“Jake, maybe we should talk over at our place.” Frank scratched the top of his head and ran his hand over his face. “I don’t think Kate would really appreciate us coming into her home after all that’s happened.”
“Look, Mr. Montgomery. All that was a long time ago...”
“Jake, first we need to apologize to Kate,” Aly’s mom interrupted, shooting Frank a look of contempt. “And then we can talk.”
I was shocked that Frank just stood there, silent, looking off in the distance. He was probably cursing her in his head for embarrassing him. It was obvious Mr. Montgomery was being forced to play nice, and I was thankful.
“Ok, um, look, I know you and I,” I said, looking sheepishly at Mrs. Montgomery. “We never talked about what happened like Frank and I did before I moved away. I should also be apologizing to you. I was out of control. I was on drugs, and I should have known better. Even before I was high on those pills, I should have paid attention and cared more about what was going on with Aly. I was selfish. I admit it. It took me a long time to figure that out and let go.” I paused, reliving that moment when I told Aly I was moving to New York and going on tour with Eva James. I felt a pain in my stomach as if I’d just admitted, all over, that I’d also been seeing Eva. I shook my head. “Leaving was the only way I knew to make it all better.”
Mrs. Montgomery covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle the tears that welled in her eyes, and her red nail polish caught my attention. It was an appealing accent to her otherwise natural beauty. She had the same long brown hair as Aly, with the exception of the light dusting of grey that framed her face. For the first time, I saw my future. Aly was going to be beautiful forever.
***
Mr. Montgomery stood at the entrance to our kitchen and my mother stood behind the counter, staring down at her hands. I couldn’t really say there was tension in the room, but some weird vibe was pulsing. I wondered who would be the first to speak. Then I decided to go for it myself and cleared my throat. “Mom, you know I thought it would be a good idea for all of us to get together since Aly and I will be leaving in the morning.”
She stared at me blankly, nodding, and looked directly at Frank, waiting for him to apologize for the harsh words aimed at her three years earlier. She crossed her arms to her chest.
“Look, Kate. I’m sorry. I can’t say I remember what I said back then. I just know it was heated. We were in shock that Aly and Jake had been running around behind our backs, with the lying and ditching school…and I just don’t run my life like…other people.” He hung his head and stammered, searching for words that wouldn’t offend my mother more than she already was. I could see amusement spark in her eyes as Frank continued, struggling to apologize. “I’m really sorry for the insensitive things I said. I was out of line. I know you didn’t know what was going on either.”
I glanced over at Mrs. Montgomery and she was crying, wiping away the tears from her cheeks with trembling hands. It was as if a heavy wool blanket was lifted from my face and I could breathe. Over three years of bitterness gone in a matter of minutes. My mother was misty-eyed too as she came from around the counter with her arms outstretched to hug Mrs. Montgomery.
“Thank you, Frank,” she said as she held Aly’s mom tightly. “Carolyn, thank you, thank you both for coming over here.”
Carolyn stepped away from my mom. “Kate. This has been the most agonizing and longest three years of our lives,” she admitted, shaking her head. “Frank here likes to ignore the situation and move about like nothing’s going on.”
“Now Carolyn, that’s not true. I just know there’s nothing I can do about any of it anymore, so I carry on with my life. Just like the kids did.”
For the next hour, I explained to Aly’s parents my plan for having her in New York with me, to her father’s obvious discomfort. He kept shifting in his seat like he had to take a piss or something. I even invited them to come for a stay, which they politely declined. Then I was shocked out of my tree when he told me that Aly hadn’t yet decided on what college she was going to; she’d been grappling between USC and Pepperdine. She’d gotten offered full ride scholarships to both schools to play volleyball. My heart sunk into my gut. What the fuck? And a partial Academic to NYU–she never said anything to me.
“Didn’t she already have to make that choice if she’s supposed to start school in the fall?” My voice cracked. Fuck, I didn’t want to come off as desperate. What the hell was she thinking?
Mr. Montgomery hemmed and hawed finally offering something I could use. “She mentioned she would make her choice over the summer and start in the spring. She has to make a choice fast; they won’t hold her spot for long.”
Great, I thought, as my stomach clenched in knots. Did I really have to convince Aly that New York was going to be her new home? I couldn’t say goodbye to her parents fast enough. My mind was scrambling, wondering why after all that we’d spoke of, she’d be wavering about moving. What did that mean for us? Looking at the clock, I was relieved it was almost time for Aly’s graduation ceremony. Thankfully, Notting came home and engaged Aly’s parents. I politely said goodbye. 5 pm was rolling around pretty fast.
***
I sat in my truck with a nervous anticipation I hadn’t felt in a long time. I watched the students and families walk through the parking lot of our local community college, all shiny, pressed and fluffed, ready to graduate. Students, some with excitement painted on their faces, and some staring blankly off in the distance. I wondered what Aly was feeling.
Anxiety was bubbling, and I thought of Amy, my sponsor, as her words echoed in my head. I didn’t need anything to take the edge off. No booze, no pills, nothing. I was gonna be fine, and all of these gnawing, uneasy feelings would pass. The feeling that I wasn’t good enough for Aly or that I would be a failure, a has-been, and not be able to provide for her. My eyes bounced around from face to face as I fought my thoughts. Was I truly a coward because I was too afraid to face Sophia to tell her we had to call it quits and show her the respect that she deserved? Yes. I had to man up – I told myself. That thought spurred me to think of my father, too, wondering if that’s how he felt about his situation with my mother all those years ago, afraid of conflict.
With a deep breath, I closed my eyes as I took the few first steps through the gate toward the football field and up into the stands. I turned to see white chairs precisely lined one by one next to each other, row after row. I never did get to sit in one of them. I scanned the area, my eyes bouncing from person to person, not really making eye contact, not wanted to invite people in, not wanting anyone to recognize me. It didn’t take long for the buzz of the crowd and the stares to reach me. This was one of those times when I wished I could just fade into the background. Even though our town had its fair share of celebrity sightings and professional athletes milling around our local joints, it was nothing like being born and raised there, where everyone knew you before you did anything special, which made them feel entitled to come up and be nosy with backslapping familiarity.
I just wanted to be left alone as I sat next to Aly’s brother and sister, Kyle and Allison, waiting for the ceremony to begin. I didn’t get what I wanted, though. One by one, I shook hands and repeated myself over and over again about what I was doing and why I was there. “I’m here for Alyssa Montgomery.” Or “Yeah, we’re back together.” Or “No, things are great between us, don’t believe everything you read or hear.”
I wanted to punch half of these nosy motherfuckers in the face.
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Fever Pitch Page 14