Forever in Good Hope

by Kirk, Cindy

  Perhaps it was for the best his grandmother wouldn’t be there when they got to the house. After he’d texted Ruby pictures of the baby, his grandmother had called to thank him. While she obtained all the pertinent details, Ruby mentioned Gladys had invited several friends over for an impromptu slumber party, including fondue and games.

  When Jeremy was seized with the urge to remind her to take her medication and eat properly, he clamped his lips together. He was her grandson, he reminded himself, not her keeper.

  As there was no real reason to rush home, he and Fin stopped to check out a new sushi bar in Sturgeon Bay. During the meal Jeremy thought she might mention what had caused her to miss the show choir competition, but Fin was in the mood to celebrate, so he gave her space.

  It was only during the drive home she’d grown quiet.

  When he unlocked the front door, he turned to her. “What do you say to a glass of champagne to celebrate?”

  “I say it’s a brilliant suggestion.” Fin inclined her head. “Do you have any more bottles of Dom?”

  When he returned moments later with a bottle and two glasses, he found her in the sitting area of their suite.

  “I’ll get a fire started.” He set the bottle and glasses on a side table. “It’s supposed to dip into the forties tonight.”

  Jeremy was conscious of her eyes on him while he lit the applewood logs that would soon fill the room with not only warmth but a fragrant scent.

  Once the fire crackled, Jeremy splashed champagne into crystal flutes. He handed one to Fin before settling on the sofa beside her.

  He clinked his glass against hers. “To Sarah Rose Cross.”

  “May she have a long and happy life.” Fin took a sip, her expression turning pensive. “She was born at just the right time.”

  Jeremy lifted a brow.

  “Ami and Beck are settled in their marriage. They wanted a baby.” Fin’s fingers gripped the glass. “Unlike the high school girls Lynn hopes to help with her All About Kids project. Neither they, nor their boyfriends, want a baby. It’s not the right time.”

  “Sometimes,” Jeremy chose his words carefully, “blessings come from the unexpected.”

  Fin’s bark of laughter held no humor.

  “I bet most pregnant high schoolers are probably wishing it—meaning the baby—would just go away.” Fin cleared her throat, then took another sip of champagne. “I don’t think I can do this.”

  Jeremy grabbed her hand and pulled her down when she tried to stand. “What’s the matter, Finley? Won’t you tell me what’s got you tied in knots?”

  She stared at him, her green eyes clouded. “After you hear what I have to say, you won’t look at me the same way.”

  “Nothing you could say will change how I feel about you.” He gripped her hands, squeezed tight. “I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

  Something that looked like pain flashed across Fin’s face. She took a deep breath. “I was pregnant.”

  “You’re”—Jeremy swallowed hard—“pregnant?”

  “Not now.” She shook her head. “Dear God, no. Not now. Back in high school.”

  Fin must have seen the questions in his eyes, or maybe she just wanted to get it all out, because she continued.

  “I discovered I was pregnant around the time my mom was diagnosed with leukemia.” She expelled a heavy breath. “When the first test was positive, I told myself it was an error. After taking five more tests, there was no doubt.”

  “You never said anything to me.” His voice seemed to come from far away.

  “It was a bad time.” Fin rubbed her temple as if a headache threatened. “My mother was sick. Ami was out of control. Your parents appeared on the verge of separating.”

  All true, but none of that explained why he’d been kept in the dark. Nor did it explain what had happened to the baby.

  His baby.

  Jeremy swallowed past the dryness in his throat. “What happened?”

  Fin took so long to answer he began to wonder if he was going to have to ask again.

  Finally she spoke, but so softly he had to strain to hear. “The show choir competition.”

  He waited for more, his eyes never leaving hers.

  “I miscarried in the hotel room.” She closed her eyes for a few moments. When she opened them, they were flat and lifeless. “I slipped away from the group when they left for the auditorium and went back to the room. The cramps were horrible. Then it was done. Over. No more baby.”

  She swallowed convulsively. “I cleaned up the best I could. When the others got back, I told them I’d gone shopping. Eliza was furious. Heck, everyone was furious. We lost the competition.”

  Jeremy tried to make sense of the emotions pummeling him.

  Focus on Fin, he told himself. He could figure out how he felt about all of this later.

  He released her hands and pushed back a tendril of hair with one finger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You had so much going on,” she began, then squirmed, swallowed. “There was nothing you could have done.”

  “I’d have been there for you.” His voice shook despite his efforts to control it. “I can’t imagine how alone you felt. I’m glad that at least you had your sisters for support.”

  Fin shook her head. “Ami was struggling with accepting our mom’s illness. After the car accident, life in the Bloom family got even crazier.”

  “Wait. Are you telling me you told no one? Not me, not your sisters—”

  “No one.”

  She’d been alone. She’d dealt with the loss all alone.

  Jeremy didn’t know whether to admire her courage or be pissed as hell.

  “It was my”—when Jeremy found himself about to say problem, he changed directions—“baby, too.”

  Fin squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I prayed every night the tests were wrong and I would wake up not pregnant.”

  “The miscarriage wasn’t your fault.” He pulled her close and buried his face in her hair. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

  When she flung her arms around his neck and began to cry, he felt tears slip down his cheeks.

  Jeremy wasn’t sure who he was crying for.

  Maybe for Fin, for the young girl who’d gone through such hell alone.

  Maybe for the baby they’d made together, who’d never had a chance to live.

  And, maybe, a little for himself, for losing a child he’d never had a chance to know.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Fin opened her eyes to sunlight streaming into the bedroom. She couldn’t believe she’d slept all night. Maybe it was because she had Jeremy’s warm body beside her, his arm slung over her in possession.

  She’d been strung tight as a piano wire by the time she got ready for bed. When he’d crawled in beside her, as if he’d been doing it every night, Fin had slid over to make room.

  Although it was impossible to be that close to Jeremy and not experience a sexual pull, last night had been about healing, not sex. Her confession had shocked him, yet he’d been incredibly understanding and kind.

  He’d even said he loved her.

  As emotions swirled inside her, Fin propped herself up on one elbow and watched the man she loved sleep. His chest rose and fell with deep, even breaths. Blond hair brushed his cheeks.

  Xander was no longer between them. Since she’d arrived in Good Hope she’d used her California fiancé as a shield to keep Jeremy at arm’s length. Now the shield was down and the only thing between them was her own fears.

  “Why so serious?”

  His deep voice, still gravelly with sleep, had her blinking, then gazing into a pair of vivid blue eyes. Eyes that somehow managed to look both sleepy and assessing.

  “I was thinking about you. About doing this.” Leaning close, she trailed a finger down his bristly jaw. “Yep. It’s scratchy, just as I thought.”

  Before she could pull back, Jeremy captured her hand and brought it to his mouth, planting a moist kis
s in the center of her palm.

  Fin’s breath quickened. “That’s a nice good-morning kiss.”

  “It’s a start.” His eyes met hers and she saw the question. “I can do better.”

  Abruptly, she sat up, hugged her knees close.

  He studied her. “You let me sleep with you.”

  “After the bombshell I laid on you, I guess I thought we both needed the closeness.”

  “Yeah, about that bombshell.” Jeremy rubbed his jaw. “Do you ever . . .”

  When the silence lengthened, Fin offered an encouraging smile.

  He cleared his throat. “Do you ever wonder if the baby was a boy or a girl? Or what he or she would be like now?”

  Last night she’d opened the door. It was only natural, now that he had time to process, he’d have questions.

  “I find myself looking at kids walking down the street and thinking our child would be that age now.” A familiar sense of melancholy washed over her. “If things had turned out differently, she—or he—would be a freshman in high school.”

  Jeremy was silent for several heartbeats. Then he expelled a ragged breath.

  “We’d be cheering at sporting events or clapping way too loudly at theater productions. Because . . .” His throat moved convulsively as he swallowed. “Our child would have a great voice and excel at sports.”

  The image of them sitting together in a high school auditorium or bleachers—being that kind of parents—was so vivid it brought a smile to her lips . . . and an ache of yearning. Then Fin reined in the fancifulness and her smile faded. “We might not be together.”

  Sitting up, he linked his fingers with hers, his voice low and raspy. “We’d be together.”

  She gave a nervous-sounding laugh, and for a second she was that terrified high school junior again. “Your parents would have freaked out if I’d turned up pregnant at seventeen.”

  With his free hand, Jeremy brushed her hair back from her face. “They’d have gotten over the shock.”

  “Having one of their daughters pregnant in high school would have leveled my parents.” Fin tried to pull her hand back, but he tightened his hold.

  “Once they wrapped their brains around it, they’d have been okay. They knew how much I loved you.” Jeremy stroked the side of their joined hands with his thumb. “How much you loved me.”

  Yes, they’d known how much she loved him.

  Jeremy’s gaze dropped to their linked fingers. “I don’t believe I ever mentioned the time I stopped by your house. It was right after your mom got out of the hospital the first time.”

  Fin cocked her head. “Where was I?”

  “I don’t know. You and your sisters were out somewhere.” When he looked up, the shadows playing in his eyes made them unreadable. “Your dad asked if I could hang around while he ran to the pharmacy. He didn’t want to leave your mom alone.”

  “So you stayed with her.”

  “Of course.”

  Of course. Because Jeremy Rakes was that kind of guy, the strong, dependable sort. The kind of person a man—or woman—could count on.

  “Your mom made me promise to take care of you. To see that you were happy.” He hesitated for a moment. “I let you down.”

  The weary quality to his voice tugged at her heartstrings. To lighten the mood, she forced a teasing tone. “Hey, I think I’ve done okay with my life.”

  He didn’t take the bait.

  “I knew you were going through a lot with her being so sick and all. I didn’t know about the baby.” He dropped back on the pillow, his gaze focused on the ceiling. “You weren’t acting right, but instead of delving deeper, instead of being supportive, I got angry and broke up with you.”

  “I pushed you away.” The guilt was hers, not his. Fin stroked his arm in an attempt to soothe. “At first because I was afraid what I might reveal in your arms. Then because you reminded me of the loss. Which didn’t make sense, because I—I hadn’t wanted the baby.”

  “It was a part of you. A part of us.” His expression turned brooding. “I should have been there for you. You should have let me be there for you.”

  “I handled it.” Her tone was flat, matter-of-fact.

  “You shouldn’t have needed to handle it, not alone.” He turned and his eyes met hers. “Grandpa Eddie used to say, ‘A burden shared is a burden lifted.’”

  Fin lifted her shoulders in a barely perceptible shrug.

  “Will you tell your sisters?”

  “Eventually.” Fin thought of the joy currently infusing the Bloom family. “Not now. Not with Ami and Beck celebrating Sarah’s birth and Prim and Max so excited about her pregnancy.”

  “Does Xander know?”

  Startled surprise had her jerking back. “No. Why would he?”

  “Well, he is the man you’re going to marry. And our . . . the baby is an important part of your past.”

  “No to one.” Fin expelled a long breath. “Yes to two.”

  He frowned. “You lost me.”

  “Yes to the second part of your statement.” Fin’s heart thudded heavily against her ribs. “The miscarriage is an important part of my past.”

  Something flickered in the backs of his eyes. “What about the first part?”

  “I’m not going to marry Xander.”

  While Jeremy’s gaze remained watchful, a spark flared in his eyes. “How do you feel about the engagement being over?”

  “Relieved.” Glancing down at her bare hand, Fin felt her heart lift. “He—”

  “He’s a Pompous Ass.” Jeremy’s warm hands slid beneath the hem of her pajama top. “Who never deserved you.”

  Sparks of electricity shot to her core at his touch. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting reacquainted.” As his hands roamed, he nuzzled the sensitive skin behind her ear.

  “We need to—” Fin paused, not certain what she meant to say. Take it slow? No, definitely not that.

  “I have condoms,” he murmured between kisses. “In the dresser.”

  She was on the pill, so they’d be doubly protected. That knowledge should put to rest any unease. Then why, Fin wondered, did she feel as if she were teetering at the edge of a tall cliff? “Is—is this wise?”

  “Yes.” He looked up, his hair a tumble of waves, one lock falling rakishly across his forehead. “It’s a reunion long overdue.”

  Her pulse became a swift, tripping beat.

  “I’ve missed you, Finley,” he murmured, twining the strands of her hair loosely around his fingers. Then taking the fingers of her hand, he kissed them, featherlight. “I’m going to make this good for you.”

  It was a vow. She heard the resolve in his voice and saw it in his eyes. Silently, she made the same promise.

  A look of tenderness crossed his face. His smile was lopsided, his fingers not quite steady as they touched the curve of her cheek, trailed along the line of her jaw. When he finally kissed her, he took it slow, pressing his lips lightly to hers, teasingly, his mouth never pulling away.

  Love fused with desire, so intertwined it was impossible to know where one ended and the other began. In that moment, Fin knew, wise or not, this was what she needed. He was what she needed. What she’d always need.

  She tangled her fingers in his hair. It had never been like this with anyone else.

  Sensation after sensation washed over her as his fingers stroked, brushed, lingered. When those wandering hands finally—blessedly—returned to her breasts, she groaned and cursed the fabric that separated them. Seconds later, her pajamas hit the floor.

  Then his mouth replaced his hands and everything went hazy. Lost in sensation, Fin held on tight as the roller coaster began its ascent.

  Fin reveled in the feel of the coiled strength of skin and muscle sliding under her fingers. When her fingers dipped beneath his waistband, his pajama bottoms joined hers on the floor.

  She barely remembered him reaching for the condom, rolling it on, but she knew the moment he entered her. The feel of him
was so familiar, so right.

  Love hummed in her blood. As he continued to kiss, to touch, to caress, his stroking fingers sent shock waves of feeling through her body. From the glitter in Jeremy’s eyes, she wasn’t the only one having difficulty holding on to control.

  Need became a carnal hunger.

  Jeremy made a sound low in his throat, then caught her mouth in a hard, deep kiss. Her eyes met his. For a second everything stilled. In that moment, her heart simply overflowed.

  “I love you, Finley.” The declaration came out on a groan.

  “Oh, Jeremy.” His name came out on a tear as they crested the hill. The drop had her crying out again. But she wasn’t alone. Not anymore. When she fell, he fell with her.

  And, in his arms, nothing had ever felt so right.

  Jeremy stepped out of the shower when a second, more forceful, knock sounded at the bedroom door. Giving Fin a quick kiss, he grabbed a towel. “Be right back.”

  Hurrying to the door, Jeremy eased it open a crack. At the sight of the sunny smile, he ratcheted down his irritation. “Good morning.”

  His grandmother’s sharp-eyed gaze took in his bare shoulders then lingered on his damp hair.

  “It’s actually afternoon.” The twinkle in her eyes had him shifting uncomfortably. “I wanted you to know I’m heading to cardiac rehab.”

  Jeremy blinked. “What time is it?”

  “Nearly three.” Ruby gave him a knowing smile. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

  Okay, it was clear his grandmother not only knew what he and Fin had been doing behind closed doors, but obviously approved.

  “I’ll be back around six.”

  “Have fun.” He started to shut the door, but a strategically placed foot stopped it. Jeremy tilted his head. “Problem?”

  “I know you’re eager to get back to Delphinium, so let me say first that I’m sorry.”

  Keeping one hand firmly on the towel, Jeremy pushed back his wet hair with the other hand. “What about?”

  “You have a visitor waiting for you in the parlor. I gave him a cup of coffee and a Danish.” Ruby’s brows pulled together in a troubled frown. “He was rather insistent on speaking with you.”