“I’m not worth it, Jamie.”
“Yes,” I repeated firmly. “You are.”
He sighed. “I know it seems like I’m trying to make you work to convince me—but that’s not the case. Like I said, I want to be with you. Desperately. I love you. But we can’t just forget what happened to my mother. Because I love you, my first instinct is to protect you.”
I took a deep breath for courage. “Then don’t break my heart.”
“Damn it, Jamie! You don’t fight fair.”
I shrugged, trying to hide my smug smile. “All’s fair in love and war.” I gazed out the side window as a huge hawk circled above the golden trees.
A tense silence filled the car. Finally, Dothan exhaled in defeat. “I can’t win with you.” He extended his right hand, an open invitation. “I don’t want to win. If you want there to be an ‘us’, there’s an ‘us’.”
My chest loosened with relief. Oh, thank God. I threaded my fingers through his with a tight squeeze, and the familiar hum joined the joy surging through my veins. “In case you hadn’t guessed, I do want an ‘us’,” I confirmed in a shaky voice.
We turned onto the interstate, and I felt myself finally relaxing after days of stress. “Now that that’s settled, what am I going to tell Sam?”
By the time we pulled up in front of my house, we’d come up with a weak explanation for my whereabouts since yesterday. We invented a beloved aunt for Dothan who unfortunately had taken a turn for the worse in her battle with cancer. When I first found out, I skipped school to comfort my distraught boyfriend. Then after school, we met at my house, and I drove since his car needed a few repairs. We traveled three hours to Richmond, Virginia, to say goodbye; staying in the hospital room with her all night, until she peacefully passed away.
As for my failure to answer messages, I’d just have to go with forgetting my phone at home, once again. It wouldn’t be the first time. I’d never answered her initial texts during the school day, or even acknowledged I received them when we briefly chatted in the hall. It was believable enough; I wouldn’t have been thinking about finding my phone if we were racing against time.
I wasn’t really sure how to explain not using Dothan’s phone to check in. If she pressed me, I’d just have to say he was on it, talking to family members, while I was driving, and then he left it in the car. Lying to Sam would be painful, but the truth was certainly not an option.
“I should be there by two,” Dothan said into his phone. “Yeah, everything’s okay now. Thanks.” He ended the call and cut the engine. “He’s a good boss,” he said, turning to me.
“Mr. White is a great guy in general,” I agreed.
Dothan scrubbed the stubble along his jaw thoughtfully. “I took the job at Fox Run because you don’t need a lot of previous employment experience to be a stable hand. All that’s really required is physical strength and reliability. I needed money and a place to live, and I saw an opportunity to work with animals. But I really like it there. I got lucky.”
“So did the Whites,” I pointed out, reaching for his hand. “Did I hear a Rocky update?”
“Same. He’ll be okay, he’s a fighter.” He squeezed my fingers.
“What a bastard, shooting an innocent dog.” Anger burned through me at the memory of Rocky’s bloodied body.
“I’m just glad he didn’t shoot you.”
I nodded, pressing my free hand into the tender spot on my side where he’d hit me with the needle. It hurt much worse than the other injection spot. Still, nothing to complain about. I was alive and safe.
We got out of the car as Nathaniel pulled into the driveway. The mailman’s little white truck was parked further down Locust Street, and our mailman, Lou, was strolling up the sidewalk from the next door neighbor’s. Witnessing such a normal occurrence felt surreal; for most people, this was just a regular day. I walked over to meet Lou, Dothan by my side.
Lou handed me a large envelope first. “Careful. Photos—do not bend,” he added, gesturing to the large blue print splashed across the envelope that said exactly the same thing.
“What are those?” asked Dothan as he accepted the smaller stack of mail from Lou.
Crap. It was pretty obvious what it was, based on the giant writing. Not to mention the photography logo and the picture of a smiling student model in a ridiculous pose. I searched my brain for a clever response, but nothing came. I was too exhausted for sarcasm.
“Just school pictures,” I answered grudgingly. “I’m guessing they don’t force that particular kind of torture on you when you’re homeschooled. Instead they have you do useful stuff, like learn Latin.”
“I studied that on my own. It’s helpful as a root language, especially when it comes to biology terms. Plus, there’s a lot of time to kill when you don’t have a social life.”
Don’t I know it? I thought silently. Out loud, I said, “I’m sure you found some time to flirt with the online book club girls.”
One side of his mouth quirked up. “Only a little. After all, you never know who’s really behind that cute profile picture. Speaking of which…” he added as he glanced pointedly toward the envelope at my side.
“Hmm?” I raised my eyebrows innocently.
“Are you trying to change the subject?”
I widened my eyes even more. “I would never do that. In fact, I’m shocked you would even suggest it. Tell me more about these girls,” I added with a frown.
“Let me see, please.” He extended his hand.
I sighed. “I’ll look first.” Turning away slightly, I pulled my thumb through the seal and slid a big eight-by-ten sheet halfway out of the envelope.
A bunch of Jamies smiled at me unconvincingly. I chewed at the inside of my cheek as I considered. Not great, but not horrible. Everything about it looked fake and forced, but my skin was clear, my eyes were open, and my hair was behaving. The burgundy top I’d chosen complimented my coloring, and also didn’t clash with the weird gray swirly background. With a shrug, I dropped the sheet back in and handed it over.
Dothan snatched the envelope, giving me the stack of bills in exchange. He pulled the photos out eagerly. “I love it,” he said, his tone almost reverent.
Was he crazy? “It’s all right. Since it’s a school fundraiser, they pretty much force everyone to do it.” I tucked the regular mail in my bag and reached out to take the envelope back.
He held it away from my grasp. “Can I have one? I don’t have a picture of you.”
My heart pooled into a warm puddle. But my self-conscious streak made me hesitate. “I’m sure I can find a better one,” I hedged, still stretching my hand out to take them back.
“I want this one.” He lifted his arm up, raising the envelope well out of my reach.
“Um, I’m not sure I have enough.” I tried to keep a straight face as I jumped up in an attempt to snag the photos.
He laughed, flashing his dimples. “Jamie, there’s like a hundred pictures in here. You can’t spare one for your boyfriend?”
A surge of joy sent the warmth in my chest flowing through the rest of my body. How could I argue with that? “Oh, fine,” I said, feigning resignation. “I’ll cut one out for you and bring it by tomorrow.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Sure you will. How about I just take the big one, instead? Unless you think Nathaniel would mind,” he tacked on, pulling his brows together.
“You want a huge eight-by-ten picture of me?” I shook my head in wonder. “If you really want it, you can take it. I’m sure Nathaniel can pick another one from the million other choices.” An embarrassed flush heated my cheeks as I watched him carefully remove the giant photo.
“I really want it. So, you won’t be coming by today?” The corners of his mouth turned down slightly.
“No. I already texted Sam and told her I’d come over when she gets home from practice. I’ll come tomorrow, though.”
He nodded. “I need to catch up on work anyway. Unfortunately, those stalls don’t
clean themselves.”
I giggled. “Okay. Say hi to Beau for me.” I dug around in my purse, fishing out a peppermint. “Give him this?”
Dothan plucked the mint from my palm, handing me the envelope of remaining pictures in exchange. His gaze drifted to the front door, but Nathaniel had let himself in the house a while ago.
He cupped my face with his free hand, and the current sizzled through my veins. His rough thumb rubbed across my skin, trailing sparks. He brought his lips to mine in a series of kisses, each one lingering longer than the last, until my head was swimming. “See you tomorrow?” he murmured.
“Tomorrow,” I confirmed breathlessly.
His fingers trailed through my hair and down my arm. Then he turned to go, carrying the photo by the bottom edge as he made his way to his car.
Chapter 36
Sprawled on Sam’s bed, I relayed the last of my fictional story. In order to avoid maintaining constant eye contact, I’d spent a lot of time focused on picking at my nails. What a colossal mess I’d made, I thought with a grimace as I surveyed the raw skin. Where was my willpower? Then again, I’d been through enough in the last few days to drive most people off a ledge. Maybe I needed to cut myself some slack.
“Why’d you even bother coming back to school?” Sam asked, pulling out her ponytail. She combed her fingers through her blonde hair, separating the clumped strands still damp from sweat. “A family emergency is an excused absence. Nathaniel probably would have given you a note.”
I pushed myself up to sitting, wincing at the pain in my side. A pale bruise marked the injection spot, but thankfully it could be completely hidden by clothing. “It wasn’t exactly my family emergency. Nathaniel probably would have written me a note for yesterday too, but the doctor said we should be okay as long as we were there by the evening. And then Dothan had to take care of a few things anyway—one of the dogs got shot.”
Sam’s sapphire eyes widened in horror. “By a hunter?”
“Yeah,” I said truthfully. Just not the type wearing an orange vest. “Dothan found him by the side of the road, near the woods.” I felt a little guilty using Rocky’s injury to change the subject, but it worked. We chatted about the foxhound’s prognosis until my cell phone chimed.
“Huh,” I murmured, lifting my brows. Since I was actually sitting in front of Sam, I expected the text to be from Dothan. But it was from Mallory. The simple message—R U OK?—caused my throat to swell with gratitude. Swallowing, I shook my head at my ridiculous overreaction. Still, I couldn’t help but feel pleased that someone in my class cared enough to check up on me. I had been very frazzled yesterday, then absent today. Typing back, I assured her I was indeed fine and asked her if I’d missed anything.
“Mallory Lyons. She’s in my health class,” I told Sam. “I’ve been working with her and Lauren Bowen on a project, and she was just asking if I was okay.”
Sam flashed me a smile that told me she understood the significance of the text. Thankfully, all she said out loud was, “What’s the project on?”
I explained the boring details of our nutrition project as Sam plunked herself down at her desk. She peeled off her long soccer socks and tossed them in the direction of her hamper. Pulling a bottle of soda from her backpack, she took a long swig. “We ran into the minimart when Lindsey stopped for gas.” She shook a bag of sour cream potato chips at me. “Want some?”
I dropped my jaw in mock dismay. “Did you not just hear my discussion on nutrition? Trans fats and chemicals are not healthy choices.”
“But they’re delicious choices,” Sam pointed out around a mouthful of chips.
“I’ll be sure to include that in our final presentation,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Which, I just realized, is due next week.” I sighed as I pulled my gaze up from the date display on my cell phone screen. My next sentence hovered on the edge of my lips. Once I put my idea out there, I couldn’t take it back. Saying it out loud gave it a sort of permanence. But this was Sam; I trusted her opinion. I trusted her.
“The group project is our midterm—then we have individual projects due toward the end of December. I was thinking about doing mine on bullying…maybe even trying to get an anti-bullying campaign going throughout the school.” The words had tumbled out in a rush, and I sucked in air as I awaited Sam’s reaction.
Her mouth fell open in shock. A potato chip on its way out of the bag dropped back in with a soft crunch. She knew I preferred a strategy of lying low and keeping my head down. Starting an anti-bullying program pretty much flew in the face of my current “ignore it until it goes away” approach.
“Are you sure?” she finally asked, tossing the bag of chips onto her desk. Her delicate features clouded with concern as she wiped her greasy fingers on the bottom of her T-shirt.
I understood the apprehension behind her question. I was either the best person for this job, or the worst. It was a risky endeavor; I’d be calling attention back to my ordeal just when it was finally beginning to fade from the school’s collective memory.
“I think so. I mean, I’ll have to research options first, and find something that would fit into the scope of the project. But even if it’s just a start to an anti-bullying campaign, it might be helpful.” I fiddled with my phone, struggling not to go after my fingernails again. “I don’t mean for myself,” I clarified. “I wouldn’t be doing it to try to punish anyone…my goal would be to raise awareness. People don’t understand how damaging their words and actions can be.”
Sam’s back straightened with determination. “If you do it, I’ll be the first one standing in line to support you, however you need. I’ll get the whole team behind you,” she said, her voice full of conviction. Then her eyes lit up playfully. “The JV team will be behind you as well, if they know what’s good for them.”
I laughed, as she had meant me to—as a sophomore herself, she enjoyed wielding some power over the younger team. But behind my giggles, the threat of tears loomed as emotions swept over me. Hold it together, Jamie. I’d been through so much in the last few days. A single tear would be like a crack in my carefully-constructed dam, unleashing a crying jag which might last for hours. If I got started, I probably wouldn’t stop until all that was left of me was a puddle surrounded by soggy clothes.
With a gulp, I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Sam,” I managed. My phone chimed again as I swiped at my leaky nose. Sometimes a good cry was in order, but I didn’t want to break down here and now. I was blessed to have a friend like Sam, and she’d certainly understand if her compassion triggered a few happy tears. Once that led to hysterical sobs of lingering terror and confusion, she might have a few questions.
She could see me struggling. “Of course,” she said, jumping up. “Whatever you decide, I’m there for you.” Disappearing into her bathroom, she started up the shower.
I knew she was allowing me a moment, and I took a few deep breaths to regain control as I checked the text. Apparently I had a quiz on chapter seven to look forward to in health class tomorrow.
“I’m going to take a quick shower, but you can hang out if you want.” Sam’s head peered around from the bathroom doorway.
“Thanks, but Nathaniel went into work for me, so I’m in charge of dinner.” I waved my cell phone in the air. “Plus, I’ve been informed I need to go read a chapter on depression.”
Sam wrinkled her freckled nose. “That class sounds like a barrel of laughs.”
“Just you wait,” I replied, sliding off the bed. “I heard we get to see some pictures of sexually transmitted diseases one of these days.”
She let out a sound between a scream and a gag and retreated into the bathroom. “I’ll be absent that day,” she called out as she pulled the shower curtain shut with a forceful rattle.
Chapter 37
I couldn’t stop smiling as we rode across the open field toward the entrance to the trails. Then again, I didn’t want to stop smiling. For once, everything seemed right in my world. It was a b
eautiful fall day, I was riding my beloved horse, and my amazing boyfriend was taking me to my favorite spot for another picnic. And while I probably looked like a maniac with such a wide grin pasted on my face, I didn’t care.
Of course, Dothan couldn’t actually see my silly expression, since we rode single file through the tall brown grass. Sally dutifully followed Beau along the narrow path. A few wispy clouds stretched across the horizon; otherwise, the sky was an endless sea of blue. If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect Dothan could control the weather.
He’d been the one to suggest this outing. Once I’d finished grooming Beau on Thursday afternoon, he’d pulled me into his room for a few stolen kisses. As usual, he had me breathless and dizzy in seconds flat. When we came up for air, I noticed the giant picture of me sitting on his dresser. It had been beautifully framed, complete with matting, which made it even larger.
“You framed it?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
“Of course I did. You’re my girlfriend. And as such, you’re required to spend a good part of the weekend with me.” He grinned, running his fingers through my curls.
“I knew there’d be strings attached to this relationship.” I shook my head, feigning resignation.
“A lot of strings,” he agreed, his lips twitching in a cocky grin. With lightening speed, he tackled me onto the bed. Between kisses, we’d made plans for the Friday night football game and a trail ride and picnic on Saturday afternoon.
I’d finally had the chance to introduce him to Sam at the football game. Teenagers weren’t big on shaking hands, so we were safe there. When he turned to make small talk with some of the girls on the varsity soccer team, Sam caught my gaze and mouthed “Oh, my God.”
Dothan had seemed tense as we made our way through the bleachers, and at first I thought it was the stares he attracted from the female members of the crowd. But once we’d found seats, he admitted his concern: he was afraid we’d run into Tyler, Alec, and Mason, and he’d be unable to control his temper. I’d informed him that was unlikely, since they were on the football team. After that, he’d silently rooted for the other team, making me laugh. We won anyway.
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