Aly looked at me, smiling. “I’m ready to move on with my life. Yes, I’m very excited.”
“I’m sure tomorrow will be quite a stir at the ceremony, having Jake there.” Her tone was a bit condescending.
What? What was that supposed to mean? I glanced at Aly, and she looked perplexed too.
“What? Mom, she had no idea I was coming.”
She sighed loudly. “I hope it doesn’t turn into a scene, that’s all.”
***
Aly had such a knack for sneaking away unheard. It was her graduation day and our D-Day. My stomach flipped, thinking about seeing her mom and dad at the ceremony and conversing with them about our future. I rolled over into a ball, staring out across my hotel room, wishing I could just avoid it and to be on the plane back to New York. I glanced at the clock. It was still early, 8:30 am. I decided to make my way to the gym, and wondered if my membership was still valid.
Arriving at the gym, I was stoked the parking lot wasn’t at full capacity, which meant no waiting for machines. Walking through the familiar foyer brought me back to when my mom would force the band to work out as part of the deal. I chuckled to myself. Maybe her demands made an impression on me, because it was now always important for me to stay in shape and clean. Even during my relapses into using, I still made sure to work out, telling myself it would clean out my system faster. Maybe it did.
A pretty blonde with big brown eyes stood behind the counter, ready to greet me. “Hello, your name?” she said, smiling brightly as I approached closer.
“Jake Masters.” I smiled in return. “I’m not sure if my membership is still valid.”
She batted her eyes at me and looked back at her screen and then back up at me, blinking twice. “Yes, you’re still active. Your account is on auto-pay.”
“Really? Hmm. My mom must have forgotten about it.” I shrugged. “I think it’s about time that I switch over the account. Can you put it on my credit card now?”
“Sure.”
I tossed my credit card onto the counter and she took care of business while I checked out the scene. It was nearly empty.
As I made my way into the locker room, I kept having a fake conversation with Aly’s parents in my head. As if it would go that way, but hey, it was making me feel better to be somewhat prepared. Rounding a corner, I was surprised to spot Notting. He was stuffing his things into a locker. Did he pass right by me in the lobby? He must have not noticed me. I wondered if my mom was there too.
“Not, hey man!” I said excitedly. I was very happy to see him.
He looked over his shoulder with a huge smile on his face. “Saw you at the front.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shrugged. “You were taking care of your business.”
I embraced him into a tight bear hug, patting him on the back when I released him. “Missed you last night, man. Sorry Kate’s still being weird about stuff.” I wanted him to know I was aware of what was going on.
He sighed deeply and shook his head. “Son, I’m not sure about things,” he said sadly.
My stomach sank. Shit, maybe my mom’s time had run out. She was finally out of rope with him. I gulped and felt hot under my collar. I just stared at him blankly, because I had no idea what to ask or to say, and before I’d realized it, a few words popped out. “But you just moved in, right?”
“Jake, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t think I should be discussing our issues with you.”
“Not, man, I think you know it’s all good with me. I know mom has issues, big ones.”
He looked at the ground, somberly. “Yeah. I’ll be on the treadmill,” he said as he squeezed my shoulder on his way by.
I stood with my backpack dangling in my hand for I don’t know how long, just staring at the space where Notting once stood. I had mixed emotions thundering through me. What the fuck was going on? I had to find out. I hastily stuffed my shit into a locker and took off after him. I found him walking at a brisk pace on one of the treadmills. There wasn’t anyone else around. Notting stared at the soundless TV screen in front of him, perhaps reading the closed-captioning.
“Hey,” I said unhappily. “Tell me what’s going on.” I had to be blunt, right?
Notting took in a deep breath. “I’m not sure, really.” He reached out, pushing at some buttons on the machine, slowing his stride, just as I pushed at mine to get started. “Things were great when I first moved in, and then one day, about four weeks into it, she was distracted, almost distraught, and very emotional. She wouldn’t tell me why, making up something about her friend, Cassidy. Something just didn’t sit right with me. It’s gotten better, but something’s still off.”
I walked, staring down at the black tread gliding underneath my feet, and my mind tried to grasp what it might be and fear ran through me. “Do you think she’s sick? Like cancer sick or somethin’?” I grabbed the rails of the treadmill as I stared at Notting for his reaction. “I mean, she says it’s not, but that unexpected trip to London…and she was all weird then, too.”
“No, no, no.” He shook his head. “She swore to me that it wasn’t anything health related. Then told me she was working whatever it is, out with Cassidy. She asked me not to bring it up anymore.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I laughed uneasily. “I mean, oh, okay. She just get’s to make all the calls, still? She acts lame, treats you differently and can’t tell you the truth?”
“Jake.” Notting’s tone warned me to cool it.
I hit stop on the machine and stood there staring at him. “I seriously don’t know what to say about the entire thing. It’s like one big long drama. You have no idea how long this drama has been going on. It’s one thing or another, starting with my dad and then her…issues, and now you’re officially dragged into it because you’re living with her.”
He stared at me pensively, running his fingers through his wavy salt-peppered hair in frustration as his other hand gripped the handle of the treadmill. I jumped when he practically punched the emergency stop button and then glared at me. “I have been a part of this drama since before it was drama, Jake. Don’t tell me I have no idea,” he growled. Notting shook his head as his shoulders slumped. “I don’t think we should be discussing family matters anymore.”
Notting stepped off the treadmill without another word. I didn’t mean to upset him. I thought I was the only one upset about our history. I went after him. “Notting, man, I’m sorry,” I said, tripping over my own feet as I followed him back toward the locker room. “Don’t stop your workout because of me. I’ll leave.”
“I’m no longer in the mood to be here. I’ll see you later.” He didn’t even look at me.
I stood there feeling stupid and glanced around to see if anyone was staring at me. A few people were. I was embarrassed. I looked in the direction of the café, only to see someone taking a picture of me with an iPhone. I instantly saw red and almost went off, yelling something I’d regret, before I noticed a gym attendant walk up in front of her. I didn’t stay to watch how that panned out and took off toward the free weights. My heart was thumping wildly, and I looked around and spotted a few instructors gawking at me, which only made my mood worse. Before I knew it, I was standing right in front of them. “Do you have a question? You need somethin’?” I hissed with my arms out to the side, daring them to say something stupid. “Don’t people mind their own fucking business around here?”
The girl with the pink tie-dyed workout gear choked out her words. “Uh, no. I’m sorry if we offended you.” Her eyes bounced around behind me, never making contact with mine, only with her bearded and buff coworker’s. “Um, Mark, I’ll talk to you later,” she said and finally looked at me. “My name is Trisha. I’m the nutritionist here. If you have any questions, don’t be afrai
d to ask…I hope your day gets better.”
Trisha walked away and now I felt like a dick, as Mark looked me up and down. “Jake? Masters? Right?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought that was you. I know you. Trisha…” he said, pointing in her direction. “Actually knew you from a few years ago, before you hit the big time. Great music, man.”
I nodded with a tight smile and looked around, trying to decide which bench I would land on. I just wanted to be alone, and not have Mark carry on about my shit. Thankfully, he got the hint and didn’t mention anything about me again, saying his goodbyes. As cordially as I could, I returned his gesture.
5
Jake
So typical of me, I didn’t let myself down. I was officially the number one procrastinator in the entire world, because I’d waited until the last possible moment to talk to Aly’s parents about her move to New York. Aly was graduating in a few hours, and we were leaving the next day. I stood in my driveway, leaning against my mother’s black Escalade with my heart cinched in my throat, waiting for her parents to come over. I couldn’t take my mother telling me to sit down and relax anymore, so I had to move outside to greet them. I wanted them to know how serious I was about taking care of Aly.
Mr. Montgomery was the first to come out of the gate, crisp as usual in his light blue checked button-down and black slacks, looking like the lawyer that he was. My hands began to sweat. Fuck. I pulled at the collar of my t-shirt and wished I’d dressed nicer. It was bad enough that he already thought I was a piece of shit. I could have at least looked like I wasn’t one, in my faded black jeans and black t-shirt with a bleach stain on the sleeve. I gulped and stood straight. I had to stop myself from shoving my hands deep down into my pockets like I was twelve.
I stepped away from the truck as Aly’s parents moved closer, and tried to smile as sincerely as I could. I was nervous as hell. “Hello, thanks for coming over.” I said, extending my hand to Aly’s father, Frank. I smiled sincerely at Mrs. Montgomery, who looked like she’d been crying. Great. She gave me a tight smile, as if holding back tears. “Um, you wanna come inside?” I offered as my voice cracked.
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