Without Promises (Under the Pier)

by Delancey Stewart

  “Mom,” he said, his voice icy. “Thought you’d be off at the club.”

  She waved this statement away and shook her head lightly. “When Elyse said you were coming to pick her up, I thought to myself, ‘this is a perfect opportunity.’” Yeah, a perfect opportunity for me to run.

  “I might just wait in the car,” I began.

  “Don’t be silly,” Trudy said, taking my arm and guiding me toward the hallway. “I wanted to see you, Amy.” She’s touching me. Oh God, she’s touching me. Trent dropped my hand, since there wasn’t room for all three of us to pass side by side, and he followed Trudy and me along as she dragged me by the arm toward a room at the end of the passageway.

  We ended up in a small formal sitting room. Tall windows faced both front and back, adorned with long heavy drapes. A floral couch, two winged chairs, and a small writing desk filled the room, along with assorted bookshelves and lamps, all in shades of light yellow and white. It was a nice room, actually.

  Elyse sat on the couch, leaning over a velvet tray as a thin man looked on, his hands just on the edges of the tray on his lap. It took me a moment to realize what Elyse was looking at so intently within the velvet folds of the tray.

  “Amy, dear, this is Emile. He is a representative of L.M. Stinson, the jeweler we always use.”

  Jeweler. They “use” a jeweler? This should be fun.

  Trudy waved Elyse off the couch and indicated that I should sit in her place. Trent came to stand next to me.

  “I know Trent’s proposal was spur of the moment,” Trudy said, and there was something in her eyes that made me think she knew exactly how it had come about. A shiver ran through me as I sat next to a man holding more money in his lap than I could even fathom. “And I wanted to help out by having Emile bring out some rings you might like. You didn’t get a ring, did you, Trent?” The tone of her question indicated she knew for a fact he hadn’t.

  “No,” he answered. “I hadn’t gotten that far yet. This is nice of you.” His voice had turned cold, and I realized that he thought it was just as nice as I did. Where nice means nosy and manipulative and just plain rude.

  “So nice,” I said, keeping my own definition in mind.

  “I have several different cuts and styles for you to choose from,” Emile said. “You will have to let us know what is right for you.” An accent colored his words, the R rolling slightly in “right.” South African? Aren’t they the diamond people?

  “Why don’t you try a couple on, Amy?” Trudy said, something nasty coloring her suggestion. I glanced up at her to find a domineering glint in her eye. She knew how uncomfortable this made me. I swung my gaze to Trent for help, but he was staring at the diamonds.

  “Sure.” I hesitated over the tray—each ring was far bigger than anything I would have wanted or imagined for myself. My mother had worn a simple gold band, and Nan’s fingers had always been bare. There was something vulgar about these giant diamonds, but I picked one up anyway, and Emile slid it onto my hand. The diamond was a rectangle, and it caught light from a thousand directions at once, sparkling in its ornate antique setting.

  “A lovely choice,” Emile said. “Princess cut. Three carats in an antique platinum setting. There is a matching band at the shop with another two carats around it.” He smiled, and I met his eye. There was something sympathetic there, as if he knew this wasn’t the right ring for me, that none of these were.

  “It feels so huge.” I tried to appear to be impressed and not disgusted. I can’t even pay for school, there’s no way I can run around wearing a million dollars on my hand. This was insane. I threw a panicked look up at Trent, who seemed to be tracking with me exactly.

  “Try the cushion cut, Amy,” Elyse breathed reverently from where she now leaned over the back of the couch. Elyse clearly wasn’t turned off by the magnitude of these stones…but I wasn’t sure that was a good thing.

  “We actually need to get going,” Trent said, stepping in, much to my relief. “Thanks for this little display, Mom. I think I’ll just take Amy to the shop and let her choose something that suits her better.”

  Thank you, Trent.

  Trudy blew out a little huff.

  “Yes, thank you, Mrs. McNeil,” I said. “This was fun. Thanks, Emile.”

  Emile inclined his head and rose to see us out, and I gratefully followed Trent back outside, Elyse at our heels.

  Once the three of us were in the car heading back down the driveway, I turned to Trent. “What the hell was that about?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I think it’s Mom’s version of ‘if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.’”

  “Those rings.” I breathed, feeling dirty for some reason after trying one on. “They’re… God, I would never want that.” I might not know exactly what I wanted when it came to love and marriage, but I knew I didn’t want to be a younger version of Trudy. Maybe I wanted a guy like Trent, but I was starting to see exactly what came with this particular model. Too much. Just way too much.

  “I thought they were amazing,” Elyse said, her head popping between the seats. “You’re a moron if you don’t take one,” she told me.

  “Thanks for that,” I said. I might put up with Trudy, but I wasn’t taking shit from a sixteen-year-old.

  “I don’t know what my mother was thinking.” Trent cast an apologetic glance my way and took my hand in his.

  “I do,” Elyse piped up again. “She’s trying to scare you away.”

  “With diamonds?” I asked, turning to look at the girl.

  “Seems like it’s working.” She shrugged, pressing her lips together and wiggling her eyebrows at me.

  She was right.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Trent

  Thanks to my mom’s little stunt with the jeweler, I felt like I had a lot to make up for in my first official date as an engaged man, and having Elyse along was going to make it even tougher.

  Though I regretted the words that had shot out of my mouth like an unforeseen lightning storm and turned my relationship with Amy upside down, the thing between us actually felt stronger. It almost seemed like Amy had been looking for a concrete reason to commit, even temporarily, and I’d given her one.

  I’d given myself one, too. Suddenly, knowing I had only one month with her changed things for me. The idea of saying goodbye at the end actually made my blood cool and my stomach clench. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew it would be hard to watch her walk away.

  I grinned as we pulled into the parking lot at the Del Mar racetrack.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Elyse moaned from the back seat.

  Amy turned and looked at her, an eyebrow raised.

  “Amy, you should be the one saying something. Trent’s idea of romance seems to involve sporting events. What happened to wine tasting and picnics on the beach?” Elyse kept up her complaints as we got out of the car.

  “My sixteen-year-old sister happened to that stuff,” I told her, and glanced up at Amy. Maybe Elyse was right. If Amy wanted casual sex, the races with a teenager were probably not going to fit the bill. That said, Amy didn’t seem to mind.

  “This is great,” Amy said, looking around as we went inside. “I love the races.” She shot me a smile that put my worries to rest. She’s a good sport, and I can think of about ninety ways to make it up to her if today goes bust.

  “Why aren’t we in the Turf Club?” Elyse asked, whining as she glanced up to the boxed windows above us.

  “Because it’s more fun down here,” I told her, handing her the racing form for the day. “Pick your ponies.”

  Elyse took the booklet and a pencil and settled in to decide who she liked, while Amy’s eyes widened. “How do you know who to choose?” She flipped through her own list of races and horse names.

  This’ll be fun. I leaned in close, circling a name in the first race—Tuscaloosa. “It’s a complicated sport,” I explained, scanning farther down the list of names with the tip of my pencil. “Ther
e are a lot of factors that go into figuring out whether a horse might win, place, or show. You have to think about the odds and the horse’s race history, its pedigree.”

  Amy shot me a confused look, but Elyse was absorbed in her racing form.

  “Mostly,” I went on, circling another name—Animal Instinct. “Mostly you focus on the one most critical piece of information.”

  “Which is?” Amy said, staring at the form in her lap as I circled a third name on the first race. “Seriously, I don’t understand how you’re choosing these. You aren’t even looking at any other information…”

  Elyse looked up from her form and leaned in on Amy’s other side. “He just picks them by name.” She grinned and went back to her own form, flipping through the scheduled races.

  Amy pressed her lips together and turned to look at me, her eyes squinting slightly. This was one of my favorite Amy faces—the you’ve-gotta-be-kidding face. “Names?”

  I nodded solemnly, circling my third pick for the first race—Amy’s Eyes. “This one’s sure to win,” I told her, tapping the pencil to draw her attention.

  Amy’s face softened as she read the name, and then she plucked the pencil out of my hand. “We choose three for each race?” she asked.

  “Sure. We can bet them individually or get fancy with the trifecta.”

  “Right,” Amy said, drawing out the word to indicate she had no idea what I was talking about. “I’ll let you handle that part. I’m doing the scientific name-picking thing.”

  I watched as Amy and Elyse went through the racing forms, laughing as they read some of the horse’s names aloud to each other.

  “This horse cannot actually be named Luv Gluv,” Amy shrieked, holding up the book.

  “Here’s another one,” Elyse chimed in. “Bodacious Booty.”

  “That’s not a real one,” I said, grabbing her form. But it was. Bodacious Booty was racing against Howard’s Knees and Whassamattayou in the fourth race, along with a few less interesting horse names.

  “I’m totally going into naming horses as a job,” Elyse said.

  “Clearly, you have to be pretty creative,” Amy said, grinning at her and pointing her pencil back at the booklet. “Oh, I like this one. Tiny Dancer.” She circled it.

  “Boring.”

  I took their racing forms up to place the bets for all of us. When I returned, Amy and Elyse were deep in conversation, their heads bent together and their feet up on the seats in front of them. I was glad we hadn’t taken a table at the Turf Club—it was nice to see both girls so relaxed, and that would never have happened in the stuffy club with its gin and tonics and dress code.

  The first race was about to begin, and I settled back in, taking Amy’s hand. “Tuskaloosa to win,” I told her, and she squeezed my hand, leaving her fingers entwined with mine as the horses shot from the gate. It was early in the season, and the bleachers were packed. The crowd roared as the horses rounded the back bend and came into the home stretch, and Amy was jumping up and down with my sister, screaming for our horse to win, but he didn’t get the memo.

  “Poor Tuskie,” Elyse said, as our horse straggled in fifth. “He didn’t have a chance behind Hannah’s Hope. Did you see how fast that one went?” She stuffed a French fry in her mouth, her face open and happy. There’s the sister I remember.

  I couldn’t help the way my heart filled as I watched the girls in their open enthusiasm for the races. Between the excitement of winning a trifecta in the fourth race, Amy smearing her shirt with ketchup, and just being surrounded by a crowd of excited people, they’d both dropped their guard and were smiling and bright. Amy turned to me lots of times during the day to kiss me quickly or take my hand, and every single time I was almost startled to realize how much I liked it. I’d never been a guy who wanted a girl at my side at all times. Most girls added a layer of inconvenience I didn’t want or need. But Amy was different.

  I knew she was a little darker, a little more complicated than the other women I’d been with, and maybe we had more in common beneath the surface than either of us had realized initially. Maybe that was why I felt hopeful and glad when I caught glimmers of emotion in her eyes when she looked at me.

  I didn’t want to overanalyze. Amy was happy today—and I’d done that. And that made me happy, too.

  By the time we were heading back out to the car, my cheeks hurt from smiling all day, and Amy and Elyse had both given themselves rough, scratchy voices from screaming at the horses.

  Amy opened the door and pushed her seat forward for Elyse to climb into the back. “That was ridiculously fun.” I stood waiting for her to get in so I could close her door for her, but she surprised me by throwing her arms around my neck instead, pressing her lips to mine. Hello.

  We’d kissed lots of times during the day, but they’d all been quick little fun kisses. This was different. Amy pressed her body into mine, and my arms went around her naturally. Her mouth was demanding against my lips, and when I felt her teeth nip at my bottom lip, I couldn’t help the groan that escaped me. Everything in my body went on high alert, each cell responding to her softness, her warmth, the wet heat of her mouth.

  Amy’s tongue tangled with mine, her breasts pressed into my chest, and I wanted her more than I ever had. God, I want this girl. Why have we still not done the deed?

  “Holy shit, you guys. It’s hot in here, come on.” Elyse broke the spell from the back seat, and Amy stepped away.

  “Sorry,” she said, throwing a smile at Elyse and then catching my eye as I slid into the driver’s seat and tried to adjust myself subtly.

  I drove both girls home, wishing Amy and I could have more time together. I wanted to sink inside her again, to finally know what it would feel like to let go like that, to see her unravel around me. It had been way too long coming, and we were both squirming with the unfulfilled promise between us.

  But I’d had a call with my dad early this morning, and there were things I needed to do.

  I kissed Amy again at her door and promised to call her later.

  “I had a great time,” she said, and I could see that she meant it. Her eyes shone, and the smile she’d worn all day was still in place.

  “I’m really glad,” I told her. “I did, too.”

  “I almost forgot about…everything,” she said. I know exactly what she means.

  “Good.” I held both her hands in mine as I stepped away. “That’s what we should do this month—just focus on us, on having fun. Not worry about all the other stuff.” And there is a lot of other stuff.

  I kissed her once more and then went home and ordered a sterling silver horse-themed photo frame for one of the selfies we’d taken on my phone. I’d never given an expensive gift to a fuck buddy before, but I figured there was a first time for everything.

  …

  I gave notice at the station the next day.

  “You can’t be serious, dude.” Oliver and Chad stared at me open-mouthed as I related the conversation I’d had with the chief. “You’d rather wear a monkey suit and sit behind a desk?” Oliver’s Texas drawl made this sound as farfetched as if I’d told them I was leaving to colonize Mars.

  “Shit, I can’t even think about it,” Chad said, shaking his head.

  We sat at the long table in the kitchen at the firehouse, and I tried to ignore the sad homesickness that was already setting in as I thought about leaving this place and never coming back. The camaraderie and brotherhood I’d found here had made up for so much of what I’d never had at home. It feels like I’m walking away from much more than a job.

  “It’s not an easy decision,” I said, not wanting to explain to them that the decision had been made for me in many ways. My dad’s non-heart-attack had been a wakeup call. I needed to step up. “It’s just time to move on to some other things, to think about what comes next.”

  “Money,” Oliver suggested.

  Chad hit him in the side. “T’s never needed money. You’ve been to his crib.”

 
I shrugged. “It’s not about money. It’s about family. My dad needs help, and I’ve ignored my family for too long.”

  “Can’t argue with that.” Oliver came from a huge family, so I wasn’t surprised he understood. He’d once told me he had five brothers and a sister and had grown up on a huge piece of land in West Texas. “Family’s important, man.”

  “Thanks for understanding,” I told them, standing reluctantly to leave the place that had felt more like home than my parents’ house ever had.

  “T, we’re gonna miss you. First we lost Rob, and now you—it’s gonna be hard to replace you,” Oliver said. “You have to know you made a big difference here. For a lot of people. You were a great firefighter.”

  The sadness I felt morphed into a tiny glow of pride. I had been a good firefighter. It was the only thing I’d ever been good at, actually. “Thanks,” I said, surprised how much I’d needed to hear it.

  “We’re still on for poker, though. You’re not getting out of that,” Chad said, standing across from me.

  “Of course,” I said, reaching out to drop my fist on top of the one he’d just extended. “Mateo’s gonna be up, too.”

  Oliver laughed. “Rob’s gigantic brother? Tiny?”

  “Yeah, man.” I laughed, too. Rob called his brother Quito, a shortened version of poquito, because Mateo was his younger brother. Only Mateo wasn’t anything close to poquito at this point. He was bigger than Rob, and Rob wasn’t a small guy.

  The guys walked me out, and I turned to look at the firehouse one last time. “See you later,” I said, lifting a hand.

  I walked the few blocks back to the condo slowly, feeling my past slip away from me as the next chapter of my life began.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Amy

  The next few days sprinted by. It was my last week at work, and I was totally overwhelmed when many of the doctors I’d been calling on for the past few years made a point of telling me they’d miss me and that they looked forward to counting me among their ranks. A few even gave me gifts. I had a hard time accepting I’d actually made that much of an impact.