Alpha for the Pack: M/M/M/M/M/M Dark Romance Mpreg (The stars of the pack Book 2)

by N. J. Lysk

  “Ray?” Josh asked after a minute.

  “Mmm?”

  “Ray?” Josh was leaning on his elbow, looking down at him. He was still flushed, but his concern was plain to see on his face. “Please tell me if I did anything wrong.”

  Ray froze, glancing up at him. He hadn’t used any type of compulsion, but it was still Ray’s alpha asking and his wolf wanted to give whatever was asked. “You didn’t,” he said, keeping it short.

  Josh opened his mouth, but then seemed to think better of it and closed it again. He still looked worried. “But you will tell me if I ever do.”

  “Sure,” Ray said. And it turned out he could lie, at least about something as vague as his intentions.

  “Okay,” Josh said. He was still half-draped around Ray. He seemed to be waiting for something, but Ray didn’t know what, and apparently neither did Josh because he just said it again and got up. “I promised to help with the dishes.”

  &

  Ray buried his face into the sheets, groaning in frustration when the scent of their bodies hit him. He turned his face and tried to breathe through his mouth. He wasn’t an idiot, he’d hurt Josh. Or at the very least offended him, and things were still fragile enough between them that Josh hadn’t dared to push it further.

  Josh hadn’t become his alpha to have power over him, Ray knew this like he knew the sun rose in the mornings and the moon ruled his existence. But it was a consequence neither of them could control nor change. Josh could no longer be the pushy best friend with Ray’s best interest at heart behind his hearty teasing. He was responsible for Ray in a way nobody had been since he’d been a child, and he knew it too well. He was afraid of it. Maybe more than Ray was himself. He asked Ray too often what he wanted when he’d been confident to assume before, and it hurt. But it didn’t matter how much Ray wanted Josh to treat him like nothing had changed: the only way Josh could know that he wasn’t abusing his alpha power Ray was to ask him. Ray couldn’t even say he didn’t agree: he’d asked Gabriel exactly for that. It was what he needed. Not as an omega, as a person. To feel like a person. It was just that it was impossible to be with Josh and not miss the person he used to be, the freedom he used to have.

  But it wasn’t all about Ray, either. His alphas needed things, too, and not just sex. Ray hated being an omega, but suddenly he understood he’d have hated being an alpha at least just as much. He was already fucking terrified of messing up his kids’ lives; he couldn’t even fathom what having that kind of control over an adult who could and should make their own choices.

  But Josh knew. And Ray hadn’t spared a single thought for how he might feel about it, even as Josh had bent over backwards to accommodate Ray’s omega status.

  It was what an alpha was meant to do, but it that didn’t make it right.

  Ray wasn’t any less capable than they were of making an effort; he’d just been in too much pain and too worried about the babies to take the time.

  But whether he was in love with Josh, whether he’d been for years; he was certain of one thing: Josh was the best friend he’d ever had. He deserved better than rushing to fulfil every single of Ray’s needs while his own were ignored.

  Ray would give them both a little space, and then... Then he’d man up and be honest.

  He just needed a little time to find the words, and the courage.

  &

  Alec had borrowed some equipment from the surgery where he’d started working part-time so he could do a full check-up of the babies at home.

  “Do you really need to record everything every two weeks?” Ray asked, passing Clara over. When Alec had started with the check-ups early on, Ray had been happy that he was being through. Werewolves didn’t really get sick, but Ray was a first time father and he wasn’t any less susceptible to that special brand of paranoia than a garden variety human.

  “For their health? Not so much, no, but how are we ever going to figure out what’s normal for werewolf babies if we don’t have a baseline?”

  Ray gave him a look and asked, “You are using our kids for science?” It came out more serious than he intended but before he could clarify or take it back, Alec was already rolling his eyes at him.

  “I hardly think statistics count as being used as guinea pigs, Ray.”

  He was right, of course, but Ray was more intrigued by his confidence. He was still pretty shy around Ray, but bring up anything relating to biology and he turned into a total know-it-all. It was a startling contrast. “Did you get a really good grade on your degree or something? You always think you know everything.”

  Alec shrugged, writing down Clara’s height on the laptop he’d balanced safely out of reach on top of the microwave. “I got a first. But it’s not that I think much of myself, these are basic concepts.”

  Ray was silent for a long moment. He’d done biology up to GSCEs, it wasn’t like he didn’t know the basics. And he had decided to do art and design in college, he was hardly going to learn about human or wolf biology even if he hadn’t had had to leave...

  “Ray?”

  He looked up, then took Clara into his arms and held her close. Her scent relaxed something in him and after a moment he put her down and called Michael, who had to be talked into abandoning fur in favour of skin with a lot of behind the ears rubbing. Alec took the squirming baby boy in silence—Ray could feel him holding back.

  “I was thinking of college.” He made himself say it. He had to stop hiding. Alec was his mate and he wanted to make Ray happy, but how could he be expected to succeed when Ray wouldn’t tell him what happiness looked like for him? “I mean; I was just kidding about the science.”

  “Oh, okay,” Alec said.

  “It just made me think of school... I never really liked it, but college seemed nice.” He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure about design, but the art bits were… cool.”

  “You could go back,” Alec offered. Ray glanced around the room, which was a mess after having the five babies crawling around for less than an hour. Alec reached over and took hold of Ray’s wrist, gripping until Ray looked up. “You can. We have betas now, remember? And anyway, it’s just a mess, it’s not going to hurt anybody.”

  For a moment, Ray felt the hope surge in his chest. And just as swiftly reality crushed it. “How am I going to explain being pregnant?”

  Alec’s grip slackened. “Well... There’s... Some people who are men can get pregnant. It happens.”

  Ray snorted. “Here? Where do you think we are? London? New York? They’d...” He stopped, swallowing. “Let’s finish this,” he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

  Alec’s hand hesitated on his arm, and then, almost too fast, he picked Mickey up from the scale he’d borrowed and shoved him into Ray’s arms. Ray scrambled to close his arms around him. “What…?”

  He glared at Alec, who looked pained. “Sorry, I just... I know you don’t want me to hug you.”

  “What?” Ray asked, mystified, even as Mickey snuffled into his neck.

  Alec looked down. “I know you don’t like me, Ray, you don’t have to pretend. You try your best and I appreciate it, but...”

  “Wait, stop,” Ray interrupted, and had to push his wolf down when it tried to make him quieten down. “That’s not true. I... I hardly know you, Alec.”

  “You hardly know Iesu, and Sergi,” Alec pointed out, “and you used to hate him, but now...”

  “We are just...” Ray paused, at a loss for words. “You and me, we are very different people. You’re a doctor, for god’s sake, and I didn’t even go to college for a month.”

  “What does it matter?” Alec asked, and he seemed genuinely confused. “Why do you need to go anywhere to be someone worth knowing?”

  “Do you like me?” Ray asked incredulously. He knew Alec was attracted to him, and cared for him as far as a mate would. But he’d never thought that had anything to do with who Ray was instead of what he was.

  “Yes, Ray,” Alec said sadly. “How can you not know that? I thi
nk you are beautiful and smart and brave. You practically raised your siblings even though you were only a kid yourself and when you presented omega, you put your chin up and you just went ahead. I can’t even imagine how hard it’s been for you and you never... You never give up. You take a little time to lick your wounds and then you’re up again swinging, like it’s nothing. Of course I like you! And I could—”

  “I’m sorry,” Ray said softly, rubbing Mickey’s back before putting him down on the floor so he could crawl away. He stared at Alec for a moment longer. “I do, you know.”

  “What?”

  “I want a hug from you, and I care about you. And I like it when you’re sure of yourself. You shouldn’t put yourself down so much, it makes... it makes me angry, really, that you would do that when you’ve accomplished so much.”

  Alec’s frown cleared, but he still glanced at their feet to make sure the ground was clear before he pulled Ray into an embrace. Ray held him back, clawing at his back to pull him closer.

  “Stop hiding,” he bit out, low and serious, and he might have been speaking to Alec.

  Chapter 7

  Taking your own advice was hard work. He'd been putting off talking to Josh for long enough—it'd been two days since his conversation with Alec... And more than a week since he’d slept with Josh. His friend wasn’t exactly avoiding him, but in a house full of children, there was always something that needed doing and Josh liked doing it. Except that he normally took the time to sit with Ray and the others and watch TV, and now he acted like any time Ray sat down, he was needed to cover whatever Ray had stopped doing. He answered normally if Ray spoke to him and he offered him help even more often than he usually did, but he didn’t linger.

  Ray hadn’t even noticed how often his friend would lean against a doorway or the side of a sofa and just chat, rocking a baby to sleep as he whispered with Ray about their old pack, or TV, or the laundry.

  But it was impossible not to miss him now that he’d stopped.

  It was even worse because Ray knew that all he had to do was ask and Josh would sit with him again. He probably wouldn’t have asked for an explanation of the weird vibe between them—just assumed it was Ray freaking out about being an omega again.

  Sometimes Ray thought Josh was too good to be true, other times he thought he was trying too hard not to get in Ray’s way—like he felt he owed Ray for being his alpha and planned to be paying him back for the rest of their lives.

  It wasn’t like that. Neither of them had chosen to present as they had. And maybe Josh had chosen to mate Ray first, but he’d also offered Ray an out—unappetizing as it had been—and Ray hadn’t taken it. Ray had been angry before, but he was done with it now: he had to be. Josh wasn’t perfect—and neither were the other alphas—but they were trying. Ray really believed that, they were all trying their best to be good to him in as much as their biology allowed them to. They just didn’t understand what it was like.

  Except maybe Josh did, maybe he felt as odd being an alpha as Ray felt being an omega, as lost in his own body and its strange needs as Ray did. It wasn’t the same: but Ray would take any true sympathy in a heartbeat.

  It was all he could really accept from Josh, even if… But there was no point thinking about ifs and could-haves. It was what it was.

  “Josh?” he said as soon as he walked into the living room. His friend looked up. Alec and Sergi also perked up from their slumps in front of the TV and glanced his way before very pointedly turning their attention back to their own damn businesses.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can you help me with something?” Ray asked. There was no reason to lie, or even try for discretion, but suddenly he couldn’t stand the idea of giving even a hint of what was going on to the others.

  Josh rolled Sasha onto her side so she was curled around Alec’s leg instead of his own and got to his feet.

  By the time they walked into his bedroom, Ray’s heartbeat was too fast to disguise.

  “What’s wrong?” Josh asked as the door closed with a click behind them.

  Ray clenched his fists and made himself turn to face him. “Nothing. I mean, I have something to say, but you don’t have to worry. It’s not… everything’s okay. Really.”

  Josh didn’t look convinced, but he nodded. “What do you need help with?”

  “Nothing,” Ray said. “I mean, I just want to talk to you.”

  “But you didn’t want them to know?” Josh guessed.

  Ray ignored the question, instead he exhaled once and then spoke as slowly as he could make himself. “I’m sorry I made things weird.” He kept his eyes firmly on Josh's left shoulder. “I’ve been—”

  “Don’t be sorry,” Josh jumped to reassure him. “I know how hard it’s been…”

  Ray raised a hand to stop him. “Just let me talk,” he asked, then, realising how sharp he sounded, added, “please.”

  Josh nodded, eyes wide and alarmed, and leaned back against the door, like he needed the support. No, Ray realised, like he wanted to look smaller than Ray.

  It was stupid, but it did help. His wolf was calm with his mate, even if it was confused by Ray’s discomfort and the distance between them—wolves were social creatures, tactile and affectionate with mates and pups. Ray lowered his gaze all on his own.

  “I have… feelings for you,” he managed to say. Josh’s breathing hitched, but Ray didn’t look up to see what his expression revealed and he stayed quiet just like Ray had asked. “For a while now, I guess. From before.” He licked his lips, feeling his face flaming. “I guess I should have guessed I would be an omega when you presented alpha. But even before—”

  “No,” Josh bit out. And Ray looked up; it sounded like the word had been ripped from him and he still looked like he was struggling to stop there. When Ray didn’t speak again, he continued, “I… Sorry, but you can’t think that. This is not an instinct, it’s not the mating drive or anything—Anything but us. Whatever it is, it’s between us. It has always been there.”

  “How can you even tell?” Ray whispered back, hope surging in his chest against all reason and sense.

  Josh stayed where he was, but his body tensed like it was an effort. “BecauseI have loved you for as long as I can remember. But I have been in love with you for at least five years.” He said the words like it cost him nothing, like he had just been waiting for Ray to tell him it was okay to speak them.

  Ray gapped at him, mind racing to do the math. They’d been thirteen back then. He glanced up at this friend. “Before I was an omega.”

  “And before I was an alpha,” Josh confirmed.

  “But it could still be—I don’t know; we were already teenagers.”

  “Ray,” Josh said, voice thin. “I… I’m not going to tell you how you feel, okay? If you think…” He exhaled and straightened even as he lowered his gaze like he couldn’t bear to look at Ray. “I will believe you, whatever you tell me it’s true for you, I will believe you. But I won’t let you take this away from me.”

  Ray froze, staring at him. Of course Josh had assumed this meant things would change between them. “Take what? We are not—”

  Josh shook his head, lips pursed. He wasn’t trying to appear small, but the slump of his shoulders alone was like an exposed wound to Ray’s eyes. “It doesn’t matter what happens: I’ve felt those things for you for a long time, and I didn’t tell you because I thought it would make things weird. That maybe you’d be angry.” He glanced up, long enough for Ray to see his pulse was racing because he looked like he was about to cry. “You can be angry, but you can’t say it isn’t true.”

  “Oh. Okay. I… I understand,” Ray said, unable to bring himself to actually agree.

  Josh nodded, looking calmer already. “Good,” he declared. “There’s something I wanted to ask you: did it change when I presented? Did you—I don’t know, did you feel something?”

  That Ray could answer easily; it wasn’t every day your best friend presented. He shook his head.
“I was a beta; I didn’t notice that you had presented at all. You know that…” he added and even as he said the words he realised what they meant. Josh wasn’t speaking, but Ray knew him too well to miss his hopeful look. But it wasn’t enough. Betas weren’t meant to be consciously aware of the subtle scents that attracted alphas and omegas to each other—but that didn’t mean they were completely unaffected. “What about you?”

  Josh didn’t answer immediately, taking a step away from the door but not closer to Ray, hand distractedly pulling at his own hair.

  "When I presented... it changed things. But the same time, it didn't? I was attracted to you before that, and I was horny as hell right after, so... It was harder to stay away. But it wasn't because I could feel you'd be an omega two years later," he insisted, looking up to meet Ray's eyes briefly. Ray didn't speak, but his scepticism must have been clear on his expression. "I got off with Reese. That full moon. I was always with girls, I was always careful, but I lost control. It was my first full moon as an alpha, and I couldn't handle it."

  "Reese?" Ray asked. He couldn't quite repress the shot of jealousy. Reese was an alpha now; why would Josh have chosen him instead of Ray?

  Josh shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. "Yeah, well, I thought I had to stay away from you and I'd be safe. He was there, and..."

  "You left me behind," Ray said, remembering. "That night, I remember looking for you everywhere, because you always ran with me..."

  "I'm sorry, Ray. You were too important."

  "And then what? I presented and I wasn't anymore?"

  “What? No! I was so worried about you, you know?” he said, gaze wandering about the room like he hadn’t seen it a million times. “I knew you were an omega, obviously, but I was just so busy finding alphas we could trust that I kinda forgot that’s why you needed them. And then I saw you in the hall and you looked…” Ray didn’t need him to say it: if he’d looked half as bad as he’d felt, he must have been a sorry sight—and if anybody could have seen through his brave face, it'd have been Josh. But Josh swallowed and finished anyway. “You looked awful, Ray. And they all went…” He paused, looking away so that Ray couldn’t even see his profile. Ray stiffened just remembering stepping into that hall in which most of the alphas of his pack had been eager to bend him over and shove it in him. It’d been the first time he’d been in the presence of an alpha he wasn’t closely related to after he’d presented. He’d been fucking terrified, and they’d been… “They got so… excited,” Josh added, sounding awkward.